Archive for the "drunk" Category

Randy Travis Fights At Church and Ends Up In The Hospital

Well, it looks like Randy Travis is tired of just fighting his own demons and is now starting fights with actual people! Reports are coming in that claim Randy Travis got into a fight in a church parking lot early this morning. Cops responded to the church around 1 in the morning and found two intoxicated males fighting over a girl.

Cops say that Randy was “extremely intoxicated” and that both men were taken to the hospital after the fight. We don’t know if any of the injuries were serious, but we’re guessing they just have some bumps and bruises. How many punches can you really land when you’re drunk? They probably injured themselves by tripping over their own feet.

This is now the third time Randy has been out drinking and causing problems. He was arrested back in February for public intoxication after he was found drunk in a church parking lot — and earlier this month Randy was arrested for DUI after he crashed his car and somehow ended up naked.

It’s a little odd that it keeps happening at church. Making he should just stick to watching church on TV? That way he can get as drunk as he wants and no one would ever know…except the Lord, of course. Randy Travis Randy Travis1

 

TacoCopter

So you think it’s cool that you can order pizza from your phone?  How bout using your phone to summon a helicopter to deliver you some tacos via GPS?  Sounds like a joke,  but apparently the only thing keeping this from becoming a reality is the FAA and their current regulations.  I can just picture one of these things falling on someone.  I don’t know if I’m ready for death by tortilla shells…but then I think about all those Del Taco runs at 2 a.m.  How awesome would it be to watch one of these hover above you and deliver a late night snack to soak up all that alcohol.  In my drunken state I’d probably try to ride it.

 

 

Worlds Drunkest Person Ever!

With over 5,000,000 hits, it’s quiet obvious people like to watch drunk people.  In fact we can’t get enough of it, so here’s one more to watch.

 

 

 

Adam Lambert and his Boy Toy Arrested for Assault!

Apparently when you go to Finland some shit starts to happen. Adam Lambert and his boyfriend Sauli Koskinen started arguing in the middle of the night at a bar in Finland. The argument got so heated that they took it to the streets and started to fight each other! It’s being reported that Lambert got physical with people who tried to break-up the fight before the cops arrived and arrested Adam and Sauli. They were released sometime later and the charges have since been dropped. Adam Lambert took to his twitter and blamed the fight on jetlag and vodka. He also says that he and his boyfriend are already laughing about the fight. Well, how cute is that? I’ve always wanted to get into a fight outside a bar in Finland; it’s on my bucket list. I wonder if they are slappers or punchers. I think Adam can throw down, I bet he was throwing some punches. Doing one of his famous loud ‘screams.’ AHHH WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM, SAULI? WHAT DO YOU WANT? I JUST WANT YOU TO LOVE ME ADAM, GEEZ! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK? WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME? JUST FUCKING HIT ME, ADAM! DO IT, DAMNIT! ….at least that is how it went down in my head.
 

Thursday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (10.27.2011)

That’s James Franco’s cold ass on the cover of Flaunt magazine. Guess he wanted to show us he has no ingrown hair??

Jennifer Nicole Lee’s nipples are on the menu today.

Eva Longoria gets a full body scan at LAX. When they were telling us something positive would come out of the terrorist attacks, they meant this, didn’t they.

SJP’s mesmerized by that black microphone. Hm, wonder why…

Scarlett Johansson in her role as an “alien sex predator”. Her reptilian tentacles must be hiding under that 70′s fur.

George Michael is in fine form these days.

Orlando Bloom looks incredibly manly.

Jennifer Love Hewitt should stick to bandage dresses.

Johnny Depp needs some help walking at the premiere of Rum Diaries.

This is where Leonardo DiCaprio parked his penis for the week. Meet model Madalina.

This is Courtney Stodden just 18 months ago, before she decided to chase the dream of becoming a slutty child-bride.

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Monday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (10.24.2011)

Pretty sure Elastigirl didn’t wear Spanx over her suit.

Ashley Tisdale and Elle MacPherson in a bikini.

Dennis Quaid’s stomach is a confusing synergy of dough and muscle. At least his wife’s hot.

Taylor Armstrong drunk as a bat. That’s one way of dealing with getting fired from Desperate Housewives.

Jenny McCarthy also drunk and stained. Reason unknown.

Lea Michelle’s cleavage at the JLo concert.

Natalie Portman is still a mess four months post-pregnancy.

Demi Moore is officially a walking corpse. Who drinks green vomit.

Are Billy Bob Thorton’s sons a bit weird or is it just me?

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Drunk Johnny Depp takes a tumble

Only days after making those dead on rape comments, Johnny Depp took on the inebriated celebrity challenge in Hollywood and proved he’s an excellent and able alcoholic. Johnny was leaving a restaurant called 25 Degrees on Monday night. As he made it out the door noticeably unsteady, but still able to scribble his autograph, he got hugged by a dude who tried to prevent him from falling but instead ended up falling on top of him, got back up after eating pavement and took an impressive stroll to the SUV like nothing ever happened. And most astonishing of all, he didn’t stick his fist in the shouting paparazzi’s mouth for pretty much gang-raping him. But he did do an imaginary asshole salute, so not all Johnny was lost in the vodka and beers.

Click here to view the embedded video.
 

Tara Reid is the lowest paid cast member of American Reunion. How can it be??

When we first found out that Tara Reid was actually hired to be in American Reunion, we were actually shocked, a) because well, she can’t walk straight 9 out of the 10 times, let alone act and b) putting a gravy-filled potato in a microwave and watching it explode makes for a better performance than Tara trying to go through her lines (except when those are coke lines..she’s very proficient at that). So to find out she was actually paid $250,000 for her role, well, that left us speechless. Ok, so Jason Biggs and Seann William Scott are getting $5million each for their part, and even Eugene Levy and Alyson Hannigan are being paid $3million respectively. And Chris Klein, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Jennifer Coolidge and Shannon Elizabeth are getting $750,000 for their roles.

But $250,000 just to use your midriff for the movie’s poster?? They could have used an actual pie for that and it would have cost them no more than $25.

Below are a few pics of Tara which prove that $25 and a bottle of Grey Goose would have sufficed. Those studio execs have zero fiscal sense.

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Friday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (09.30.2011)

Ke$ha arriving in Brazil wearing a sea mammal on her face. Definite improvement.

Lindsay Lohan and her third “mark” in a week (seen here in Paris). Somebody gotta pay those bills!

Michael Douglas tries to eat a hot-dog but it’s hard without the dentures.

Anderson Cooper now brings Lamas to work.

Jason Alexander is wearing a hairpiece and is proud of it.

Michelle Williams plays a naked Marilyn Monroe quite well.

Stills from The Avengers are out and it’s all about Scarlett Johansson. As it should be.

Kim Catrall and her cellulite-ridden thighs make for an arresting sight.

Lacey Schwimmer is going to be as fat as Chaz Bono by the end of the DWTS season.

Jessica Alba’s not pregnant anymore, so those “niceness” hormones are gone. The bitch is back!!

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The Hoff threatens to kill himself if girlfriend doesn’t marry him…obviously he’s sober these days

David Hasselhoff (here showing how recurrent alcoholism can be so much fun) has proposed to his girlfriend three times so far, and thrice he has been denied. But certain she will eventually realize being a donor for his failing pancreas is something worth getting married for, he will keep proposing until she says “yes”. Or until he gets himself killed. Either way, this is not going to have a happy ending.

Via Zimeye.org:

“I proposed to her when we were in South Africa when we were under the ocean in a cage watching sharks and she refused even after I had told her that I was going to open the gate of the cage and we will be eaten by sharks.

“I even proposed to her in front of charging elephants and she still said no so I will again propose, as I do bungee jumping or the swing,”

He added: “For the next three days we are here in Victoria Falls and we intend to do a lot of adventure activities as we have a lot of fun with my fiancee and my cousin, as we see the world together.

“So basically we are having more of fun than anything. Here in Victoria Falls it is very spiritual. I think that sitting on the edge of the falls is the closest that you’ll ever come to God. And you’re going to want to jump.

“It is so powerful, you’ll just want to give yourself back to God .”

- BANG! Showbiz

 

Kate Hudson flashed her panties

Kate Hudson was out with her baby-daddy Matt Bellamy, lead singer of the Muse the other night when she got drunk and pulled a Britney. Without even blinking. Is it me, or do chicks who have given birth to kids (ok, and Paris Hilton, but you can argue that she’s given birth to other things that still haunt/itch the brave and fool ones equally) don’t care if the world sees their crotch? So you wanna get a picture of this? I’ve had two kids, so it’s your night terror, you bastard! Hah, who has the last laugh now?? 

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Jennifer Lopez is having a hard time getting over Marc Anthony

Here’s Jennifer Lopez around 4am at Pure Nightclub in Ceasars Palace Las Vegas (dancing to her own song naturally) and if you squint really hard you will see that those droplets around her face are not perspiration but tears. Because getting over a man with empty eye sockets and sellotape all over his body so his brittle and fragile bones remain attached during his salsa dancing is a hard thing to do. “Now can we get more tequilla up here? And more grinding, i need more grinding, my soul is bleeding!!!”

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Paz De La Huerta was inebriated at the Emmys too

 

Paz De La Huerta, whose skin is now turning into a beautiful orange hue because of excess tequila oozing from its pores looked dishevelled and pissed off at the Emmys. Mainly because she was told she had to walk down a carpet first, watch an entire show, clap at the appropriate times and engage into polite conversation with the ”assholes” sitting next to her (it was Martin Scorsese but she doesn’t discriminate) before diving head first into the bar at one of the tents. Can you believe all the work a girl has to do just to be able to get shitfaced?

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Lindsay Lohan manages to mess up Fashion Week too

You already know that since we’re talking about Lindsay Lohan this post will involve breasts, drinking and doing stupid stuff so here it goes. Oh, and if you’re wondering about the inflated zebra standing next to her, it died a horrible, deflating death after it failed to serve Lindsay and her mom drinks.

 Via omg! on Yahoo:

The official Women’s Wear Daily twitter account posted the following tweet last night: “Lindsay Lohan just threw a full drink at a boy at V magazine party who dared to snap her pic. #NYFW.”
This “boy” was apparently professional photographer Jasper Rischen, who tweeted, “Wow. Lindsay Lohan is as trashy as they always say. She threw drinks and glasses to me as we tried to take a shot for@vmagazine…” (He punctuated his tweet with a more colorful descriptor.)

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Paz De La Huerta drunk at her own premiere

It’s no secret Paz De La Huerta likes booze just as much as the next hobo lingering under a bridge, but being completely wasted at the premiere of Boardwalk Empire’s Second Season is a new low for her. Nonetheless, even nearly comatose as she was, she didn’t forget the all-important task of giving her breasts a red-carpet self-examination. Because cancer can happen to everyone, damn it!

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Paris takes her crotch to the Miss Ukraine Beauty Pageant

In life there are many things that have no rhyme or reason, and making that argument even stronger was the fact that Ukranians paid to have Paris Hilton attend their Miss Ukraine contest and after-party. In usual Paris tradition, she drunk, she slurred and high-fived a bunch of comrades with her crotch when she attempted to dance. At the end of the night some were overheard wishing for the return of the cold war, or at the very least an embargo on cheap American products. Except of course Coca Cola and blue jeans.

PS: Jean Claude Van Damme was also there (see pic). Yes, he’s still alive.

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Matthew Fox Punched a Female Party Bus Driver in the Boob

Former Party of Five actor Matthew Fox (who also starred in a little show called Lost) was detained by police on Saturday night in Cleveland for hitting a woman outside of a bar. Apparently a drunk Fox tried to get on a party bus even though he wasn’t on the guest list, and the driver stopped him with a punch to the face.

We’ve all been tempted to violate the laws of the party bus, but Fox allegedly took things way too far by punching the driver in her breast and “stomach area” (Lets just assume that means the vagina, or at least he was aiming for it, drunk people have horrible aim). The woman retaliated by punching him “in the mouth … causing a cut on his lip.” Fox was handcuffed by an off-duty cop, then detained by police. He wasn’t formally arrested, but police are investigating.

Why he was trying to get on a moving assemblage of booze, strobe lights, and a stripper pole, we will never know. Nothing good ever happens on a party bus. Ever. What the hell was drunk Matthew Fox doing partying in Cleveland on a Saturday night anyway? Maybe Jack still thinks he’s on the island and this chick was really Daniel Faraday in drag and she was keeping time travel secrets from him again. Just maybe.

 

You’ll Be Pleased to Hear That Lindsay Lohan is Still Lindsay Lohan

Los Angeles’ very own town bicycle, Lindsay Lohan, reportedly got trashed at a series of hotel bars this weekend and ended up alone, crying, screaming, and “barely able to walk.” Radar Online reports that LiLo threw back martinis and vodka even as a friend “shot the waitress a look and shook her head as if to say ‘Don’t give that to her.’”

By 2AM she “could barely stand. She was trying to stabilize herself on the chairs. Then she made it over to the curtains and hung on them.” I’m picturing her like a terrified cat, claws out and clinging to furniture to avoid a bath. “Mrrowww don’t make me sober up, hiss spit yowl.”

The manager came to help her and “she kept saying, ‘Thank you. All my friends left me.’ Then she picked up her phone and started screaming, ‘Everybody left me! Why did everyone leave me? Where are you?’” The manager dragged her to the door, where LiLo wobbled before a throng of paparazzi, climbed into an Escalade, and sped away.

EDIT: Wait-is that a police siren we hear? A caterwauling Maine Coon? No, it’s the Gossip Cop, and his wail of justice: “Lohan tells Gossip Cop exclusively that the Radar Online story is ‘such a lie.’” In any case, we are forced to believe that LiLo is just trying to join Amy Winhouse in the afterlife.

 

Lindsay Lohan Collapsed Drunk Outside a Club Hours After Getting Her Freedom

Let’s see, where to start? Oh yes, Lindsay Lohan is drunk. In other news, the sky is blue and water is wet.

Lindsay Lohan’s troubled house arrest ended yesterday, and she celebrated by partying for five hours at an L.A. nightclub. (Duh.) She stumbled around and fell to the ground in front of a thousand video cameras. (Duh.) This caused someone to scream “She’s drunk!” (Hah.) Yet just last week, LiLo was saying that she had “told friends she was to scared to leave home, largely because she thinks there’s a bounty on her head in the paparazzi community.” (Confirmed.) She appears to be facing her fears quite nicely.

According to TMZ:

As she walked out with friends including “Into the Wild” star Emile Hirsch and “Nikita’s” Lyndsy Fonseca, the flashes went wild — causing Lindsay to block her face and nearly fall over on the curb as one photog shouted “She’s drunk!”

Lindsay says she went out last night to attend a best friend’s going away party.

And she’s telling friends, the reason she stumbled wasn’t because of alcohol — it was because her friend’s husband jumped in front of her unexpectedly, and she tripped.

HA! right.

For what I assume is a 47 year old she looks pretty damn bad. She should just marry Charlie Sheen and get this whole thing over with.

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Jackass Star Ryan Dunn Dies After Crashing His Car While Driving Drunk

Some time around midnight last night Jackass and Viva La Bam star Ryan Dunn (seen left) posted the above photo to his Twitter account. Three hours later, he was pronounced dead in a car accident. TMZ reports:

34-year-old Dunn appeared in all of the “Jackass” movies – famously shoving a toy car into his rectum in the first flick back in 2002.
Dunn and an unidentified person both died in the crash which happened around 3 a.m. at Route 322 and New Street in West Goshen Township. It’s unclear who was driving the car.

TMZ then later today confirmed that Ryan was the driver:

(Police) say Dunn’s car was “fully engulfed in flames” when officials arrived to the scene.
Both Dunn and his passenger ”died as a result of injuries sustained in the accident.” Cops will release more information on the passenger once officials can positively identify the body.

Cops say “speed may have been a contributing factor to the accident.”
An investigation into the crash is ongoing.

And this is his Porsche after it was pulled out of the woods this morning:

Speed and alcohol eh? Live like a jackass, die like one. In any case our sympathies to his family and the family of who ever was in the car with him.

 

Naughty Picture of Pippa Middleton Leaks Online

Kate Middleton Duchess Catherine of Cambridge and Prince William haven’t even been married for a week, and photos of the other two Middleton siblings in various states of undress have already surfaced online. Earlier this week, full on ass pictures of Kate’s brother, James Middleton’s found their way online and today we have an undated shot of Pippa Middleton partying sans top.

So to summarize, Pippa Middleton is a pretty ordinary woman in her late 20s, and probably pretty fun to hang out with, who happens to be the sister of someone who married royalty.

In other British royals news, ZOMG! Prince William and Kate Middleton will be visting California from July 8 to July 10. Their itinerary hasn’t been announced yet, probably because they need ideas for where they can get the full American experience. May we recommend an afternoon of shopping at Target, followed by Friendly’s Jumbo Fronions for dinner, wait scarp that, no Friendly’s in California. Any other suggestions?

 

Paz De La Huerta Got Arrested for a Drunk Attack

Paz de la Huerta, the 26-year-old Boardwalk Empire star and oft-nude, perma-boozed lipstick enthusiast, was arrested last night for beating up Samantha Swetra, a cast member from MTV’s The City. According to onlookers a drunken Paz staggered over to Samantha’s table at the Standard Hotel last night where a scene of drunken hilarity enfolded, NY Daily News reports:

One insider says de la Huerta, who plays Nucky Thompson’s hot-tempered girlfriend Lucy Danziger in the HBO series, approached Swetra’s table “after 3 a.m.” where she was with a group of friends that included Lindsay Lohan (who was staying at the hotel that night).
Swetra and de la Huerta had not met before Sunday, a second source tells us, but that didn’t stop the NYC-born actress from flirting with one of Swetra’s male pals.
That’s when, our first source adds, de la Huerta suddenly lost her footing and went crashing into an adjacent table.
After taking in the unexpected pratfall – which, our source adds, resulted in one of de la Huerta’s breasts “hanging out of her dress”- an amused Swetra yelled out “triple axel!”
The gibe sent de la Huerta into a rage and she threw a drink glass at Swetra’s leg and took a swing at the model’s face, the source says.
De la Huerta’s aim is apparently as good as her acting on “Boardwalk Empire.” According to our source, the actress’ fist connected squarely with Swetra’s lips and nose.
The glass, which shattered, also did some damage. “Blood was dripping down [Swetra's] leg,” the source tells us. “Lindsay was pulling shards of glass off of it.”

Samantha Swetra of MTV’s The City, pressed charges.

Wait what?! I never thought I would type these words. Lindsay sounds like she was the “sober” one in the group. That in and of itself is the most amazing part of the story. She must really be trying hard to convince the court that she has changed.

However, with only the most superficial of knowledge of Paz’s fiasco, I’m going with “guilty as sin” and “awesome as hell.” Paz seems like the kind of a lady who would draw and quarter an MTV bimbo, then spike her blood with tequila and drink it, just because she was bored. And I mean that as a compliment.

P.S. I’m only complimenting her because I’m afraid she’s going to come after my family. I heard she once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

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Christina Aguilera and Her Boyfriend Got Arrested

Early this morning, Christina Aguilera was arrested for public intoxication and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler was arrested for DUI. He was pulled over by police after they saw him “driving erratically.” Christina, who was in the passenger seat, was so drunk that she “was not capable of taking care of herself.”

Christina was released after passing a sobriety test around 7 a.m. Police say she won’t be prosecuted, and thus her mug shot won’t be released. However, E! managed to obtain a copy anyway:

Rutler was released on $5,000 bail later in the day.

But more importantly, The Funnywoman’s 2011 award goes to Pink after she tweeted:

“Out of Myself, Britney, and Christina – didn’t everyone think i was gonna be the troublemaker? LOOK MA!!! No CUFFS!!!

Christina Aguilera and Boyfriend Arrested Christina Aguilera and Boyfriend Arrested Christina Aguilera and Boyfriend Arrested Christina Aguilera and Boyfriend Arrested Christina Aguilera and Boyfriend Arrested Christina Aguilera and Boyfriend Arrested
 

Charlie Sheen Gives the Craziest Interview of All Time, Two and a Half Men Cancelled (for the rest of the Season)

Today Charlie Sheen called into conservative radio show “The Alex Jones Show” and launched into an epic rant, in which he called Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre a “turd” and Thomas Jefferson a “pussy.” You really should listen to the entire thing! It was so outrageous that CBS just announced they were shutting down Two and a Half Men for the rest of the season “based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition.” Probably a good idea.

Charlie later told TMZ, “I violently hate Chuck Lorre. He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a pussy punk that I’d never want to be like. That’s me being polite.”

Here are some of the craziest parts from the radio interview:

  • Charlie said he doesn’t care if his show gets canceled because, “I’ll go make movies with superstars and not work with idiots.”
  • He called Alcoholics Anonymous a “cult” and a “bunch of losers” who are “brainwashing his family.” “[AA] is vintage, it’s outdated, it’s stupid and it’s worshiped by stupid people and it is their fault,” he continued. “Step up and change it, change it right now. Look your father in the eye and say, ‘You’re wrong, I’m different I’m better, watch me, watch me bury you.’” Charlie added, “I have a disease? Bullshit! I cured it … with my mind.”
  • On his harem of pornstars: “Let me just say this about the goddesses. I don’t think the term is good enough. But when you’re bound by these terrestrial descriptions you must use the best choice available”
  • On his recent state of mind: “I’m sorry, man, but I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time – and this includes naps – I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.”
  • Thomas Jefferson was a pussy (not actually in the video below, but he said it out of the blue in the full interview)

All I can say is FINALLY, It’s about time someone told off that asshat Thomas Jefferson…

Sheen claims in the interview he’s completely clean these days. So, this is just how he talks regularly? The Charlie Sheen motivational speaking tour needs to happen now.

Today Charlie Sheen called into The Alex Jones Show and launched into an epic rant, in which he called Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre a “turd” and Thomas Jefferson a “pussy.”

 

Charlie Sheen Trashes CBS Bosses and Explains Why He Smokes Crack

This morning Charlie Sheen called in to the Dan Patrick radio show and shared his thoughts on crack, “beer drunks,” and sobriety in a “highly erratic” interview. Charlie explained that Two and a Half Men is still on hiatus because producers want him to complete rehab, even though he’s decided he’s fine. They should act fast, because apparently competent, non-impaired Charlie is only available for limited engagements. “I heal really quickly, but I also unravel really quickly, so get me right now, guys,” he said. “Get. Me. Right. Now.” He also revealed he doesn’t use the word “sober” because he doesn’t believe in AA, and shared this message for the kids: “I said stay away from the crack. Which I think is good advice. Unless you can manage it socially. Because if you can manage it socially, go for it, but not a lot of people can, you know.”

The rest of the interview went something like this:

Charlie on how the network kept pointing at the “moral clause” in his contract:

“Nit pick, nit pick, but I don’t think [the clause] covers, ‘Let us totally dominate and interfere with your personal life.’ I have a contract. They said, ‘Get your act together,’ and I did.”

Charlie on how some people are shouting a giant “AS IF” at his sudden recovery:

“I heal really quickly, but I also unravel pretty quickly. So get me right now, guys. Get me right now!”

Charlie on why he smokes crack:

“Boredom. Wanting to make things better – whether it’s real or imagined. I was sober for five years a long time ago and was just bored out of my tree.”

Charlie on how his pee is clean now, but he still doesn’t feel at home being sober:

“It’s inauthentic –it’s not who I am.”

So if anything Charlie is pretty damn honest, he doesn’t try to hide the fact he smokes crack every now and again and likes stuffing porn stars full of anal beads. But he’s still an impressively crazy asshole and I wouldn’t let him babysit my toilet let alone a thing that breathes in oxygen. I would however party with him from dusk til dawn.

 

Jessica Simpson is a Big Fat Drunken Mess

Here is Jessica Simpson leaving the Katsuya sushi restaurant in Hollywood with her fiance, Eric Johnson, the other night. Looking like she is at that magical drunken point in the evening when she realizes she needs to eat some cheese fries, STAT! I’m just thankful that these pictures don’t include her recycling her sushi later on. Because it’s pretty much a guarantee to happen at that level of intoxication. Kudos to the Simpson handler for dodging that bullet for us.

I miss those days when Jess was the hottest chick on Earth during her “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’ ” era… Now she’s in more of a “This Booty Is Made For Storing Lard” era.

Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess Jessica Simpson is a Drunk Mess
 

Paz de la Huerta Finished All the Booze at the Golden Globes

Post-Golden Globes, Boardwalk Empire actress, Paz de la Huerta, was denied entry to the Chateau Marmont afterparty on grounds of inebriation, falling over, ripped dress and flashing her boob. So while the rest of the staff were picking up the award for Best TV Drama she must have been at the bar doing tequila shots with Mel Gibson.

But her state really wasn’t a huge surprise, it seems to be the census from people who deal with her in a professional sense, that she is an insufferable, narcissistic, attention-starved, uber-privileged mess. Which shows that she really isn’t acting much on Boardwalk Empire, just being herself mostly. Sure she remembers some lines and dresses in clothing she wouldn’t normally wear, but beyond that I doubt she prepares much for that role. Oh wait, I forgot, she also shaves…

Paz de la Huerta Drunk at the Golden Globes Paz de la Huerta Drunk at the Golden Globes Paz de la Huerta Drunk at the Golden Globes Paz de la Huerta Drunk at the Golden Globes Paz de la Huerta Drunk at the Golden Globes Paz de la Huerta Drunk at the Golden Globes Paz de la Huerta Drunk at the Golden Globes Paz de la Huerta Drunk at the Golden Globes
 

According to Police, Lindsay Lohan was Drunk and/or High in Rehab

You probably won’t believe this shocking news, but the Palm Desert Police Department is saying that Lindsay Lohan violated her probation the night she allegedly attacked that Betty Ford employee by being under the influence of alcohol and probably drugs too. We know right? CRAZZZZY news.

Pretty sure Nostradamus predict this. Oh, my bad, it was everybody BUT Nostradamus.

According to TMZ:

Palm Desert Police Department officials believe Lindsay Lohan was under the influence of drugs or alcohol while at Betty Ford.

As TMZ first reported, the PD believes Lindsay committed violations of her probation — apart from the alleged December 12 battery.   Sources say the cops believe Lindsay was under the influence of drugs or alcohol — which would be a violation of her probation in the Beverly Hills DUI case.  And they believe she violated probation by refusing to submit to a breathalyzer.

I am actually starting to feel empathy for this pathetic train-wrec­k… Wait, no I’m not, that was just a stomach cramp. This really is one of those situations where the police need to shoot first and ask questions later.

RadarOnline also got in on this story:

Lindsay Lohan may have violated not just one, but several violations of her probation while undergoing treatment at the Betty Ford Center according to the Palm Desert Police Department, which will be turning its findings over to the Riverside County District Attorney and the L.A. County Probation Office. As Radar previously reported, if (Lohan), 24, is found to have violated the conditions of her probation, she could be headed back to jail.

In other equally shocking news, humans need air to live.

 

Tara Reid Being Tara Reid in St. Tropez

Check out Tara Reid all drunk in St. Tropez sucking on a firework of some kind (guess they were all out of dicks). Not that being drunk is some huge news story, I’m actually just jealous that I’m not partying it up in St. Tropez like her. Now if Franken-nipple WASN’T DRUNK… now that… that would be a huge story.

Although God bless her drunken, slutty, out of control ways. Without her, who would the rising sluts of Hollywood have to emulate? Lohan, Hilton, Spears, Lovato, Ritchie, etc, can all look to Reid for inspiration. After all, Reid does her thing without any remorse or regret. She hasn’t been in anything (other than various bathrooms and back alleys) notable for YEARS as an actress, she doesn’t answer to anyone, she has a huge alcohol problem, she is a drug addict, and she doesn’t seem to have any hope or care to change in the near or not so near future.

Now all she has to do is get married, pull a knife out on her husband, go on a cocaine induced rage and she’ll be a demigod like charlie sheen

But as rancid old booze-bags go, Tara isn’t too bad looking when she keeps her bra on.

Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez Tara Reid is Drunk and Partying in St. Tropez
 

Courtney Love is a Drunk Mess & Has Holey Underwear

Oh look who it is, I don’t even really need to mention her name since I’m sure when people see that saggy ass everyone immediately thinks, “What is Courtney Love up to now?”

Well I’ll tell you children, she went shopping, drunk of course. With nasty looking panties and threw some profanities around at the paparazzi. You know, the whole usual thing she does.

On the bright side at least we are not being thoroughly disgusted by the sight of:

1) Tampon string hanging out.
2) Toilet paper tucked in that deplorable onesie.
3) A “shart” mark

Indeed people, it could be WAY WORSE!

Courtney Love is a Drunk Mess Courtney Love is a Drunk Mess Courtney Love is a Drunk Mess Courtney Love is a Drunk Mess Courtney Love is a Drunk Mess Courtney Love is a Drunk Mess Courtney Love is a Drunk Mess Courtney Love is a Drunk Mess

Oh look who it is, don’t even really need to mention her name since I’m sure when you see that saggy ass everyone immediately thinks, “What is Courtney Love up to now?”

Well I´ll tell you, she went shopping, drunk of course. With nasty looking panties and threw some profanities at the paparazzi. You know, the whole usual thing.

 

Charlie Sheen Found Drunk and Naked in a Trashed Hotel Room

These pictures were taken just last Sunday when Charlie Sheen accompanied Denise Richards and their daughters to New York City for some fun family time. Now fast forward to last night when Charlie was found drunk and naked in a cocaine fueled rage trashing his hotel room because he thought a hooker had stolen his wallet.

The New York Post and Life & Style report:

Tables and chairs had been thrown around the room and a chandelier was also damaged, sources said.
“The Two and a Half Men” star was accompanied to New York Hospital by his ex-wife Denise Richards, who was staying in a separate room.
Sheen, 45, told police he had been “out partying,” sources said.
After he returned to his room with an unidentified woman, he noticed his wallet was missing, causing him to fly into a rage, sources said.

The police found a half-naked Charlie passed out on the bed and a woman, who was identified as an escort, screaming from inside the closet. “She was fearing for her life and was naked,” a source tells Life & Style. “Charlie was incoherent but started screaming slurs at the cops. They recognized him immediately and gave him two options: they could take him to the hospital or take him down to the station. Charlie chose the hospital.”
…. His two daughters were sleeping in the next room,” says the source. “Denise had to go with the cops and leave the girls with a nanny. She looked distraught.”

So that just begs the question if Denise escorted him to the hospital before or after she was on Howard Stern this morning? Clearly this family is sick all around…

On top of all that banging-a-hooker-while-your-kids-are-in-the-next-room crazyness, the hooker is claiming Charlie flipped out after snorting a line of cocaine, according to RadarOnline:

“She said after he did the coke, he flipped out, couldn’t find his wallet and accused her of stealing it.” Things quickly went downhill from there, with the disturbance in the room growing louder and louder.

Now PLEASE someone tell me! Did they find the wallet or not?

Charlie Sheen Drunk and Naked Charlie Sheen Drunk and Naked Charlie Sheen Drunk and Naked Charlie Sheen Drunk and Naked Charlie Sheen Drunk and Naked Charlie Sheen Drunk and Naked
So that just begs the question if Denise escorted him to the hospital before or after she was on Howard Stern this morning? Clearly this family is sick all around…
 

Tara Reid’s Panty-less Upskirt

Do you hate celebrities who wear panties? We do, too. That’s why, in celebration in hot messes everywhere, we’re posting these brand new pics of Tara Reid’s drunk, shaven vagina. That’s right, folks. Look no further for some celebuslut pussy!

Over the weekend, Hot Mess Tara Reid was partying with her ex-fiance Michael Axtmann in Saint Tropez… and judging by the mascara-smeared photos, it was a hell of a time. It was so awesome, in fact, that at some point Tara lost her panties and the entire party boat had easy access to her cooter. True, it may be marred by years of ill-chosen plastic surgery, but she’s still a hot lay.

If she’s still conscious, that is.

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Pamela Anderson had oodles of fun, you guys

FP_IMAGE_4806933/FP_SET_4806527Here’s Pamela Anderson completely wasted on her way out of Guys&Dolls in L.A on early Wednesday morning with wet stuff all over her dress that was probably either spilled booze, vomit, the remains of the guy she was straddling and making out in the club with, or ALL of the above. Oh, and she flashed her panties as she made her way into the car. Yes, Pamela Anderson, you are the constant in our lives when everything else is variable and fleeting. Now, did you remember to give your kids some cat food and water before you left the house?

 

Lindsay Lohan makes less than THIS for personal appearances

38114PCN_SnookiFox411 is reporting that Lindsay Lohan is receiving between $5,000-$10,000 for an appearance at an event, which is basically less than what Snooki makes for similar events. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. They both bring similar things to the table (namely regurgitated alcohol), they’re both stand-up gals (you can pretty much depend on them to fall down on their ass at least once during an event), but were they fundamentally differ is that Snooki is like a cockroach that will survive the Seven Plagues and a Third World War and still turn up to an event ready to fight any bitch who’s in front of the tanning lamps she had the organizers installed whereas Lindsay Lohan’s death is right around the corner (at least according to her father who’s already scheduled a press conference to announce it). So basically cockroach slut trumps dead slut.

Via Fox411:

“When Lindsay does get paid for attending events, she now gets $5,000 to $10,000, basically less than Snooki makes,” a source close to Lohan told Fox411, referring to “Jersey Shore” reality star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. “It is sad and it is only getting worse. The few people that care about Lindsay want her to get help, but she is scared to trust anyone, thanks to her father, and she doesn’t want to hear this. We are worried for Lindsay and where her life is going.”

The friend said Lohan cries often and opens up emotionally to strangers.

“She will open up to young assistants that are dropping something off for her or helping her for an event,” the concerned pal said. “She needs good friends and she has none. Lindsay is in crisis.”

Most of the people on her payroll have walked away because she can’t pay them, and when they do line up work for her, it’s difficult to get her to show up, the insider added.

“Lindsay is really going through a lot right now. She feels like everyone leaves her and she’s all alone. The stuff with her dad this week going public yet again about her only serves to make her ignore help further,” said the source. “If she does get work, which is really rare anymore, someone has to basically be by her side to get her ready for the event or meeting and make sure she shows up.”

 

Paris Hilton’s trooper of a vagina is coping with personal and global tragedies remarkably well

EXCLUSIVE: Paris Hilton Launching ParisHilton.com In Vegas (USA

Taking Casey Johnson’s poodles for manicures and sending out a Twitter message about helping Haiti victims have taken their toll on Paris Hilton and her super sensitive, awesome heart and so she went to Vegas to heal…and by that we mean moving on to global issues of much more importance such as the launch of ParisHilton.com (for which she went on a two day celebration at the Vanity club in Hard Rock Hotel), getting drunk, trying to tickle her boyfriend’s endocrine system with her tongue and giving her vagina the freedom of speech and the podium to express it (aka the leather couch and an inebriated guy’s head as the microphone). Phew…and just when we were thinking the world has gone shallow, Paris comes to restore our faith in humanity once again.

 

Jordan the tangerine tranny attending an awards show…needless to say it was a very classy affair

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Jordan’s handlers took her off the rotisserie spit for the Morgan Awards at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in London and before you knew it, she got drunk, bloody (see legs) and almost flashed her backhoe plug when she stepped on a drunken white-haired dude with his zippers down to get into a taxi that would take her to an after-hours club where she could proceed to get even more shit-faced than she already was. As usual, the shindig was first class, but we’ll let the pictures do most of the talking.

PS: Can’t make up our minds as to what was scarier: Jordan looking less human than before, or the white-haired dude with his fly open.

 

Wasted Kate Moss humps a pillar at GQ Awards

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Kate Moss handled the GQ Awards at the Royal Opera House in London last night (September 8) with the seriousness it deserved. After all, the crowned Woman Of The Year was coke-nose Lily Allen, , who last year on the same stage drunkenly told Elton John to f*** off right before he quipped back that he could ’snort’ her ‘under the table’…yes, the Royal Opera House is denifinitely the right venue for this sort of elegant affair…

So, now back to pimply Kate Moss and her cellulite thighs hugging on of the Opera House’s temporarily erected columns. Looking like a Christmas tree on the 4th of July, Kate walked around unaware that her coat was stuck to her wrist and was sweeping guest puke off the floor, interrupted interviews to ask interviewees if they saw her lipstick, danced around while everyone was sitting and made out with her boyfriend when she failed to move the pillar she was molesting.

But, hey, she did manage to walk up on stage and give the Woman of the Year Award to her Morticia Addams BFF (yes, there is such a thing as deep friendship between two coke/booze heads, especially when the bond that binds them is a beer can and a bleeding ear…the story goes that a boozing Lily was attacked by bullies and Kate came to her rescue by removing her make-up with a moist towelette in front of them).

 

Elvis’s granddaughter shows her wild, slutty side

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Model Riley Keough, Lisa Marie Presley’s daughter, just turned 20 a few days ago (May 29) and celebrated her birthday at El Cid nightclub in L.A with the help of her friends (who oddly looked like a team of nerdy outcasts from highschool gettind drunk for the first time). And since Riley felt she was now a grown-up she decided pants or skirts were for kids and went for a sweater and lingerie stockings instead.

Adding to her grown up experience for the evening, she and her geek buddies got shit-faced by the end of the night, eventhough she still has a year to go before being able to officially slur, vomit, or pass out in public…mama Lisa Marie must be so proud her daughter is following in her footsteps…