Archive for the "Andy Dick" Category

Snooki is Pregnant and Armed with a Knife!

You should all know by now that Snooki is pregnant. It was the biggest news to hit Hollywood since Andy d**k was arrested for sexual abuse. Anyway, apparently Snooki is having a hard time handling her pregnancy. She was home alone yesterday and spent her day sending out tweets and pictures. “Waiting for my golfer hubby to get home! I miss u =(“ one tweet read.

Also, she tweeted a picture of herself and attached a very threatening message, “Preggers power. I’ll cut a bitch if you mess w my baby!” Ah, yes! That will have everyone shaking in their boots, except not really. Why would I be afraid of someone who is too lazy to type out, ‘”with”? Plus, I am sure that Snooki doesn’t even know how to use a knife.

And even if she ever did “cut a bitch” it wouldn’t be that hard to prove that she did it. Just look for the spray tan stains on the handle of the knife. Then, you would have it narrowed down to someone on the Jersey Shore. After that, just get her to confess by offering her some cheese puffs and pickle juice. Snooki is Pregnant and Armed with a Knife! Snooki is Pregnant and Armed with a Knife! Snooki is Pregnant and Armed with a Knife! Snooki is Pregnant and Armed with a Knife!

 

The X Factor Cleans House! Who Do You Think Should Move In?

After a mediocre first season The X Factor has been cleaning house. Host Steve Jones was fired, Nicole Scherzinger was fired and now Paula Abdul has been fired. So, basically everyone has been fired except Simon and for some reason I don’t see Simon firing himself. I think he is safe.

Sources have told TMZ that Paula got the news from a lawyer connected with the show. That has to hurt, yeah? After Simon personally brought her on the show, he didn’t even have the guts to fire her. Sources also say that Simon has not found any replacements, yet.

Why leave it all up to Simon? He didn’t seem to pick a good first group, should we really trust him to pick another one? Why don’t we throw some suggestions his way? I am going to list a few candidates below and you all should do the same.

Host: Bob Barker. He’s not doing anything anymore and he was great on The Price Is Right. Plus if it doesn’t work out this season, they won’t have to worry about firing him! Old age will take care of that for them.

Judge #1: Herman Cain. Come on, do I even need to explain this? It’s a proven fact that sprinkling a little bit of Herman Cain on your show will increase awesomeness by 15%…plus his 999 plan can easily be adapted for judging.

Judge #2: Andy Dick. This is a selfish pick. I just think TV would be better if Andy Dick was on it more. He is an America hero and he deserves to be treated like one!

Who do you have in mind? X Factor Cleans House! Who Do You Think Should Move In? X Factor Cleans House! Who Do You Think Should Move In? X Factor Cleans House! Who Do You Think Should Move In? X Factor Cleans House! Who Do You Think Should Move In? X Factor Cleans House! Who Do You Think Should Move In? X Factor Cleans House! Who Do You Think Should Move In?

 

Andy Dick is in some Trouble! WARNING: Lots of Andy Dickness Inside!

YES! I finally get to write about Andy Dick, this is a big moment for me. If you have closely followed my writing on this site (which I am sure you have…) Anyway, if you have followed my writing you would have noticed a few little jokes towards Andy Dick. I am very fascinated by him; I think he might be the most sad/hilarious person on this planet. So, the fact that I finally get to write a story about him makes my day. Now, let’s get to the story… Supposedly the LAPD is looking for Mr. Dick after he was accused of roughing up a tourist in Hollywood. You know, my late great-grandfather always told me that if I went to Hollywood, I’d get roughed up by some dicks. I think he was talking about something entirely different, though. The tourist who filed the report claims that Andy grabbed him by his collar and tried to wrestle a camera from his possession. The tourist claims he managed to fight Andy off, and Andy quickly fled the scene. Also, the police believe that this whole thing was caught on tape! Oh, how I hope it was. I love how the tourist says he “managed” to fight Andy off. I mean, how hard could it be to fight off Andy Dick? It’s Andy Fucking Dick! If you just shake his hand he will get a bruise! And, how dare this guy get mad at Andy for attacking him. Do you know how many people would love to get attacked by Andy Dick? You would have a story to tell for the rest of your life.You might also have aids, but whatever…
 

Andy Dick arrested for grabbing two penises in a bar

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Someone must have told Andy Dick they were handing out free cocks at the Funny Bone Comedy Club and Restaurant in Huntington because he run there and attempted to put as many as possible in his backpack to take them home before they run out.

Naturally, Andy was arrested for two counts of felony sexual abuse, while still on probation from his infamous 2008 arrest for pulling down a teen girl’s top.

The attack happened early Saturday morning in West Virginia, after Dick appeared at the Funny Bone Comedy Club and Restaurant in Huntington.  Dick is currently in the Western Regional Jail, police confirm.

“Based upon statements of two victims and independent witness accounts alleging that he had engaged in unwanted and uninvited groping of the two victims’ genital areas, Andrew R. Dick (AKA Andy Dick) of South Pasadena, Calif., was arrested and charged with two counts of Sex Abuse in the First Degree,” read a statement from the Huntington Police Department.

Dick reportedly harassed a third individual Saturday morning but the man did not file any charges, according to TMZ.com. The man alleged that Dick tried to kiss him before he told the comedian, “I’m not down with that,” according to TMZ.com.

In 2008 Dick pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery and marijuana possession in California.  A 17-year-old female said an “extremely intoxicated” Dick walked up to her, grabbed her tank top and bra and pulled them down and exposed her breasts, according to a police statement.

Dick has a reputation for crude behavior. He has reportedly exposed himself to audiences at least twice. He was forcibly removed from the set of the show “Jimmy Kimmel Live” in 2007 after he repeatedly touched guest Ivanka Trump without her permission.

In 2007, Dick was cited in Columbus, Ohio, for urinating on the sidewalk. A comedy club owner in the city said the actor also made inappropriate comments while onstage, groped patrons, took women into the men’s room and urinated on the floor and on at least one person.

In 1999, Dick was arrested for possession of cocaine and marijuana after driving his car into a telephone pole in Hollywood. He pleaded guilty but the charges were dismissed after he went into a diversion program.