America was collectively holding its breath yesterday and it sure as hell wasn’t because of the pending verdict in Michael Jackson’s case. No, our priorities are damn straight, we were all aching to find out if Courtney Stodden’s ridiculously large breasts were the work of a crafty plastic surgeon. Well, we can all breath again, because those bazukas are real. That is if you disregard that mysterious unidentified object the ultrasound picked up under her muscle. So either Dr. Drew picked up a homeless guy from the street, gave him a robe and told him to point a pointy thingy at someone’s boobs and he’d get a bowl of soup for lunch, or CIA secretly implanted a monitoring device to study the effects of abnormal levels of estrogen in the underage mentally retarded. That’s always valuable knowledge in the fight against terror.
Initially, plastic surgeon Dr. John Diaz seemed to find a “round object” under her muscle in the images, but an indignant Stodden again insisted that she had never gotten plastic surgery.
The technician then tilted the transducer to a different angle and after much probing, Dr. Diaz took another good look at Stodden’s supposedly all-natural frame with the machine and confirmed that the images indeed proved that the fame-seeker had been telling the truth.
“This is all normal tissue we are looking at,” Dr. Drew said.
“I guess she was telling us the truth,” agreed Dr. Diaz. “She doesn’t look like she has an implant.”
Hutchinson, who stood by as the procedure took place onstage, looked smug. He once said in an interview that “her plastic surgeon was God.”
Asked if she was relieved to finally set the record straight about her body, Stodden played coy.
“It is. Yes. Thank you,” she smiled.