Archive for the "father" Category

Idiotic Father Skateboards Down Ramp With Toddler In Arms and FALLS!

 

Gambling Lesson

As a parent, my job is to teach my sons about all the lessons life has to offer. It’s my job to be open, understanding and honest. When it comes to my boys, I want to teach them everything my father taught me and anything else that falls inbetween. I don’t ever want them to be afraid or embarrassed to ask me anything. When the topic of sex came up in our house, we talked about the birds and the bees at the level of understanding and age appropriately taylored to each child. We’ve had conversations on drugs, strangers, drinking, fighting, religion, war, tolerance, racism and just about every other -ism. A couple weeks ago we talked about the lottery, Las Vegas and gambling. I told them how exciting it is to win and how easily you can fall into a form of addiction in the process, win or lose.

Fast forward to tonight and this is how that lesson was learned.

Boy 2 of 3: “Dad, I want to buy a lottery ticket. I’ve saved up a dollar and I want to get one. Is that ok?”

Me: “You’re most likely to lose and waste your money…why don’t you save it and buy something you really want later? Something you need. Maybe some more LEGO sets?”

Boy 2 of 3: “I did save and now want to get a scratcher, PLEASE??? It’s just a dollar”

Me: (Let’s teach him a lesson about the pains of losing his hard earned money in the blink of an eye.) Ok, if that’s what you really want. But you can’t be sad when you lose your money, ok?

Boy 2 of 3: “REALLY?! WoooHoooo!”

So we make our way to 7-Eleven to buy some cigarettes, a couple 40 oz of *Mickey’s Malt Liquor (*not affiliated with Disney) and a scratcher. I hand him the ticket and a quarter to scratch the numbers…

Me: “Now remember not to get upset when…”

Boy 2 of 3: “DAD, I WON! If you get 3 of the same numbers you win that amount right? I won! I won! I’m RICH!!!”

 

 

Me: “Give me back my quarter.”

 

 

 

Fan claims Justin Bieber got her pregnant backstage, files paternity lawsuit

Seen here using his magic to make a whole hockey arena unaware that he was having syrupy, pube-hair free sex with Selena Gomez in a VIP box, Justin Bieber is now accused that he had sex with a fan backstage at the end of one of his concerts and is now the daddy of a 3-month old baby. There was honey dripping with that one too, right? And giant tootsie rolls to celebrate at the end, yes?

Via RadarOnline:

A 20-year-old California woman has filed a bombshell lawsuit against teen pop icon Justin Bieber alleging he is the father of her three-month-old baby boy, Star magazine is exclusively reporting in its new issue.

Mariah Yeater is demanding the singer take a paternity test “to scientifically confirm” he is the father of the child, according to court papers obtained by Star.

The papers were filed in late October and Yeater asks the court for Bieber “to provide adequate support for my baby.”

In an affadavit signed under penalty of perjury Yeater says she was 19 years old when she had sex with the underage star backstage at one of his concerts in Los Angeles.

Bieber’s reps have strenuously denied the accusations but a court hearing has been set for later this year. In a statement to RadarOnline.com, Bieber’s said: “While we haven’t yet seen the lawsuit, it’s sad that someone would fabricate malicious, defamatory, and demonstrably false claims. We will vigorously pursue all available legal remedies to defend and protect Justin against these allegations.”

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Hugh Grant had a “fleeting affair” and is now the proud owner of a chinese baby

51-year old Hugh Grant had casual sex with a young, pretty Chinese thing 20 years his junior back in early January, promptly dumped her when he found out she was pregnant, and he’s now the proud daddy of a 5-week old baby of unknown gender. Which of course shows how he’s grown into a mature and responsible adult because under normal circumstances the sex would have taken place in a dark alley, the female would be missing a couple of teeth and police sirens would be interrupting their tender love making. Hugh, who visited the baby for a whole half hour before jetting off to Scotland to play golf had his representative tell everyone this was a fleeting affair, but he’s very happy anyway. “Oh, Jolly good, jolly good, I say, this is fabulous news. Oh, bollocks! You do you mean, she requires financial support of me? I daresay, my testicles and I do protest! Well, the dry cleaning business shall have to suffice my dear. Now, carry on, carry on. I do have an engagement with a fair lady for a bit of dogging and it will cost me a pretty penny shall I dare be late.”

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January Jones refuses to name father in birth certificate

According to TMZ,  January Jones has left a ‘big, fat blank spot’ on her baby’s birth certificate in the space where she’s supposed to name the father.

TMZ obtained the document, filed Friday with the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health, which shows January’s son, Xander Dane Jones, was born on September 13, 2011.

I have to be honest here. This throws my theory of January Jones being a vengeful, vindictive icebox of hate and adultery who would keep a baby out of spite out the window. Sure, the kid’s name starts with an X, like X-Men, which is the movie she starred in and the movie that married guy she was sleeping with produced (Claudia Schiffer knows what i’m talking about). But keeping his identity a secret even on the birth certificate, well this tells me she might have some standards after all. Or she actually has no idea who the damn father was, because damn it,there were too many men on set that day. At this point, i demand a DNA test because frankly, who wants a little boy asking the question “mommy, who’s my daddy” and getting back “how the f**k should i know? Now eat your filthy boogers, i ain’t runnin a restaurant here!”.


 

Elton John & His Lover David Furnish Are Now Fathers

Sir Elton John and David Furnish seen here back in 1987 at Elton’s 40th birthday party are now parents. A child born unto them of wigs and glitter. So expect a lot of this in the near future: Tiny Dancer Onesies, Cradles In The Wind, The Bitch Is Back Burpers, and their special kid musical, Bennie and The Pets.

According to Us Magazine:

Sir Elton John and David Furnish have become parents to son Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John, the couple tells UsMagazine.com exclusively.

The baby boy, who was born Dec. 25 in California via a surrogate, weighed 7 pounds, 15 ounces.

“We are overwhelmed with happiness and joy at this very special moment,” John and Furnish tell Us in a joint statement. “Zachary is healthy and doing really well, and we are very proud and happy parents.”

This is the first child for John, 62, and Furnish, 48. The couple married in 2005 after 12 years together.

A rep for the couple has stated that they intend to protect and respect the privacy of their surrogate, and will not be discussing any details relating to the surrogacy arrangements.

I’m just glad Elton gave his kid such a lovely and normal name. I’m sick of celebs saddling their children with names like Whizz Bang Sparklepants or something equally silly.

Note to self: get rich before you are 40 so you can have an outfit that badass at your birthday party.

 

Mackenzie Phillips revelation Part II:She aborted her father’s child (with video)

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Mackenzie Phillips, who admitted on Oprah that she had an incestuous relationship with her father, John Phillips, has also revealed that she believed the child she was carrying when she was married was not that of her then husband’s Shane Fontayne’s but that of her father’s (“Your father is supposed to protect you. Your father is supposed to protect you, not f*** you,” Phillips said, in what had to be the most chilling part of the interview).

John Phillips also thought that she was pregnant with his child and when Mackenzie went for an abortion, he paid for it. Mackenzie said she ended the affair after that and never let her father touch her again.

She also revealed that Mick Jagger, a close friend of her father’s back then, made advancements towards her when she was 18 (which ended up in the two of them allegedly locking themselves in the bedroom with her father banging the door and trying to stop them) and confessed he had his sights on her since she was 10 years old.