Jennifer Lopez performed her song ‘Dance Again’ on Idol last night and set the place on fire! You can click here and watch the incredibly sexy performance.
How does she do it? 42-years-old, two children and she still looks this good? She looks better than most girls half her age! She needs to let everyone in on her secret to looking so good. It must be some newly formed pill or something.
This might be the strangest video we have ever seen. TMZ has obtained video of one Nancy Beatie’s crazy meltdowns. In the video above you can see Nancy grab her daughter and basically manhandle her, and she also can be seen hitting Thomas several times.
But the strangest part of the video comes when Nancy grabs the family laptop and threatens to throw it in the family pool. This is when Thomas starts to cry and pleads with her to stop. This is the only time in the video where Thomas actually sounds concerned and scared. Why wasn’t he this emotional when Nancy picked up their daughter? Where was all his rage and emotion then?
The computer? Really? That is when she just went too far? Please take the kid, just spare the computer! This is sadly what our world has come to.
Well, the pregnant man is proving that he really he is a man. Because he made the mistake of marrying one crazy bitch. His wife Nancy Beatie got kicked out of the house 2 months ago because she is a violent alcoholic (according to Thomas Beatie) a judge issued a restraining order against Nancy and limited her time with their three kids to six hours per week.
Nancy spoke to TMZ recently and did her best to make people feel sorry for her, “I’m house sitting right now, cleaning it for another two days…but I don’t know where I’ll go after that. I have some junk gold that I grabbed when I had to leave…broken rings and bracelets not worth much but it’s a start.” Nancy said.
She claims that she will challenge the custody arrangement because she has to fight back to tears every time she has to leave her kids.
Thomas and Nancy are due back in court on May 7
About time! It has been nine months since the couple separated and now Marc Anthony is finally making it official. He filed for divorce from Jennifer Lopez in Los Angeles Superior Court this week. Guess what he said the reasoning was? Irreconcilable differences! Of course, that is what every celebrity couple checks. Why don’t they really put what happened? “We are both tired of having sex with each other and want to branch out.”
Anthony is asking the judge to dismiss any spousal support for Jennifer Lopez and is seeking joint custody of the couple’s twins. It looks like this will be a fairly quick and easy divorce. Both parties seem to have already agreed on what will happen.
We have to say, Jennifer and Marc are both handling this divorce very professionally. They are still working together and they still seem to like each other. Maybe they both got out of it at just the right time, right before “dislike” turns into “I freaking hate you and your fat brother!”
The pair had been married since 2004.
Kobe Bryant has cheated on his wife multiple times and back in December she finally filed for divorce. However, she might be reconsidering it now. On Valentine’s Day they were seen kissing each other at the Staples Center and now we have learned Kobe is willing to do ANYTHING to stop the divorce.
Sources have told TMZ that Kobe has “aggressively pursued” Vanessa over the last three weeks and she has been receptive. He’s even told Vanessa that he would never cheat on her again. Sources say that she tends to believe Kobe, but still isn’t willing to take him back. But, Kobe hasn’t just been all “talk” he has also given Vanessa expensive gifts. The source says that Kobe has given Vanessa a “very expensive” piece of jewelry. How expensive? We don’t know, but I think it is safe to assume it’s worth more than your house.
It looks like their divorce is still to be determined. However, sources close to the couple seem to think that Vanessa will not go through with the divorce.
Ah, what a lovely marriage! Kobe can cheat all he wants and then Vanessa “files for divorce” when she decides that she needs a new ring. And they say money can’t buy love…pfft. Money is the most magical thing on earth, closely followed by Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwiches.
It seems no amount of holy smoke coming out of those Kabbalah campfires can repair Demi Moore’s and Ashton Kutcher’s marriage, because Demi Moore has finally filed for divorced. Which she promptly announced on Twitter like any mature adult would, pretty much calling Ashton an asshole with no morals or values for banging Sara Lee on their anniversary. Indirectly and subtly of course. Women. They always have to speak in codes.
Via TMZ:
The 49-year-old Moore says she’s ending her marriage “with great sadness and a heavy heart.”
Demi says, “as a woman, a mother and a wife, there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.”
Of course Ashton had to rise to the Twitter challenge and respond with the following:
I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light, AK
Did he just sign off on his 6-year marriage with “Love and Light, AK”?? What is this, some 16-year old kid writing doodles on his school desk? At this point, I’m shocked he didn’t continue with this: “Yo, I had an awesome time these last few months. Amazing hot tub parties, y’all!! And Demi, we’ll always have our Tweets. Oh, and that photo I took of your ass. Sweet, sweet memories. But, listen, A and the K have to split, Love For Ever, and Peace out, y’all!! Oh, and don’t forget to dream the dream of the unattainable. Rock on!!!”
Faced with a possible fraud suit, Kim Kardashian was pictured arriving at the airport in Minnesota at 5:30am Sunday morning with the pastor who married her, Joel Johnson, in order to have a “crisis talk” with Kris Humphries. The whole thing lasted about two hours, after which Kim promptly got on the phone and I’m assuming had the following conversation: “Mother, I’m telling you I nailed this thing! I haven’t exhibited such raw emotions since that time I got peed on. I got on a COMMERCIAL flight and I even brought Jesus’ rep with me for Christ’s sake. If that doesn’t shout respect for the institution of marriage, then I don’t know what. Yes, I think it’s safe to say you can keep your 10% from the wedding revenue.”
For those of you who don’t know much about the kid which fell out of Nicola’s Cage crazy gonards, Weston Cage has recently engaged in a battle to prove the world he’s not as mentally ill as his dad. This includes busting out karate kid moves every time the paparazzi go “Hey, it’s Nicolas Cage’s retarded son”, battling everyone who will fight him and getting his ass kicked every time, resorting to kicking his own ass to the curb because apparently the Gods of War told him its the only way to become a warrior and subsequently getting arrested for it, engaging in a booze-fueled fight with his pregnant wife, getting once again arrested for it and then heading off to rehab, and most recently filming a reality show on E! that will prove his modern-day Addams family ways are not psychiatric-ward worthy. Well done so far.
So the latest news is that he no longer wants to be married to huge breasts and has filed for divorce. He also doesn’t want to pay any spousal support and wants her to pay for HIS legal fees. And of course wants the ladies to know “Daddy is Back!!!”, which taking it for a fact he’s mentally ill, must be a once-in-a-lifetime experience: “Gather around kids, grandma wants to tell you a story. I once had sex with a crazy person whose father loved spending millions buying human skulls and boas off of ebay and let me tell you. He first told me to take pictures while he was doing karate, then said i should punch him in the face at 12:00 sharp, then started kicking his genitals until he crawled into a fetal position and then said we had five minutes for sex because Satan wanted a word with him in his potato salad. Or onion rings, I can’t remember.”
Kim Kardashian filed her divorce papers yesterday morning which shocked us all to our core, because we believe Santa Claus is real and pigs can fly. Of course, we’re just glad she’s alive, because do you know how hard it is to keep up the facade of a fake marriage for a whole two months?
Kim was inconsolable yesterday, which is why she twitted the following a few hours after the announcement of her divorce: ‘Our store #KardashianKhaos is opening tomorrow at 9am at @TheMirageLV We are so excited!! Kardashian Khaos has arrived!” Kardashian Khaos indeed…’
And it seems whore matriarch Kris Jenner was equally devastated as she also followed her daughter’s twit with one of her own: ‘How fab is this sequin top I’ll be selling at QVC tonight??! Just like the one I’m wearing on my memoir cover!!!’
And if you still don’t believe this whole thing was better calculated and executed than a master ponzi scheme, here’s what Kim earned from the “Kris Humphries venture”:
1)$18 million in TV rights
2)$1 million from People Magazine for the wedding shots
3)$1 million from other magazine covers
4) $500,000 for the bachelorette party she hosted
5)$2 million for the engagement ring that she’s keeping
PS: Pics below are of the happy couple’s last appearance together. May they rest in peace, amen.
Kris Humphries has apparently realized that he married the golden standard for famewhores but with the added disadvantage of a giant ass and he’s quickly reverting to what any other sensible guy would do under these circumstances: have sex with as many women as possible. Or at the very least refuse to be part of their 10 different reality shows. We’re pretty sure it’s the second one that had Kim running to a divorce lawyer. “What do you mean like he’s refusing to have sex with me like in front of a camera crew!! But that’s how money is made, isn’t it? I demand a divorce! And $1m to turn it into a one hour special.”
Via the DailyMail:
A source close to the Kardashian camp has told MailOnline that Kim’s team at William Morris Endeavor Entertainment is not representing the 26-year-old anymore and says there are no plans to feature the couple together on a reality show.
This news gives further weight to reports that the couple are headed for a divorce.
A source close to the couple has told MailOnline: ‘I don’t know when they’ll announce the split or why they got married in the first place but they are done.’
The magazine claims that Humphries has been spotted partying in both Miami and New York without Kim, getting flirty with multiple women and ‘acting like a single man.’
While U.S. magazine Life & Style alleges that on a recent trip to Toronto, Humphries contacted his ex-girlfriend, Bianka Kamber. The magazine also spoke to a “Kourtney & Kim Take New York” producer who said: ‘Kim’s mapping out 2012, including holidays, and Kris isn’t a part of it. Any itineraries for the future don’t include Kris very much.’
A spokesperson for the couple was unavailable for comment earlier today.
However, the pair tried to put a brave face on the reports and dined out with Kim’s sister Kourtney and her boyfriend Scott at Hurricane Club in New York last night.
But while the eldest Kardashian sister and her boyfriend were seen firmly holding hands Kim and Kris were not so tactile and appeared glum as they arrived at the eatery.
Yet despite the claims their marriage is over Kim,30, was still wearing her huge rock of an engagement ring and the basketball star was also wearing his wedding ring, even though he has been seen without in regularly in recent weeks.
The pair were seen leaving the restaurant holding hands, their left hands, with their wedding rings on display for photographers.
Kim and Kris, who married in a lavish wedding in August have spent considerable time apart since becoming man and wife owing to Kim’s hectic schedule.
Despite Kris currently having considerable free time on his hands thanks to the NBA lock-out, he didn’t accompany his wife to Dubai, with Kim heading to the United Arab Emirates with her mother Kris instead.
Last night the basketball star failed to accompany his wife on the red carpet toe Game Changers Gala at Skylight SoHo in Manhattan.
To absolutely no one’s surprise, Ashton Kutcher’s and Demi Moore’s last-minute Kabbalah counseling failed to erase Demi’s images of hot tub orgies and since the $9.99 string he’s been wearing has lost all its power to prevent him from being attracted to younger poon, Demi Moore has been left with no choice other than to file for divorce. According to a “very credible industry source”, she visited the offices of a lawyer on Friday.
“Miss Moore has been totally humiliated. On Friday, therefore, she consulted a lawyer about getting a divorce. The discussion included her living arrangements and how a divorce would impact her assets. She is worth about $150million and Kutcher is also worth close to that. This is a huge and very tough decision for Miss Moore to take. But her trust has been shattered.”
Amidst fresh rumors that Ashton Kutcher has cheated on her with someone a quarter of her age, Demi Moore, twitted this picture of her looking like a dead Steve Buscemi with the caption,”I see through you” apparently referring to her ability to see through his full-of-shit-colon. Ashton, ever the sensitive guy, twitted the following: ‘When you ASSUME to know that which you know nothing of you make an ASS out of U and ME.’
Now if you’ll excuse me, i feel the need to put some metal between me and this photo. I don’t want people to know how much i drink when she x-rays my kidneys.
It seems only yesterday when we posted pics of Demi Moore looking like a gargoyle and insinuating it was because of Ashton Kutcher’s new-found love for fresh meat. Wait, it was yesterday. Anyhow, we now learn that last Friday, Ashton spent the night with this lovely lady above, one named Sara Leal who as surprising as it sounds (because sluts never do these kinds of things) immediately hired a lawyer, went into hiding (?) and is demanding $250,000 to tell her side of the story (“We had sex 29 times that night. He said i don’t smell like a 50-year old. It was love in its purest form). In response, Demi Moore twitted (of course) about her failing to completely alter her DNA to that of a 25-year old (‘When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.’). And they spent their weekend anniversary apart. The End!
According to The National Inquirer, Sarah Palin’s husband, Todd Palin wants to file for divorce after reading in Joe McGinness’ unauthorized biography In The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin, that his brother-in-law Chuckie thought they their marriage was over a long time ago.
So let me get this straight. You learn that your wife a) has a love for the black penis, b) betrays the Republican ideals (because of the said love for the black penis) c) snorts coke off a 55-gallon oil drum (wait that was with you so it doesn’t count) d) has sex and smokes pot with her college professor presumably on a 55-gallon oil drum, e) has sex with one of your snowmobile partners this time presumably on a snowmobile f)pulls the “oops, i’m pregnant” stunt so you don’t divorce her when you find out….and you want a divorce because Chuckie thinks bad of your marriage?? Help me out here. Am i the only one who thinks Todd has it all wrong? Or maybe he was hit in the head with a drum of crude way too many times and can’t think straight anymore: “Sarah, i just learned that you had sex with my partner, is that true?” *hits him on the head with the drum* “wow, you made penguine roast, my favorite, you’re the best!!”
Buzz Aldrin was recently seen out with his hot new girlfriend making out like teenagers and some who obviously are against granting soon-to-be-dead people’s last wishes find it a bit tacky and inappropriate since he just dumped his third wife of many years back in June. Er, did you see his wife’s face (pic below)? Buzz, you had absolutely no choice, buddy. It’s like when someone cuts the supply of oxygen going into your spacesuit. You must abort the mission, there’s no alternative.
In honor of her new found bacherlorettehood, here’s a gratuitous gallery of the internet’s other favorite Olivia. These pictures are from a few years ago when she was just starting to smell fame, at the sweet unmarried and undivorced age of 18. One thing´s for sure, she’s definitely a member in good standing with the itty bitty titty committee.
Were you aware that Olivia Wilde is married to a foxy Italian prince? That’s okay, it’s over now anyway. Wilde and Tao Ruspoli are divorcing after eight years of marriage.
People has the exclusive:
“They have been living apart after trying for quite some time to make their relationship work,” says a source.
Wilde, 26, eloped with Ruspoli, 35, an Italian prince whose family owns Rome’s Palazzo Ruspoli, when she 18 years old.
Yes a Prince… His father was aristocrat Prince Alessandro Ruspoli, 9th Prince of Cerveteri. So for all the ladies out there, one more royal on the market; your quest to become a princess just got easier. Now you only have to battle the dragon of distance, the ogre of obliviousness and the arachnid of anonymity to obtain your hearts desire!
According to Us another anonymous insider claims:
“It was Olivia’s decision…for the typical Hollywood reasons,” another source close to Wilde tells Us. “Her career has exploded and she saw being married is not as much fun. She feels she missed out on being single getting married so young, and wants to sow her wild oats.”
Yeah right, I think it’s the other way around. He probably got tired of banging her and jamming his dick into bone matter. And we all know girls that skinny have eating disorders which keep them from getting wet. Probably felt like he was sticking his penis into a box of Puppy Chow.
Oh snap! Seems Scarlett and Sandy are on the verge of a wet t-shirt cat fight after Scarlett supposedly called Sandra a man-hungry tramp when she heard that Sandra is getting all cuddly with Ryan Reynolds. Personally I think Sandra is just a cover for Betty White. You know Betty and Ryan are doing it!
The National Enquirer, who are known for their excellent 100% honest and truthful reporting say:
A “livid” Scarlett Johansson “exploded” at Sandra Bullock, who is maybe-dating Scarlett’s ex Ryan Reynolds “before the ink on their divorce papers was even dry”: “You’re a man-hungry tramp!” Scarlett apparently screamed in a fit of rage and in front of an undercover operative for the National Enquirer. Sandra may be known as ‘America’s Sweetheart,’ but she’s NO sweetheart to Scarlett.
Seriously now The National Enquirer… “man-eating tramp”… who the hell uses that anymore? Did she then call her a “strumpet”,”hussy”,”frigid”… you know, all those words young people use nowadays.
I’m going to go ahead and call BS on this. I think the National Enquirer is scared that the fake Angie/Jen war is played out, so they’re trying to drum up another “wronged ex-wife/man eating tramp” scandal. But if this is true then Scarlett is just pissed that Ryan isn’t sitting with a tub of ice cream, watching The Notebook and crying over her ass.
Now this seems like an appropriate place to leave this letter right here that I keep sending to Scarlett but never get a reply.
Dear Scarlett,
I am no male model, nor famous, nor rich, but all of these things will work in your favor to stick it to Mr. Reynolds.
Call me. I can cook, I will appreciate you, and absolutely guarantee that you will end the relationship and not I.
P.S. I love you.
My penis tells me that we are going to Jamaica, because Scarlett Johansson is there, in a bikini, and as you have all heard Scarlett is no longer doing Canada’s History* with her soon to be ex-husband Ryan Reynolds. She went down to the island nation of fat blunts to soak up the sun with her buddies, and who knows, maybe find a little time to play with her blood diamond**.
*Canada’s History – A dirty sex act involving moose antlers, a jug of maple syrup, and the stanley cup. You fill the stanley cup with maple syrup, and then spread the rest of the maple syrup all along and inside the buttox of your sex partner. Your sex partner plants her face into the stanley cup and slurps down the maple syrup as you plunge your man-hood into her syrupy mother hole. The final process is when your just about to reach ecstasy you hold the antlers above your head and grunt like a moose.
**Blood Diamond – A woman’s vagina while she’s menstruating.
There’s food in my pantry older than most Hollywood marriages, and this week has been a week of celeb break-ups left and right. So instead of making 17 million posts on each break-up here are three of the more newsworthy splits that have occurred in the last two days.
Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson
According to TMZ, Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson, that married pair of perfect people, are “living apart.” Just shows you that, no matter what Men’s Health says, abs like that aren’t enough to keep a woman that good.
They realesed an official joint statement to UsWeekly: “After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we’ve decided to end our marriage. We entered our relationship with love and it’s with love and kindness we leave it. While privacy isn’t expected, it’s certainly appreciated.”
Damn it! Now I have to break it to the girlfriend that our 2011 goal of swinging with the Reynolds-Johanssons is a no-go.
‘High School Musical’ stars Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens
High School is over: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens have split. According to E!, “They were together for so long. It just ran its course.” However, no cheating seems to be involved.”It’s nothing dramatic,”. Efron and Hudgens met on the set of Disney Channel’s ‘High School Musical,’ the surprise set of TV and big screen films that launched them to superstardom.
Ahh so sad *sniff* *sniff*. We hope they both find good boyfriends.
‘Dexter’ stars Michael C. Hall & Jennifer Carpenter file for divorce
Dexter’s latest victim? His marriage. According to Entertainment Weekly, the show’s stars, Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter, have filed for divorce. The on-screen siblings and off-screen couple announced their divorce after nearly two years of marriage. The couple’s representatives issued a joint statement to EW saying, “Having been separated for some time, Jennifer Carpenter and Michael C. Hall have filed for divorce.”
Well Harry always did tell Dex not to get romantically involved with co-stars. He broke the code.
Eva Longoria seems to have only denied that Tony Parker had filed for divorce in Texas on Tuesday because she wanted to be the one to publicly break open the piñata on their marriage and get a bit of that sweet revenge while doing so. Apparently, Tony wanted to make the divorce go smoother by filing in Texas, but she talked him out of it because she had other plans.
RadarOnline reports:
“They were working out the details about who was going to file and when. They didn’t want it to become a messy divorce. Then Eva got a little revenge and didn’t tell Tony she was filing and dropped the papers on him, catching him off balance for the media blitz.”
While some reports have said the texts between Tony and Erin Barry were “innocent” that’s absolutely not true, RadarOnline.com learned. The texts were flirtatious and sexual and “crossed the line,” a source close to the situation revealed.
Erin’s marriage to Brent Barry is over, the source says, and while she and Parker traded sexual texts Parker insists their relationship never became physical. “Look, any wife is going to be upset with what Tony did, but he swears the relationship with Erin stopped there and they never had sex,” the source told RadarOnline.com.
“And Parker also says the text messages ended months ago.”
Even so, Eva and Tony agreed many weeks ago to divorce. “They were discussing how to proceed for a while,” the source said. “Suddenly, Eva not only filed the papers but then went public with Tony’s relationship with Erin. He was surprised, to say the least.”
So these two were talking about divorce and how the papers would be filed, and then BLAMMO! she surprises him by getting the papers filed and dropping them on him… Oh you got BURNED buddy, you do not want to cross a Latino chick, her temper will blow up in your face like a suicide bomber! He’s lucky she didn’t toss out this weeks Valpak coupon book before he had a chance to look through it, or put only empty milk cartons into the fridge so when he wants his Cheerios he gets a HUGE SUPRISE!
As awesome as that revenge plan was Eva, I’ve got a much better one for you. Jump on my “barely making minimum wages a year” cock. That outta piss off that douchebag.
TMZ is kinda reporting that Eva Longoria will soon be hitting up them singles bars, because she is leaving Tony Parker, or he is leaving her, or maybe some lawyer is leaving them both, or doing them both… I don’t know, TMZ sometimes confuses the shit out of me with their crazy articles, judge for yourself.
TMZ reported that Tony had filed for divorce. Two clerks at the Bexar County Courthouse in Texas had told us the case was filed and sealed by a family law judge.
But Eva’s rep tells us Tony did not file and does not even have a divorce lawyer.
Another clerk at the courthouse now tells us she’s in charge of sealed cases and says no such case has crossed her desk.
Hours after saying there was no divorce, Eva Longoria filed for divorce Wednesday against Tony Parker in L.A. County Superior Court.
Well that’s all kinds of awesome TMZ, but where is that story about her leaked sex tape, the one of her with one leg up in the air and the other wrapped around Tony’s waist. I’d jerk off to that with pride while singing country music. Guess what I’m saying is that there is no divorce without a sex tape.
I WANT THE SEX TAPE DAMN IT!
TMZ has obtained Mel Gibson’s sworn declaration in the custody war with Oksana Grigorieva, in which Mel admits slapping Oksana because he says she was so hysterical she was endangering the baby, but he denies ever going ‘Passion of the Fist’ on her like she claims.
Mel’s delaration:
According to his declaration, dated June 23, 2010 and filed with the court, Mel says he and Oksana were having one of their frequent arguments at his Malibu home, when Oksana grabbed Lucia out her of bassinet, brought her right in the middle of the argument and screamed, “Stop yelling or you will make her into a retarded brain damaged idiot!”
Mel says Oksana then “spun around,” ran into her older son’s room and then out into the backyard. Mel says the yard is dangerous at night, set on different levels and dimly lit. Mel says Oksana ran across the various levels for about 75 yards, near thorny trees.
Mel says he implored Oksana to bring Lucia back inside, and that’s when Oksana ran back into her older son’s room, and “started swinging Lucia erratically in her arms, jerking her body from side to side to keep Lucia out of my reach.”
Mel adds Oksana was “hysterical” and her “rapid movements were causing Lucia’s little body to be flung from one side to the other, her head shaking violently.” Mel says he feared Shaken Baby Syndrome.
As she refused to hand the baby over and continued with “rough and erratic movements,” Mel says, “I slapped Oksana one time with an open hand in an attempt to bring her back to reality. I did not slap her hard, I was just trying to shock her so that she would stop screaming, continuing shaking Lucia back and forth.”
The short version: Mel slapped Oksana for shaking their baby about and being a crazy bitch.
Oksana’s version:
Oksana claims in a fit of jealousy, Mel called her a “whore,” “C**t” and a “f**king C**t” as he stormed around his Malibu house. Oksana says she tried to leave the house, when Mel “raised his hand and took a closed fist punch to my mouth. He then punched me on the left side of my head, near the temple area. The force of [Mel's] punches threw me and LUCIA back on the bed. As LUCIA and I laid on the bed … [Mel] with his two hands tried to strangle me, and proceeded to choke me with his right forearm to my neck.”
Oksana claims Mel’s “second fist blow that went across my face also glanced across LUCIA’s chin, and there was blood on both of us.”
Oksana then claims Mel threatened her with a gun, as we’ve previously reported.
But Oksana alleges other abusive behavior at other times — claiming Mel would call her a “Gold digger,” “Weak c**t,” “F**king bitch,” “Ingrate bitch” and “whore.”
She claims in November, 2009, Mel was “literally frothing at the mouth and his saliva got all over my face,” one time slamming a chair against a glass door and breaking it.
On another occasion, Oksana claims Mel “started chest butting me into a corner, all while I was still holding LUCIA.” She also alleges Mel would push her.
Short version: Mel is bat shit crazy and used me as a punching bag.
I’m inclined to believe him in this tale of “crazy says this, crazier says that”, but then slapping gold digging Russian whores gives me a boner I could pound nails with. Everything I’ve heard out of this woman is nuts. She claims he beat her, choked her, hit her in the mouth… but there is no evidence of it. She had enough of a claim that he slapped her, she should have ran with that instead of adding all the other crap onto it, since in both their stories there is one undeniable similarity: Mel hit Oksana while she was holding their baby.
Long story short, Baby Lucia would be better off having Freddy Krueger and Paris Hilton as her parents.
When Christina Aguilera separated with her husband Casper the Ghost Jordan Bratman last week most of us were quite surprised, unless you happened to be a nurses at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center who helped stitch up her bloody lip a few days earlier, to them it was a clear case of, man beats woman, woman leaves man.
RadarOnline reports:
“Christina was bleeding from her mouth and had a bit of a busted lip,” a source, who saw the couple at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, said.
“Jordan told the nurses she had fallen down.”
According to the witness, Aguilera was sporting “bumps and red bruises” along with her bloodied lip.
“Shortly after they arrived to Cedars, Christina’s ‘private surgeon’ arrived to put a few stitches in her lip,” the source added.
Adding to the mystery of why the singer needed treatment, on October 12, she was photographed wearing a hat pulled down over her face with what appears to be a small cut below her lower lip.
That is the same day that she and Bratman announced the end of their five-year marriage, citing “irreconcilable differences.”
In Jordan’s defence it’s probably a total bull shit story and she just fell down the stairs. BUT if she didn’t, and he actually hit her, then events like this are forgivable for any of the following reasons
1) He mistook her for the maid.
2) She mouthed off.
3) She burned dinner.
4) The kids were too loud during the game.
Any other reasons and he’s a douche.
As the sun rises on her new life as a suddenly single star, Christina Aguilera went to the grand opening of The Waikiki Edition to flaunt her stuff and catch another fly in her web of marriage. Dare I say she actually looks quite good too. She’s in Hawaii after all, the land of 88 degree weather and 90% humidity. Having spent most of my life in that type of weather I dare any Hollywood female to attempt to look her best at an open-air event. She’s lucky her hair hasn’t frizzed to the last follicle, and her makeup isn’t sliding off her face Joker style.
Guess what I’m saying is, Miss Piggy’s on the prowl for a new Kermit, and I’ll gladly be her new frog (admittedly it is mostly due to the financial aspect, but partly because of those epic tits).
Fresh from the announcement of her divorce from Jordan Bratman, Christina Aguilera and her son Max were spotted at a Pumpkin Patch today, because everyone knows a pumpkin is the perfect substitute for a husband.
Sadly she looks like the great big Queen of the pumpkins now, which makes me a sad little boy, since I can’t count the number of nights I left a sticky stain in my bed as a teen thinking of her and her then short and skinny little body with the perfect pair of pumpkins. But I guess all things considered she looks good, so I’m officially submitting my application to become the next pumpkin King.
Life & Style magazine has confirmed what has been rumored for some time: Courteney Cox and David Arquette have split up! In a press release issued by the publication it is revealed that Courteney and David have been separated for a couple months and David Arquette has already rebounded with serial celebrity arm candy Jasmine Waltz.
If that name sounds familiar it could be because of an extensive dating resume that includes Ryan Seacrest, Jesse McCartney and Doug Reinhardt, or it could be because Jasmine, 28, was the waitress that supposedly punched out Lindsay Lohan at LiLo’s birthday celebration at Voyeur in LA!
According to TMZ:
Arquette explained that he and Courteney stopped having sex around one month before they started shooting “Scream 4″ in Michigan … and drifted from there.He also claims Courteney was the one who insisted they try separating right after their 11th wedding anniversary back in June … after she told David that she was “tired of being your mother.”David claims he still loves Courteney — and calls her one of the most amazing people on the planet.David is also adamant that he never cheated on Courteney before the split — but admits he has had sex with rebound chick Jasmine Waltz … his “one conquest.”
Most people need to have sex. People who cut off their partners from sex will be cheated on and/or dumped. Pretty simple Courteney. Especially if they meet someone who looks like that, HOT DAMN!
Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren spent the Labor Day weekend in South Florida, visiting friends and checking out real estate. Elin left her Orlando-area rental home on Friday with the couple’s children and drove a couple of hours south to the West Palm Beach area.
Tiger’s mother was also in South Florida, staying in a home paid for by the world’s greatest golfer, and Elin made sure her son and daughter spent time with grandma.
Meanwhile, the beautiful blonde visited with two of her close friends and the relief of the divorce was obvious.
“She’s much happier,” said one person familiar with her trip. “The divorce being finalized is obviously helping her get back to herself.
“She had a fun weekend, was really able to relax more than she has in a long time.”
Elin’s divorce from Tiger became final August 23. Terms have not been disclosed, but sources close to the situation tell us that Elin walked away with much more than $100 million.
Basically for that money she can either buy a little house in Palm Beach, or the much better option, buy the entire state of South Dakota, both cost about the same.
This is less about Heidi Montag retardedly exchanging her dogs with Spencer Pratt as part of their divorce terms… and more about her being FREAKING EVIL.
Our boners are very sad to see that Heidi Montag is the incarnation of The First Evil itself. Just look at the furrowed brow, the crazy stare, and the bandages on its face… that it gained (probably) during the murder and ingestion of small infants. While at her Costa Rican villa, she was staying away from the paparazzi … so that she could show her true face.
Fun fact: she was born using Hitler’s DNA and has a Swastika tattooed on her cooter.
Defying all rockstar odds, Slash got married in 2001. now, Slash has filed for divorce. Saul Hudson, who we know as Slash, cites irreconcilable differences in the divorce papers. Slash and wife Perla Ferrar have two boys, age 6 and 8. Slash is asking for joint physical and legal custody.
Slash, who is repped by disso-queen Laura Wasser, is willing to pay spousal support, according to the docs. But who knows where it will end? No one signed a prenup. Which is legalese for “he’s going to get his ass robbed!”
It looks like the fake divorce that no one cared about didn’t stick, because Heidi Boobs and Spencer Douchebag were seen boarding a private plane together. The reason for the fivorce (fake + divorce) was because of Heidi’s reality show in the works. However, now they’ve been seen hiding out together … bringing some truth to the rumors that their divorce was a publicity stunt for Heidi’s reality show that she’s now pulled out of.
Civil war is raging at the house of cancer-stricken actor Dennis Hopper, who is seeking a divorce from his fifth wife so that he can spend more time with their 6-year-old daughter in what could be his dying days.
Hopper, 73, who is undergoing chemotherapy for advanced, metastasized prostate cancer, filed declarations along with his children, doctors and assistant in Los Angeles Superior Court on Thursday to support his divorce petition.
The director and co-star of “Easy Rider” filed for divorce from Victoria Duffy, 42, on January 14, and said in a subsequent statement that he wanted to spend “these difficult days surrounded by my children and close friends.”
The divorce battle is largely a tug-of-war over the couple’s daughter, Galen. A Los Angeles judge on Thursday awarded Hopper daily visitation rights to Galen after the actor claimed Duffy had taken her away from him for extended periods.
The judge also issued a restraining order against Duffy, saying she must stay 10 feet away from Hopper and his adult children, and barred her from entering Hopper’s main residence.
The latest batch of court documents details a lot of screaming and shouting among the inhabitants of the counter-culture icon’s five-home compound in the coastal Los Angeles suburb of Venice, with Duffy cast as the villain.
She is variously described as “extremely volatile” “insane and out of her mind,” and “inhuman.” Her husband of 13 years, meanwhile, has shrunk to 120 pounds and vomits after taking his medication, according to the papers.
“Victoria has made my father’s life a living hell over at least the last six months,” said a deposition from Henry Hopper, the actor’s 19-year-old son with his fourth wife.
The teen, also an actor, was accused by Duffy last year of stealing some of his father’s priceless artworks. She changed the locks at the compound to keep him out. They were later found in a basement where they had long been in storage, the documents said.
For his part, Dennis Hopper said he spent Christmas “in utter distress” after Duffy spirited their daughter Galen to Boston. “This malevolent act … has caused me to miss what may very well be my last Christmas with my daughter Galen,” Hopper said in his filing.
The declarations come on the heels of Duffy’s own responsive declaration in which she depicted her husband as an abusive, gun-toting pot-smoker. She also claimed that he did not want a divorce but was being pressured by his three adult children. particularly his eldest daughter, Marin, 47.
Hopper, according to Duffy, was “more often than not incapable of handling his legal and financial affairs.”
Not true, countered Hopper, with supporting documents from two doctors who determined that he was fully competent. He said he filed for divorce “clearly and deliberately, without any pressure or influence exerted upon me by any other person.”
Moreover, said his personal physician David Agus, “It is my belief and recommendation that the less Mr. Hopper has to do with his estranged wife at this time, the more likely he is to have his life extended.”
Hopper’s domestic life has never been dull. One of his marriages included an eight-day union with Michelle Phillips of The Mamas and the Papas in 1970. Phillips later told Vanity Fair that she was subjected to “excruciating” treatment.
Supermodel Stephanie Seymour, who is embroiled in a bitter divorce with estranged husband Peter Brant, has taken her clothes off for Vanity Fair.
Brant is a multimillionaire businessman and polo pony breeder who is seeking sole custody of the couple’s three children because, he claims, Seymour is hooked on drugs and booze and has repeatedly cheated on pee tests to hide it. He also claims his estranged wife’s shopping habit costs $257,000 a month.
Seymour, 41, accuses Brant of trying to turn their children against her and ordering the domestic staff to keep her away from them. Also, there is a dispute over a Maurizio Cattelan bust of Seymour said to resemble either a hunting trophy or the figurehead on a ship’s bow.
some classic Seymour nudes are mixed in if those Vanity Fair pics are not enough
A desperate Jordan has been sending soon to be ex-hubby Peter Andre a string of text messages begging him to take her back and promising she’ll be a sexual beast:”If you let me come back i’ll be like a wild animal in bed again”.
As we already reported, Jordan had enforced a sex ban on her horny husband for the four months leading up to their split on Monday, and is now trying to win him back with promises of bedroom pyrotechnics.
But, the singer who is now at the couple’s mansion in his native island of Cyprus in the mediterranean has ignored her pleas.
A friend revealed: “Katie has been bombarding Pete with text messages, but he hasn’t replied to a single one.
“She’s beside herself and wants to win him back, but he’s not having any of it at the moment.”
“She realises her refusal to sleep with Pete was a terrible miscalculation and has told him she will change, in order to win him back.”
