Archive for the "Ellen DeGeneres" Category

Bethenny Frankel Gets A Times Square Surprise From Ellen DeGeneres VIDEO

Bethenny Frankel’s own TV talk show is premiering on September 9th and she is more than a little excited by it.  Her producer, Ellen DeGeneres, decided to bring her on her own show and gave Bethenny a BIG surprise. Craziest, most amazing thing ever! Ellen surprised me with my own Times Square billboard for the [...]

Rosie O’Donnell Attended Secret Lesbian Parties?

Rosie O’Donnell was on, “Watch What Happens Live” and shared some pretty strange news. Rosie started to talk about the good ol’ days when she had her own daytime talk show and somehow the conversation made its way to Rosie talking about secret Hollywood lesbian parties.   When we were young there were lots of kind of big, secret lesbian parties when nobody was out. It would be like Melissa Etheridge would throw a party and K.D. [Lang] would be there, and I would be there, and Ellen would be there, But you know who would be there, was Sarah Gilbert and I was totally flipped out because she was like 19 at the time. And I would say to Ellen, ‘Get her out of here, it’s illegal,’ — not that there were like naked women and sex toys everywhere. But we were sort of a little bit more of a clique when we were younger.   How disappointing. You hear, “Secret Lesbian Parties” and you picture a bunch of college chicks having naked pillow fights. When in reality, it’s just Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O’Donnell hanging out with other beefy looking lesbians. Gross. This is how I know the world is going downhill, when lesbian parties are not a turn on anymore. I just picture them all in this crowded room, eating baked beans and scratching their armpit hair. The room probably smelled like Fritos and ranch dressing…I feel sick. You can look at the pictures below, if you like torturing yourself.

Saturday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like — 1/14/12

Hello everybody, and Happy Saturday! Welcome to Saturday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like for the 14th January! Thank you so much for coming back! Enjoy! People are stupid. lol. Sorry, but it’s true. DailyMail, a UK news site, has posted a story about — what else? — Nicole Kidman’s feet!!! Are you freakin’ kidding me?! I cannot believe that her feet actually got a story all to themselves; that’s just ridiculous! And why did her feet get their very own story? Because, after she was done promoting her new HBO movie Hemingway & Gellhorn at the Television Critics Association winter tour, she decided to kick off her heels and go barefoot. Um… so effin’ WHAT!!! Who gives a damn if the actress took her shoes off? I don’t. And I don’t get it. Even better, though was the fact that this was one of their featured stories! And their headline for the story: ‘The usually pristine Nicole Kidman kicks off her heels and goes barefoot after promoting with Clive Owen’ Really, guys? Really? In other news… The American Beauty is going through a very American divorce… after only eighteen months. Actress Mena Suvari, the hottie from the nineties movie American Beauty, has filed for divorce from her hubby Simone Sestito. She will appear in the upcoming American Pie movie, American Reunion, set to release in April. Yeah… that’s about the most interesting part of this little story. Blue Ivy, the baby who has everything. And now — she even has her very own pot!!! Yeah, I’m totally not kidding about that either. TMZ has reported that Blue Ivy pot has been ‘sprouting up in LA Pot Shops.’ Wow, that’s just disgusting. What the hell is wrong with people? So, now, not only is baby Blue Ivy the youngest person to ever be on the Billboard 100 (after her cries could be heard on Jay-Z’s new song) but she’s now the youngest person to ever have a brand of weed named after her. That’s just freakin’ sick! We all assume, for the most part, that hip-hop stars embellish on their lives a bit, right? They have wives and they have families, so we automatically assume that they aren’t always out smoking weed and hittin’ up hot bitches. But, apparently, the Wu Tang Clan isn’t kidding around. FBI files have recently been brought to light that show that Wu Tang definitely isn’t all talk. Ninety-four pages details that ’the WTC is heavily involved in the sale of drugs, illegal guns, weapons possession, murder, carjacking and other types of violent crime.’ They’ve also been accused of laundering money from their record labels and having some serious connections with the Bloods. So, I guess it’s safe to say that you shouldn’t mess with the WTC, cause they don’t fuck around… Ellen DeGeneres may have some ‘splainin to do when she gets home to Portia. Why? Because, it looked like she was having a bit too much fun with Sofia Vergara on the set of her show. In [...]

Kim Kardashian will get married every week as long as there’s a camera around

Here’s Kim Kardashian and poor son of a bitch Kris Humphries who’s quickly becoming the Stepford Houseman, renewing their vows on Ellen Degeneres yesterday. Yeah, that’s right, renewing their vows after five weeks of being married. And then complaining about her wedding, you know the one for which she got paid $1million and everything was free, saying she would have liked to elope. Hey, can someone get her schedule ahead of time? And teach one of the interns to shoot a gun? Not saying i condone premeditated murder, but it would make for pretty good TV. Right, Letterman? She’s coming to you with a wedding veil next, am I right here?

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Blake Lively Was the Best Thing About the Teen Choice Awards

So the Teen Choice Awards were on last night, meaning teenage girls screamed for 3 hours straight at sparkling vampires. But it also means Blake Lively was there to turn our frowns upside down, and pitch tents in our pants.

Seeing Blake Lively all dolled up is like seeing a basket full of kittens, wearing little top hats. It always puts a grin on my face. Especially when behind said basket full of top hat wearing kittens is a hot girl with big tits.

To be honest, I didn’t really bother to look up any of the results of the night. Mostly because I heard Ellen DeGeneres won Best Comedian. So Blake Lively probably won Best Senator or Awesomest Astronaut, because honestly, 12-year olds who vote for shit are pretty fu%$ing stupid and their opinion matters not.

Blake Lively at the Teen Choice Awards Blake Lively at the Teen Choice Awards Blake Lively at the Teen Choice Awards Blake Lively at the Teen Choice Awards Blake Lively at the Teen Choice Awards Blake Lively at the Teen Choice Awards Blake Lively at the Teen Choice Awards Blake Lively at the Teen Choice Awards Blake Lively at the Teen Choice Awards

Yes People, Hayden Panettiere Does Have Sex With Her Giant Boyfriend

Heroes actress Hayden Panettiere is only 5’1″ but that’s not about to stop her from letting her 6’6″ boyfriend, Wladimir Klitschko, destroy her uterus with his giant sized penis (that’s a crazy height difference. I wonder how flat the top of her head is). Apparently she gets asked quite often if her boyfriend’s cock and balls are so massive, that she needs stitches afterward… Here’s how Hayden put it as she explained to Ellen DeGeneres the questions she gets asked about her sex life. Via Us Magazine:

“I get the prudest people coming up to me and they’re like, ‘Does it work?’ Yeah, it works. We find a way,” the Heroes alum said.
DeGeneres, 53, couldn’t believe fans would ask Panettiere about her sex life. “I know what you’re talking about, but I’m in shock!”
“Where there is a will, there is a way!” Panettiere quipped about sex with Klitschko. She began dating Klitschko after her February 2009 breakup with her 33-year-old Heroes co-star Milo Ventimiglia.
“[The people who ask me how sex works with my boyfriend] are very conservative people most of the time but that just have to know,” she explained. “Like, ‘I have to know, I just have to ask you this question. I’m really sorry but…’”

Um, bitch? Can I call you bitch? Awesome. People asking nosey personal shit like that, are neither prudes, nor conservatives, but most likely just your average person, confused as to the physics involved in parking an 18 wheeler truck in a Motorcycles Only space. I would probably be in the same boat, were I not the proud owner of these DVDs: Cockzillas 1, 2, and 4.

The only question here is, can he go ass to mouth on you without sliding his cock out?

Hayden Panettiere at Scream 4 Premier Hayden Panettiere at Scream 4 Premier Hayden Panettiere at Scream 4 Premier Hayden Panettiere at Scream 4 Premier Hayden Panettiere at Scream 4 Premier Hayden Panettiere at Scream 4 Premier

Ellen is Auctioning Off Justin Bieber’s Hair

When Justin Bieber got his groundbreaking hair cut, he put a little lock of it in a plastic box and gave it to Ellen. Now she’s auctioning it off on her eBay page, with all the proceeds going to some animal welfare charity. I wonder why Ellen doesn’t give the money to an organizations that support, let’s say… gay and lesbian youth? I mean, everyone’s entitled to their charities, but that seems closer to home, no..?

The auction has been live for around 18 hours, and already it’s up to $7,000! If the hair is attached to his scalp, I’m in.

Just imagine owning a lock of Bieber’s hair, once a living, growing part of the little lesbian. What would you do with it? You could roll it into a cigarette and smoke it, producing a high unlike any you’ve ever experienced. You could bury it in the ground and wait for your very own little pop star to sprout. Or just tape the hair on your forehead and let the power of the Biebs flow through you. Anyways, happy bidding, creepy rich people.


Jennifer Aniston Turned Perez Hilton From a Bully into a Pussy(cat)

Jennifer Aniston appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres show today where she told Ellen she’s the one who cured Perez Hilton of his bullying antics and made him into a gentler celebrity blogger.

Ellen: We should talk about Perez Hilton because Perez Hilton was a guy who was doing some nasty things to a lot of celebrities. He was on our show and was talking about how it was going to change. When the bullying thing was happening and a lot of kids were committing suicide, he realized he was a bully. He told one of our producers that basically he started thinking about it because you confronted him about it. I think it’s a fascinating story. I’d like you to share.
Jennifer: I did. I ran into Perez Hilton in a garage. One of those moments you just never expect to happen. I had finished dinner with a girlfriend and we were driving out and I saw this tall, long, lean person and I say, “Who is that?” And she says, “I think that’s Perez Hilton.” I said, “No. I have to say something to him. I have to.” So I pulled up and we were sort of scoping each other out as I was pulling the car up. I just rolled down the window and I was like, “Hi.” And he went, “Hi.” We stood there like two deer in headlights. And I just said, “Come here. Just talk to me for a second.” It was one of those great moments. It was a lovely meeting and I was just like, “Why are you so mean?” There’s something really great about putting a human being in front of another human being and then the reality that those words, even if it’s for humor or effect or whatever, there’s a human being behind all of that…And he’s kept it up too which is good.
Ellen: Because of you.
Jennifer: I say good for him and keep it up.

Right, time to blow our own trumpets and say it’s one thing for kids in school to pick on other defenceless kids. That clearly is bullying. But those who blog about celebs are doing society a service (you are welcome society), in calling out the attention addicts in Hollywood. Celebrities surround themselves with yes people when in reality they need to hear the other side of it. Example, Aniston, STFU you stupid moron.

Obviously we are jealous that we haven’t become as successful as Perez, but the truth is he got to the top not by making witty comment aimed to hurt at a deeper level, but by drawing cum stains on pictures of celebrities in Microsoft Paint, and making them cry that way. Now  that he is at the top he wants to clean up is image a bit. We here however haven’t quite reached that point and never will, so there is no reason for us to clean up our act, thus…

Alright, so we decided to make him look sophisticated, but only because drawing fake cum all over his face is pretty much what we imagine he looks like at any given moment, and thus no point in doing so.

Jennifer Aniston Turned Perez Hilton into a Nice Boy Jennifer Aniston Turned Perez Hilton into a Nice Boy Jennifer Aniston Turned Perez Hilton into a Nice Boy Jennifer Aniston Turned Perez Hilton into a Nice Boy Jennifer Aniston Turned Perez Hilton into a Nice Boy Jennifer Aniston Turned Perez Hilton into a Nice Boy

Snooki Wakes Up in a Trash Can Once a Month

Uh Oh. Someone better tell Oscar the Grouch to get tested for venereal diseases because Snooki has been crashing at his place. She sat down on Tuesday for an interview with Ellen Degeneres, and told Ellen about her still-hard partying life and waking up in garbage cans once a month… Wait, she lives in New Jersey right, at least while shooting the show… so doesn’t that mean she wakes up in a garbage can every day?

Ellen: Now, when you say if you didn’t black out it’s a good night for you, are you serious?
Snooki: Yes, because I want to remember my night and sometimes I just don’t. It sucks. So you’re like, “What did I do? Why did I wake up in a garbage can?”
Ellen: How often does that happen? Laughing
Snooki: Oh, like once a month.
Ellen: A good way to remember the night is to just not drink at all. Just throwing that out there.
Snooki: That’s not fun.
Ellen: So you had fun New Year’s. You’ve been so busy lately, right?
Snooki: So busy. The book is out today.
Ellen: Yeah, and I read some passages from it. It’s racy.
Snooki: Yeah, it’s a little vulgar. I actually toned it down because I know I have a lot of young fans who are like, 13, so I took a lot of swear words out. I don’t want to get them grounded or anything.
Ellen: But the blacking out thing isn’t a good example either.
Snooki: Well, I don’t want to be a role model.
Ellen: Oh, I see. That’s a good disclaimer.

Well Snooki you don’t have to worry about being a role model. All the 13 year old aspiring Jager trolls down in the trailer park can’t read.

We can only hope that one of those days that Snooki finds herself waking up in her natural habitat, it will be a trash collection day.
Uh Oh. Someone better tell Oscar the Grouch to get tested

Katy Perry is Changing Her Name, Meet Katy Brand

Darn it, now I’ve gotta adjust the artist titles of all them super awesome Katy Perry songs I got on my iTunes, because Katy Perry may soon be no more. She is about to make the ultimate “no longer an available woman” move – changing her surname to match that of her newly wed status. That of her brand new husband, Russell Brand.

Katy revealed this during an appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres show, which will air later on tonight.  When asked by Ellen if she was going to change her last name to her husband’s, she said she was already, “in the process,” of doing so. In fact, the name change makes sense to her already as she is getting called by the Brand surname. “Sometimes when people try to get my attention. Like if I’m at an event or something like that and they want special attention. They go, “Mrs. Brand!” and I go shwoosh [looking back].”

Well, anything that makes Katy Perry’s tits “shwoosh” around has to be a good thing… right?

But “Brand” is a more accurate reflection of what she is anyway. Tits McGee would have worked too.


Snooki is a ‘Halloween Costume’ now!

Forget about those celebrity wax statues at Madame Tussauds, Jersey Shore’s Snooki has just laid down a new yardstick for us to gauge the popularity of any celebrity. She has become the most sought-after Halloween costume this season, courtesy of her famous poof. The first one to adorn the Snooki costume was the one and only Ellen DeGeneres and the second celebrity to follow in her footsteps is none other than Joan Rivers. I know Snooki’s critics won’t miss this golden chance to degrade her, but Snooki is smarter than they think. She will, and she already has taken the acts as compliments. Go Snooki! Check out two more pics after the jump.
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Snooki is Super Smart Youz Guyz

So Snooki and the rest of her merry band of retards (also known as the cast of Jersey Shore) stopped by Ellen yesterday to put America straight. Proclaiming that people have no idea what they are really like, that our image of them as stupid inbred drunks who use self-tanners way too much is in fact not a correct assessment of them at all. According to Us Magazine:

“I’ll go to frickin’ Barnes & Nobles, get a coffee and just sit down and read,” she says. “No one would ever think that. We have different sides to us and people don’t see that.” Fans might also be surprised that Snooki no longer wants to date a “juicehead.” Says the pint-sized reality starlet, “I think I want to move forward. I want to move Brooklyn and find a business Italian guy to take care of me.”

There are several things anyone can count on if they see Snooki sitting in Barnes & Noble.

First she’ll most likely be holding the book upside down and looking around for the camera, and second, she has to sit on two chairs, since her fat and furiously orange ass is way too wide for just one.

But here I was thinking she was dragged out of an institution that cares for hybrid humans. How wrong was I, she is very much an intellectual, well that and a future gold digger.

Snooki is Intelligent Snooki is Intelligent Snooki is Intelligent Snooki is Intelligent

Ellen DeGeneres Calls it Quits

Ellen DeGeneres only served as a judge for American Idol one season and… she is finally out. Ellen DeGeneres is leaving American Idol, Fox confirmed in a statement Thursday night.

“A couple months ago, I let FOX and the American Idol producers know that this didn’t feel like the right fit for me,” DeGeneres says in the statement.

“I told them I wouldn’t leave them in a bind and that I would hold off on doing anything until they were able to figure out where they wanted to take the panel next.”

DeGeneres replaced Paula Abdul as judge for the show’s ninth season, sitting at the table with Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, and Kara DioGuardi.

“It was a difficult decision to make, but my work schedule became more than I bargained for,” the star continues.

“I also realized this season that while I love discovering, supporting and nurturing young talent, it was hard for me to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings. I loved the experience working on Idol and I am very grateful for the year I had. I am a huge fan of the show and will continue to be.”

“I loved Ellen’s passion for the artists and her nurturing skills,” Idol creator and executive producer Simon Fuller says in the statement. “She brought honesty and optimism to our judging panel and I will miss her greatly.”

Among the many names mentioned as possible Cowell replacements for the show: Bret Michaels, Elton John, Jessica Simpson, Howard Stern and others.


Jessica Simpson is really dumb…but she still has huge breasts, so it’s a moot point


Hey, did you know that brushing with a toothbrush can result in slippery teeth? Kinda like shoes with no traction that can cause you to fall down…or leave you unable to stop someone’s snake from going way deeper into your throat than it was supposed to? Apparently, that’s one of Jessica Simpson’s major concerns who keeps telling people she doesn’t brush regularly, but uses a shirt or a sweater instead. Oh well, so she has sweater fibers stuck in between her teeth and probably a case of halitosis that left Ellen Degeneres with bouts of nausea hours after the interview was done. She still has stupidly huge boobs right? Ok, we’re good. Back to staring at them until our vision gets blurry. Right Ellen?


Jessica Simpson went on Ellen Degeneres’ talk show Wednesday to talk about her romantic life, but she let something slip that was even more interesting.

She doesn’t brush her teeth more than three times a week.

“My teeth are so white and I don’t like them to feel too slippery, but I do use Listerine and I do floss every day,” Jessica explained. “But, I don’t brush them every day. I’ll use a shirt or something. I know it’s gross but I always have fresh breath. It’s really weird, but I have great breath.”

Alrighty then! And the dating question?

“I mingle around very privately,” she said. “I have ways in and out of my house and certain places that I go that are private just so I can have a normal life. I’m still out there and being normal.”

Normal as in … brushing your teeth once every other day?

But that’s not all of our breaking Jessica Simpson mouth news. On Tuesday night, the single singer went on “The Tonight Show” and told Jay Leno that while she has never smoked, she has become addicted to nicotine in gum form.

“The first time I ever chewed a piece of Nicorette gum one of my close friends’ mother gave it to me,” she said. “I was chewing it and it was like a party in my mouth. It was like fireworks and ‘Oh my god, I’m talking a million miles per hour and I love this gum and what kind of gum is this? I have to have this gum.’”


Hugh Jackman has no problem making out with other women infront of his family


Here’s Hugh Jackman getting a hard on courtesy of a hot Brazilian actress, who has to stand on a box to make out with him, as he films a Lipton Ice Tea commercial on Grumari beach in Rio de Janeiro (he’s the new Lipton Ice Tea ambassador…because obviously that’s what real men drink to cool off after a day’s hard work at fighting evil with their titanium wolverine claws).

Only thing was that his wife Deborra-Lee Furness, 54(14 years his senior), who looks like Ellen Degeneres on a good day, but slightly more butch if that’s possible and his 9 year-old adopted son Oscar were standing just a few feet away proudly taking pictures of daddy getting a root canal by a gifted Brazilian tongue. “Mommy, why is daddy poking the pretty lady in the belly? Is he playing “look what i have in my cangaroo pouch” again? “Shoosh lad, your father’s practicing his craft!”.


Jenny from the Block Admits that She Busted her Cakes at the AMA’s… FINALLY!!!

Jennifer Lopez tried to play the dummy roll when she clearly fell on her A$$ at the AMA’s by telling the world she meant to do it. She recently went on The Ellen Degeneres Show and of course Ellen asked her about the fall and she finally admitted. Pop the link for the whole skit…

Nice excuse Jenny, that was better than just totally denying it in the first place.


To the Vatican:Robert Pattinson is not a deviant moral vacuum;he’s still crying inside for making girl strip


To all those who are ready to burn Robert Pattinson to the stick as a heartless, pasty white smelly vampire, know this:Robert did not spend 5 minutes infront of the mirror high-fiving his dick for managing to get a hot stranger completely naked in front of a lot of people just by asking her to take her clothes off. As a matter of fact, his heart is still bleeding every time he recalls that incident (and if you get close enough, you’ll see those blood tears streaming down his eyes).

Via The Sun:

TWILIGHT hunk ROBERT PATTINSON has admitted his “terrible guilt” – after making a girl fan STRIP for him.

The Brit – who shot to global fame as brooding film vampire Edward Cullen – said he was shocked when the girl did exactly as he asked during a signing session.

Robert, 23, said: “It was after a period of signing 500 signatures and one of the fans came up.

“You kind of get ten seconds with each person and you never really say anything and I kind of got bored of saying, ‘Hey, how are you doing?’

“And she said in her 10 seconds, ‘What can I do to get your attention?’

“I was like, ‘Um, just take your clothes off.’

“And she stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security.

“I never felt more terrible. The guilt.”

He also told Ellen Degeneres, he thinks he lives up to his sex symbol image in New Moon – the sequel to hit flick Twilight.

The actor, who shows off his toned body in the movie, said: “This is the first time I’ve ever been proud of my physical appearance.”

He has also revealed that he came close to changing his career.

Robert said: “Literally, the day before I did this audition (for Twilight) I was going to quit acting, because I’d never got any jobs. It’s incredible.”

New Moon has been condemned by the Vatican as a “deviant moral vacuum”.