Adam Lambert has just taught the world a lesson: Gay people can kick ass just like straight people, except sometimes they might look a little better doing it. Don’t think because a dude has his fingernails and toenails painted to perfection and is wearing what could only be described as  gay beachwear (or what a 45 year old that’s going on a gay safari might wear) that he won’t beat your parasitic ass to the ground if provoked.  Glambert unleashed his can of whoopass yesterday on a paparazzo hounding him on Miami’s South Beach.

Oh and as an added bonus some chick in a skimpy bikini decided to show her ass while all the beach buggery was going on.

Queers of this universe, you are entitled to an uproar. Details magazine has taken your favorite poster boy of the moment for shower jerk-offs and has turned him into an awkward closet hetero…which by the way is as convincing as Tom Cruise trying to insinuate he actually did manual labour in Katie’s mine in order to reproduce Suri and did not infact use a sperm gun blessed by the Church..because ofcourse he’s not into male bonding at all…but anyway, we digress…back to Adam Lambert and his queer but not proud of it moment. Either the magazine has missed the point that Adam’s favorite past time is when he turns his boyfriend’s arse into a lollipop, or and blimey, that might be it, Adam has a new album to sell and making a few women still hold on to the hope he actually does not want to throw up when images of boobs come to his mind could actually give sales a big boner.

Seriously? Adam Lambert is a homosexual? You mean all that make-up was not to get Gene Simmon’s attention but to get all the boys hot and bothered? We are absolutely shocked to the tits (male tits, that is)! But wait, we can’t make any assumptions…holding a seriously gay guy’s hand coming out of Guys and Dolls nightclub doesn’t mean anything…it could be that his mascara run into his eyes and he just needed someone (prefereably with a swing to his spring) to help him exit the premises safely without eating pavement dirt.

And so unfortunately, we have to wait for the next issue of Rolling Stones before we can say with certainty whether Adam likes his love interest to come with butt hair…because that’s when the holy grail of Adam Lambert’s sexuality will be officially revealed…and you know, nothing is as it seems until someone gets paid to say so in a magazine…preferably with a glossy spread…