Archive for the "divorce" Category

Tameka ‘Tiny’ Harris Answers Divorce Rumors

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Dating After Divorce: Are you Ready? 11 Questions to Ask Yourself

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Taleema Talks: Should I Change My Last Name Post-Divorce?

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Please, Baby, Please: Robin Thicke Refuses To Stop Fighting For Pissed Off Paula Patton’s Swirly Love

Paula Patton and her husband Robin Thicke take their baby son Alan for around the East Village, NYC

Better work fast, bruh. A line a starting to form.

Robin Thicke Plans To Fight To Repair Marriage With Paula Patton

According to TMZ reports:

The fat lady hasn’t sung in Robin Thicke’s marriage … at least according to him, because he has had time to think and he’s now determined to win Paula Patton back.

TMZ broke the story … Paula called Robin on Friday to tell him she wanted a divorce … and Robin jumped on a plane and flew to Canada and tried in vain to convince her to change her mind.

Sources connected with the singer tell TMZ … Robin desperately wants to save his marriage. We’re told he’s resuming his tour on Thursday where he’s performing in Washington D.C., but he will NOT go out on the town — something he liked doing in the past.

We’re told he wants to convince Paula he can change and be a good husband. The surreptitious ass-grabbing is a thing of the past.

Sources also tell us … Robin is really concerned about their son. He does not want him raised in 2 separate homes.

Paula’s got the juice now.

Image via Splash

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Holla We Want Prenup, We Want Prenup: Nene Leakes Asks “Grandad” Greg To Sign Prenup Or Wedding Is OFF

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Nene girl if he don’t sign the prenup, we would let him go!

Nene Leakes Wants Husband To Sign Prenup

According to The National Enquirer:

NeNe, 45, and Gregg, 58, a real estate developer, were married for nearly 14 years before she filed for divorce in 2010. He fought hard to win her back, and earlier this year they joyously revealed they were engaged to be remarried.

But NeNe, who’s worth an estimated $4.5 million, had second thoughts after getting a fat raise – from $750,000 to $1 million – for Season 6 of the hit Bravo series.

The feisty performer also has income from roles on “The New Normal” and “Glee” and wants to make sure her good fortune doesn’t become a payday for Gregg if they split again.

“NeNe loves Gregg and hopes their marriage will last this time, but if it doesn’t work out she wants him to walk away only with what he’s bringing into it,” a family friend revealed.

“She says she earned what she’s got by herself, and is demanding Gregg sign a prenup or there won’t be a wedding.”
The first time around, the couple did not have a prenuptial agreement, and Gregg is said to be insulted she’s now asking for one.

“He feels he has always supported NeNe,” explained the friend. “Their divorce was not about spending too much or stealing from her, so he doesn’t think he needs a piece of paper to show he won’t take advantage.”

NeNe first met Gregg in 1996. A year later, the single mom married the developer and they had a son.
But during their marriage, Gregg encountered painful financial problems.

He claimed on the reality show that he had invested a whopping $300,000 in NeNe’s career, and that remark led to a huge blowout which marked the beginning of the end of their marriage.

“NeNe has written a memoir called ‘Never Make the Same Mistakes Twice,’ and she says she’s determined to live by that today,” noted the friend. “The prenup is not up for discussion. If Gregg doesn’t sign on the dotted line, NeNe won’t be saying ‘I do.’

Do you think their marriage will last this time around?

WENN


 

Deion Sanders Child Support Troubles

It turns out that Deion Sanders doesn’t like paying $10,000 a month in child support; who knew? He claims that it is not fair, Sanders filed new docs in Texas Supreme Court challenging the support order that was put into place in a lower court back in May. He also claims that he pays six times more than Texas law requires and says he wants the payments reduced…by a lot.

However, Deion’s ex-wife Pilar says that Deion is worth $250 million and that the court shouldn’t go easy on the football star. She even lists all of her expenses for the kids, and the numbers below just might be a shock to us normal people. Take a look…

$2,000 a month for a “special diet” for the kids

$900 a month on uniforms and shoes for the kids’ sports activities

$500 a month on the children’s cell phone

$450 a month for their haircuts

Shocking, right? 2,000 a month for food? What the heck are the eating? Mermaid poop? And why would they need to spend $900 every month on new uniforms and shoes? How many sports could they possibly play? And $450 a month on freaking haircuts? Just wear a hat and get over it.

It always amazes me to see how rich people live; it’s all just so wildly unnecessary. Anyway, the court has not reached a decision on Deion’s request, but we’ll keep you up-to-date and let you know when they do. deion deion

 

Heidi Klum: I’ve Moved On

A couple of days ago we talked about Seal’s surprising comments on his ex-wife, Heidi Klum. He talked about her relationship with their bodyguard Martin Kristen, saying that she should have waited until they were officially separated before “sleeping with the help”.

Well, now Heidi Klum is firing back at Seal and she is leaving nothing on the table…

“Seal has moved on and so have I. My priority has and continues to be protecting and providing for our children. I cherish all of the wonderful memories Seal and I created together over the years. Our separation was based on issues between the two of us.” she told People.

Klum never admitted to being in a relationship with her bodyguard, but she did make it clear that she has moved on. She got to share her side of the story and surprisingly she was extremely polite, but she still managed to get her point across.

Oh, and we should also inform you all that Seal is now saying trying to clarify his controversial comments. Seal claims that when he said “I would have preferred Heidi show a little bit more class and at least wait until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help” he didn’t mean to imply that she cheated on him before they broke up. He just meant that they were still “legally” married when she started her relationship with Martin Kristen.

So there you have it! Heidi Klum is not a cheater…she just moves at a very fast pace. Heidi Klum Heidi Klum1

 

Did Heidi Klum Cheat On Seal?

It was a shock to the entertainment world when Heidi and Seal filed for divorce earlier this year. They both were pretty quiet about the split afterwards, but now it looks like the gloves are off. During a recent family vacation in Italy, Heidi Klum was seen being very friendly with her long-time bodyguard. He looked as if he was Heidi’s boyfriend and not just a bodyguard.

Well, Seal is not happy and he’s not holding anything back. He talked with TMZ and had this to say,

“My main priority is the emotional well-being of our children and to be quite honest if there is going to someone in their lives, I’d rather it’d be a familiar face. I guess the only thing I would have preferred is that…I guess I didn’t expect any better from him, I would have preferred Heidi show a little bit more class and at least wait until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help, as it were.”

Wow, that is just so shocking and really quite disturbing; I mean who uses the word “fornicate” anymore? No, really. That is pretty big news; can you imagine finding your wife in bed with the bodyguard? It’s not like you can do anything about it because he is a freaking bodyguard! He’d whoop your ass if you tried anything funny. All you can do is leave the house and file for divorce, which is kind of what Seal did.

It is important to note that Klum is denying these reports. “It is sad that Seal has to resort to this kind of behavior and spread these untruths about the mother of his children” she said in a statement to Us Weekly.

Whose side are you on? Team Seal? Or Team Heidi? Heidi and Seal Heidi Bodyguard Seal

 

Usher’s Ex-Wife Appeals Custody Ruling

Well, we all knew this was coming, right? We told you last week that the judge awarded Usher primary custody of the ex-couple’s two kids. Usher was thrilled with the decision, but his ex-wife Tameka Raymond was not so happy about the decision. She claimed that she would fight and appeal the decision, and we have learned the she did indeed do just that.

She is filing a motion for a new trial because she feels the judge was biased in Usher’s favor. She claims that judge had a close relationship with Usher’s lawyer, stating that the lawyer was responsible for almost half of the contributions to the judge’s re-election campaign back in 2008. She also claims that his lawyer even served on the judge’s re-election campaign committee!

Tameka says that decision doesn’t make any sense because there is no solid evidence that shows she cannot take of her kids. In fact, she claims that Usher is the one who has shown he cannot properly take care of their two kids. The judge hasn’t ruled on her motion, but we’ll let you know when he does.

This is why you never get married and have kids. Just live alone, find yourself a nice lady who will have sex with you every weekend and live your life alone. It’s much easier that way, and you can always go out and buy a pet if you get too lonely. I hear dogs are man’s best friend! Usher Usher1

 

Katy Perry and John Mayer – Hot or Not?

So, Katy (Cutie) Perry and John (Lothario) Mayer have been spotted together recently and both have been mum on whether or not they are romantically coupled.   My guess is Katy may not yet be ready to commit so soon after being served divorce papers last December from her hubby of 1 year, Russell Brand.  Their divorce was finalized on July 16th.  Not to mention the obvious fact that Mayer has been a – ummm- JACKASS when it comes to relationships.   So why don’t we just ask him.. Hey there, John…learned anything from your past screw-ups and ready to be a real man in a relationship with Katy?  Or, is this just another notch on your crotch.  But hey, your music is okay…

Dear Katy, hope you aren’t left asking, “WTF”?  Worse case scenario – you’ll come out strong as you always do and  I’ll be here racing my fingers over the keyboard to out the villain.

Eonline.com

 

 

 

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorcing!

Wow. Shocking news has spread across the entertainment world today. Katie Holmes has filed for divorce from Tom Cruise and reports are claiming Cruise was “blindsided” by the divorce. She filed the divorce documents in New York on June 28 and of course cited, “irreconcilable differences.” We’ve also learned that she is asking for sole legal custody and primary residential custody of their daughter, Suri.

Reports claim that Tom Cruise had no idea this was coming. Their relationship had been rocky, but he never expected she would file for divorce. “This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family. Katie’s primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter’s best interest.” Katie’s attorney Jonathan Wolfe said in a statement.

Katie and Tom had been married for five years and seemed to be extremely in love. However, things must have been secretly going downhill for a long time now. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorcing! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorcing!

 

Katy Perry Talks Russell Brand Split

We have heard Russell Brand open up about his split from Katy Perry, but how is Katy Perry handling the very tough situation? Well, she is opening up in her new documentary, ‘Katy Perry: Part of Me’.

“Being in love is a dream, but the reality is not like the movies. There’s a lot more compromise and sacrifice.” Katy Perry said in her new movie. Before Katy and Russell filed for divorce, Katy made it clear to her management that she never wanted to go more than two weeks without seeing Russell. However, that promise didn’t last long because at what point in the movie Katy said, “Where are my relationship days?” as she looked at the camera — with a frustrated look on her face after going 18+ days without seeing her husband.

At one point in the movie Katy looked in the camera and said, “I’m trying to keep my marriage alive” but it just didn’t work out. Brand filed for divorce in December, “The truth is I’m a romantic and I believed in the fairy tale. I did everything I could but it stilled failed. The dream of being in love is a lot different than the reality of making work” a visibly shaken Katy Perry said to the cameras.

Maybe “busy schedules” really are behind a lot of Hollywood break-ups. We always thought that was just something they said to cover up the real reason. Katy Perry Talks Russell Brand Split Katy Perry Talks Russell Brand Split Katy Perry Talks Russell Brand Split Katy Perry Talks Russell Brand Split

 

Jennifer Lopez’ Hot Performance On Idol!

Jennifer Lopez performed her song ‘Dance Again’ on Idol last night and set the place on fire! You can click here and watch the incredibly sexy performance.

How does she do it? 42-years-old, two children and she still looks this good? She looks better than most girls half her age! She needs to let everyone in on her secret to looking so good. It must be some newly formed pill or something. Jennifer Lopez' Hot Performance On Idol! Jennifer Lopez' Hot Performance On Idol! Jennifer Lopez' Hot Performance On Idol! Jennifer Lopez' Hot Performance On Idol!

 

Pregnant Man’s Wife Goes Crazy on Video!

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This might be the strangest video we have ever seen. TMZ has obtained video of one Nancy Beatie’s crazy meltdowns. In the video above you can see Nancy grab her daughter and basically manhandle her, and she also can be seen hitting Thomas several times.

But the strangest part of the video comes when Nancy grabs the family laptop and threatens to throw it in the family pool. This is when Thomas starts to cry and pleads with her to stop. This is the only time in the video where Thomas actually sounds concerned and scared. Why wasn’t he this emotional when Nancy picked up their daughter? Where was all his rage and emotion then?

The computer? Really? That is when she just went too far? Please take the kid, just spare the computer! This is sadly what our world has come to. Pregnant Man’s Wife Goes Crazy on Video! Pregnant Man’s Wife Goes Crazy on Video! Pregnant Man’s Wife Goes Crazy on Video!

 

Pregnant Man’s Wife is broke and Homeless

Well, the pregnant man is proving that he really he is a man. Because he made the mistake of marrying one crazy bitch. His wife Nancy Beatie got kicked out of the house 2 months ago because she is a violent alcoholic (according to Thomas Beatie) a judge issued a restraining order against Nancy and limited her time with their three kids to six hours per week.

Nancy spoke to TMZ recently and did her best to make people feel sorry for her, “I’m house sitting right now, cleaning it for another two days…but I don’t know where I’ll go after that. I have some junk gold that I grabbed when I had to leave…broken rings and bracelets not worth much but it’s a start.” Nancy said.

She claims that she will challenge the custody arrangement because she has to fight back to tears every time she has to leave her kids.

Thomas and Nancy are due back in court on May 7 Pregnant Man’s Wife is broke and Homeless Pregnant Man’s Wife is broke and Homeless Pregnant Man’s Wife is broke and Homeless Pregnant Man’s Wife is broke and Homeless

 

Marc Anthony Files for divorce from Jennifer Lopez

About time! It has been nine months since the couple separated and now Marc Anthony is finally making it official. He filed for divorce from Jennifer Lopez in Los Angeles Superior Court this week. Guess what he said the reasoning was? Irreconcilable differences! Of course, that is what every celebrity couple checks. Why don’t they really put what happened? “We are both tired of having sex with each other and want to branch out.”

Anthony is asking the judge to dismiss any spousal support for Jennifer Lopez and is seeking joint custody of the couple’s twins. It looks like this will be a fairly quick and easy divorce. Both parties seem to have already agreed on what will happen.

We have to say, Jennifer and Marc are both handling this divorce very professionally. They are still working together and they still seem to like each other. Maybe they both got out of it at just the right time, right before “dislike” turns into “I freaking hate you and your fat brother!”

The pair had been married since 2004. Marc Anthony Files for divorce from Jennifer Lopez Marc Anthony Files for divorce from Jennifer Lopez Marc Anthony Files for divorce from Jennifer Lopez Marc Anthony Files for divorce from Jennifer Lopez

 

Kobe Bryant Begs Vanessa to Take Him Back!

Kobe Bryant has cheated on his wife multiple times and back in December she finally filed for divorce. However, she might be reconsidering it now. On Valentine’s Day they were seen kissing each other at the Staples Center and now we have learned Kobe is willing to do ANYTHING to stop the divorce.

Sources have told TMZ that Kobe has “aggressively pursued” Vanessa over the last three weeks and she has been receptive. He’s even told Vanessa that he would never cheat on her again. Sources say that she tends to believe Kobe, but still isn’t willing to take him back. But, Kobe hasn’t just been all “talk” he has also given Vanessa expensive gifts. The source says that Kobe has given Vanessa a “very expensive” piece of jewelry. How expensive? We don’t know, but I think it is safe to assume it’s worth more than your house.

It looks like their divorce is still to be determined. However, sources close to the couple seem to think that Vanessa will not go through with the divorce.

Ah, what a lovely marriage! Kobe can cheat all he wants and then Vanessa “files for divorce” when she decides that she needs a new ring. And they say money can’t buy love…pfft. Money is the most magical thing on earth, closely followed by Peanut Butter & Banana Sandwiches. Kobe Bryant Begs Vanessa to Take Him Back! Kobe Bryant Begs Vanessa to Take Him Back! Kobe Bryant Begs Vanessa to Take Him Back!

 

Another Celebrity Marriage Bites the Dust!

It’s a bad time to be a married celebrity right now. It seems like they are all getting divorces! You just recently had Katy Perry and Russell Brand, Deion and Pilar Sanders, Ashton and Demi and now Seal and Heidi Klum. Sources have told TMZ that Heidi will file divorce papers in L.A. County Superior Court as early as next week. Heidi will cite “irreconcilable differences” as the cause for the divorce. To some this might come as a surprise, considering they have been married since 2005 and have three biological kids together. Lasting seven years in Hollywood usually means the couple might just last forever. However, that is obviously not going to be the case here. There were a lot of people who thought Heidi was too “good” for Seal.  We here at The Daily Fix would never say such a thing…okay we would but we are not going to say it right now. According to Forbes Heidi Klum made $20 million last year, so there will be a lot of money going around. If I had to guess the reason behind the divorce, I’d say it had something to do with the name, “Seal.” With a name like that he was lucky anyone loved him. 
 

Ever wonder how a Celebrity lives? Check out the details of Zooey Deschanel’s monthly expenses Inside!

I’ve always wondered how celebrities spend all their money every month. Is it the same as us “normal” people? Do they also buy the cheap brand of a cereal? And, stock up on Ramen noodles? No, they don’t. But, some of them may not live as crazy as we think. Zooey Deschanel is filing for divorce and her lawyer attached Zooey’s income and expense declaration. According to the doc… Zooey makes about $95,000 a month, which is more than a lot of people make in a year. Her expenses average $22,500 a month, which is also more than some people make in a year. She has three credit cards and they all have a 0 balance She has $1,578,000 in the bank and an additional $1,645,000 in stocks and bonds. Zooey has real and personal property valued at $693,300 Now, how does she spend some of the $22,500 a month? Apparently, she spends $1,000 on groceries and household supplies. $500 on eating out, $800 on utilities, $300 on various phones and email accounts, $600 in laundry and cleaning and $2,000 for clothes. $1,000 dollars on groceries a month? Bullshit. For one person? And she is probably not even at home half the month, plus she spends $500 a month on eating out! What the heck? One person doesn’t need $1,000 worth of groceries and “household” supplies a month. Is she stocking up for the apocalypse? It is her money, though. She can spend it however she wants, and she seems to be managing her money quite well. By the way she also gives $1,500 a month to charity. How sweet!
 

Katy Perry didn’t want to be the one that filed for divorce?

According to sources connected with TMZ, Katy Perry and Russell Brand knew their relationship was going downhill a few months ago, but didn’t want to give up without trying. However, things never got any better with both sides feeling like, “it wasn’t there.” Sources go on to tell TMZ that Perry and Brand were both on board with the divorce, but they didn’t want to be in town when the papers were filed. That is why we saw pictures of her in Hawaii and pictures of him in England. Here is the really confusing part, though. Supposedly Katy didn’t want to be the one that filed for divorce because her parents are evangelical Christians. She didn’t want to disappoint them, since she was raised to believe that divorce was “wrong.” That is the most insane thing I have ever heard. Not the part where Christians think divorce is wrong; the part where Katy Perry thinks THAT would be the thing that disappoints her parents. I am sure her parents raised her and taught her that shooting icing out of her boobs was wrong…no? Or, is that completely fine? All the party pictures of Katy touching on other girls? They are completely approving of that? I’m just a little confused here. Either the source is wrong, or Katy Perry is the most fake person ever. She cannot possibly be that oblivious. It’s just that her boobs make her all that money, so she can just forget about that one little sin. Give me a break. I can’t believe I am siding with Russell Brand on this. I mean, I’d still love to have sex with Katy Perry, but the urge has gone down quite a bit.
 

Russell Brand and Katy Perry are getting a Divorce!

Well, I (along with a lot of other people) called it a few days ago. It was quite obvious that their marriage was headed downhill and now we have confirmation. Brand has filed for divorce; he filed for divorce in LA and cites, “irreconcilable differences.” Which is a nice way of saying, “I hate this fucking bitch.” They got married back in October of 2010, so they lasted just over a year. That is like…10 years in Hollywood? So, congrats. While other gossip sites were reporting that the couple was fighting and claiming their argument consisted of just a few “fuck yous” I was probably closest to how their argument really went down. You can view that article here http://www.thedailyfix.com/2011/12/28/katy-perry-single/ So, there you have it folks. Katy Perry is now a single gal and we all still have no shot with her. But, maybe this will give us more pictures of her in slutty outfits and stuff. That is what girls do after they break up with someone, right? Try to make them jealous by looking like a hot little slut. God bless you women.   By the way…Russell Brand has released a statement saying… “Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage. I’ll always adore her and I know we’ll remain friends.” Yeah…right.
 

Kobe Bryant’s Wife Files for Divorce!

Kobe Bryant’s wife has had enough and she finally filed for divorce. Sources have told TMZ that Vanessa has decided to end the marriage because she believes Kobe has been unfaithful again. Most of you know about Kobe’s incident back in 2003 when he was charged with sexually assaulting a Colorado woman. She stood by him that time, but I guess she finally wised up and filed for divorce. Another source told TMZ that Kobe desperately wants Vanessa back and will do whatever it takes to save their marriage. Vanessa is asking for joint custody of their 2 daughters, but Vanessa is asking Kobe gets visitation rights, which means she wants the kids in her care most of the time. It is also being reported that there was no prenup! Which means Vanessa gets half of everything Kobe has; basically Vanessa is set for life. Wow, that is bad news for Kobe. He has been losing a lot of people lately, Shaq, Lamar, and now his wife. I would say I feel bad for the guy, but I am sure he isn’t too shook up, despite what the “sources” say. Sure, he lost his wife and yeah he lost half of his shit. But, he still has millions of dollars, insane talent on the basketball court, and probably all the hot gold diggers in the world sucking on his golden pipe. Kobe will be just fine.
 

Kris Humphries Says His Marriage to Kim was Nothing but a Scam!

NBA player, but most notably known as Kim Kardashian’s play thing, Kris Humphries, claims that his marriage to Kim was nothing but a scam. Filing for an annulment on the grounds of ‘fraud,’ Kris is in a tizzy over the impending divorce.   TMZ was told by a source close to the Nets star that ‘he was just slotted in the plot line of Kim Kardashian's latest headline and newest business venture.’ Humphries is positive that he was Read more [...]
 

Demi Moore files for divorce from Ashton Kutcher

It seems no amount of holy smoke coming out of those Kabbalah campfires can repair Demi Moore’s and Ashton Kutcher’s marriage, because Demi Moore has finally filed for divorced. Which she promptly announced on Twitter like any mature adult would, pretty much calling Ashton an asshole with no morals or values for banging Sara Lee on their anniversary. Indirectly and subtly of course. Women. They always have to speak in codes.

Via TMZ:

The 49-year-old Moore says she’s ending her marriage “with great sadness and a heavy heart.”
Demi says, “as a woman, a mother and a wife, there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.”

Of course Ashton had to rise to the Twitter challenge and respond with the following:

I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light, AK

Did he just sign off on his 6-year marriage with “Love and Light, AK”?? What is this, some 16-year old kid writing doodles on his school desk? At this point, I’m shocked he didn’t continue with this: “Yo, I had an awesome time these last few months. Amazing hot tub parties, y’all!! And Demi, we’ll always have our Tweets. Oh, and that photo I took of your ass. Sweet, sweet memories. But, listen, A and the K have to split, Love For Ever, and Peace out, y’all!! Oh, and don’t forget to dream the dream of the unattainable. Rock on!!!”

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Kim Kardashian goes to Minessota to see Kris Humphries with pastor who married them

Faced with a possible fraud suit, Kim Kardashian was pictured arriving at the airport in Minnesota at 5:30am Sunday morning with the pastor who married her, Joel Johnson, in order to have a “crisis talk” with Kris Humphries. The whole thing lasted about two hours, after which Kim promptly got on the phone and I’m assuming had the following conversation: “Mother, I’m telling you I nailed this thing! I haven’t exhibited such raw emotions since that time I got peed on. I got on a COMMERCIAL flight and I even brought Jesus’ rep with me for Christ’s sake. If that doesn’t shout respect for the institution of marriage, then I don’t know what. Yes, I think it’s safe to say you can keep your 10% from the wedding revenue.”

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Nicolas Cage’s Son Weston files for divorce, wants the ladies to know he’s baaack!!

For those of you who don’t know much about the kid which fell out of Nicola’s Cage crazy gonards, Weston Cage has recently engaged in a battle to prove the world he’s not as mentally ill as his dad. This includes busting out karate kid moves every time the paparazzi go “Hey, it’s Nicolas Cage’s retarded son”, battling everyone who will fight him and getting his ass kicked every time, resorting to kicking his own ass to the curb because apparently the Gods of War told him its the only way to become a warrior and subsequently getting arrested for it, engaging in a booze-fueled fight with his pregnant wife, getting once again arrested for it and then heading off to rehab, and most recently filming a reality show on E! that will prove his modern-day Addams family ways are not psychiatric-ward worthy. Well done so far.

So the latest news is that he no longer wants to be married to huge breasts and has filed for divorce. He also doesn’t want to pay any spousal support and wants her to pay for HIS legal fees. And of course wants the ladies to know “Daddy is Back!!!”, which taking it for a fact he’s mentally ill, must be a once-in-a-lifetime experience: “Gather around kids, grandma wants to tell you a story. I once had sex with a crazy person whose father loved spending millions buying human skulls and boas off of ebay and let me tell you. He first told me to take pictures while he was doing karate, then said i should punch him in the face at 12:00 sharp, then started kicking his genitals until he crawled into a fetal position and then said we had five minutes for sex because Satan wanted a word with him in his potato salad. Or onion rings, I can’t remember.”

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Kim Kardashian made over $20 for pretending to be married for 72 days

Kim Kardashian filed her divorce papers yesterday morning which shocked us all to our core, because we believe Santa Claus is real and pigs can fly. Of course, we’re just glad she’s alive, because do you know how hard it is to keep up the facade of a fake marriage for a whole two months?

Kim was inconsolable yesterday, which is why she twitted the following a few hours after the announcement of her divorce: ‘Our store #KardashianKhaos is opening tomorrow at 9am at @TheMirageLV We are so excited!! Kardashian Khaos has arrived!” Kardashian Khaos indeed…’

And it seems whore matriarch Kris Jenner was equally devastated as she also followed her daughter’s twit with one of her own: ‘How fab is this sequin top I’ll be selling at QVC tonight??! Just like the one I’m wearing on my memoir cover!!!’

And if you still don’t believe this whole thing was better calculated and executed than a master ponzi scheme, here’s what Kim earned from the “Kris Humphries venture”:

1)$18 million in TV rights

2)$1 million from People Magazine for the wedding shots

3)$1 million from other magazine covers

4) $500,000 for the bachelorette party she hosted

5)$2 million for the engagement ring that she’s keeping

PS: Pics below are of the happy couple’s last appearance together. May they rest in peace, amen.

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Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are already headed for divorce

Kris Humphries has apparently realized that he married the golden standard for famewhores but with the added disadvantage of a giant ass and he’s quickly reverting to what any other sensible guy would do under these circumstances: have sex with as many women as possible. Or at the very least refuse to be part of their 10 different reality shows. We’re pretty sure it’s the second one that had Kim running to a divorce lawyer. “What do you mean like he’s refusing to have sex with me like in front of a camera crew!! But that’s how money is made, isn’t it? I demand a divorce! And $1m to turn it into a one hour special.”

Via the  DailyMail:

A source close to the Kardashian camp has told MailOnline that Kim’s team at William Morris Endeavor Entertainment is not representing the 26-year-old anymore and says there are no plans to feature the couple together on a reality show.

This news gives further weight to reports that the couple are headed for a divorce.

A source close to the couple has told MailOnline: ‘I don’t know when they’ll announce the split or why they got married in the first place but they are done.’

They are divorcing. They haven’t been together for a month and while Kim has been staying in New York she has been staying in a hotel room which Kris has failed to visit.’Star magazine which recently broke the news of Demi Moore’s marriage woes has reported that Kim may have already consulted a ‘top divorce lawyer’.

The magazine claims that Humphries has been spotted partying in both Miami and New York without Kim, getting flirty with multiple women and ‘acting like a single man.’

While U.S. magazine Life & Style alleges that on a recent trip to Toronto, Humphries contacted his ex-girlfriend, Bianka Kamber. The magazine also spoke to a “Kourtney & Kim Take New York” producer who said: ‘Kim’s mapping out 2012, including holidays, and Kris isn’t a part of it. Any itineraries for the future don’t include Kris very much.’

A spokesperson for the couple was unavailable for comment earlier today.

However, the pair tried to put a brave face on the reports and dined out with Kim’s sister Kourtney and her boyfriend Scott at Hurricane Club in New York last night.

But while the eldest Kardashian sister and her boyfriend were seen firmly holding hands Kim and Kris were not so tactile and appeared glum as they arrived at the eatery.

Yet despite the claims their marriage is over Kim,30, was still wearing her huge rock of an engagement ring and the basketball star was also wearing his wedding ring, even though he has been seen without in regularly in recent weeks.

The pair were seen leaving the restaurant holding hands, their left hands, with their wedding rings on display for photographers.

Kim and Kris, who married in a lavish wedding in August have spent considerable time apart since becoming man and wife owing to Kim’s hectic schedule.

Despite Kris currently having considerable free time on his hands thanks to the NBA lock-out, he didn’t accompany his wife to Dubai, with Kim heading to the United Arab Emirates with her mother Kris instead.

Last night the basketball star failed to accompany his wife on the red carpet toe Game Changers Gala at Skylight SoHo in Manhattan.

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Demi Moore to file for divorce

To absolutely no one’s surprise, Ashton Kutcher’s and Demi Moore’s last-minute Kabbalah counseling failed to erase Demi’s images of hot tub orgies and since the  $9.99 string he’s been wearing has lost all its power to prevent him from being attracted to younger poon, Demi Moore has been left with no choice other than to file for divorce. According to a “very credible industry source”, she visited the offices of a lawyer on Friday.

“Miss Moore has been totally humiliated. On Friday, therefore, she consulted a lawyer about getting a divorce. The discussion included her living arrangements and how a divorce would impact her assets. She is worth about $150million and Kutcher is also worth close to that. This is a huge and very tough decision for Miss Moore to take. But her trust has been shattered.”

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Demi Moore is going off the deep end. Ashton Kutcher, he no know nothing.

Amidst fresh rumors that Ashton Kutcher has cheated on her with someone a quarter of her age, Demi Moore, twitted this picture of her looking like a dead Steve Buscemi with the caption,”I see through you” apparently referring to her ability to see through his full-of-shit-colon. Ashton, ever the sensitive guy, twitted the following: ‘When you ASSUME to know that which you know nothing of you make an ASS out of U and ME.’

Now if you’ll excuse me, i feel the need to put some metal between me and this photo. I don’t want people to know how much i drink when she x-rays my kidneys.

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Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are most likely getting a divorce

It seems only yesterday when we posted pics of Demi Moore looking like a gargoyle and insinuating it was because of Ashton Kutcher’s new-found love for fresh meat. Wait, it was yesterday. Anyhow, we now learn that last Friday, Ashton spent the night with this lovely lady above, one named Sara Leal who as surprising as it sounds (because sluts never do these kinds of things) immediately hired a lawyer, went into hiding (?) and is demanding $250,000 to tell her side of the story (“We had sex 29 times that night. He said i don’t smell like a 50-year old. It was love in its purest form). In response, Demi Moore twitted (of course) about her failing to completely alter her DNA to that of a 25-year old (‘When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.’). And they spent their weekend anniversary apart. The End!

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Sarah Palin’s husband to file for divorce after biography scandal

According to The National Inquirer, Sarah Palin’s husband, Todd Palin wants to file for divorce after reading in Joe McGinness’ unauthorized biography In The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin, that his brother-in-law Chuckie thought they their marriage was over a long time ago. 

So let me get this straight. You learn that your wife a) has a love for the black penis, b) betrays the Republican ideals (because of the said love for the black penis) c) snorts coke off a 55-gallon oil drum (wait that was with you so it doesn’t count) d) has sex and smokes pot with her college professor presumably on a 55-gallon oil drum, e) has sex with one of your snowmobile partners this time presumably on a snowmobile f)pulls the “oops, i’m pregnant” stunt so you don’t divorce her when you find out….and you want a divorce because Chuckie thinks bad of your marriage?? Help me out here. Am i the only one who thinks Todd has it all wrong? Or maybe he was hit in the head with a drum of crude way too many times and can’t think straight anymore: “Sarah, i just learned that you had sex with my partner, is that true?” *hits him on the head with the drum* “wow, you made penguine roast, my favorite, you’re the best!!”

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81-Year Old Astronaut Buzz Aldrin Cheats On Wife With 50-Year Old Hottie

Buzz Aldrin was recently seen out with his hot new girlfriend making out like teenagers and some who obviously are against granting soon-to-be-dead people’s last wishes find it a bit tacky and inappropriate since he just dumped his third wife of many years back in June. Er, did you see his wife’s face (pic below)? Buzz, you had absolutely no choice, buddy. It’s like when someone cuts the supply of oxygen going into your spacesuit. You must abort the mission, there’s no alternative.

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Sexy Olivia Wilde of Olden Days

In honor of her new found bacherlorettehood, here’s a gratuitous gallery of the internet’s other favorite Olivia. These pictures are from a few years ago when she was just starting to smell fame, at the sweet unmarried and undivorced age of 18. One thing´s for sure, she’s definitely a member in good standing with the itty bitty titty committee.

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Olivia Wilde is Single

Were you aware that Olivia Wilde is married to a foxy Italian prince? That’s okay, it’s over now anyway. Wilde and Tao Ruspoli are divorcing after eight years of marriage.

People has the exclusive:

“They have been living apart after trying for quite some time to make their relationship work,” says a source.
Wilde, 26, eloped with Ruspoli, 35, an Italian prince whose family owns Rome’s Palazzo Ruspoli, when she 18 years old.

Yes a Prince… His father was aristocrat Prince Alessandro Ruspoli, 9th Prince of Cerveteri. So for all the ladies out there, one more royal on the market; your quest to become a princess just got easier. Now you only have to battle the dragon of distance, the ogre of obliviousness and the arachnid of anonymity to obtain your hearts desire!

According to Us another anonymous insider claims:

“It was Olivia’s decision…for the typical Hollywood reasons,” another source close to Wilde tells Us. “Her career has exploded and she saw being married is not as much fun. She feels she missed out on being single getting married so young, and wants to sow her wild oats.”

Yeah right, I think it’s the other way around. He probably got tired of banging her and jamming his dick into bone matter. And we all know girls that skinny have eating disorders which keep them from getting wet. Probably felt like he was sticking his penis into a box of Puppy Chow.

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Scarlett Johansson Called Sandra Bullock a Man-Hungry Tramp

Oh snap! Seems Scarlett and Sandy are on the verge of a wet t-shirt cat fight after Scarlett supposedly called Sandra a man-hungry tramp when she heard that Sandra is getting all cuddly with Ryan Reynolds. Personally I think Sandra is just a cover for Betty White. You know Betty and Ryan are doing it!

The National Enquirer, who are known for their excellent 100% honest and truthful reporting say:

A “livid” Scarlett Johansson “exploded” at Sandra Bullock, who is maybe-dating Scarlett’s ex Ryan Reynolds “before the ink on their divorce papers was even dry”: “You’re a man-hungry tramp!” Scarlett apparently screamed in a fit of rage and in front of an undercover operative for the National Enquirer. Sandra may be known as ‘America’s Sweetheart,’ but she’s NO sweetheart to Scarlett.

Seriously now The National Enquirer… “man-eating tramp”… who the hell uses that anymore? Did she then call her a “strumpet”,”hussy”,”frigid”… you know, all those words young people use nowadays.

I’m going to go ahead and call BS on this. I think the National Enquirer is scared that the fake Angie/Jen war is played out, so they’re trying to drum up another “wronged ex-wife/man eating tramp” scandal. But if this is true then Scarlett is just pissed that Ryan isn’t sitting with a tub of ice cream, watching The Notebook and crying over her ass.

Now this seems like an appropriate place to leave this letter right here that I keep sending to Scarlett but never get a reply.

Dear Scarlett,

I am no male model, nor famous, nor rich, but all of these things will work in your favor to stick it to Mr. Reynolds.

Call me. I can cook, I will appreciate you, and absolutely guarantee that you will end the relationship and not I.

P.S. I love you.

 

Scarlett Johansson is Having Bikini Fun in Jamaica

My penis tells me that we are going to Jamaica, because Scarlett Johansson is there, in a bikini, and as you have all heard Scarlett is no longer doing Canada’s History* with her soon to be ex-husband Ryan Reynolds. She went down to the island nation of fat blunts to soak up the sun with her buddies, and who knows, maybe find a little time to play with her blood diamond**.

*Canada’s History – A dirty sex act involving moose antlers, a jug of maple syrup, and the stanley cup. You fill the stanley cup with maple syrup, and then spread the rest of the maple syrup all along and inside the buttox of your sex partner. Your sex partner plants her face into the stanley cup and slurps down the maple syrup as you plunge your man-hood into her syrupy mother hole. The final process is when your just about to reach ecstasy you hold the antlers above your head and grunt like a moose.

**Blood Diamond – A woman’s vagina while she’s menstruating.

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This Weeks Celebrity Break-Up Trilogy

There’s food in my pantry older than most Hollywood marriages, and this week has been a week of celeb break-ups left and right. So instead of making 17 million posts on each break-up here are three of the more newsworthy splits that have occurred in the last two days.

Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson

According to TMZ, Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson, that married pair of perfect people, are “living apart.” Just shows you that, no matter what Men’s Health says, abs like that aren’t enough to keep a woman that good.

They realesed an official joint statement to UsWeekly: “After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we’ve decided to end our marriage. We entered our relationship with love and it’s with love and kindness we leave it. While privacy isn’t expected, it’s certainly appreciated.”

Damn it! Now I have to break it to the girlfriend that our 2011 goal of swinging with the Reynolds-Johanssons is a no-go.

‘High School Musical’ stars Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens

High School is over: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens have split. According to E!, “They were together for so long. It just ran its course.” However, no cheating seems to be involved.”It’s nothing dramatic,”. Efron and Hudgens met on the set of Disney Channel’s ‘High School Musical,’ the surprise set of TV and big screen films that launched them to superstardom.

Ahh so sad *sniff* *sniff*. We hope they both find good boyfriends­.

‘Dexter’ stars Michael C. Hall & Jennifer Carpenter file for divorce

Dexter’s latest victim? His marriage. According to Entertainment Weekly, the show’s stars, Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter, have filed for divorce. The on-screen siblings and off-screen couple announced their divorce after nearly two years of marriage. The couple’s representatives issued a joint statement to EW saying, “Having been separated for some time, Jennifer Carpenter and Michael C. Hall have filed for divorce.”

Well Harry always did tell Dex not to get romantical­ly involved with co-stars. He broke the code.

 

Eva Longoria Was the One to File for Divorce First Because She Wanted Revenge

Eva Longoria seems to have only denied that Tony Parker had filed for divorce in Texas on Tuesday because she wanted to be the one to publicly break open the piñata on their marriage and get a bit of that sweet revenge while doing so. Apparently, Tony wanted to make the divorce go smoother by filing in Texas, but she talked him out of it because she had other plans.

RadarOnline reports:

“They were working out the details about who was going to file and when. They didn’t want it to become a messy divorce. Then Eva got a little revenge and didn’t tell Tony she was filing and dropped the papers on him, catching him off balance for the media blitz.”

While some reports have said the texts between Tony and Erin Barry were “innocent” that’s absolutely not true, RadarOnline.com learned. The texts were flirtatious and sexual and “crossed the line,” a source close to the situation revealed.

Erin’s marriage to Brent Barry is over, the source says, and while she and Parker traded sexual texts Parker insists their relationship never became physical. “Look, any wife is going to be upset with what Tony did, but he swears the relationship with Erin stopped there and they never had sex,” the source told RadarOnline.com.

“And Parker also says the text messages ended months ago.”

Even so, Eva and Tony agreed many weeks ago to divorce. “They were discussing how to proceed for a while,” the source said. “Suddenly, Eva not only filed the papers but then went public with Tony’s relationship with Erin. He was surprised, to say the least.”

So these two were talking about divorce and how the papers would be filed, and then BLAMMO! she surprises him by getting the papers filed and dropping them on him… Oh you got BURNED buddy, you do not want to cross a Latino chick, her temper will blow up in your face like a suicide bomber! He’s lucky she didn’t toss out this weeks Valpak coupon book before he had a chance to look through it, or put only empty milk cartons into the fridge so when he wants his Cheerios he gets a HUGE SUPRISE!

As awesome as that revenge plan was Eva, I’ve got a much better one for you. Jump on my “barely making minimum wages a year” cock. That outta piss off that douchebag.

 

Eva Longoria is About to Be Single, She’s Getting a Divorce

Eva Longoria Divorce

TMZ is kinda reporting that Eva Longoria will soon be hitting up them singles bars, because she is leaving Tony Parker, or he is leaving her, or maybe some lawyer is leaving them both, or doing them both… I don’t know, TMZ sometimes confuses the shit out of me with their crazy articles, judge for yourself.

TMZ reported that Tony had filed for divorce.  Two clerks at the Bexar County Courthouse in Texas had told us the case was filed and sealed by a family law judge.

But Eva’s rep tells us Tony did not file and does not even have a divorce lawyer.

Another clerk at the courthouse now tells us she’s in charge of sealed cases and says no such case has crossed her desk.

Hours after saying there was no divorce, Eva Longoria filed for divorce Wednesday against Tony Parker in L.A. County Superior Court.

Well that’s all kinds of awesome TMZ, but where is that story about her leaked sex tape, the one of her with one leg up in the air and the other wrapped around Tony’s waist. I’d jerk off to that with pride while singing country music. Guess what I’m saying is that there is no divorce without a sex tape.

I WANT THE SEX TAPE DAMN IT!