Ashton will just do anything for attention these days, huh? He signed up for that horrible show on CBS, cheated on his wife and now he is “singing” country music. You can watch the 34-year-old sing George Strait’s hit, ‘I Cross My Heart’ in the video above; it’s a pretty lousy attempt. Not because it sounded horrible or anything, but because he didn’t take any chances! He should have really gone for it. Throw his hat into the crowd…something exciting.
We don’t think the country folk liked it either. Ashton was sitting in the front row the rest of night, which usually means you will receive a lot of hugs from artists going up on stage to accept their award. However, all of the country stars skipped right over him.
Perhaps, they felt like he was mocking country music. The over-the-top country outfit might have had something to do with that. He looked like a used car salesman from Kentucky.
I can’t believe it’s been almost 20 years since my senior year in High School. I knew back then that when we gathered for the reunion, we would probably need a few name tags to identify one another. Generally we’ve all changed to a certain degree, but at the 20 year mark, we’ve all changed to the point where it would deem necessary the use of name tags. I walked into a grocery store the other day and saw a Facebook friend of mine that I had not seen since high school and didn’t recognize him. I wonder how many other people I’ve seen out and about and didn’t make the connection. I know some of us have lost our hair, gained some weight, grew some facial hair (and that’s just the women) even came across a few, “HOLY Sh*t! WTF happened to you?” moments. All in all in the end, it’s always good to see an old friend.
Even though we didn’t have any celebrities from our class, I wonder even if we did, would I even recognize them? I’m glad that I treated people kindly, the same way that I do now, cause you never know when you will run into a ‘blast from the past’. Imagine if you were the guy in H.S that dated Octo-mom with thoughts of one day raising a family. Imagine if you were someone that laughed at Bill Gates for being a nerd way back when. Imagine if you made fun of Angelina Jolie for having big lips. I find joy in knowing that a few of the ‘unpopular’ kids are now so rich they could buy the venue our reunion will be held in. I smile from ear to ear when I hear stories of ‘fat’ girls becoming ‘sexy’ movie actresses, hanging on a poster in your sons bedroom as he tells you to ‘knock’ before you come in. Gotta love karma.
Yeah… this story is so crazy, it’s hard to know where to begin. As The Daily Fix reported to you, Demi Moore was taken to the ER after a 911 call urged paramedics to take her in on Monday night. The only information at that point was that she was taken in for substance abuse and that she was going into a facility to get professional help. Well, it has recently been leaked about exactly what that ‘substance’ was. And it’s not alcohol, as many assumed it must have been. No, it was for huffing nitrous oxide, or something called a whip-it. A source told TMZ, ‘One of Demi’s friends who was at her home told emergency workers Demi was doing whip-its. A whip-it is a street name for a type of nitrous oxide inhalant. The friend said she became upset when Demi had a reaction to a whip-it and lapsed into semi-consciousness. It appears Demi had symptoms of a seizure — after inhaling the nitrous.’ Now, according to Urban Dictionary, a whip-it is ‘The act of inhaling the compressed gas (nitrous oxide, also used as an inhalation anesthetic) from inside a whipped cream can usually as a means to get ‘high’.’ Woooooow… Now, most people aren’t shocked when celebrities have to go into rehab. They lead turbulent lives that are extremely exhausting and fast paced. Plus, Demi has just gone through a cougar divorce from hubby Ashton Kutcher. But, what is shocking is that Demi was doing a drug that normally only adolescents take part in. I mean, can you imagine it? Demi huffing nitrous from a whipped cream can? Really? Wow, just… wow…
There isn’t a whole lot of information that has been released as of yet, but sources have learned that Demi Moore was rushed to the ER last night. For what, you ask? Substance abuse. So, yes, it seems that all may not have been as hunky dory after her break-up with Ashton Kutcher as she may have liked it to seem. Law enforcement said that a 911 call was placed at 10:45 last night to Demi’s home in Las Angeles. Paramedics assessed her for a half an hour before rushing her by ambulance to the nearest emergency room. Sources close to Demi have reported that she is being put in a facility to ‘seek further professional assistance’ for her substance abuse problem. It seems that her increasingly frail appearance these last several weeks was being caused by a very serious underlying cause. Demi’s rep gave the following statement: ‘Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends.’ Exhaustion… they always chalk it up to exhaustion, don’t they? Nevertheless, I’m sure you will all join us here at The Daily Fix in wishing Ms. Moore a speedy recovery from her… “exhaustion.”
Demi Moore just filed for divorce last month, but apparently Ashton Kutcher is already over the “heartbreak” or is he? Could it be that he is still really in love with Demi Moore, but he just wanted an upgrade? You know, when you have an iPhone 3, but you really want an iPhone 4? Well, you can’t just go to the Apple store and buy a new Demi, but you can cheat on Demi, make her divorce you and then go find a better version of her! That Ashton is really a smart man, I mean sure he always plays dumb characters on TV. However, he is clearly a genius in real life! This, ‘Demi Moore 2.0’ is named Lorene Scafaria and she is a screenwriter. The pair spent the holidays together and Ashton snapped a photo of them and a friend for Twitter. He posted this message along with it, ‘Roman holiday with homies. @mazzant @LoreneScafaria Have an amazing new year!!!’ Yeah, he says “homies” and supposedly they are “just friends” but we all know he is hitting it. He is probably hitting it right as I type this article. Maybe Lorene’s ex-boyfriend Adam Brody can go out with Demi Moore now. That would make for an amazing Thanksgiving dinner next year.
TMZ.com reported earlier that Ashton tried to pull one more expensive bunny out of the hat to save his marriage. According to the source that talked with TMZ, Ashton reportedly bought Demi a $100,000-plus Lexus Hybrid. Supposedly it was fully loaded and the purchase was made two days before her birthday.
That is interesting, huh? Instead of counseling or make-up sex, he just decided to buy her an expensive car! This just proves to you that rich people have a better life than us average folk. They can be going through a horrible time in their marriage, about to get a divorce and still the worst thing that happens to them? They get a freaking $100,000 car! Do you know how many girls I could get if I had that kind of power? My hand would officially be off-duty for the rest of my life!
But, there is one thing that bothers me about this story. One thing that just sounds a little fishy, why on earth would he waste $100,000 on Demi? There are a lot of girls that are worth buying a $100,000 car for, but aging Demi isn’t one of them. Take a look at the pictures below to see some of the girls that I think are worthy of a $100,000 gift.
It seems no amount of holy smoke coming out of those Kabbalah campfires can repair Demi Moore’s and Ashton Kutcher’s marriage, because Demi Moore has finally filed for divorced. Which she promptly announced on Twitter like any mature adult would, pretty much calling Ashton an asshole with no morals or values for banging Sara Lee on their anniversary. Indirectly and subtly of course. Women. They always have to speak in codes.
Via TMZ:
The 49-year-old Moore says she’s ending her marriage “with great sadness and a heavy heart.”
Demi says, “as a woman, a mother and a wife, there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.”
Of course Ashton had to rise to the Twitter challenge and respond with the following:
I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light, AK
Did he just sign off on his 6-year marriage with “Love and Light, AK”?? What is this, some 16-year old kid writing doodles on his school desk? At this point, I’m shocked he didn’t continue with this: “Yo, I had an awesome time these last few months. Amazing hot tub parties, y’all!! And Demi, we’ll always have our Tweets. Oh, and that photo I took of your ass. Sweet, sweet memories. But, listen, A and the K have to split, Love For Ever, and Peace out, y’all!! Oh, and don’t forget to dream the dream of the unattainable. Rock on!!!”
While Demi Moore is dying a slow death by making herself disappear body part by body part (she’s turning 49 today but she doesn’t look a day older than 1,500 in mummified corpse years) Ashton Kutcher is proving once again that he is a damn moron. Apparently his Tweeter comment that the firing of Joe Patterno, the man who witnessed Jerry Sandusky allegedly rape a pre-teen boy in the Penn State locker room in 2002 and covered it up was an insult and had no class caused the wrath of his 8 million followers, causing him to give control of his account to his management team, admit he’s unqualified to speak to 8million people and pretty much prove what we knew all along: Demi Moore married him because what he lacks in basic brain matter, his penis makes for it in terms of humor, kindness and generosity.
This is how it all went down:
Ashton: How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste.
Kutcher was attacked by people informing the actor about the situation — writing things like, “F**k you. He covered up child rape you sick, geriatric f**k.” Roughly 30 minutes later, Kutcher removed his original tweet — and replaced it with, “Heard Joe was fired, fully recant previous tweet! Didn’t have full story. #admitwhenYoumakemistakes.”
Then….this.
He added, “As an advocate in the fight against child sexual exploitation, I could not be more remorseful for all involved in the Penn St. case.” Kutcher also replied to people who called him an idiot — saying, “I am” – adding, “Honestly just had half facts man my bad … I need 2b more responsible 4 my voice.”
This Marc Jacobs perfume ad featuring 17-year old Dakota Fanning has been banned for “sexualizing children”.
Don’t know what to laugh at first. Madonna actually believing she can play director and hold a camera without it spontaneously bursting into flames or that she looks younger than the 30-year old actress who plays in her movie thanks to photo-shop.
Katie Holmes’ sad, well, everything is also brushed away thanks to the airbrushing fairies.
Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman have been inflating their lips with baby seal fat again.
Anna Friel is the naked Santa in the British Tatler.
Blake Lively and Oprah brought their cleavages to the Versace at H&M event in NYC last night. The first makes the world look better and the second just makes me want to microwave a sweet potato with a topping of cheese and beans.
Selena Gomez is already taking lessons from Lindsay Lohan in the art of subtle hookery.
Katy Perry and Russell Brandt making out at the LAX arrival terminal.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt continuing their humanitarian efforts in Tokyo while at the same time they’re being sued for firing a secretary because she has an illness that forced her to take too many sick days off.
Kristie Brinkley looks amazing for a 57-year old. Does she also eat newborn placenta for breakfast?
Christina Aguilera is now reduced to game launch appearances. Geeks worldwide rejoice!
Megan Fox looks like she’s been sleeping under a bridge the last few days. The wrath of Michael Bay can do that you.
Demi Moore is really not making an appealing case for why Ashton Kutcher should permanently forgo sex with pretty young things who are still alive.
And now the world’s oldest supermodel. At age 80, Carmen Dell’ Orefice (no seriously, that’s her name) is now modeling at runway shows because Bernie Madoff stole all her savings. Right after she plucks her beard and puts crazy glue on her hip joints. True story.
Seen here dying a slow and painful death, Demi Moore allegedly cheated on Ashton Kutcher (pictured below partying with Wilder Valderrama because frowning whenever there was a camera for the past couple of weeks was making his forehead hurt, and well, he doesn’t give a shit) with his 27-year old friend, Ben Hollingworth. Demi, according to In Touch magazine, took Ben under her motherly wings seen that he was a struggling actor and he needed help…and ended up banging him in the back of a car.
Via In Touch:
Demi, 48, met Ben, 27, when he moved from Canada to LA. He was a struggling actor and Demi made it her responsibility to help bolster his career. “He was star starstruck from the start,” the insider tells In Touch. Demi and Ben formed a “fast friendship” that quickly developed into something more.
Demi took Ben around Hollywood introducing him to everyone and showing him the hippest spots, shares the source. She even introduced him to Ashton, and helped Ben with his role on The Beautiful Life on the CW (Ashton, 33, was the executive producer of the show). ”She helped him a lot,” says the source.
Ben was even invited to party at Demi’s house with his friends. “They smoked a lot of weed,” reveals the source. “Demi [who didn't smoke] was cool about it all. She and Ashton acted like teenagers.”
Then, one night Demi gave Ben a ride after a night out partying. “They wound up having sex in the back of the car,” says the insider. “It just kept going from there.”
“[Ben] said she was really hot and she took care of him,” adds the insider.
But eventually Ben began to feel guilty about their affair and told Demi it was over. The insider claims: “He was getting to be better friends with Ashton and he felt bad about it.”
Demi reportedly told the young man that she and her husband Ashton had an open marriage. Ben, however, would have nothing to do with her.
“Y’all want me to show you how to break a neck with my thighs? Dang, i just sharted on Joe Jonas!”
Kris Humphries licking his post-divorce wounds by hosting a late-night party in Vegas, er, I’m guessing topless?
Demi Moore and Melanie Griffith need to get together and share a potato chip because they’re getting too scary to look at.
Gerard Butler has also lost a lot of weight. Must be the strictly no-vagina-for-a-month diet.
At least Coco and her braless ta-tas know how to eat. It’s more or less a 12-plate affair.
Who wants to see Sofia Vergara bend down to pick g-strings?
Heidi Klum gave her second costume ape nipples. And forced Seal to dress up like a monkey. Let me remind you, she’s a blue-eyed German and he’s black. Mel Gibson says he wants to bed her.
Miranda Kerr knows how to walk the streets of Manhattan.
Blake Lively getting carried around by shoe maker Louboutin.
David Hasselhoff wants to make a quick stop for a burger with onion rings.
And a couple of Angels spraying perfume in heaven.
Demi Moore’s corpse attended the premiere of her movie Margin Call in NYC last night, proving that when your husband’s penis is tenderly goosing young little things right and left, the effects can be more devastating that menopause, osteoporosis and osteoarthritis put together, turning you into an anorexic bag of crazy and desperation. Which is exactly what Demi shouldn’t be doing if she wants Ashton’s tender penis to return back to her. Ok granted, adopting the sensible diet of cookie dough, cheezeburgers with a side of mayo and fried chicken of all other abandoned wives is too late to repair the damage, but skinning a 20-something’s head off and wearing it as a mask might work. That and a huge jacuzzi filled with 12 other 20-something’s. I’ve moonlighted as a marriage counselor.
Seen here with his pants down to his knees trying to roll up a tarpaulin, because nothing says “sexy lover” more clearly than loose white briefs and back hair spilling out of it (we admit, this post exists because we just wanted to put this picture up), Ashton Kutcher is now the confirmed lover of thoughts, dreams and imagination we always assumed him to be.
Apparently Sara Leal got the cash she was hunting for because she run straight to British tabloid The Sun and spilled the beans about the night she had sex with him.
According to her, Kutcher wanted to have a threesome with her and her best friend Marta Borzuchowski, but ended up solely with her for a two-hour sex romp.“Ashton looked hot naked,” Leal said.
Ashton, she said, claimed he was separated from his wife of six years, actress Demi Moore, to coax her into bed (yeah, like she needed coaxing!! “Hi, I’m Asht…”, “Have me, right now, right here!!!”, “But, we’re in the hotel lobby!”).
She said she had sex twice with him after a hot tub party broke up early in the morning.
“We had sex twice. Everything felt natural. We were having a good time. He was good, but it wasn’t weird or perverted or creepy,” she told the newspaper.
“He had good endurance. We were up for a while. It was about two hours,” she added.
In a separate interview with Us Weekly, Leal said they had unprotected sex without a condom.
Kutcher allegedly romped in the suite’s hot tub naked with four girls, before ending up on his hotel room bed with Leal and her friend, the party girl said.
“I’m sure he wanted to have a threesome,” she said. “It was clear he wasn’t opposed to it.”
The party was fueled by vodka, tequila and beer.
Most of the 20 or so guests left at around 5am, leaving Kutcher with Sara and some of her girlfriends, she said. Marta also eventually bailed.
“The last thing I remember him saying was he did a good job. We woke up and I wearing a robe.
“He opened it up and I was like ‘What are you doing?’ He was like, ‘Just checking. Ok, I did good. You’re really pretty.’”
And on that note, we’re pretty sure the smores Ashton brought to the campfire must have mended Demi Moore’s broken heart.All’s good.
Sunday was Yom Kippur, the holy day of atonement for Jews and adulterous Kabbalah spouses because Ashton Kutcher took Demi Moore to a Kabbalah camping retreat in Santa Barbara and asked for her forgiveness. The blurry pictures were actually taken by a fellow camper who obviously decided to exchange his atonement for some hard cash and show the two sitting around a campfire with their Kabbalah instructor Yehuda Berg and Kutcher’s friend Eric Buterbaug.
Ashton: Oh, holy Yehuda, how might I atone for the sins of the flesh that i have committed?
Master Yehuda:My son, awareness of one’s unholy but completely understandable desires of younger flesh is the first step to forgiveness. Plus 20 Hail Jedis while rubbing the red string should do it.
Demi: But that’s too easy! What about me and my feelings?
Master Yehuda: Holy Crap! Why is that tree branch with the s’mores talking? This smoke’s making me hallucinate. Quickly, let’s all rub our red strings and make it go away!
To absolutely no one’s surprise, Ashton Kutcher’s and Demi Moore’s last-minute Kabbalah counseling failed to erase Demi’s images of hot tub orgies and since the $9.99 string he’s been wearing has lost all its power to prevent him from being attracted to younger poon, Demi Moore has been left with no choice other than to file for divorce. According to a “very credible industry source”, she visited the offices of a lawyer on Friday.
“Miss Moore has been totally humiliated. On Friday, therefore, she consulted a lawyer about getting a divorce. The discussion included her living arrangements and how a divorce would impact her assets. She is worth about $150million and Kutcher is also worth close to that. This is a huge and very tough decision for Miss Moore to take. But her trust has been shattered.”
Well, the rumors about Ashton Kutcher cheating on Demi Moore’s dusty bones are no longer just that. Apparently the DailyMail unearthed the boyfriend of one of the girls Ashton Kutcher partied with the night in question and he told the newspaper how he found Ashton naked in a hot tub with another four naked girls, including his girlfriend. And that Ashton invited him to join the party. In the said hot tub. Yes, Ashton Kutcher is the kind, thoughtful and sharing, scarf-wearing individual we always thought him to be. This whole world is not a huge ugly lie after all!!
But we will let the DailyMail walk you through it the only way a tabloid who deals in hard facts does:
Jacques Du Toit, a South African yacht worker, described the sordid scene at the £2,500-a-night ‘top of the rock’ Diamond Suite at the Hard Rock Hotel, to a friend.
Du Toit told close friend Gavin Naumoff, 23 , how he hot-footed to the 1,200 sq ft suite, which features an outdoor jacuzzi, after his girlfriend told him she was attending a party in Kutcher’s suite on September 23rd.
‘He was concerned,’ explained party promoter Naumoff to the Mail on Sunday.
‘Jacques is the boyfriend of one of the girls partying with Sara that night, Alexis. He wanted to make sure she was behaving herself.’
But The Mail revealed that it was the pretty blonde from small town McAllen in Texas, who stayed behind that night, before going on to uncover the humble origins that propelled her into the seedy set-up with the married millionaire.
Naumoff recalled the scene that night as Du Toit painted it: ‘Alexis told him Ashton’s room number and when he got there, a bodyguard was at the door who said it was a private party. Jacques explained he was the boyfriend of one of the girls and was let in.
‘He found Ashton in a hot tub on the balcony with Alexis, Sara, a girl called Katie and another girl called Marta. They were all naked. Ashton invited Jacques to join them in the tub.
Apparently, Ashton said, ‘Yo, where’s the vodka at?’ and Jacques was like, ‘’It’s over there but I’m not going to get it.’ So Ashton gets out to get the vodka and that’s when Jacques saw he was butt naked.’
The alleged sexual encounter took place that night after everyone except Sara and her friend Marta had left.
‘Sara is telling everyone 100 per cent that she and Ashton had sex,’ claimed Naumoff.
‘Jacques and Alexis are two of my best friends and Sara is a good friend. If she says she slept with him then I think she’s telling the truth.’
Naumoff, who arranges for good looking girls to be shipped to certain hotspots, also told the newspaper: ‘Sara’s a great girl. My job is to round up hot girls and bus them into clubs in San Diego or Vegas.
The girls get free booze, food, whatever, and they attract rich and famous guys to the clubs. It’s a two-way street. The girls get to meet rich men and the guys get what they want.’
Which is? ‘Sex, obviously.’
Pointing proudly to photographs he took recently of a topless Leal, he bragged: ‘She was off her head, we all were. She’s a wild girl and loves to party. She is someone who knows what she wants and is determined to get it.’
Another friend, this time from her schooldays in McAllen, on the border of Mexico in Texas, said that Sara ‘hoped to find a richer older guy to take care of her. She wasn’t great at anything in particular that would have enabled her to make it on her own. But she was good at looking good.’
Naumoff explained how earlier in the evening, the Two and a Half Men star selected girls at Fluxx nightclub : ‘Ashton was picking out girls who were ‘hot tub worthy or not.’ He would send his friends to hand-pick the prettiest girls from the dancefloor.’
The club’s promoter, Aaron Klose, said: ‘I saw Ashton dancing with several girls, including Sara. Fluxx has the reputation for only allowing the prettiest ones in. Ashton was clearly up for a good night.’
Katie Boggus, a friend of Leal’s from Texas, who allegedly took part in the hot tub high jinks, refused to be drawn on the subject when approached at her San Diego home late Friday by the Mail on Sunday.
The pretty blonde said: ‘Sara is a great person. It’s really sad people are saying mean things about her.’
When asked directly if Leal slept with Kutcher that night, she said: ‘I can’t talk about that.’ Asked about being in the hot tub with a naked Kutcher, she smiled and said: ‘I’m sorry, I can’t say anything about that.’
According to another girlfriend of Leal, she is ‘keeping low’.
Amidst fresh rumors that Ashton Kutcher has cheated on her with someone a quarter of her age, Demi Moore, twitted this picture of her looking like a dead Steve Buscemi with the caption,”I see through you” apparently referring to her ability to see through his full-of-shit-colon. Ashton, ever the sensitive guy, twitted the following: ‘When you ASSUME to know that which you know nothing of you make an ASS out of U and ME.’
Now if you’ll excuse me, i feel the need to put some metal between me and this photo. I don’t want people to know how much i drink when she x-rays my kidneys.
It seems only yesterday when we posted pics of Demi Moore looking like a gargoyle and insinuating it was because of Ashton Kutcher’s new-found love for fresh meat. Wait, it was yesterday. Anyhow, we now learn that last Friday, Ashton spent the night with this lovely lady above, one named Sara Leal who as surprising as it sounds (because sluts never do these kinds of things) immediately hired a lawyer, went into hiding (?) and is demanding $250,000 to tell her side of the story (“We had sex 29 times that night. He said i don’t smell like a 50-year old. It was love in its purest form). In response, Demi Moore twitted (of course) about her failing to completely alter her DNA to that of a 25-year old (‘When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.’). And they spent their weekend anniversary apart. The End!
Demi Moore and Jennifer Aniston were on Good Morning America yesterday morning and later at night at Skylight Soho, promoting their movie Five, which teaches middle-aged women how to prevent brittle and frail bones by sleeping with much, much younger men. No seriously, it was about breast cancer. Which studies tell us can also be cured by sleeping with much, much younger men. Anyway, Jennifer Aniston looked yer usual chin-a-mile-long fantastic self, but Demi Moore looked like her face was about to fall off any second now only to discover it was Maria Shriver all along. So either she’s not keeping up with her plastic surgeon appointments or the stress of Ashton Kutcher coming home every night and smelling like porn and Charlie Sheen’s hookers is getting to her.
Gotcha! Actually it’s a fat dude with a hernia, but the resemblance is uncanny, no?? Meet Johnny Vegas, a British comedian who’s mocking Demi Moore’s naked pregnant cover of Vanity Fair back in 1991 and whose photograph is now on exhibition at the London National Portrait Gallery. Who said the Brits have no humour? Even if they bust it out 19 years too late.
Demi Moore posted a nude photo of herself to Twitter on Friday with the following caption: remember…..you’ve got your own back
A completely reasonable reaction to Ashton Kutcher getting Charlie Sheen’s role, which implies that pretty soon he’ll be having crazy sex with two twenty-year old goddesses.
Ashton Kutcher is a lucky, lucky man. Yes. He definitely is. Demi Moore is a complete babe. I don’t care how old she is. She also looks like she’d be a lot of fun but to take a man like Kutcher, one assumes she would have to be. After cheating allegation broke about Ashton, rumors began to swirl that the couple has an open marriage and sometimes has threesomes with other women. Where can I apply for that position? Sharing a bed with Ashton and Demi – two of the most gorgeous people on the planet? Yeah. I could go for some of that.
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have been in the Caribbean since last weekend, and it looks like drinking all that pixie blood is paying off for Demi, because she looks great for a 48 year old. She did however get some help from the old blurry telephoto lens, who just so happens to be every aging actress’s best friend.
But as great as Demi might look for her age, if I was Kutcher I’d be running through a mall every day with my dick hanging out of my pants, screaming “Look at me, look at me!”. I’d have a waiting cargo van in the parking lot, and slam the sliding door after the first 5 chicks 21 and younger made it in.. I would just do that. Day, after day, after day, after day. Stoned out of my mind.
Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore got booed at Sao Paolo Fashion Week, where their tardiness caused a show to be postponed by three hours. Testament to the duo’s acting skills, they somehow manage to strut and smirk for the cameras as though a chorus of enraged Brazilians are not shrieking “Too late! Boo! Ashton! Boo!”… Gotta say though, that is some super high pitched-booing. It actually sounds more like bad ghost imitations.
The below video depicts the melee. I just wish there’d been some rotten-tomato-throwing in Sao Paolo. Or at least some water balloons. Just to mess up Demi’s perfect three-hour blow out. And to see Ashton duck and let her take the hit. Because you know he woulda.
Call me superficial, but I believe modeling and stripping are two jobs that should NOT be equal opportunity. But the people over at Badgley Mischka don’t seem to agree with me, since they have made Rumer Willis the new chin of their brand. I’m hoping that Badgley Mischka is just counting on the idea that Rumor Willis is better known than Badgley Mischka… which would be a fair bet. Cletus Slempky who eats dirt at my local gas station is probably better known than their pretentious brand. You never know, perhaps Badgley Mischka is just trying to break into that oh so profitable tranny market.
What pisses me off is that nepotism is what got her the job, (falling out of Demi’s vagina is a powerful thing in Hollywood) when there are plenty of tall, skinny girls that have been snorting coke and blowing photographers for years just for this chance.
But so I’m not only ripping on Rumer I’ll say that the first pose almost makes me want to slather her with sour cream and chives and have my way with her. The rest however make me want to wrap her in tin foil and shove her in an oven. I bet when she stands in front of a fun house mirror her reflection looks like a normal person.
Demi Moore showed off her toned body in a teeny bikini with husband Ashton Kutcher in St. Barts New Year’s weekend, because apparently all of Hollywood migrates south during January. Great time to be breaking into houses in the Hollywood Hills.
If you get annoyed by nit pickers, then stop reading here… What the heck is up with her knees? Is that where all the excess skin from her plastic surgery is concealing? Or aren’t those even her knees? Just her ass migrating south for the winter just as Hollywood does.
I wonder if Ashton Kutcher also goes out of his way to use meat and dairy products that have passed their pull dates. Well he’s probably used to that smell by now…
To be fair (for once) apart from having the knees of an 80 year old, the rest of her is in pretty damn good shape. Pretty damn good indeed. Which makes it messed up that she has ugly children. How many drugs do you have to smoke to make your kids that ugly? Least she could do is try to have some none retard looking kids with the new guy, give the world a break from looking at the monsters she gave birth to first go around. Or maybe the memory of giving birth to that giganto-chinned mutant child of hers is still fresh in her memory, bet the doc had to add extra 17 stitches due to chin related damage.
Ashton Kutcher is furious over the release of a new sex tape featuring his self-alleged mistress Brittney Jones, claiming the company behind the flick is illegally using his name to push the porn.
Ashton’s lawyer’s have fired off a letter to Vivid Entertainment claiming they’re specifically pissed over a press release for the video, which says, “Ashton’s fans will undoubtedly enjoy seeing what the star himself may have experienced.”
Basically Vivid “PUNK’d” him by using his name to sell a tape that he doesn’t appear in, of a woman that claims to have had sexual congress with him. Sounds like he could easily sue them till their orifices leak.
I sense furious finger breaking twitters yet to be written. Lucky for me I am drawn to twitter like Lindsay Lohan is drawn to sobriety. In other words, I would have to face jail time to look up Ashton’s tweets.
Rumer Willis has ended her relationship with actor boyfriend Micah Alberti. Rumer, 22, the eldest daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore and the stepdaughter of Emma Heming and Ashton Kutcher, however, is not in a mood to let her breakup get hold of her. She was seen having a good time at Tao in Las Vegas with Glee’s Mark Salling and his pal Chord Overstreet over the weekend.
“They decided it wasn’t working,” a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE. “They’re moving on.” Willis, 22, whose famous mother Demi Moore and stepfather Ashton Kutcher have been under fire for relationship woes of their own, seems to be bouncing back just fine. On Saturday, she headed to Tao in Las Vegas where last year she celebrated her 21st birthday. The Hollywood royalty hung out with Glee’s Mark Salling and his pal Chord Overstreet, who appeared on the hit show as well.
Ashton Kutcher was first accused of cheating on his wife Demi Moore about 3 weeks ago. His alleged mistress Brittney Jones (above) is now coming forward with text messages supposedly sent from Ashton while her friends are basically saying to anyone who will listen, “This is right up her alley. And by alley I mean vagina.”
A source close to Brittney told RadarOnline.com exclusively that Jones “has always been obsessed with Ashton” pre-dating the steamy affair with the married actor.
“She told me once that he was by far the number one celebrity she’d like to have sex with,” said the insider, who knows Jones extremely well. “And she is totally the type to do it.”
RadarOnline.com has also obtained some never-before-seen photos of Jones who has since hired a manager and publicist in the wake of the scandal.
His long term relationship with Moore, who is 15 years older that Ashton, has been one of the things he’s most known for, so if that falls apart, it could really hurt his public perception, and forever change the way people don’t see his movies.
But if this skank actually hired a manager and a publicist then I’m inclined not to believe a word her whore mouth says. But just in case, it might be time to settle the score Demi, call me. (You can get the number from my manager/publicist)
Newlyweds James Van Der Beek and Kimberly Brook are celebrating the imminent arrival of their baby girl.
The happy couple wed in Israel last August in a quiet and private gathering. However, the baby shower was nothing short of a party! The guest list was a veritable lineup of A-listers, including Demi Moore, hunky hubby Ashton Kutcher, Rumer and Scout Willis, and Mary-Margaret Humes, who played James’ mom on Dawson’s Creek.
James spoke of the celebration - which was in the Hollywood Hills and had a pretty pink theme - telling In Touch, “It was great to be able to be with family and friends in such a beautiful, relaxed environment.”
A cheating scandal has erupted involving Ashton Kutcher and a 21-year-old woman, and now ET is saying that Ashton and wife Demi Moore may be getting ready to sue Star magazine, the oft-maligned tabloid that is reporting the story.
What might make the allegations even more malicious in Ashton and Demi's eyes – the magazine is claiming that the affair first started when the woman, Brittney Jones, met Ashton at a bowling alley in July when he was there with stepdaughter Rumer Willis.
Ashton's lawyer has vehemently denied the story, saying in a statement, "Star magazine continuously publishes lies about Ashton Kutcher and many other celebrities. This is not the first, nor will it be the last time they engage in reckless conduct."
And Ashton has been on the defensive himself, long before this story broke. Earlier in the summer Star made other cheating allegations against the That 70's Show star, and he hinted at a lawsuit when he reacted via Twitter. "I think Star magazine calling me a 'cheater' qualifies as defamation of character. I hope my lawyer agrees."
Two minutes after that posting he tweeted: "STAR magazine – you don't get to stand behind 'freedom of the press' when you are writing fiction." Demi then chimed in, tweeting back to her husband, "Excellent point my love!"
Demi Moore certainly deserves some kind of award or recognition for starting this new craze. Not only did the 47-year-old stun the world by tweeting a picture of herself in bikini, but she also made the whole world follow in her steps. And finally she convinced YouTube “celebrity” Dave Days to do a parody of herself in the same bikini. Of course, Dave obliged and tweeted the result, which Demi retweeted with the following caption,
I think U wore it better!
Check out Demi’s bikini pic after the jump and decide the winner.
Hollywood is full of beautiful people making beautiful babies that we love to oooh and aaaah over here at Celebrity Baby Scoop. Some hot couples have yet to venture down the path to parenthood, and we're so curious to see their cute kids once they decide to take the plunge. From married couples to a lighthearted look at young couples in love who would make gorgeous babies (when the time is right!)...
Click below to see our list of 10 hot celebrity couples whose babies we look forward to possibly seeing someday!
Rumer Willis and her boyfriend accompanied Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher to the premiere of “The Joneses” on Friday and managed to flash her panties while trying to get in the car from the after-party at Playhouse nightclub. Having said that, Rumer Willis flashing anything is as attractive as staring right at Demi Moore’s $100,000 knees. Not that her knees are ugly. They just look like they’re going to impale you and leave you bleeding on the pavement if you happen to brush against them. Plus, they’re not natural and plastic-surgery free like her face…on a night she forgets to pack a botox syringe in her evening clutch. And on a day she can’t find a blender to make her infant ambilical cord smoothies…you know, that kind of natural.
Here’s Demi Moore (December issue of W Magazine) following the footsteps of ex Bruce Willis who showed us he likes to get whipped when naked by new wife Emma Hemming in a previous issue of W Magazine striking exquisitely beautiful edited images for the sake of her two upcoming indie movies The Joneses with David Duchovny, and the Happy Tears with Parker Posey.
And we say that with certainty (the editing part) because the person who interviewed her all but told us that either Ashton Kutcher is legally blind or he’s got a fetish for banging old ladies with perky boobs:
“At 47, she looks changed, although more by time than by the surgeon’s knife. One might say she looks her age, although hers is an undeniably striking version of midlife. The skin of her forehead and around her eyes does indeed wrinkle as she expresses emotion, its surface less dewy fresh than it once was. Beneath her haystack of wavy black hair, Moore is thinner than expected, which emphasizes the prominent bone structure that still photographs so well but also gives her a slightly gaunt appearance in person. Her chopstick legs are sheathed in skinny dark jeans, and her oversize cashmere sweatshirt looks as if it could have been borrowed from husband Ashton Kutcher’s side of the closet.”
I’m still dying here, hello??
This Marc Jacobs perfume ad featuring 17-year old Dakota Fanning has been banned for “sexualizing children”.
Seen here dying a slow and painful death, Demi Moore allegedly cheated on Ashton Kutcher (pictured below partying with Wilder Valderrama because frowning whenever there was a camera for the past couple of weeks was making his forehead hurt, and well, he doesn’t give a shit) with his 27-year old friend, Ben Hollingworth. Demi, according to In Touch magazine, took Ben under her motherly wings seen that he was a struggling actor and he needed help…and ended up banging him in the back of a car.
“Y’all want me to show you how to break a neck with my thighs? Dang, i just sharted on Joe Jonas!”
Pretty sure Elastigirl didn’t wear Spanx over her suit.
Demi Moore’s corpse attended the premiere of her movie Margin Call in NYC last night, proving that when your husband’s penis is tenderly goosing young little things right and left, the effects can be more devastating that menopause, osteoporosis and osteoarthritis put together, turning you into an anorexic bag of crazy and desperation. Which is exactly what Demi shouldn’t be doing if she wants Ashton’s tender penis to return back to her. Ok granted, adopting the sensible diet of cookie dough, cheezeburgers with a side of mayo and fried chicken of all other abandoned wives is too late to repair the damage, but skinning a 20-something’s head off and wearing it as a mask might work. That and a huge jacuzzi filled with 12 other 20-something’s. I’ve moonlighted as a marriage counselor.
Kelly Clarkson is turning into a man.
Seen here with his pants down to his knees trying to roll up a tarpaulin, because nothing says “sexy lover” more clearly than loose white briefs and back hair spilling out of it (we admit, this post exists because we just wanted to put this picture up), Ashton Kutcher is now the confirmed lover of thoughts, dreams and imagination we always assumed him to be.
Sunday was Yom Kippur, the holy day of atonement for Jews and adulterous Kabbalah spouses because Ashton Kutcher took Demi Moore to a Kabbalah camping retreat in Santa Barbara and asked for her forgiveness. The blurry pictures were actually taken by a fellow camper who obviously decided to exchange his atonement for some hard cash and show the two sitting around a campfire with 
To absolutely no one’s surprise, Ashton Kutcher’s and Demi Moore’s last-minute Kabbalah counseling failed to erase Demi’s images of hot tub orgies and since the $9.99 string he’s been wearing has lost all its power to prevent him from being attracted to younger poon, Demi Moore has been left with no choice other than to file for divorce. According to a “very credible industry source”, she visited the offices of a lawyer on Friday.
Ali Larter should play tennis more often.
Well, the rumors about Ashton Kutcher cheating on Demi Moore’s dusty bones are no longer just that. Apparently the DailyMail unearthed the boyfriend of one of the girls Ashton Kutcher partied with the night in question and he told the newspaper how he found Ashton naked in a hot tub with another four naked girls, including his girlfriend. And that Ashton invited him to join the party. In the said hot tub. Yes, Ashton Kutcher is the kind, thoughtful and sharing, scarf-wearing individual we always thought him to be. This whole world is not a huge ugly lie after all!!
Amidst fresh rumors that Ashton Kutcher has cheated on her with someone a quarter of her age, Demi Moore, twitted this picture of her looking like a dead Steve Buscemi with the caption,”I see through you” apparently referring to her ability to see through his full-of-shit-colon. Ashton, ever the sensitive guy, twitted the following: 
It seems only yesterday when we posted pics of Demi Moore looking like a gargoyle and insinuating it was because of Ashton Kutcher’s new-found love for fresh meat. Wait, it was yesterday. Anyhow, we now learn that last Friday, Ashton spent the night with this lovely lady above, one named Sara Leal who as surprising as it sounds (because sluts never do these kinds of things) immediately hired a lawyer, went into hiding (?) and is demanding $250,000 to tell her side of the story (“We had sex 29 times that night. He said i don’t smell like a 50-year old. It was love in its purest form). In response, Demi Moore twitted (of course) about her failing to completely alter her DNA to that of a 25-year old (
Demi Moore and Jennifer Aniston were on Good Morning America yesterday morning and later at night at Skylight Soho, promoting their movie Five, which teaches middle-aged women how to prevent brittle and frail bones by sleeping with much, much younger men. No seriously, it was about breast cancer. Which studies tell us can also be cured by sleeping with much, much younger men. Anyway, Jennifer Aniston looked yer usual chin-a-mile-long fantastic self, but Demi Moore looked like her face was about to fall off any second now only to discover it was Maria Shriver all along. So either she’s not keeping up with her plastic surgeon appointments or the stress of Ashton Kutcher coming home every night and smelling like porn and Charlie Sheen’s hookers is getting to her.
Rumer Willis and her boyfriend accompanied Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher to the premiere of “The Joneses” on Friday and managed to flash her panties while trying to get in the car from the after-party at Playhouse nightclub. Having said that, Rumer Willis flashing anything is as attractive as staring right at Demi Moore’s $100,000 knees. Not that her knees are ugly. They just look like they’re going to impale you and leave you bleeding on the pavement if you happen to brush against them. Plus, they’re not natural and plastic-surgery free like her face…on a night she forgets to pack a botox syringe in her evening clutch. And on a day she can’t find a blender to make her infant ambilical cord smoothies…you know, that kind of natural.
