Archive for the "Ice-T" Category

Pimp Turned Simp: Ice-T Goes On Fallon Dancing Around The Fact His Girl Coco’s Loins Were Being Plastered By AP. 9 In Vegas! [Video]

He needs to stay in Vegas… because when the cat is away… the cat gets beaten to bits by a no named rapper who posts pictures on blogs of the incident.

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Coco Austin in a Bikini! OH MY!

Did anyone watch, ‘Ice Loves Coco’ last night? No? Well, you should feel very lucky right now because you missed a truly frightening sight…Coco in a bikini! She stripped down to her bikini in last night’s episode during an impromptu photo shoot on the beach.

Her bikini was way too small and it was of course animal-print. Why wouldn’t it be? Unfortunately, she should have picked out a bigger animal. Maybe an elephant-print, perhaps? Something to cover up that huge thing she is carrying around. Her butt is so big that there is actually a family of four renting her ass out as a home. They describe it as a spacious 3,000 square foot home with a stunning view of a black hole.

Check out the scary pictures below… Coco Austin in a Bikini! OH MY! Coco Austin in a Bikini! OH MY! Coco Austin in a Bikini! OH MY! Coco Austin in a Bikini! OH MY! Coco Austin in a Bikini! OH MY!


Ice-T and Coco Reveal That They are Both Sexual Demons

You really know an interview is going well when it involves the phrase “sex circus.” Well that’s what came up when Vibe Magazine decided to ask Ice-T and Coco: “How can I have a marriage that comes with a sex circus of a love life?” The answer:

Ice T: Marry somebody that turns you the fuck on.

Coco: Don’t think that you’re going to turn them into some sexual demon when you get married. They have to already be the sexual demon beforehand.

Ice T: But wait for your ultimate sexual partner, try that one. That’s a good start. If you start with that and keep that alive, hopefully the person isn’t an idiot and shit doesn’t go wrong. One of the things that help messes up a sex life is just basic stress in the relationship though. If you have a stressful relationship there‘s not going to be sex.

Coco: Trying things out. And you don’t have to do it a second time. You just try it once to see if you two connect on that same level.

Sane advice, which is sort of disappointing. I was hoping for impossibly filthy tales of physics-defying depravity. I mean, Coco’s physical presence is, in and of itself, a filthy tale of physics-defying depravity. Wouldn’t it be sort of awesome if these two actually had a really boring love life? Silent, awkward missionary-style sex, eyes politely averted.


Look What Coco is Wearing Now

Coco, the love child of Anna Nicole Smith and the Hulk, is starting the new year by doing what she knows best, tweeting ridiculous pictures of her ridiculous body. Her first tweetpic was of herself in a purple net catsuit (seen above), showing off those big ol’ titties she is so “famous” for.

“Got home tied my hair up, got in a catsuit. I can’t show u the whole outfit cuz u can’t see it before Ice”.

Later, presumably after showing Ice, she got back on Twitter and revealed the rear view (photo below), showing off that ass that Ice-T recently praised publicly.

“The back of my catsuit.. I call this my comfy clothes. I wear this around the house to clean in”.

Clearly this woman is the living embodiment of class and refinement­. Surely, she is the Grace Kelly of our times. Now my question is, when she is on a cruise ship, does she get a waiver and not have to do the life jacket drill? Because really, what would be the point, not  like she can drown. She’s practically half human – half rubber duckie.


Ice-T Really Wants You to Know That He is Hittin’ That Thing

Rapper Ice-T had something to say on New Years Eve about his wife Coco and how me and you could never bang his wife, He-Ass, master of the crackuverse. Who by the way seems strangely over-dressed, compared to the photos we normally see of Coco.

According to PopEater:

At the New Year’s Eve party the rapper-turned-actor hosted in New York City with his longtime friend, club owner and producer Noel Ashman, he took the stage and professed his love to his voluptuous wife, Coco.

“I love Coco,” he told the huge crowd at Nuela. “It’s our anniversary tonight.”

“Look at Coco!” he said, pointing out his wife, who wore a form-fitting red gown with a plunging neckline. “Look at that ass! You can’t get that unless you are Ice-T!”

Does he mean Coco’s ass, or herpes?

Ice-T, I don’t think men are attracted to your wife’s ass so much as pulled in by its gravitational force. Then only to have their stuff burned up upon entry into her assmosphere.

To be fair on Ice-T, when people have asses this big the turds must be a phenomenal sight to behold. I can see why the man is proud. I bet she uses a whole roll of TP and a box of baby wipes every time. God I hope so anyway.

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Coco is a Camel Toe Extraordinaire

What is a camel toe, you ask? If you’re really the tard who doesn’t know, a cameltoe is normally a very aesthetically pleasing phenomenon, whereby a woman’s Venus mound is clearly discernable under the snug fabric of her lower garment. Typically, the fuller the labia, the more pleasing the effect. Now that everyone is on the same page, let’s take a look at some of Coco’s very common vaginal wedgie moments, since she wears nothing but 100% pure spandex it seems.

Personally I’m damn sick and tired of seeing her full on camel toes in every picture, and her nasty silicone-laden ass, too. Cover that shit up, woman. We’ve all seen WAAAAAY too much of that *ahem* less-than-prime real estate…

And speaking of silicone, it’s time to get those fake tits an upgrade. If you’re gonna walk around with them flapping in the breeze 24/7 then you need to take care of the lumpy, misshapen ridges you’ve got sticking out everywhere. And please, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t whip out another one of your ugly scarred nipples anyplace where someone is going to take a picture of it.

p.s. I’d still hit it, hit it real good.

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Ice-T and His Camel Toe Wife Cross the Pond to Kick it with Cash Money

We haven’t seen Coco’s camel toe in a minute, but here it is in all of its glory in London at some Cash Money party where it seems like the only Cash Money member in attendance was Baby.

Pop it for more Ice-T, Coco, Birdman, and some random a*s British “celebrities”

Is that Craig David???