Lady Gaga is not a fan of divorce, at all. She is a big believer in marriage, but only if you stick with it and work through your troubles. “My grandmother….was married to my grandfather for 60 years. My parents are still together, 30 years. Divorce is not an option for me.” the 26-year-old singer said.
She talked about how her parents had to stick it out and work through the tough times,
“It’s like, ‘I’m gonna get married and that’s it. He’s stuck with me’. I want to eventually find a man that feels the same way – about divorce not being an option. Working through everything together, even if it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever been through, you just stick it out.” she said.
That is kind of surprising. Judging by the way she acts/dresses and just her overall attitude, you wouldn’t think she would be one to take marriage so seriously. It’s nice to see that she does indeed have some priorities. Good luck to the crazy dude who ends up marrying that piece of work.
Demi Lovato has never shied away from talking about her personal struggles, especially when it comes to her eating disorder. However, there has always been one subject she did not want to talk about; drugs. Demi never would address the rumors about her alleged drug problem, until now. The 19-year-old Disney star opened up to Fabulous, a British magazine.
“I was depressed. I would come offstage in front of 18,000 people and suddenly be alone in a hotel room. I’d come crashing down and would try to find a way to re-create that feeling, to stay ‘up.’ Promoters gave me drugs and alcohol in restaurants or club. They wanted me to come back so I would be seen there. They were basically kissing my ass. Being a celebrity can be dangerous. Nobody says ‘no’. That’s why so many end up overdosing and dying. It could definitely have happened to me.” She told the magazine.
Wow, honesty is the best policy…right? It’s good to see that she is finally talking about it. She likes to talk about her eating disorder because it could help people going through the same situation. Well, this could do the same thing. She could be saving someone’s life just by talking about it and proving that you can get through it.
Hopefully she’ll continue to talk about it and continue on her long road to recovery.
Gentlemen…start your…fat jokes! Khole Kardashian has always been open about her sex life with Lamar Odom; do you remember the whole broken sex swing incident? Well, the 27-year-old is the cover girl for April’s sex issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. Khole can be seen on the cover showing some pretty spectacular cleavage.
She told the magazine how she spices up her relationship with Lamar. She was asked if she would cook or do a striptease to do something nice for her husband, “Both-together! I cook for him naked” she replied. She also talked about the pressures of trying to have a baby, “People make me feel like I have a problem because I haven’t had a kid yet. We were thinking we had to know when I was ovulating. But seriously? That took the fun out of everything.” Khole said.
It might be smart if they hold off on the baby thing, Lamar already has enough distractions right now. His work is suffering greatly, have you seen him play basketball this year? Yeah, me neither…that is the problem.
Enjoy the “cute” coupley pictures of Lamar and Khole below.
After the horrible pictures of Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife yesterday, we figured we would make it up to you and show you what big breasts are supposed to look like. Sofia Vergara is a perfect example, she recently posed in some sexy lingerie for Esquire magazine (you can view all the pictures below.)
The magazine also interviewed Sofia and she shared some tips on how to land a beautiful Latina babe. “I guess at the end of the day, all women like to be appreciated and treated with respect and kindness. We all want to have sex in a romantic way. But with a Latina, you’re going to have more fun.”
She also revealed that she can have quite the temper, “Nick (her boyfriend) wonders how I can get really mad and scream, then turn around, do something, come back, and forget that I was mad. The first time it happened, he thought, this woman is insane. One time I was screaming with my sister. Then the next day, I told him I was having lunch with her. He said, ‘How? You were just fighting with her!’”
A hot babe with a temper? Sign me up! I’ve always wanted to walk out of the bedroom, bloody and bruised. I want some kind of proof that I just had the time of my life in there. Battle wounds.
Do you remember a week or so ago when there were rumors going around that Whitney Houston was murdered? Well, those rumors are only going to spread after hearing what Whitney Houston’s sister Pat had to say to Oprah last night.
“Don’t know how she got [in the tub]… I just know they had to pull her out of [the tub].” She told Oprah. She also talked about the moment she found out what happened, saying that she heard screams coming from Houston’s room and when she arrived she saw one of the singer’s assistant in tears. She was able to see her sister before paramedics arrived, “She had a peaceful look on her face” Patricia Houston said.
This will only keep the debate alive. What did she mean exactly by saying, “she doesn’t know how she got in the tub?” and who would murder her? Did she have any close enemies? It would have to be someone close to her, right? Since Houston was surrounded by people who loved her in the hotel room.
It should be noted that the Coroner has already said there was no sign of foul play or trauma. However, the official cause of death will not be determined until toxicology results are in.
Oprah Winfrey has all the power in the world and she is using that power to land the first interview with Bobbi Kristina Brown and two other members of the Houston family. The family has remained fairly quiet since the tragic death of Whitney Houston, but it looks like they will be breaking their silence soon.
It will be interesting to see what kind of questions Oprah will ask Bobbi Kristina. Will she bring up her troubled past? As most of you know, a lot of people are worried that Bobbi Kristina is following in her mother’s foot steps. It should be noted that the “official” cause of death has not been determined. However, the autopsy results should be revealed within a week or two…perhaps just in time for the interview?
The interview will air on OWN Sunday, March 11 at 9 p.m. Will you be watching?
How do I know this? Well, we used to go out. No, no, no I am kidding, I have to stop pretending like my dreams are actually happening. I know she is clingy because you can just tell! You can just tell she is that overly emotional/needy girlfriend who cries if you don’t pick up the phone. Her interview in Vogue only confirms my suspicions. She was asked about her dating life and had this to say “I got nothing going on! I just don’t really feel like dating. I have this great life right now and I’m not crying this Christmas, so I am really stoked about that.” See what I mean? What she really means is, “I really wish I had something going on, but I don’t. So, I am going to pretend that I am happy being single when I am really dying inside.” Swift revealed that her next album will be about “earth-shattering, not recent, but absolute crash-and-burn heartbreak.” So…basically it will be like every single album she has ever put out. It’s good to know she is sticking with what sells. I know it sounds like I hate Taylor Swift, but I really don’t. I really do like her; it’s just she gets on my nerves. The fact that she still acts like everything is a surprise…it’s not. No one believes that act anymore. And, how almost every single song is about a break-up. How many bad break-ups can one girl have? She is going to end up being a lesbian, I just know it.
In a new interview with Rolling Stone, George Clooney opens up about his spinal cord injury in 2005 during the filming of Syriana which lead him to contemplate suicide:
Lying in hospital feeling like he had suffered a stroke he thought: ‘I can’t exist like this. I can’t actually live’... The back injury he sustained while filming Syriana was so bad that he started blowing spinal fluid out of his nose. He tried drinking heavily but it was not enough to anaesthetise himself.
‘I was at a point where I thought, “I can’t exist like this. I can’t actually live.” ‘I was lying in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm, unable to move, having these headaches where it feels like you’re having a stroke, and for a short three-week period, I started to think, “I may have to do something drastic about this”… but I never thought I’d get there. See, I was in a place where I was trying to figure out how to survive.’
George also shared his early adventures in the world of sex and how a rope pretty much molded him into the chick banging machine he is today:
Clooney reveals that that while he lost his virginity at the age of 16 (“young, very young, too young”), he had his first orgasm when he was much younger. “I believe it was while climbing a rope when I was six or seven years old,” he says. “I mean, nothing came out, but all the other elements were there. I remember getting to the top of the rope, hanging off the rope, and going, “Oh, my God, this feels great!”
And last but not least, George Clooney shares a deep love for dick jokes and fart noises. In other words, we’re twinsies. Only I’m a lot more handsome than he is. Right, ma?
For example, the word “Johnson” always makes him laugh. “Always. ‘He showed her his Johnson and she left.’ You can actually say that in mixed company or on late-night TV.” He’s also pretty fond of farts, especially when hanging out with his pals. “We think it’s one of the funniest things in the history of mankind. Even the idea of a fart makes me laugh. Saying the word ‘fart’ makes me laugh. I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there’s nothing funnier.”
Oscar producer Brett Ratner, you know, the guy who likes to eat shrimp and masturbate at the same time according to Olivia Munn, apparently had a really, really bad week.
First he brought upon him the fury of the gay mafia by saying at a Q&A last Friday that “rehearsal is for fags”. Then he went on Howard Stern and in 90 seconds managed to talk about his mutant sperm count (“How lucky I am that I never got a girl pregnant. It’s crazy!”), the size of his testicles (“I have HUGE balls…”), his talent for performing oral sex on Lindsay Lohan (“I’m probably the best in the world…[girls] cry”), the possibility that HPV causes throat cancer (“If that’s true, I’m a dead man.”) and how he sends women to his doctor to be checked for sexually-transmitted diseases, “before I go all the way.”
Obviously the gay mafia won, and Ratner resigned as a producer of the 84th Annual Academy Awards on Tuesday.
In his public apology, Ratner explained his reasons for standing down: “Being asked to help put on the Oscar show was the proudest moment of my career. But as painful as this may be for me, it would be worse if my association with the show were to be a distraction from the Academy and the high ideals it represents,” he wrote in a letter published by TheWrap.com.
And just in case you missed the story about his love of the crustaceans and their importance in getting an erection, here’s an excerpt from Olivia Munn’s book:
“Wait,” he begged.
Slowly, like in a bad horror movie, I turned around once more. And I remember first noticing him wearing an Oxford shirt and holding a fistful of cocktail sauce-smothered shrimp. He popped one down his throat and then another, the red sauce collecting like so much baby’s blood at the corner of his smirking mouth before dribbling down his front and settling as glistening stains on his shirt.
[…] This A-List schmuck then has the nerve to say: “You have such an interesting look– what ethnicity are you?”
And this is where things crossed over from merely disturbing to downright horrific–that was the exact moment I noticed what was either a tiny gnarled doggie toy or this adult man’s penis being stroked by his own stubby hand.
He was masturbating. Right there. With shrimp in one hand. And me standing in front of him. Masturbating. Mastur-bating. I’m not even kidding.
And the dude was going for it, too, furiously pulling at the tragic stub. Before I could even begin to make sense of the whole deal, he was moaning, moaning and then–fire hose. On steroids. The Mt. Saint Helens of man-juice.
So get this, Johnny Depp, who absolutely loathes being interviewed and being photographed, gets interviewed and photograpped in Vanity Fair only to complain about it calling it Rape. Yeah, that’s right, rape. And because we feel his everyday struggle (earning $50million per year , having people worship you etc) is a real one, we’re going to go ahead and post a few pictures of him from Cannes. Bet he’s feeling molested right about now. And then, we’re going to post a couple of bikini pictures of Kristen Stewart who’s a fellow sufferer. Sadism to the max, baby!
Via Vanity Fair:
‘You just feel like you’re being raped somehow,’ he said. ‘Raped… It feels like a kind of weird… just weird, man.’
‘Whenever you have a photo shoot or something like that, it’s like… you just feel dumb. It’s just so stupid,’
Simon Cowell described his anti-aging regime on Leno last night, and it pretty much involves harnessing the power of laughter which comes in droves after he gives injects female employees with some sort of female viagra in the guise of vitamins only to watch them have uncontrollable orgasms right before they’re about to go on stage. “There, perfectly legitimate reason to fire you! Off you go, you little tramp!” That along with smoothies and a healthy dose of cartoons. His words, not ours:
‘These vitamins, you can feel them going through your entire body and I mean your entire body.”
‘I did say to this girl, you are going to have a slightly unusual experience here.”
‘Then five minutes before we were going to go on air she was in one of the dressing rooms and she actually had two orgasms during it. ‘True story.”
In an interview with Parade magazine, Brad Pitt credits Angelina Jolie for bringing back all the lost joy to his penis and basically snatching him away from an existence trapped in the lifeless and frozen tandra that was Jennifer Aniston’s vagina.
Angie: Here honey, i wrote you a few bullet points for your interview.
Brad: Thanks Ang…wait a minute…but honey she’s really gonna get hurt if i say these things
Angie: You know, i saw the cuttest little mongolian outside the supermarket today..
Brad: Err, sure thing babe, but can we change the “lifeless dried up robot” to something more sensitive??
Here’s some excerpts from the interview:
‘I spent the ’90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony.
‘I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic.
‘It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself.”I think that my marriage had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.
‘One of the greatest, smartest things I ever did was give my kids Angie as their mom. She is such a great mom. Oh, man, I’m so happy to have her.’
‘I put much more emphasis on being a satisfied man. I’m satisfied with making true choices and finding the woman I love, Angie, and building a family that I love so much.
‘A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss. That’s the trade-off. But I’ll take it all.’
We all know the Kardashian sisters are as brilliant as ostriches and as annoying as 100 mosquitos attacking raw skin after third-degree burns, and if it wasn’t for all those breasts and asses getting in the way of clear judgement, someone would have given Bruce Jenner his freedom a long time ago. At last, its been made public by a news anchor who should always wait for an answer to the question “Are we still on?”. Mike Jerrick of Philadelphia’s Fox 29 morning show, you’re the man!
You might remember when ladies everywhere were getting super wet over that video of actor Bradley Cooper speaking fluent French on a French TV show. We was all like, “What’s the big deal?” It’s just a dude most women would chop off their left leg for speaking fluently in the most romantic language on the planet? Well! We think we sort of “get it” now thanks to Meg Mila Kunis.
You see, Mila Kunis and her costar Justin Timberlake were at a press junket in Moscow for Friends With Benefits when one of the reporters asked Timberlake (in Russian) “you’re such a successful singer, why would you even want to get into acting?”. Lets just say Kunis did not approve:
“Why should he be making movies? What do you want him to be doing? (Applause)” Kunis, who moved to California from Ukraine at age 7, testily replied. “If he wants to do it and he can do it, why not? (Crosstalk) What kind of question is that? Well, why are you here? (More applause, crosstalk) It’s the same thing.”
DAMN! The way she reponded, you’d think the reporter had asked her if this was the exact same movie that came out this very same year with Kutcher & Portman.
After violating her probation by testing positive for alcohol last week, house-arrested Lindsay Lohan may be jailbound again (she’s due in court later today) which means interviewing her is the biggest coup an American journalist could get right now! Bigger than interviewing the president. Bigger than a sit-down with Osama bin Laden’s reanimated waterlogged corpse. But Matt Lauer walked out of an interview with her, anyway, because she was just a demanding bitch.
Lauer flew 3,000 miles to L.A., and was ready to interview Lindsay at 6PM last night, cameras set up and everything. But LiLo never came out of her bedroom. Page Six says she wanted $100,000 for the interview, even though they had already agreed to $50,000 “for photos or videos, because they don’t pay for interviews.” TMZ says “Lauer’s team blindsided them by saying the interview would be extremely lengthy because producers were planning to put it on Dateline as well as Today.” A Today Show publicist says Lindsay “had a change of heart and wasn’t prepared to talk for more than 15 minutes… There was no licensing or payment agreement of any kind.” Lindsay’s publicist says “No money was involved, and I was the one who called [the interview] off.”
So either Lindsay Lohan is such a monstrous diva that the Today Show would rather lose a massive scoop than deal with her, or Lauer pulled the ol’ “walk away from the street merchant” bluff, and ended up walking away empty-handed. Either way, what did LiLo expect? If you want to dictate the terms of your interview, you go to an outlet with the word “Buzz” or “Biz” in its name, not Matt Lauer. He’s a serious journalist! He arm-wrestled Tom Cruise!
As crazy as this is going to sound, Emma Watson can’t get a date since guys are afraid to ask her out (that giant diamond ring on her finger probably isn’t helping). Apparently she didn’t get those fifty-three letters I sent to her house saying “YOU WILL BE MINE OR ELSE” that I wrote using a special mixture of my own blood and semen.
“I say to my friends, ‘Why hasn’t X called me? Why doesn’t anyone ever pursue me?’”. “They’re like, ‘Probably because they’re intimidated.’”
“It must be the fame wall,” Watson theorized. “It must be the circus that goes around me. Me, as a person, I find it hard to believe I would be intimidating.”
That’s not to say no guys ever approach her – she just hasn’t met anyone brave enough to offer a genuine pickup line.
“I constantly get stuff like, do I have a magic wand I can sort things out with? Or guys come up to me and go, ‘Where’s Harry? Where’s Ron?,’” the 21-year-old said.
“Sometimes, maybe because they feel intimidated, they feel they have to knock me down,” she explained. “They know perfectly well who I am, but they’ll ask me, ‘How are the Narnia films going?’”
I’m just gonna guess Emma Watson is bat shit crazy. It would make sense, given her incredibly unusual childhood.
If your friends tell you, “Men are just intimidated,” that’s code for either, “You’re not very attractive” (unlikely in this case) or, “You are a stone-cold weirdo who puts sweaters on her pet ferret and makes Tori Amos look sane and predictable.”
If she is indeed a Quirk, then there are three kinds of men in Emma’s immediate vicinity: a) assholes who want to capitalize on/take advantage of her vulnerability and weirdness; b) weak little skinny dudes named “Parker” who have feeeeeeelings and are basically man-ginas with no appealing qualities, and c) nice, normal, dudes who know not to “stick your dick in crazy,” and are far more interested in one of Emma’s hot, semi-normal friends. Then again, it could legitimately be the fame/attention angle, which would scare off most of the decent dudes I know.
P.S Emma, just post “You’re hot” on the Facebook page of any American congressman you find cute. Works like a charm.
You really know an interview is going well when it involves the phrase “sex circus.” Well that’s what came up when Vibe Magazine decided to askIce-T and Coco: “How can I have a marriage that comes with a sex circus of a love life?” The answer:
Ice T: Marry somebody that turns you the fuck on.
Coco: Don’t think that you’re going to turn them into some sexual demon when you get married. They have to already be the sexual demon beforehand.
Ice T: But wait for your ultimate sexual partner, try that one. That’s a good start. If you start with that and keep that alive, hopefully the person isn’t an idiot and shit doesn’t go wrong. One of the things that help messes up a sex life is just basic stress in the relationship though. If you have a stressful relationship there‘s not going to be sex.
Coco: Trying things out. And you don’t have to do it a second time. You just try it once to see if you two connect on that same level.
Sane advice, which is sort of disappointing. I was hoping for impossibly filthy tales of physics-defying depravity. I mean, Coco’s physical presence is, in and of itself, a filthy tale of physics-defying depravity. Wouldn’t it be sort of awesome if these two actually had a really boring love life? Silent, awkward missionary-style sex, eyes politely averted.
So remember back in February, when CBS abruptly announced that its news correspondent/super hottie, Lara Logan, had “suffered a horrible sexual assault and a brutal beating” in Cairo while covering the Egyptian revolution. It was a strong, vague statement that got everyone’s attention, but nobody knew what it really meant. Take us for example, we thought she had been gang banged by 117 horny Egyptians and made to play with their ballsacks. But apparently we were wrong.
Now, Lara Logan is telling the story herself. She spoke to the New York Times about the assault in advance to the airing of her 60 Minutes story (that’s going to air this Sunday night.)
She was ripped away from her producer and bodyguard by a group of men who tore at her clothes and groped and beat her body. “For an extended period of time, they raped me with their hands,” Ms. Logan said in an interview with The New York Times. She estimated that the attack lasted for about 40 minutes and involved 200 to 300 men.
So…they finger banged her?
Logan also said “My clothes were torn to pieces,” and called the mob “merciless.” And then she wouldn’t say more. Whether to save her 60 Minutes exclusive or because that’s all she wants to say about it, we won’t really know until Sunday night.
If you criticize Vanessa Hudgens’ weight, she will pop a cap in your ass. She made this very clear in an interview with U.K. magazine Fabulous:
“I can get very gangster at times. I used to be very timid. Now I’m my own person. I don’t feel pressure to look a certain way. My weight fluctuates, like any normal girl. If anyone told me to lose weight, I’d say ‘f%$k you’ and walk away.”
In the blood-in blood-out world of red carpet stardom, “you’re fat” is the equivalent of a drive-by shooting. Every time a starlet slaughters a paparazzo, she gets another vapid phrase tattooed in cursive somewhere on her person. What, you thought LiLo’s ink was just for show? Hardscrabble tween icons earn that shit on the mean streets of Rodeo Drive, in between cocaine binges and sexting marathons.
Yesterday Lindsay Lohan pre-taped an episode of The Tonight Show that airs this evening. Linds actually got a standing ovation from the audience when she walked out (they were all standing and yelling because a bunch of critters jumped out of her cooch and were running around under the seats) and told Jay Leno she felt “kind of numb” after she was sentenced.
Leno asked Lohan, “At what point did you realize, ‘Oh my God, I could lose this, this could slip away from me?’”
“I think that when, you know, being young and being in the position I was in, you don’t really take the time to appreciate what you have and it’s all kind of a whirlwind, and people make decisions for you,” Lohan said. “But I’m not a kid anymore – I’m 24, I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I recognize that. I’m in the clear now, and as long as I stay focused, I can achieve what I want to achieve.”
“In the clear” you say LiLo? You just got out on bail last Friday night and are still facing misdemeanor charges for retail theft, yet somehow you are “in the clear”? Well those are words she won’t be hearing at her next AIDS test.
The thing I still don’t really get is her getting a standing ovation. She basically must have done an Oprah. She stood up and announced “everyone in the audience is getting a blow job! I’ve got a blow job for you! And for you! And for you! Every one of you is getting a blow job!”
Apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Just when you think professional ridiculous person Gwyneth Paltrow can’t provide more fodder for her haters, she calls her grandmother “a real cunt.” Following Chelsea Handler’s admission that her grandmother was “a real bitch,” Our Lady of Organic Dewdrops lays into old Grandma Muti:
She tried to poison my mother against me, but it didn’t work! Because I have a great mother.
She must not have been very happy, and must have had a lot of pain, because she was mean as hell.
Oh that Gwyneth Paltrow! She’s so stuck-up! So judgmental! So undermining and snide! So full of free-range jicama and feathery moonbeams and babies with unusual names.
Oh and speaking of cunts… Chelsea Handler is still unbearable.
Asked about calling Megan Fox one of the best actresses of all time, Mickey Rourke said what he meant was one of the best actresses of all time that he has worked with. Vulture managed to catch up with him where he proceeded to trash both of his latest films starting with 13 co-starring 50 Cent who happened to be hosting the party:
You guys are in a movie together, right?
A really bad movie, yeah. What?! Is it out?
No, it’s so bad it can’t get out. Tell me why you made it.
For the money. But you think the movie’s bad.
Terrible. Why?
You have to watch it. What about your movie with Megan Fox and Bill Murray?
Terrible. Another terrible movie. But, you know, in your career and all the movies you make, you’re going to make dozens of terrible ones. You called Megan Fox, like, one of the best actresses of all time.
That I worked with [smirk]. That movie’s getting limited release.
That’s because it’s not very good.
In other words, Megan refused to suck off Mickey. I don’t blame her. His dick probably looks like the thumb from a really old leather glove by now.
While celebrated moonbeam Gwyneth Paltrow spends most of her time slaving over a hot custom-made pizza oven, preparing nice meals for her family, sometimes she needs to eat too (about once a month) and it’d be nice, maybe, if just once her ungrateful brood of wretches returned the favor. But apparently they don’t.
The jumble of dandelion fuzz and glass molecules had a book party for her hot new cookbook in the West Village last night and the following exchange took place:
For her part, the hostess, who served her favorite duck ragu as a main course, revealed that while she loves cooking for her family, they don’t exactly return the favor – ever.
“Never. Not once,” said the Country Strong star, 38. Not even a bowl of cereal for breakfast? “No,” she said.
You named your kid Apple. She doesn’t cook for you. I think it’s a fair trade. As for her husband Chris Martin, if your wife stuck to a strict macrobiotic diet and only ate autumn light mixed with a wisp of steam planted when the moon was waning, you wouldn’t cook for her either.
Heroes actress Hayden Panettiere is only 5’1″ but that’s not about to stop her from letting her 6’6″ boyfriend, Wladimir Klitschko, destroy her uterus with his giant sized penis (that’s a crazy height difference. I wonder how flat the top of her head is). Apparently she gets asked quite often if her boyfriend’s cock and balls are so massive, that she needs stitches afterward… Here’s how Hayden put it as she explained to Ellen DeGeneres the questions she gets asked about her sex life. Via Us Magazine:
“I get the prudest people coming up to me and they’re like, ‘Does it work?’ Yeah, it works. We find a way,” the Heroes alum said.
DeGeneres, 53, couldn’t believe fans would ask Panettiere about her sex life. “I know what you’re talking about, but I’m in shock!”
“Where there is a will, there is a way!” Panettiere quipped about sex with Klitschko. She began dating Klitschko after her February 2009 breakup with her 33-year-old Heroes co-star Milo Ventimiglia.
“[The people who ask me how sex works with my boyfriend] are very conservative people most of the time but that just have to know,” she explained. “Like, ‘I have to know, I just have to ask you this question. I’m really sorry but…’”
Um, bitch? Can I call you bitch? Awesome. People asking nosey personal shit like that, are neither prudes, nor conservatives, but most likely just your average person, confused as to the physics involved in parking an 18 wheeler truck in a Motorcycles Only space. I would probably be in the same boat, were I not the proud owner of these DVDs: Cockzillas 1, 2, and 4.
The only question here is, can he go ass to mouth on you without sliding his cock out?
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Rihanna responded to criticism of her decision to relax her restraining order against Chris Brown, saying, “You can never please people … That’s my decision…it doesn’t mean we’re getting married tomorrow. It doesn’t mean we’re gonna be in a relationship, or make up, or even talk ever again. It just means I didn’t want to object to the judge.” She added, “What he did to me was a personal thing. It had nothing to do with his career. Saying [he can't perform at awards show] definitely made it difficult for him. We don’t have to talk again ever in my life. I just didn’t want to make it more difficult for him professionally.”
Hear that Chris Brown, now is your chance for round two of the Rihanna beating, next time you are at the MTV awards together you can do this to her again, just as long as you don’t talk to her.
Oh boy, if he’s clean and sober, I’m a tightly wrapped toaster pastry.
In his numerous interviews today (both Today and Good Morning America, and then TMZ), Charlie Sheen claimed to be clean and sober (even passing on-air urine and blood tests). He says that the only drug he’s on right now is “Charlie Sheen.” As evidenced in these clips, Charlie Sheen is a helluva drug.
There are a few common threads among his three different interviews that have surfaced today. The first is that, much like during his call into the Alex Jones Show last week, Sheen seems to be trying to develop a catchphrase for himself: “Winning.” He spices the word into conversations over and over again. For example in ABC’s sneak peek at its 20/20 interview with Sheen, which aired this morning on GMA, Andrea Canning asks him whether or not he’s bipolar. He says that he’s “bi-winning,” because he “wins here and wins there.” In all the interviews, he also speaks often about “violent love” and “violent hate.” Perhaps best of all, though, Sheen seems to be on a mission to make the term “bitchin’” happen (again).
Additionally, in his ABC interview, Sheen, who chain smokes throughout, is seen playing with a red piece of wire. We later learn that this is the “end of a bomb that would go on an F18.” Of the one drug that he admits to being on, “Charlie Sheen,” he tells Canning:
It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. You’re face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
However, Sheen also brags about his inhuman ability to smoke large quantities of crack due to his “tiger blood” and “Adonis DNA.”
In his interview with Today, Sheen revealed that he wants a raise in order to return to work, $3 million an episode, saying, “I’m tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not bitchin’.” He also knocks AA a lot, says that CBS should lick his feet, and referred to his home as the Sober Valley Lodge.
In short Charlie Sheen needs a Twitter account, that shit would be hilarious.
Today Charlie Sheen called into conservative radio show “The Alex Jones Show” and launched into an epic rant, in which he called Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre a “turd” and Thomas Jefferson a “pussy.” You really should listen to the entire thing! It was so outrageous that CBS just announced they were shutting down Two and a Half Men for the rest of the season “based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition.” Probably a good idea.
Charlie later told TMZ, “I violently hate Chuck Lorre. He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a pussy punk that I’d never want to be like. That’s me being polite.”
Here are some of the craziest parts from the radio interview:
Charlie said he doesn’t care if his show gets canceled because, “I’ll go make movies with superstars and not work with idiots.”
He called Alcoholics Anonymous a “cult” and a “bunch of losers” who are “brainwashing his family.” “[AA] is vintage, it’s outdated, it’s stupid and it’s worshiped by stupid people and it is their fault,” he continued. “Step up and change it, change it right now. Look your father in the eye and say, ‘You’re wrong, I’m different I’m better, watch me, watch me bury you.’” Charlie added, “I have a disease? Bullshit! I cured it … with my mind.”
On his harem of pornstars: “Let me just say this about the goddesses. I don’t think the term is good enough. But when you’re bound by these terrestrial descriptions you must use the best choice available”
On his recent state of mind: “I’m sorry, man, but I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time – and this includes naps – I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.”
Thomas Jefferson was a pussy (not actually in the video below, but he said it out of the blue in the full interview)
All I can say is FINALLY, It’s about time someone told off that asshat Thomas Jefferson…
Sheen claims in the interview he’s completely clean these days. So, this is just how he talks regularly? The Charlie Sheen motivational speaking tour needs to happen now.
Today Charlie Sheen called into The Alex Jones Show and launched into an epic rant, in which he called Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre a “turd” and Thomas Jefferson a “pussy.”
Hear ye’, hear ye’. The chosen one has spoken, heed his Godly words. Justin Bieber, mop-topped “super kid” of the wooded north, fell into a political booby trap at the hands of Rolling Stone magazine, declaring himself pro-life and pro-Canada. So if you love to hate Bieber, you’re in luck no matter who you are or what your political believes are, since there is something to upset almost everyone in this interview.
On sex before marriage: “I don’t think you should have sex with anyone unless you love them. I think you should just wait for the person you’re…in love with.”
Wait… don’t tell me you aren’t having magical lesbian sex with Selena Gomez?!?!?
On war: “Canada doesn’t go around attacking people.”
Careful Justin, don’t be taking to many jibes at the U.S., it will upset your peeps. Canada doesn’t have enough record buyers to keep you in skinny jeans, that’s why you’re hawking your wares across the border.
On homosexuality: “It’s everyone’s own decision to do that. It doesn’t affect me and it shouldn’t affect anyone else.”
Just like you chose to be a lesbian right?
On religion: “I feel I have an obligation to plant little seeds with my fans. I’m not going to tell them, ‘You need Jesus,’ but I will say at the end of my show, ‘God loves you’.”
If God loved them, he would have stopped them from going to a Bieber concert.
On health care: “You guys are evil [as in the U.S.]. Canada’s the best country in the world. We go to the doctor and we don’t need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you’re broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard’s baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby’s premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home.
Now, now, Justin, you’re hardly competent enough to be commenting on Worldly affairs, seeing how you are the kid who hasn’t heard of Germany.
On politics: “I’m not sure about the parties. But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad.”
Hear that? That’s the sound of Kim Jong Il ripping all the posters off his walls and smashing his Bieber CDs. [Yes, I'm assuming he meant North Korea]
On abortion: “I really don’t believe in abortion. It’s like killing a baby?”
It’s like killing a baby, baby, baby, OHHHHHHH!
But of course Bieber is anti-choice. He’s practically a fetus himself. He’s looking out for his best interests.
On abortion in cases of rape: “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”
Oh Justin, this really should have been your answer to the previous question. Apart from the everything happens for a reason bit. Because really, there is no reason for your fame.
But as much as we hate Justin Bieber, we still got to say it’s almost unfair to ask these questions to a kid who dropped out of middle school to be a full-time tween heartbreaker and nail polish pimp. If anything, this interview is a document of the woeful deficits of child stars’ minds, much like the revelation that Jessica Simpson spent her entire childhood thinking Chicken of the Sea was poultry.
This coming from the kid who doesn’t understand the word “German”. (Edit comment)
She’s a teen idol, but Miley Cyrus has been less than Disney squeaky clean the last few years. And it’s starting to scare her dad. Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley’s father — both off camera and on, as he played her dad in “Hannah Montana” — spoke with GQ in a long interview, talking about his daughter’s frequent slipups (salvia smoking, pole dancing, numerous racy photos, amongst others) and saying that he’s been helpless to control them. Even if he’s getting blamed.
On before Miley turned 18:
“Every time something happened in Miley’s career, every time the train went off the track, if you will—Vanity Fair, pole-dancing, whatever scandal it was—her people, or as they say in today’s news, her handlers, every time they’d put me… ‘Somebody’s shooting at Miley! Put the old man up there!’ Well, I took it, because I’m her daddy, and that’s what daddies do. ‘Okay, nail me to the cross, I’ll take it. … All those people around, they used me every time. It became so obvious that, man, no matter what happens, they’re going to put you up there and let you take the bullet.”
On not going to her 18th birthday party:
“You know why I didn’t go? Because they were having it in a bar. It was wrong. It was for 21 years old and up. Once again all them people, they all wanted me to fly out so that then when all the bad press came they could say, ‘Daddy endorsed this stuff…’ I started realizing I’m being used. If I would have went out there I would have been right in the middle of all this stuff that’s going on right now with the bong. They’d be hanging it on my ass. I had the common sense… I said, ‘This whole thing’s falling apart up there and they just want to blame all of this stuff on you again.’ I’m staying out of it.’
On where he failed as a parent:
“How many interviews did I give and say, ‘You know what’s important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids’? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, ‘You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.’ Well, I’m the first guy to say to them right now: You were right.”
On how it all started:
“Were it not for David Lynch. Miley would never have been Hannah Montana.”
On teenagers being teenagers:
“I’ve done some stupid crap—I do stupid crap. We all do. But it’s different when you sit back and you see it happening to your little girl. I feel like I got to try. It’s my daughter. And some of these handlers are perhaps more interested in handling Miley’s money than her safety and her career.”
On his family being attacked by Satan:
“I think we are right now. No doubt. There’s no doubt about it.”
On if he regrets Hannah Montana:
“I hate to say it, but yes, I do. Yeah. I’d take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just be everybody okay, safe and sound and happy and normal, would have been fantastic. Heck, yeah. I’d erase it all in a second if I could.”
I blame Satan and David Lynch for the shit in my life, too, Billy Ray. Good call.
But seriously, cry me a river, Billy Ray. Especially when you’re flaunting a delicious Taco Party Pack from Taco Bell in the background. This asshat doesn’t know how good he’s got it!
Attacked below are pictures of his little sweetheart attending a Pre-Grammys Gala last Sunday:
In a new interview with Harper’s Bazaar UK, Gwyneth Paltrow talks about how people are mean to her because of her (out of touch with reality) blog, GOOP. The only thing worse than a “sincere” Fishsticks (as someone so aptly named her once) is a “sincere” Fishsticks whining about being Fishsticks.
“Any time you do anything with any degree of sincerity, people make fun of you. That’s totally fine. I don’t care. I don’t read any of it. My thing with Goop has always been, if you don’t like it, then don’t log onto it. There were a couple of times when I thought ‘I’m just gonna stop doing it. People are so mean to me. I don’t want to do it.’ But then I was like, ‘Who cares what some lame person out there says?’ I was in Italy once, and this old man came up to me and said, ‘I had the best time in Nashville because of Goop.’ And that is so worth it to me.”
Celebrities get made fun of Fishy. Which is a true fact of this terrible, blog-ridden, cynicism-dominated current world of ours. (One that I’m well aware of my somewhat heightened place in, so this is me acknowledging that I, the pot, am also black.) People do tend to mock sincerity because it is such an easy target. But I think in the case of Ms. Paltrow and Goop, it’s not really any sense of sincerity that people are teasing. Rather it’s a wildly out-of-touch perspective couched in a faux-Everymom tone. As an example she suggested to people an $80 leather flyswatter as a Christmas gift, and then she expects people not to make fun of her? AN EIGHTY DOLLAR FLY SWATTER, GWYNNIE.
I can just picture what an average night in Gwyneth’s 117 bedroom castle must be like:
“Nobody understands me!” Gwyneth sobbed, dabbing her perfectly-lined eyes with a silk handkerchief embroidered with thread spun from gold. “I’m normal! Just like everyone else!”
Sighing, she shut her diamond-encrusted Apple MacBook Air ™ that Steve Jobs had sent her as an early birthday present last fall and rang for Edwin, her butler.
“Edwin, I’m a normal woman, aren’t I?” she squeaked, holding back tears.
“Madam musn’t cry, lest she stain her new angora sweater with mascara tears!”
Producing a tissue from his pocket, he wiped her eyes tenderly.
“Madam, the children are ready for their lunch. Shall it be steamed lentils again?”
“No, no. Something different, I think.” She paused, thinking.
“Would it be too much trouble to ring up the butcher for some veal? I know how much the children love their fine meats.”
Dear Ms. Paltrow: I pre-emptively pledge, here and now, to never make fun of you or your unborn children, Apricot, Plum, and Kumquat, ever again. Although I can´t speak for the evil spirit who lives in my head.
…aaaaaand this explains why Ke$ha has been becoming a nasty tramp would couldn’t make a man pop a boner if she held him at gunpoint. Ke$ha’s role models are apparently transexuals. While they are cool in their own right, it might not be wise for a heterosexual female to try to emulate the tranny lifestyle. According to The Sun:
“I can’t dance in high heels and I’m just so not girly, but then I see these men with these banging bodies, dancing in heels, singing, and having so much fun with so much makeup on.
“That makes me honestly want to be a better woman.
“It is so fascinating that someone can commit their whole entire lifestyle to being such a fantastic woman when I’m such a bum about it.”
Ke$ha, we know you have Lady Gaga envy because of all of your retarded outfits as of late, but don’t go getting penis envy, too. Just because she has a little Fame Monster in her pants, doesn’t mean you should have one, too. Accept that you’re kind of hot in a skanky way and leave the transexual pride to the transexuals.
Sidenote: not being crunk helps with both dancing and walking in stilettos.
How horrible of John Mayer to call Jessica Simpson sexual napalm. Really, how offensive! To be called good at sex? To be compared to addictive crack cocaine? How on earth can Jessica Simpson sleep at night? It won’t be on her back with sweaty men on top of her, if she is “sexual napalm.” Disgusting.
According to US Magazine:
“I tried to read the article, and I was so disappointed in him,” she tells Oprah Winfrey. “It made me so sad, and it was really discouraging because that’s not the John that I knew…I hope he gets his life together.” She admitted she was “a little angry” about his rant. “I don’t want people to know how I am in bed!”
The singer confirms reports that he reached out to her in the aftermath. “He did apologize. I don’t accept it. It’s just one of those things that…I don’t resent him. I’m just going to let that go. That part of my life is over.”
Jessica Simpson also revealed that the “mom jeans” she was wearing that got her so much attention for being fat were only size 4. … maybe in the plus size side of the store. A size 4 indicates a relatively small, well shaped woman. Not a beluga whale tucked into denim, which was exactly what she looked like.
Backpedal as much as you want Jess, you’re not going to be wearing Daisy Dukes anymore. And you’re not size 4. On the plus size, when you gained your weight your breasts got massive. See? Always a silver lining!
Because John Mayer’s interview with Playboy had way too many gems for us to be able to include in just one post, here’s part II, which if we’re right with our estimations will get him shot in the heart by next week, or at the very least cause him the loss of a kidney…or the obliteration of his KKK dick. You never know what his enraged black brothers might do. Yes, that’s right, his brothers, because did we mention John Mayer is black?
MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.
PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n-gger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.
Mel Gibson is a changed man and has clearly moved on from his past. Why can’t you assholes get it???
Mel was interviewed by TV presenter Dean Richards on Friday in what seemed to be a very uncomfortable interview and signed off by calling the host an “asshole”.
The WGN-TV personality pressed Gibson, who was promoting new film The Edge of Darkness, on his past indiscretions, asking him if he thought the public’s perception of him had changed following his 2006 drink driving arrest (by the way, it was Gibson who asked him to clarify what past indiscretions he was referring to), in which the actor spewed anti-Semitic insults at a police officer and was publicly shamed.
A visibly annoyed Gibson replied, “That’s almost four years ago, dude. I’ve moved on, I guess you haven’t… I’ve done all the necessary mea culpas, so let’s move on, dude. Come on.”
Richards then concluded the interview, urging film fans to see Gibson’s new film.
The actor said, “Bye bye,” took a swig of coffee and then called the TV host an “asshole”, thinking he was no longer live and the interview was over.
Penelope Cruz is on the cover and in the pages of January’s Interview Magazine all oiled up and sexy in an effort to promote her new movie Nine (you know, the one that everyone’s in but Gary Busey, Kate Hudson pretends to sing and Fergie puts a strap on her nut sack to play a female hooker) and gets interviewed by co-star Marion Cotillard (yeah, the stupid one who said 9/11 was an optical illusion and a fabrication of the government). Now if only we could get past the fact that a tiny gay creature used to leave his itty bitty paw prints all over her body (hint, same one that uses a flashlight to hunt for a hidden testicle treasure under Katie Holmes’ skirt and comes up empty every time) maybe we could appreciate all this effort…
Lady Gaga was on her way to a Sydney (Australia) Radio Station yesterday were she’d be interviewed behind closed doors…and because she wanted to impress the equipment and microphone with her p-zazz, she made sure all bets were out, ass cheeks and pubic hair included.
Uncharacteristically so, she was a bit unsure of her self as she was walking towards the studio…perhaps she was afraid another cop would bust her for prostitution? After all, it was only recently when she was stopped by police in Moscow’s Red Square (she was attempting to take a photo in one of her usual getups) and amost got picked up because they assumed she was a tranny looking for “work” (well, maybe not a tranny, but, did you ever see a russian prostitute? Those girls look nothing like Lady Gaga, so we wouldn’t blame the cops if they thought she was a man).
