Oh boy, if he’s clean and sober, I’m a tightly wrapped toaster pastry.
In his numerous interviews today (both Today and Good Morning America, and then TMZ), Charlie Sheen claimed to be clean and sober (even passing on-air urine and blood tests). He says that the only drug he’s on right now is “Charlie Sheen.” As evidenced in these clips, Charlie Sheen is a helluva drug.
There are a few common threads among his three different interviews that have surfaced today. The first is that, much like during his call into the Alex Jones Show last week, Sheen seems to be trying to develop a catchphrase for himself: “Winning.” He spices the word into conversations over and over again. For example in ABC’s sneak peek at its 20/20 interview with Sheen, which aired this morning on GMA, Andrea Canning asks him whether or not he’s bipolar. He says that he’s “bi-winning,” because he “wins here and wins there.” In all the interviews, he also speaks often about “violent love” and “violent hate.” Perhaps best of all, though, Sheen seems to be on a mission to make the term “bitchin’” happen (again).
Additionally, in his ABC interview, Sheen, who chain smokes throughout, is seen playing with a red piece of wire. We later learn that this is the “end of a bomb that would go on an F18.” Of the one drug that he admits to being on, “Charlie Sheen,” he tells Canning:
It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. You’re face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
However, Sheen also brags about his inhuman ability to smoke large quantities of crack due to his “tiger blood” and “Adonis DNA.”
In his interview with Today, Sheen revealed that he wants a raise in order to return to work, $3 million an episode, saying, “I’m tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not bitchin’.” He also knocks AA a lot, says that CBS should lick his feet, and referred to his home as the Sober Valley Lodge.
In short Charlie Sheen needs a Twitter account, that shit would be hilarious.
Watch the Today interview here
Watch the TMZ interview here