Once you go full tiger, you never go back..or backer. Charlie Sheen is apparently back to his old ways again! Sources say that he has been on a booze-and-drug fueled bender since he wrapped up, Anger Management last month.
According to the source, Charlie has been partying with porn stars and even his ex-wife Brooke Mueller for a brief period of time,
“Yes Charlie is partying. He doesn’t want to stop. In his eyes, he thinks, ‘I’m having fun, so what?’ The show has wrapped. But it is a problem…a major problem. He has alienated his kids and commitments and is effectively locking himself up in a house with women.” A source says.
And there might be some truth to it. On May 18, Charlie Sheen tweeted, “Done w/ #AngerManagement 1st 10…so this weekend will be epic!”
I can’t believe it’s been almost 20 years since my senior year in High School. I knew back then that when we gathered for the reunion, we would probably need a few name tags to identify one another. Generally we’ve all changed to a certain degree, but at the 20 year mark, we’ve all changed to the point where it would deem necessary the use of name tags. I walked into a grocery store the other day and saw a Facebook friend of mine that I had not seen since high school and didn’t recognize him. I wonder how many other people I’ve seen out and about and didn’t make the connection. I know some of us have lost our hair, gained some weight, grew some facial hair (and that’s just the women) even came across a few, “HOLY Sh*t! WTF happened to you?” moments. All in all in the end, it’s always good to see an old friend.
Even though we didn’t have any celebrities from our class, I wonder even if we did, would I even recognize them? I’m glad that I treated people kindly, the same way that I do now, cause you never know when you will run into a ‘blast from the past’. Imagine if you were the guy in H.S that dated Octo-mom with thoughts of one day raising a family. Imagine if you were someone that laughed at Bill Gates for being a nerd way back when. Imagine if you made fun of Angelina Jolie for having big lips. I find joy in knowing that a few of the ‘unpopular’ kids are now so rich they could buy the venue our reunion will be held in. I smile from ear to ear when I hear stories of ‘fat’ girls becoming ‘sexy’ movie actresses, hanging on a poster in your sons bedroom as he tells you to ‘knock’ before you come in. Gotta love karma.
If you thought the tension between Charlie Sheen and ‘Warner Bros.’ was fading…well think again. It turns out Warner Bros. sent off a cease and desist letter to Charlie Sheen and a lot of other people associated with his new TV Show, claiming they are ripping off “Two and a Half Men”
Apparently Charlie used Two and a Half Men photos in promotional material at a recent TV convention at the Anger Management booth. The convention is used as a platform to sell TV shows, and Warner Bros. doesn’t like the fact that Charlie and his people would use Two and a Half Men photos to help a competitor.
Well, Charlie Sheen is firing back at his former show. Sheen told TMZ the following…
“I’m thrilled. It insulates me from having to redundantly see myself in the idiotic bowling shirt. Perhaps if Warner Bros. spent as much time and energy focusing on THEIR show, it wouldn’t be such a steaming pile of ass.”
Courtney Stodden should take lessons from Shauna Sand on how to not get kicked from a pumpkin patch. “You make sure you always bring kids with you and when you flash your beaver be respectful to the pumpkins.”
Chaz Bono continues to slowly kill America with his creepy flat man-boobs.
Marilyn Manson started eating children early for Halloween.
Robin Williams just got married, which means we now have to be subjected to old folk make-out (in Paris).
Katy Perry’s crotch is trying to bring seizures about with its strobe lights.
Olivia Wilde going to her first directorial movie “Free Hugs”. I’m guessing she’s in need of a hug…or a fondle?What? Am I reading that slit wrong?
JLo’s youngest less attractive, less rich, less young-looking sister would like to sink those chompers in that Versace-clad back wouldn’t she?
Geri Halliwell wore that to support George Michael at his concert. “Thanks Geri. Now I’m assuming there’s a penis tucked underneath, otherwise I’ll have to return it. Tag’s still attached?”
Michelle Obama, really, really wants to eat that worm.
Denise Richards enjoying the new house Charlie Sheen bought for her. “Charlie is the best father anyone could have. And his hookers are very nice and descent people, we’re all going to a picnic of love next week. God I love my new driving range!!!”
Vanessa Hudgens almost falls out at a Cirque Du Soleil event.
Elizabeth Hurley plays a hungry cougar on Gossip Girl.
Snooki lost 15lbs after a sensible diet comprising of Dina’s saliva and whatever sperm lay on the floor every time she fell down.
Kim Kardashian continues to pollute NYC with her fake happiness. Wait, this one was genuine, someone threw a 100 dollar bill at her.
Octomom and Amy Fisher will fight it out at celebrity fight club. We’re sure it will all go down with poise and dignity.
Charlie Sheen is allowed around his kids and Denise Richards is actually smiling. We’re begging you, Charlie, bring mayhem and meltdown back!!!
Chris Brown takes a tumble on stage and almost breaks his arm.
Jessica Simpson ate a few Mexicans before she left Los Cabos.
Lady with the alien-looking baby, what have you done with Alicia Silverstone??
Leann Rimes and her nipples felt the breeze yesterday. Must be that she only has 000.1% body fat to shield her from the cold.
The 2011 Emmy Awards was expected to be a borefest as usual, but ended up being a supreme borefest in only because when we learned Charlie Sheen was going to present we were expending him to arrive on stage in a cage full of crazy and mangled strippers vying for his love, or at the very least give everyone the middle finger, but what we got was sanity, appreciation and respect. Basically all the values we hate because they would put us out of business. So it was to our delight that Peter Dinklage won an Emmy because, well, he cracks us sensitive souls up, even if it’s the 999th time we’ve seen him walk somewhere with his tiny feet or grab things with his tiny hands. We’re going to hell, we realized it a long time ago.
PS: Martin Scorsese’s bushy eyebrows bursting in flames at the sight of Glle’s Heather Morris was also mildly entertaining.
Comedy Central has announced that it will air a roast of trainwreck Charlie Sheen in September. And you know what, that is a really dumb idea. Charlie isn’t the news he was a few months ago, and honestly people just don’t care anymore. Sure, he still has tons of Twitter followers, and people are still talking about what is going to happen with Two and a Half Men, but who wants to tune and watch Charlie Sheen be harangued by comics for two hours? The man can barely even string together a sentence or three to defend himself, and he’s probably pissed off the comedy writers who can help him come up with some half decent gags. Anyone who wanted to see him flounder publicly probably already shelled out some money for his live show. And Charlie Sheen is the world’s easiest target. Making jokes about Charlie Sheen being a mess is the comedy equivalent of making jokes about Donald Trump’s hair. Oh wait, Comedy Central’s last target was Donald Trump. Keep aiming high, Comedy Central.
So get ready people, for endless predictable jokes like this: This is a lousy neighborhood, in fact I heard the other day some guy got busted just down the street for having 3 kilos of coke, 100 hits of acid, 2 lbs of pot, and a speedball. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it, breakfast.
Oh and “Andy Dick is so gay…” jokes.
Following in the snail trails of former Goddess and former porn star Bree Olson, Charlie Sheen’s alpha goddess, marijuana bikini model and former nanny, Natalie ‘Natty Baby’ Kenly, has left him. TMZ reports:
Sources close to Charlie tell TMZ, Natalie Kenly moved out last week – but hell hath no fury like a Warlock scorned … because we’re told, the actor DEMANDED she return the Mercedes he bought her.
According to sources close to the actor, Charlie brushed off the break-up, claiming it’s “not a common thing for the Masheen!”
TMZ’s description of what happened next:
We’re told Charlie’s penis celebrated the split by declaring war on the entire world, conquering three women from three different countries — Mexico, Australia, and Colombia — the very night Kenly walked out.
Then King Solomon said, “I will cut the penis into three parts,” and the nu-goddesses shrugged and replied, “While you’re at it, could you please cut the coke?”
Guess there are worse ways to console oneself than a multi-national orgy. Much worse.
Ashton Kutcher will return to prime-time this fall (having been on That 70s Show all them years ago), as it is now official that he will replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, which is still somehow the top-rated comedy on television. This is news that brought a tear to Charlie Sheen’s tiger blood filled eyes. Because he’s been waiting all this time for CBS to invite him back to the show, and he’s genuinely shocked now that he’s been replaced by Ashton Kutcher.
According to Popeater:
“He really thought that he would be invited back,” a friend of Charlie’s tells me. “After years of suffering no consequences for his behavior, why would he think anything else? Finally it has sunk in that he doesn’t live by different rules to everyone else. Actions do have a consequences.”
My source reveals that the casting has hit him hard and that the lack of other offers has weighed heavily on him.
“He is destroyed that Ashton is replacing him. Destroyed,” the friend says. “We are all worried that he hasn’t hit bottom yet and that this could make him spiral out of control again. Especially after all the other productions that he assumed would happen have fell apart.”
Shortly after Charlie was fired he hinted that he was in talks with FOX and HDNet and that he expected to get paid $1 million for a Vanity Fair interview. None of which has yet to be confirmed.
Wait what… so if you go on TV with two whores and explain in great detail about how much you love drugs and call your boss a “pussy punk” and “piece of shit” among other things, then on top of that cost your employer $250 million, that actually burns a few bridges at work? Well news to me, and Charlie Sheen too apparently.
So it’s official. Be a bad boy and you get more mileage. But when your antics start to hit the roof, its time for you to get the boot. After Lindsay Lohan, we now have the Wall Street Journal star facing the music. According to reliable sources, Charlie Sheen who was previously going to star in Two and a Half Men would no longer be starring in it and Ashton Kutcher would in all probability be replacing him.
Sheen has long been in news for a host of reasons. Right from substance abuse to criminal mischief and third degree assaults in addition to his personal life which is in a mess, Sheen is not a stranger to controversy. His being fired from the show following an outburst with its producer who questioned his behavior on and off the sets was therefore not exactly unexpected. However, this has unexpectedly benefited Ashton Kutcher after plans to cast Hugh Grant instead of Sheen foundered.
For Kutcher, 33, who formerly starred in The `70s Show and is today focusing on just TV and film production but is often over-shadowed by his wife, the more famous Demi Moore this is a great chance for a comeback especially with being given an opportunity to star in the currently No. 1 rated sitcom. With the final touches for this still in the offing, there’s no doubt that the “payday” for Ashton Kutcher has finally arrived. And let’s hope he doesn’t founder it like Sheen. After all, success doesn’t come as easily as it goes.
You know how they were looking for a big star to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, because Charlie Sheen finally fully metamorphosed into a full drug-demon? Well it turns out that CBS were likethisclose to signing America’s one-time favorite British person to join the cast of America’s one-time favorite sitcom, Hugh Grant in other words. They were going to give him a million bucks an episode, but he pulled out at the last minute because of “creative differences.”
I can only imagine Hugh’s insistence on a tranny hooker to play the “and a half” man must’ve killed the deal.
Well dodged, Grant. Though, I suppose, quality or not, a million dollars a week is a million f$%king dollars a week. You know what I would do for a million dollars a week? I’d probably kill at least a few of you. I’m just putting it out there. Not trying to make you scared, this is just a hypothetical. But if that were offered, a few of you, and I’m not going to say who, would probably be killed, by me. Just saying. That’s a lot of money.
You know how Charlie Sheen allegedly shot then-fiancée Kelly Preston in the arm way back in 1990? Well, he claims he didn’t fire the gun. At a recent stop on his Violent Torpedo of Nonsense tour, he explained he was making coffee while he thought she was asleep and (according to E! online)…
“I was downstairs early in the morning making coffee and I thought she was still asleep upstairs,” he said, regaling the crowd. “And I heard a f–king gunshot go off. I thought, ‘She did it, she finally f–king did it. She killed herself and they’re going to f–king blame me.’
“So I abandoned the coffee, because a gunshot in the morning will wake you up better than a nice cup of coffee,” he said, drawing increasing laughs from the crowd.
“I come around the corner and there’s naked Kelly Preston at the top of the stairs, holding her wrist, staring at me, covered in blood…and I thought, that’s pretty f–king hot,” he explained, before quickly adding, “I didn’t. I didn’t.”
“She explained to me when she lifted my pants off the scale in the bathroom…the tiny revolver I used to carry…it fell out of the back jeans pocket and hit the floor and shot a bullet right between her legs,” he explained amid much interjecting from his onstage cohort. “So she got hit with shrapnel from the toilet bowl.”
When refuting accusations that you shot your fiancee make sure to casually drop that she’s a crazy bitch who was going to kill herself anyway. For the benefit of the dudebros listening to the story mention that she was like totally naked and covered in blood. Like in horror movies man, it was so hot! Haha, kidding, but not really. Blahblah blah, she set of the gun (maybe purposefully, right?). Then BAM, toilet shrapnel. Totally foolproof story. Next time try to include how she just made it up to get your money for that extra touch of douchery that makes a story credible.
Charlie Sheen only has one “goddess” left. Bree Olson broke up with him via text message. Only Natalie Kenly remains as the Violent Torpedo Of Trainwreck plows through our nation.
The revelation came about during the Q & A portion of the show, with an audience member asking how he and the goddesses were doing. “Not well, because one left,” Sheen responded. He went on to reveal that she’d said her goodbye via text, but he wished her well.
Well Charlie, I sure hope you parted on good terms or she might do this to you (as tweeted by Bree earlier this month):
Don’t cross me If so I’ll butcher u brutally in my hotel bed & dispose of the body. I’ll just tell house keeping I was having a heavy flow.
No news yet if this means she’ll be back to taking it up the pooper on camera.
America’s favorite tiger blood fueled fighter jet, Charlie Sheen, is apparently realizing he is sitting on a hypothetical goldmine of branded paraphernalia, so now he is attempting to trademark 22 of the phrases he’s coined during his latest manic episode. To be fair on Charlie, he needs the cash so he can afford to continue paying his private in-house hookers ”goddesses” $50,000 for a rim job.
Some of the catchphrases he is looking to trademark are these beauties:
- Vatican Assassin (Seriously, the Pope doesn’t have this one locked down already?)
- Tiger Blood
- Rock Star From Mars
- I’m Not Bi-Polar, I’m Bi-Winning
- Duh, Winning
- Adonis DNA
- Sober Valley Lodge
- Sheen’s Goddesses
- Violent Torpedo of Truth
- Defeat Is Not an Option
Guess he will be “Duh, Winning®™” a lot of copyright suits! Right?
I really hope he doesn’t get to trademark Tiger Blood, because that’s seriously my favorite sno-cone flavor.
While ex husband and current Wizzard Charlie Sheen was on stage this weekend reminding everyone that he really is a douchebag, Denise Richards was in the Bahamas, in a bikini, reminding everyone how freaking hot she really is. All while little Sheen over there just stares and mutters her strange dark Utopian dreams while Denise pretends not to pose for the cameras. “She’ll pay”, thinks the twisted half-warlock, “When my powers come to fruition, they will all pay.”
Wait what was I saying, oh yeah, Denise is smoking hot and Charlie is a tard.
The first night of fighter jet Charlie Sheen’s national tour may have been an unmitigated disaster, as he got heavily booed while on stage during his first Saturday show, but the poem-fingered Vatican assassin seemed to have, uhm, recovered in time for Sunday night’s Chicago show, which seemed to—the Chicago Tribune’s Steve Johnson writes—”satisfy, if not amaze, concertgoers.”
According to Johnson, Sheen left behind the weird videos and and rambling monologues he had used in the 1st show and stuck with the onstage interview, during which he said he’d go back to Two and a Half Men if they gave him his job back, and said he was “wrong” to call costar Jon Cryer a troll. And, yet, a somewhat coherent show may have actually disappointed his crowd:
“I wanted to not go at all, then I read the review (of the Detroit show) this morning and it changed my mind,” said Bill Termunde, 26, a Wicker Park resident who works in marketing. “I wanted to see this disaster.”
Termunde and a friend paid $15 for $35 tickets outside the Chicago Theatre from someone who, they said, had made the opposite decision.
Sheen was, in a sense, bulletproof. “I’m not expecting him to do that well, or he wouldn’t be Charlie Sheen,” said Jenna Schaefer, a student at Eastern Illinois University from Gurnee.
This has one of the only shows in history where you could be getting something truly memorable with awesome inherent batshittery or it could be a complete bore. You literally have no idea what’s going to happen. It’s kind of like a Guns N’ Roses show from the early 2000s.
It’s totally a gamble, because you could just as easily get Charlie playing YouTube videos and muttering something incomprehensible about warlocks, but you don’t KNOW.
Last night, 22-year-old porn star Kacey Jordan, the woman best known for smoking crack with Charlie Sheen, suggesting she aborted Sheen’s baby, and winning Howard Stern’s “Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant”, locked herself in a hotel room in Chicago and, over the course of five hours, tweeted a bizarre, long cry for help:
- Ready to drink another mimosa, rock some other shit…then pass out
- i’ve over done it… the more i do…i keep passing out… i just pray i wake up each time
- shouldn’t i be all awake… i keep fainting. i guess i’ll have to do more and see what that does
- a) i appreciate ur concern (hotel security raiding my room) b) i’m fine c) i have a family to live for… i’m not trying to kill myself
- i took a bunch of pills…drank a hotel size bottle of jack… stumbled to the bathroom to weigh myself………86 lbs
- i think this is funny… i always pull dumb crap like this… i will be better in no time xoxo
- those 16 hours i was with charlie sheen… messed me up… i can’t get that image out of my head… i think i keep trying to feel his pain
- bathtime good byes
- i double locked my doors nice try
- for over a hundred people calling my hotel…thanks. i made a deal with the hotel. i’m not doing an intervention with the staff
Shortly thereafter, TMZ reports, Chicago police officers found Kacey surrounded by “prescription pill bottles, broken glass and alcohol” and “cuts and scrapes to her wrists and arms.” She reportedly tried to cut herself with a bottle opener in front of the police.
Now she’s now at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, where she is tweeting her recovery: “I’m Soooo bored in this hospital bed! I wanna have someone save me… And kpuff doesn’t have underwear?!!”
My heart breaks for this poor, attention-whoring, semi-literate Oompa Loompa. Now be a good girl Kacey, and take your meds by getting on your knees and opening your mouth.
But she’ll be okay. Porn stars always pull out of the hole in the end.
This is what happens when you actually start listening to those little voices in your head.
Charlie Sheen is so winning that he didn’t just file a lawsuit for $100 million against Warner Bros., which makes Two and a Half Men, but he did it for himself and the entire cast and crew. Oh, that Charlie. He’s so generous!
He doesn’t think he got fired because of his very public meltdown, but because the show’s creator, Chuck Lorre, is out to get him. Here’s how the opening of his lawsuit reads:
Chuck Lorre, one of the richest men in television who is worth hundreds of millions of dollars, believes himself to be so wealthy and powerful that he can unilaterally decide to take money away from the dedicated cast and crew of the popular television series Two and a Half Men in order to serve his own ego and self-interest and make the star of the series the scapegoat. Charlie Sheen is not only seeking payment for his own compensation for the series, but he is also pursuing claims for the benefit of the entire cast and crew to get paid the balance of the season’s 24 episodes.
The suit goes on to claim that Lorre has been publicly ridiculing Sheen for years and alleges he has some sort of vendetta against the star, which is the real reason behind his (he claims) wrongful termination.
Sheen then turned to twitter to make some nonsensical yet awesome comment:
#Fastball; Torpedo away… You corporate Trolls were warned. And now you’ve been served!
All this needs is for Sheen to serve as his own attorney… Actually even better, this needs a monkey dressed up like a lawyer and carrying a briefcase full of bananas. With all things Sheen these days, we’re sure the best is just around the corner.
“#Fastball; Torpedo away… You corporate Trolls were warned. And now you’ve been served!”
After being fired from Two and a Half Men yesterday, Charlie Sheen decided to go on top of the Live Nation building in Beverly Hills with a machete and a bottle of some red liquid labeled “Tiger Blood”, because apparently that is the sort of random yet awesome shit he does these days. He wasn’t alone though, Natalie Kenly, one of his goddesses, made the journey to Mt. Crazytown with him. Charlie was heard whooping and hollering from the roof, and when asked about his future prospects, he replies, “Free at last … free at last.”
You’d think that one of the “Team Sheen” enablers who were up on the roof with him, might have mentioned to Charlie that it might not be a good idea to wave a machete in front of a crowd the day before you are going to court to battle over the custody/visitation rights of your children. I mean a has a whole team of tweeters, hookers, fluffers, sobriety coaches, lawyers & other assorted sycophants, so you’d think that one of them would pipe up about rooftop machete shenanigans possibly damaging his custody case.
All I know is, I haven’t written anything about that fat hobbit Snooki or any other of her dipshit friends for well over a week. THANK YOU Charlie Sheen!
Charlie Sheen’s bafflingly popular sitcom Two and a Half Men was put on ice for the rest of the season, but Warner Bros. just released a statement announcing Sheen’s been “terminated… effective immediately.” Are we finally rid of this show forever? Or will they just get Emilio Estevez’ character from the show to come back to life, kill Charlie Sheen’s character and, much like a lion, assume his position as the cargo-short wearing, sex-having, one-liner dropping patriarch.
According to TMZ:
Warner Bros. issued the following statement: “After careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on ‘Two and a Half Men,’ effective immediately.”
A source at Warner Bros. says no decision has been made on whether the show will come back.
But let me get this straight… Charlie Sheen doesn’t get fired for the endless incidents of partying with hookers and illegal drugs; he doesn’t get fired for allegedly threatening his ex-wife with a knife; he doesn’t get fired when he parties so hard that he ends up in the hospital; he doesn’t get fired when he takes his mental instability onto national television. It’s not until he verbally assaults the executive producer that he actually ends up getting canned. It seems to me that CBS was perfectly fine with all of the publicity that Sheen was creating, until it bruised the fragile egos of the show’s producers. Maybe I have it wrong, but that’s sure what it looks like from the outside.
Say what you will about Charlie Sheen’s unconventional home life with his two girlfriends, but his “Goddesses,” as he calls them, wouldn’t have it any other way. In a recent interview the goddesses talk about sharing his money, er, no wait, him, HIM!
Rachel Oberlin known really by her porn name, Bree Olson, said:
“I’ve always felt that a man should be able to be with as many women as he likes, I’ve never had the opportunity to share that with any man before because, honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been with a man who was even deserving of that. Charlie, is a great man and he can provide the lifestyle to accommodate a relationship such as what the three of us have. He has totally taken me aback by what a wonderful person he is, how open and honest he is.”
What the hell is this bitch talking about? She has been part of two-women-one-man relationships for several years, though they usually only last about 20 minutes and the progress of the entire relationship usually ends up on DVD.
But do Oberlin and Sheen’s other girlfriend, Natalie Kenly, ever find themselves vying for the F18′s affection? Nope, insists Bree:
“[Henly] is totally chill and I’m totally chill and we’re two completely different people,” she says. “We connect with Charlie in different ways, so there’s nothing really there to compete for. We’re all pieces of a puzzle that fit together.”
Wait a few months or maybe a couple of years. These girls will be boo-hooing about how Sheen tried to kill them with a butter knife while high one night. But until, KEEP ON WINNING LADIES!
Charlie is developing a new show… “Two Hos and a WINNER” (a show we would actually watch).
Charlie Sheen’s media blitz continues, and early this morning (Tuesday) he spoke with Howard Stern about his “goddesses,” the two live-in girlfriends who help him care for his young sons. Sheen revealed that Natty (a bikini model) and Rach (formerly known as Bree Olson, her porn star name), sleep in separate beds in the same room – and he gets to pick which bed he sleeps in.
ROBIN QUIVERS: But how do they work it? Do they sleep in the same bed?
HOWARD STERN: Yeah, are all three of you in the bed together?
CHARLIE SHEEN: No because we are adults and we realize that three in a bed is like, we are all not seven.
HOWARD STERN: So everybody gets their own bed?
CHARLIE SHEEN: We have two beds in the bedroom and it is a 2-1 switch off. ‘A 2-1 switch off,’ listen to me.
HOWARD STERN: This is unbelievable. The two of them stay in the same bed and you are in the bed next to them?
CHARLIE SHEEN: No they will take a separate bed and then I have to choose.
ROBIN QUIVERS: Oh, so you come in and choose which bed you want to sleep in.
HOWARD STERN: You live like a king, my friend.
CHARLIE SHEEN: Why the hell shouldn’t I, Howard?
HOWARD STERN: Why not? You are special, right?
CHARLIE SHEEN: Yes I am, just like you. We are special.
When asked whether the two women have sex with each other, Sheen replied, “Well, you would have to ask them.”
The only question we now need the answer to is how long will it be before one of his “goddesses” calls 911?
Prepare for tiger blood, warlocks, and lots of winning. Meet Twitter’s newest verified user: @CharlieSheen, who is gaining followers at a rate of approximately 500/second, he was already up 100,000 users without having fired off a single tweet. Some 350,000 people and counting are now following Charlie boy. But what was his first tweet you ask? It wasn’t “My dad was the president in The West Wing.” Rather this poetic masterpiece:
Winning..! Choose your Vice…
Accompanied with the following picture of him and his sex slave girlfriend/hooker/porn star Bree Olson:
Oh boy, if he’s clean and sober, I’m a tightly wrapped toaster pastry.
In his numerous interviews today (both Today and Good Morning America, and then TMZ), Charlie Sheen claimed to be clean and sober (even passing on-air urine and blood tests). He says that the only drug he’s on right now is “Charlie Sheen.” As evidenced in these clips, Charlie Sheen is a helluva drug.
There are a few common threads among his three different interviews that have surfaced today. The first is that, much like during his call into the Alex Jones Show last week, Sheen seems to be trying to develop a catchphrase for himself: “Winning.” He spices the word into conversations over and over again. For example in ABC’s sneak peek at its 20/20 interview with Sheen, which aired this morning on GMA, Andrea Canning asks him whether or not he’s bipolar. He says that he’s “bi-winning,” because he “wins here and wins there.” In all the interviews, he also speaks often about “violent love” and “violent hate.” Perhaps best of all, though, Sheen seems to be on a mission to make the term “bitchin’” happen (again).
Additionally, in his ABC interview, Sheen, who chain smokes throughout, is seen playing with a red piece of wire. We later learn that this is the “end of a bomb that would go on an F18.” Of the one drug that he admits to being on, “Charlie Sheen,” he tells Canning:
It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. You’re face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
However, Sheen also brags about his inhuman ability to smoke large quantities of crack due to his “tiger blood” and “Adonis DNA.”
In his interview with Today, Sheen revealed that he wants a raise in order to return to work, $3 million an episode, saying, “I’m tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not bitchin’.” He also knocks AA a lot, says that CBS should lick his feet, and referred to his home as the Sober Valley Lodge.
In short Charlie Sheen needs a Twitter account, that shit would be hilarious.
Charlie Sheen threw a party on a rented 100 foot yacht and had a private at-sea showing of the movie “Jaws” where he entertained a bevy of blondes. Apparently he’s in a “3-way relationship” with two women, one of whom is that chick he was seen making out with yesterday and the other probably being porn star Bree Olson who he was banging in Las Vegas last month. All signs point to her after she tweeted about the “amazing” Jaws party, then followed up with tweets about anal sex and her favorite book, The Giving Tree.
Charlie Sheen has a new braless blonde girlfriend/hooker/porn star/a mouth for him to exhale his cigarette smoke into, with whom he posed for kissy paparazzi pictures. As in, they walked two inches out the door and onto the sidewalk, stood in front of the door, and started making out. When asked for the lady’s name, Sheen replied, “None of your f-ing business,” but if you’re a celebrity and you invite the paparazzi to take your picture, that literally is their business, isn’t it? Taking pictures of you and your meandering tongue is how they will send their children to college.
Lucky for Charlie she seems like the type that swallows, so no preggies with this one!
This morning Charlie Sheen called in to the Dan Patrick radio show and shared his thoughts on crack, “beer drunks,” and sobriety in a “highly erratic” interview. Charlie explained that Two and a Half Men is still on hiatus because producers want him to complete rehab, even though he’s decided he’s fine. They should act fast, because apparently competent, non-impaired Charlie is only available for limited engagements. “I heal really quickly, but I also unravel really quickly, so get me right now, guys,” he said. “Get. Me. Right. Now.” He also revealed he doesn’t use the word “sober” because he doesn’t believe in AA, and shared this message for the kids: “I said stay away from the crack. Which I think is good advice. Unless you can manage it socially. Because if you can manage it socially, go for it, but not a lot of people can, you know.”
The rest of the interview went something like this:
Charlie on how the network kept pointing at the “moral clause” in his contract:
“Nit pick, nit pick, but I don’t think [the clause] covers, ‘Let us totally dominate and interfere with your personal life.’ I have a contract. They said, ‘Get your act together,’ and I did.”
Charlie on how some people are shouting a giant “AS IF” at his sudden recovery:
“I heal really quickly, but I also unravel pretty quickly. So get me right now, guys. Get me right now!”
Charlie on why he smokes crack:
“Boredom. Wanting to make things better – whether it’s real or imagined. I was sober for five years a long time ago and was just bored out of my tree.”
Charlie on how his pee is clean now, but he still doesn’t feel at home being sober:
“It’s inauthentic –it’s not who I am.”
So if anything Charlie is pretty damn honest, he doesn’t try to hide the fact he smokes crack every now and again and likes stuffing porn stars full of anal beads. But he’s still an impressively crazy asshole and I wouldn’t let him babysit my toilet let alone a thing that breathes in oxygen. I would however party with him from dusk til dawn.
Just another day in the life of Charlie Sheen. Last week we reported that Charlie Sheen wanted to buy a house and then fill it with porn stars, well turns out they were not only supposed to be his filthy sex slaves but co-stars too. Radar Online has a video of a woman named “Felony” describing the filming of a sex tape called Charlie’s Devils, starring Charlie Sheen and a bunch of hookers. You can watch that video here if you can put up with Felony’s smug self-satisfaction. It’s funnier if you pretend that she’s just talking about the plot of the next episode of Two and a Half Men.
We sure as heck hope it exists, if only to finally get to see what’s so damn entertaining about these Crack n’ Hooker parties that he’s been doing them every night for the past 15 years. Other than the crack and hookers of course.
If Charlie Sheen survives another six months, I’m crowning him the Keith Richards of the sitcom world. It is now being reported that after deciding to do his three-month stint in “rehab” from the comfort of his home, Charlie also decided he will work during “rehab,” so that Two and a Half Men won’t fall too far behind.
According to TMZ:
Charlie Sheen will return to “Two and a Half Men” in 3-4 weeks — at least that’s now the plan — and producers will make up the episodes so no one from the cast or crew will be out any money … TMZ has learned.
Sources connected with the show tell us … although nothing is in stone … they’re told by the addiction specialist that Charlie could be back to work next month. If that happens, producers would most likely make up the two missed shows at the end of the production season.
Bottom line — no one will lose money and the show could be back on track.
Oh thank God. Heaven forbid the masterpiece that is “Two and a Half Men” is delayed in its schedule. The damage to the world of the arts ifit was to go on hiatus would have been incalculable. Men would weep, women would rend their garments, children would cease their laughter. Truly, a tragedy has been averted.
If only the executives at Comedy Central would bring back The Jeff Dunham Show, my heart would at last be whole.
Jesus, where the hell do we even start with this crapfest of a story. The official word is still that Charlie Sheen was only in a hospital yesterday because of a “hernia he got from laughing too hard”, and yet, today he “voluntarily” entered an unnamed rehab clinic, causing the CBS show Two and a Half Men to be put on a temporary hiatus. It was also reported that porn star Melanie Rios was the other one-fifth of Charlie Sheen’s five layered hooker sandwich (Kacey Jordan being the other porn star mentioned so far). Adrienne Maloof-Nassif of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and her husband Dr. Nassif are the ones who called 911 for Charlie. They live near Charlie and they got a call from someone at his house asking for medical advice.
The Hollywood Reporter reports on the hospitalization statement:
One friend of Charlie Sheen has the most unusual reason for the actor’s hospitalization on Thursday — the Two and a Half Men star was laughing too hard.
Steve Brodersen, identified as Sheen’s friend by Extra, told the program that Sheen suffered a hernia injury while laughing too hard at the television from his home.
The report continues that Sheen may need surgery as soon as tomorrow to repair the hernia. Brodersen said that Sheen told him from the hospital bed, “I’m not dying.”
Meanwhile, Kacey Jordan – the porn star who tweeted a picture of her crotch while at Charlie’s house – describes the revelry that preceded the hospitalization:
She arrived at Charlie’s mansion and was greeted by several other girls. “He was like, ‘you’re the missing puzzle piece. I need a blonde.’” Kacey was holding a bottle of vodka when Sheen “grabs it from my hands — and I love the guy, right? — grabs it, and chugs it in like three seconds, and is like ‘Don’t ever test me again.’” Eventually “it was too much, and that time of night, when everyone is too drunk.” Time for bed? Time for “a phone call. For the drugs!” A man with a Gucci bag materializes and dumps “like, five eight-balls, huge, the size of my fist! We’re talking, like, 20 grand of coke.” Apparently crack was involved, too, but Kacey didn’t seem to know what it was: “[Charlie] had this green pipe, it looked like a bong for weed, but then he took a chunk, because it was a rock? And he sliced it off, and he shoved it inside, and starts smoking it. Smoking the coke!” They really did watch TV. Mostly porn: “He has so much porn. A huge theater. I think that’s all he does, sits there and watches porn.” Charlie didn’t have sex with anyone, just “sat there with his little green pipe, and smoked it.”
Kacey Jordan also commented that she didn´t contact her lawyers due to all the cocaine mess, as we assumed yesterday. But because she is a gold digging whore and wants a Bentley Charlie had promised her. RadarOnline reports:
“Ok for all the f**king haters… I’m getting a baby blue convertible Bentley next month so I dunno…HUSH fml,” the 22-year-old porn star wrote on her Twitter account Wednesday afternoon.
Sources confirmed to RadarOnline.com that the Two and a Half Men star made numerous promises to the porn stars he was partying with.
“My life has changed… Speechless ” Kacey wrote.
Seems Kacey may have gotten her hopes up in the aftermath of Charlie’s hospitalization – just like the porn stars that came before her, she’s hired a lawyer.
Charlie also apparently wanted to start up his very own porn family, which sounds like the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. TMZ reports:
During the [36 hour] boozefest, Charlie agreed to rent out George Santo Pietro’s giant estate for four months – at the rate of $250k per month – while George goes away on an upcoming trip to Thailand.
And why does Sheen need an extra mansion? Charlie explained that he wants to start a “porn family” – and he wants the “actresses” to all live in the same house. One big, smutty family.
The next morning, Sheen’s people found out about the deal and were “furious” – and immediately put a stop to the plans.
Right OK, we think that is all of it… for now at least while Charlie sleeps it off in a rehab clinic. But, it’s almost a given that there will be a beefy encore of this post again next week when Charlie does it all over again.
Good old Charlie Sheen is back in business. He was hospitalized early Thursday morning in Los Angeles because he had allegedly been partying all night with five women in his home, including porn star Kacey Jordan (above). Charlie had been partying for 36 hours at his house before sent to Cedar-Sinai Hospital on a stretcher for abdominal pain. Kacey Jordan had this to say according to RadarOnline:
“I have a lawyer and I am not making any comment,” the 22-year-old told our reporter moments ago.
Jordan was at Sheen’s mansion on Wednesday afternoon when she took to Twitter to publish a risqué photo [seen here], wearing a barely-there bikini.
Not soon after, she wrote: “It’s officially 24 hours of drinking! Hehe.”
A lawyer huh? I wonder why she would possibly need a lawyer. Oh wait, maybe it has something to do with them having a mountain of cocaine, amounting to just about an entire month’s cocaine production in all of Columbia. TMZ reports:
We’re told Sheen had several people inside his home during the 36-hour span that started Tuesday night – including 2 porn stars, a business associate, and several other women.
After hours of drinking, we’re told a person showed up to the house with a designer “briefcase” - that contained multiple “bricks” of cocaine.
We’re told Sheen immediately began doing the drug for several hours.
Personally, I blame all the moronic tards that watch such a horribly boring and asinine show like “Two and a Half Men,” as Chuckles would have run out of money to support his coke and hooker habit long, long ago if not for brain dead mouth breathers tuning in weekly. If you happen to watch the show then you have only yourselves to blame, as even Dr. Drew would label you all as enablers… Nah I jest… kinda…
Now onto this porn star, did she forget her tits at home? A porn star without boobs is like a bakery without bread. But maybe she opted not to ruin her body with plastic when she can just ruin it instead with syphilitic lesions and DP ass fun… Again I jest… I would probably pee on her, only because I have really low standards on Thursdays. Any other day and I’d have to think about it.
Charlie Sheen reportedly ran up a $26,000 prostitute tab one weekend in early January so it’s a good thing he makes $1.8 million per episode of the worst TV show ever made, also known as ‘Two and a Half Men.’
During the same magical weekend in Vegas that he reportedly had an orgy with three porn stars (including Bree Olson) and Sandra Bullock homewrecker Michelle McGee, he also found time to spend another 26 grand on three hookers.
According to RadarOnline:
A drugged-up Charlie Sheen spent $26,000 on three escorts from one Las Vegas agency during his infamous weekend bender in Las Vegas.
(And he) was so smitten with one hooker who goes by the pseudonym ‘Ginger’ that he paid her $10,000 for a four-hour sex romp.
Sheen, 45, showered two other escorts with $8,000 each in separate and earlier trysts.
“Ginger said Charlie was high on cocaine when she got to the room and continued to do drugs in front of her,” the source told RadarOnline.com.
“He was totally out of it and clearly had been partying all night long.”
Jeez don’t these prostitutes know how many women he has slept with?
TMZ then posted an e-mail Charlie Sheen apparently sent to a paid pussy peddler he found on an escort emporium called CityVibe. Charlie bragged that he’s an A-list actor before requesting the services of Ginger.
Subject: Your Cityvibe Ad
From: Charlie Sheen <[redacted]@aol.com>
Date: Mon, January 10, 2011 8:37 am
U are fabulous!
I’m an A-list actor that you mite like to meet… Ure fone is dead and out of service ….
Sent from my iPhone
Ginger is clearly a rookie. She needs someone to explain the hooker/client relationship to her.
$100 is for sucking my dick
$9,900 is for KEEPING YOUR F%&KING MOUTH SHUT
I miss the good old days when a loose lipped hooker would wind up in a shallow hole in the Vegas desert or at least be spending a couple of days out of the rotation while her black eye healed and the dentist could replace the teeth she was missing.
But clearly Charlie Sheen is nothing more than a true patriotic American. He’s doing his part to “stimulate” the economy in these “hard” times.
Ricky Gervais in a few simple words is; The perfect antidote to Hollywood’s masturbatory delusions of grandeur, and he sure proved that last night when he hosted the Golden Globes where he trashed Angelina Jolie, Charlie Sheen, Hugh Hefner, Mel Gibson, God, Tom Cruise (and the list goes on and on). Oddly though the joke that got him in the most trouble was when he made fun of Philip Berk, the current head of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA for short).
“Ricky will not be invited back to host the show next year, for sure,” a member of the HFPA says, adding that Gervais’ relentlessly mean shtick could have even larger consequences. “For sure any movie he makes he can forget about getting nominated. He humiliated the organization last night and went too far with several celebrities whose representatives have already called to complain.”
Berk verified on Monday that Ricky has ticked off the HFPA, telling the Hollywood Reporter that the two-time host went too far with his jokes aimed at other celebs.
“He definitely crossed the line,” Berk said. “And some of the things were totally unacceptable. But that’s Ricky. Any of the references to individuals is certainly not something the Hollywood Foreign Press condones.”
Wait what, how do you humiliate a group that gave Pia Zadora an acting award? And at a show that was once just an excuse for a drunken bacchanal? Plus I’m pretty sure the HFPA got Ricky there knowing full well he would rip everyone a new asshole.
The fact the HFPA would blacklist someone from winning an award because they were personally offended simply validates how ridiculous the Golden Globes are.
“Please welcome Aston Kutcher’s dad, Bruce Willis.” I mean, come on, that line alone made Gervais worthy of a knighthood.
Well done Sir. Ricky Gervais. Well done indeed.
The Scientology joke is a masterpiece. In order for either Tom Cruise or John Travolta to have a libel suit, the defamation has to be factual. In other words, since Ricky didn’t mention them by name they would basically have to come out of the closet. Thank you Sir. Gervais for the most brilliant Catch 22, I’ve ever seen in Hollywood.
Truly Charlie Sheen is a prophet, sent from the very Gods themselves to show us mortals the way, for it’s being reported that he is on an epic bender in Las Vegas with three porn stars, one of who is Bree Olson (no ID on the other two). I know what you are saying “Porn stars having sex with actors in Vegas? Sounds a little far-fetched!”… Well don’t just take our word for it, take TMZ‘s word for it.
Charlie Sheen is with three porn stars in Las Vegas, but not all of them are created equal. His #1 companion is Bree Olson.
Olson is 23 years old, and in 2008 won Best Anal Sex Scene at the AVN Awards. Olson has range — she was also a nanny on “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” Olson is 118 lbs, 34-28-24, and her favorite musical artist is The Carpenters. Olson went to college for a year, majoring in Biology.
Best anal scene you say? I’ll bet Bree gives up anal now that she’s seen an ancient sagging asshole up close.
Thank you Charlie for having the wherewithal to properly show women their places in life.
You are providing a priceless community service and deserve the equivalent of The Nobel Peace Prize for your constant effort in Humanitarian Societal Gender Role Placement.
Kudos fine sir… [ED: To avoid the fury of the feminists I'm obligated to point out that the above statement was sarcastic... or was it...]
Now here is a completely worthless gallery of Bree Olson pictures for you that include no titties:
Man this story just doesn’t want to…umm stick to its…story. It’s constantly changing. Anyways it has now been reported that Charlie Sheen’s hooker was none other than porn star Capri Anderson who was hiding in the bathroom while he trashed that hotel room in a cocaine fuelled rage (that’s another change, first it was reported as a closet).
We’re told Anderson, whose legal name is Christina Walsh, met Sheen for the first time Monday in the bar at The Plaza Hotel, then went to dinner with Charlie, along with 4 other women and 3 other men. As we already reported, Denise Richards also briefly attended the dinner before it became just too awkward — she left before finishing her appetizer.
Anderson — who’s been in a ton of adult features — has told friends she’s extremely upset about recent reports that she’s either an escort or a prostitute … Anderson is adamant she’s NOT a working girl.
HA! The old “I am not a prostitute… however if you have a camera I will fuck for money”. CLASSIC!
Not that her sadness matters because it has also been reported that (surprise!) she was charging Charlie $12,000 for the night, which he never paid and she neglected to tell the cops about along with all the blow they were doing:
“Charlie had never met Christina [Capri's real name.] until that night. He ordered her from a ‘service,’” a source connected to the situation told RadarOnline.com.
“Christina was supposed to be paid $12,000. And by the time the crazy night was over, she never got paid because Charlie flipped out. She was furious and now she’s doing everything she can to make money off that night.”
She told Charlie, “I’m not doing anything until I get my money first,” the source said. “And then after they did more cocaine Charlie wanted to have sex and she demanded money. He couldn’t find his wallet and flipped out.”
“He thought she stole it, but his assistant, who was down the hall had it.”
Soumm… he had $12,000 in his WALLET?
I’m not disputing that Charlie Sheen can roll to that level, because he can, but even if they’re $100 bills, that’s 120 bills in the wallet, that ain’t gonna fit well.
You’d think for someone who spends most of her days complaining about Charlie Sheen being a drunk clown that Denise Richards would be flipping out after Charlie was found naked and passed out in a New York hotel room after an alcohol-fuelled rampage in which Charlie drunkenly trashed a hotel room while a naked hooker hid in the closet. And even more so since she was staying right there in the same hotel at the time with their two young daughters.
Denise found herself on The Joy Behar Show last night kind of defending Charlie’s actions.
“My daughters are five and six years old. They’re at an age where they can start to understand. They have no idea what went on.”
“We’re in an amazing place. We’ve been getting along great for the last year-and-a-half, and we’re doing our best. So as far as that situation, I’m just trying to protect the girls from it as much as possible.
“On Charlie being drunk around the kids: “I would never allow that.”
But then again I guess as long as Charlie’s money (the guy gets paid a reported $1,800,000 per episode of Two & Half Men) keeps her fully supplied with the best amphetamines available from Hollywood doctors, she’s fine with him. Besides she is being interviewed & photographed again, and she has more material for the lawyers should Charlie make noise about less child support or more time alone with the kids.
These pictures were taken just last Sunday when Charlie Sheen accompanied Denise Richards and their daughters to New York City for some fun family time. Now fast forward to last night when Charlie was found drunk and naked in a cocaine fueled rage trashing his hotel room because he thought a hooker had stolen his wallet.
Tables and chairs had been thrown around the room and a chandelier was also damaged, sources said.
“The Two and a Half Men” star was accompanied to New York Hospital by his ex-wife Denise Richards, who was staying in a separate room.
Sheen, 45, told police he had been “out partying,” sources said.
After he returned to his room with an unidentified woman, he noticed his wallet was missing, causing him to fly into a rage, sources said.
The police found a half-naked Charlie passed out on the bed and a woman, who was identified as an escort, screaming from inside the closet. “She was fearing for her life and was naked,” a source tells Life & Style. “Charlie was incoherent but started screaming slurs at the cops. They recognized him immediately and gave him two options: they could take him to the hospital or take him down to the station. Charlie chose the hospital.”
…. His two daughters were sleeping in the next room,” says the source. “Denise had to go with the cops and leave the girls with a nanny. She looked distraught.”
So that just begs the question if Denise escorted him to the hospital before or after she was on Howard Stern this morning? Clearly this family is sick all around…
On top of all that banging-a-hooker-while-your-kids-are-in-the-next-room crazyness, the hooker is claiming Charlie flipped out after snorting a line of cocaine, according to RadarOnline:
“She said after he did the coke, he flipped out, couldn’t find his wallet and accused her of stealing it.” Things quickly went downhill from there, with the disturbance in the room growing louder and louder.
Now PLEASE someone tell me! Did they find the wallet or not?