We’re not sure why every website online seems to be so “shocked” by this news, considering Brad and Angelina have basically been married for seven years now. We all know marriage is just a label, anyway. Brad’s manager, Cynthia Pett-Dante released a statement confirming the engagement, but says there is no wedding date yet. Right now, the engagement is just a “promise for the future.” (Isn’t adopting 23456 children kind of a promise to the future, too?)
The two love-birds first met while they were filming, ’Mr. & Mrs. Smith’ in 2005. They had previously said that they would NOT get married ‘til gay people could get married, but admitted that their children really wanted them to get married.
Well, congratulations! Hopefully the wedding happens before 2019! Our fingers are crossed.
It was one the most popular shows back in the 90s. Just a simple show about a group of friends living in Manhattan, but for some reason it was special to so many people. It was nominated for 63 primetime Emmys! That is insane. Many TV experts consider it to be one of best shows in television history. We are, of course talking about the show, ‘Friends.’ It ended back in 2004, but could there be a movie in the works? Perhaps, but Jennifer Aniston doesn’t think it would work on the big screen.
“I can’t imagine how you would do it, unless you did it years from now. I can’t imagine what that would be. It’s not normal. Friends is in your living room – Friends is not in a movie theatre. It doesn’t make sense to me. I think it would be going against its authentic self.”
Geez, did you have to crush our dreams, Jennifer? She did say that if the show was still going that her character Rachel and David’s character Ross would “100 per cent” still be together.
Yeah…maybe after a few thousand break-ups. You know, thinking about it now I don’t even want there to be a movie. That show used to piss me off so much with all the cliffhangers. I don’t need all that drama back in my life!
According to a poll put out by AshleyMadison (a website that helps you cheat on your spouse) Katy Perry is number one on the “Hall Pass” list. The poll asked over 25,000 subscribers which celebrity you would most want to cheat on your wife with. Last year the same poll was put out and Jennifer Aniston topped the list, she has now dropped down to #5, I am not sure how she will go on after finding out that horrible news. She’ll probably need a shoulder to cry on…call me. Here is the survey’s top 10 1. Katy Perry 2. Rihanna 3. Mila Kunis 4. Salma Hayek 5. Jennifer Aniston 6. Scarlett Johansson 7. Sofia Vergara 8. Blake Lively 9. Kim Kardashian 10. Sarah Palin Obviously Sarah Palin is the one who jumps out at you. Who knew people were still fantasizing about her? It’s a little bit disturbing. Maybe it’s the danger involved with it because you know her husband would shoot you if he found out. You know they probably have a lot of guns in their house. Most people stock up on canned goods, the Palin’s stock up on rifles. The rest of the list looks good to me, though. However, I’d replace Rihanna and Katy Perry. I think Rihanna would give you more bang for your buck.
The couple has only been dating for seven months now, but they have decided to send out a Christmas card together. Why? Because Jennifer seems like the super clingy type who would love to do something like this. If you look at the card you see will see how it wishes everyone a holiday season that is filled with joy, and ends with, “With warmth and love, Jen and Justin” Yuck, give me a break. But, the most interesting part of the card is what is right in the middle of it. Instead of buying presents for everyone, they made donations to a couple of charities in their name. What the heck is that? I hate it when people do that! I am all for donating to charities, but not when it’s just a ploy to make yourself look better. You can donate to charities anytime you want, why assume that is the best present for me? Shit, what if I wanted an ipad or something? How do you know that I haven’t already donated to a charity? It is the worst gift, ever. I mean, I donate to the Salvation Army every year! I am no scrooge; I just am not a fan of horrible presents. And, that is a classic horrible present. It’s like someone baking a cake for your birthday and then saying, “You can only look at it. I am giving it all to a homeless shelter.” WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST BAKE TWO FREAKING CAKES THEN?
Jennifer Aniston attended Glamour’s Women Of The Year Awards the other night, and since our job is to stare deeply into breasts and draw conclusions from them about the dreams and hopes of celebrities, we came out thinking they looked a bit pregnanty. Plus, she quit smoking a few weeks ago and she recently bought a $9million apartment in NYC that has two nurseries. Of course, it could be that she was having her period and the nurseries are for the kids Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie told her they’re going to give her as a gift for Christmas. They’re leftovers from their recent Asian orphan shopping spree, but she’ll take anything at this point.
Someone told me JLo and Jennifer Aniston engaged in some sort of battle of the slits and thighs at Glamour’s Women Of The Year Awards but I was too mesmerized by Donatella Versace’s corpse-like beauty to notice.
Iggy Pop is the new face of Paco Rabanne perfume…which I’m assuming smells like unwashed hair and soiled underwear? This brand just committed suicide, didn’t it.
Kim Kardashian pictured arriving at LAX without make-up. She’s really, really hurting, you guys!
Christina Aguilera revisits her Disney days…and somehow makes Minnie look quite appealing. I have a thing for skinny chicks.
Coco goes shopping for clothes. Just trying to imagine the salesperson’s face when she asks for pants in size DDD.
George Clooney takes Stacy Keibler to Los Cabos for the second time in a month! “Good morning, George. I hate marriage.” “I’m booking us another vacation as we speak!”
Nicole Richie and her cleavage accepting the award for Style Influencer Of The Year. That tip on how to wear a scarf AND earrings at the same time had a profound effect on my life.
And now the Obamas taking drastic measures to resurrect the economy.
Here’s Jennifer Aniston at the Elle women In Hollywood event in Beverly Hills last night (she was an honoree by the way) and judging from the plunging neckline she must be in a very happy place right now. That or she’s trying really hard to make us forget that Brad Pitt called her vagina a nightmarish Siberian prison for the penis and instead take us to a warm and comforting place every time we look at her chest. I think it’s working. Frostbite be damned!
January Jones is not happy with her new Mad Men attire. That or Perrier is making her burpy.
Exhibit #168 that Jessica Simpson is pregnant: Need for urgent and frequent urination.
Carmen Electra’s right nipple is cold.
Alessandra Ambrosio is pumping her own gas??? America is on the verge of collapse.
Lady Gaga is calling her trichologist because her hair is falling out. That’s how I’m interpreting abstract art. Plus, her boyfriend is actually not an android with a quirky sense of style but Taylor Kinney from Vampire Diaries? I don’t get it.
We now understand David Arquette’s plight for younger poon.
Hilary Duff testing our oath to never make crotch jokes about pregnant women.
Hugh Jackman, Man Of Steal walking his little dog Peaches. Elton John wants this piece on his yacht, A.S.A.P.
Justin Theroux wants to make love with Justin Theroux, so Jennifer Aniston is filling in the blanks.
Here’s Jennifer Aniston in NYC yesterday doing some shopping and i swear this woman has the most boring wardrobe in Hollywood. Having said that, who needs an elaborate get up to showcase your assets when your breasts possess an x-men-like ability to break through barriers simply by staring intensely at them? I swear, that bra is made out of teflon. True fact. Now who’s the boring one, Brad Pitt? Can YOU do that with your nipples?
Demi Moore and Jennifer Aniston were on Good Morning America yesterday morning and later at night at Skylight Soho, promoting their movie Five, which teaches middle-aged women how to prevent brittle and frail bones by sleeping with much, much younger men. No seriously, it was about breast cancer. Which studies tell us can also be cured by sleeping with much, much younger men. Anyway, Jennifer Aniston looked yer usual chin-a-mile-long fantastic self, but Demi Moore looked like her face was about to fall off any second now only to discover it was Maria Shriver all along. So either she’s not keeping up with her plastic surgeon appointments or the stress of Ashton Kutcher coming home every night and smelling like porn and Charlie Sheen’s hookers is getting to her.
Here’s is Jennifer Aniston in NYC yesterday getting soaked to the bone while boyfriend Justin Theroux held tight to his little umbrella. Hey, at least he didn’t go around a bunch of magazines (yet) telling everyone how basically her boring and pathetic existence led him to recreational drugs and thoughts of suicide. So overall, Justin Theroux is a great improvement. You’re now allowed to tie him to your bed and refuse to feed him or remove the catheter until he says “I DO!!!!!”
In an interview with Parade magazine, Brad Pitt credits Angelina Jolie for bringing back all the lost joy to his penis and basically snatching him away from an existence trapped in the lifeless and frozen tandra that was Jennifer Aniston’s vagina.
Angie: Here honey, i wrote you a few bullet points for your interview.
Brad: Thanks Ang…wait a minute…but honey she’s really gonna get hurt if i say these things
Angie: You know, i saw the cuttest little mongolian outside the supermarket today..
Brad: Err, sure thing babe, but can we change the “lifeless dried up robot” to something more sensitive??
Here’s some excerpts from the interview:
‘I spent the ’90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony.
‘I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic.
‘It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself.”I think that my marriage had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.
‘One of the greatest, smartest things I ever did was give my kids Angie as their mom. She is such a great mom. Oh, man, I’m so happy to have her.’
‘I put much more emphasis on being a satisfied man. I’m satisfied with making true choices and finding the woman I love, Angie, and building a family that I love so much.
‘A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss. That’s the trade-off. But I’ll take it all.’
Clearly not to be outdone by Justin Bieber, Jennifer Aniston took a pair of shears to her hair and showed off a slightly new mop at the photo call for Just Go With Shit in Madrid this morning. Aniston’s hair is something of a zeitgeist barometer, we can only conclude that her new, blunt, swingy ‘do means that things are looking up. The recession is over! Global warming’s been conquered! Peace on earth! McRib coming back for good! Or something.
Looks like Jennifer Aniston’s reps got to Heidi. Though she claimed last week that Aniston banned her from the Just Go With It premiere, according to Us Magazine she now says:
“I read that Jennifer had banned me from the premiere for being too polarizing, but I know now that it wasn’t true,” Montag tells Us. “It never really made sense to me because Jennifer is such a sweetheart and she even commented before on a red carpet about how interesting and fun it was to have me in the movie.”
“I got my invite and I would have loved to be there, but I had to be Los Angeles with my dogs,” Montag explained. “I was honored to be a part of such a great movie and I apologize to Jennifer and Sony for this big misunderstanding. Go see the movie this weekend! It’s fantastic!”
Read it? She said it! Heidi is nuts trying to pull off this complete 180, “Jen banned me from the red carpet, oh wait, ha ha, I had an invite but CHOSE to hang out with my dogs instead.” Riiiiightttt. Another proud graduate of the Kim Kardashian school of public speaking. When in trouble, back-track on the double! Other graduates include Kim herself and Tara Reid.
So this post isn’t a complete waste of space and seeing how it’s Valentine’s Day here are some pictures of the skank dressed in some red lingerie. Now decide exactly where you would bust your nut on her. My choice: directly under her nostrils.
Despite shooting a tiny cameo in Jennifer Aniston’s movie Just Go With It, Heidi Montag says that she was put on the blacklist for the NYC premiere earlier this week. Heidi told Us Weekly that Jennifer Aniston banned her.
“I was so excited! This is the first movie I’ve ever been in and I can’t walk the red carpet because Jennifer Aniston decided I was ‘too polarizing.’ … I’ve been such a huge Jennifer Aniston fan my entire life and it’s just really upsetting that she would do this to me. … She should know how hard it is to make a career for yourself and to have someone like Jennifer Aniston go out of her way to make things hard for me is really disheartening.”
Jennifer Aniston denies she got Heidi banned, and I’m forced to believe her. No reason not too really. I mean Jennifer recently agreed to be on “Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis” with TILA TEQUILA! Knowing full well she’d be spending the rest of her day covered in flea dip while her clothes burn in a chimney in the backyard. So being in the same vicinity as someone trying to make a career for herself by being a “pump-me-up-and-sex-me doll” seems quite tame in comparison.
As for the pictures attached to this post, they are of Heidi on the set for the movie, and judging by them I think it’s safe to say that when Heidi dies her corpse would stay pliable and not decompose for thousands of years. I’m actually seriously contemplating digging her up after she offs herself and having a “Real doll” that could pass down for generations.
Jennifer Aniston appeared on The Ellen DeGeneresshow today where she told Ellen she’s the one who cured Perez Hilton of his bullying antics and made him into a gentler celebrity blogger.
Ellen: We should talk about Perez Hilton because Perez Hilton was a guy who was doing some nasty things to a lot of celebrities. He was on our show and was talking about how it was going to change. When the bullying thing was happening and a lot of kids were committing suicide, he realized he was a bully. He told one of our producers that basically he started thinking about it because you confronted him about it. I think it’s a fascinating story. I’d like you to share.
Jennifer: I did. I ran into Perez Hilton in a garage. One of those moments you just never expect to happen. I had finished dinner with a girlfriend and we were driving out and I saw this tall, long, lean person and I say, “Who is that?” And she says, “I think that’s Perez Hilton.” I said, “No. I have to say something to him. I have to.” So I pulled up and we were sort of scoping each other out as I was pulling the car up. I just rolled down the window and I was like, “Hi.” And he went, “Hi.” We stood there like two deer in headlights. And I just said, “Come here. Just talk to me for a second.” It was one of those great moments. It was a lovely meeting and I was just like, “Why are you so mean?” There’s something really great about putting a human being in front of another human being and then the reality that those words, even if it’s for humor or effect or whatever, there’s a human being behind all of that…And he’s kept it up too which is good.
Ellen: Because of you.
Jennifer: I say good for him and keep it up.
Right, time to blow our own trumpets and say it’s one thing for kids in school to pick on other defenceless kids. That clearly is bullying. But those who blog about celebs are doing society a service (you are welcome society), in calling out the attention addicts in Hollywood. Celebrities surround themselves with yes people when in reality they need to hear the other side of it. Example, Aniston, STFU you stupid moron.
Obviously we are jealous that we haven’t become as successful as Perez, but the truth is he got to the top not by making witty comment aimed to hurt at a deeper level, but by drawing cum stains on pictures of celebrities in Microsoft Paint, and making them cry that way. Now that he is at the top he wants to clean up is image a bit. We here however haven’t quite reached that point and never will, so there is no reason for us to clean up our act, thus…
Alright, so we decided to make him look sophisticated, but only because drawing fake cum all over his face is pretty much what we imagine he looks like at any given moment, and thus no point in doing so.
If you’re over 25 you look stupid posing as a Lolita. Once you hit close to 45, posing as a Lolita is just begging to be made fun of. Which is exactly what Jennifer Aniston is doing here thus I’ve decided to heed Jennifer’s plea for mockery.
Seen here, Jennifer is posing for Allure Magazine in what looks like some twisted ad for Snuggles fabric softener. They photoshopped her so much she actually appears to be a sex doll, and trust me, I know what a sex doll looks like… Not only that, they also decided sticking her into a 10 year olds bed and giving her a teddy bear was a great idea, since pedophiles seem to be Allure’s target audience. Don’t get me wrong, 10 years ago I wanted bang Jennifer like the shutters on a Cape Cod home. But not as a 10 year old.
Having said all that I feel like complimenting Stepford Aniston here on her remarkable Oscar worthy performance in “Lars and the Real Girl”.
Jennifer Aniston’s new best bud, Chelsea Handler, went off on Angelina Jolie (and some random girl in the audience) during a stand-up performance in New Jersey over the weekend, calling Jolie a f**king homewrecker among other awesome foul mouthed things.
Why this leather-faced, sucked-to-get-where-she-is, unoriginal, unfunny praying mantis gets any attention is a mystery to me. However this must be the first time I laughed at a Chelsea Handler joke. Mostly because I like swear words.
“She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she wants to,” Chelsea said. “I don’t f**king believe you … she gives interviews, ‘I don’t have a lot of female friends.’ Cause you’re a f**king c**t … you’re a f**king b***h.”
In one corner we have an A-list no-talent drug addled homewrecking Medusa and in the other corner we have a perpetually besotted hypocritical blowhard who isn’t fit to wash Kathy Griffin’s camo bikini with her tongue… Either way a bitch is gonna get cut in this cat fight.
I’m Team Debbie Reynolds on this one, in other words I don’t give a crap about either Chelsea/Aniston or Angelina.
Jennifer Aniston doesn’t understand why everyone feels so sorry for her. It’s pretty simple, really. It has a little something to do with a woman named Angelina Jolie, a man named Brad Pitt and the fact that the world just can’t let go. I sincerely doubt Aniston gives much thought to Brad these days. It’s been years which is pretty much forever by Hollywood standards. If Jen can get over it, maybe we should too. Let’s focus on what’s really important – Jen’s crazy hot body and the fact that she isn’t too shy to show it off. The only news we should be thinking about right now is that Jennifer was on vacation in Mexico and stepped out looking that smoking hot. The best revenge is to live well and it looks like Jen has that down.
Jennifer Aniston escaped to Los Cabos in Mexico over Thanksgiving, and she wasn’t alone, she brought a bikini-clad Chelsea Handler with her, she probably though “I’ll just take Chelsea with me, that way I’ll at least be the hot one”. But it’s good to see Jennifer Maniston and Chelsea Mandler together at last after all these years. They actually just might have enough male chromosomes between them to make a cloned army of Vikings.
Naa I kid (at least in Jennifer’s case, Chelsea is still a she-devil), Aniston’s breasts are actually aging quite well. Much better than those Friend’s reruns. She obviously got the better part of whatever deal she and her nipples made with Satan.
Speaking of which, I was going to go to my local jeweller for some diamonds, think I’ll just contact Jennifer’s bikini top instead.
This is so ridiculous, you would think that Angelina Jolie planned this diabolical scheme to get back at Jennifer to touching her man’s dick with her mouth: Jennifer Aniston was on Live with Regis and Kelly and during some funny story she dropped the R-bomb… and if you don’t know what the hell that means, join our boat. Because we didn’t know that “retard” was apparently a horrible thing to say nowadays.
On Live with Regis and Kelly Thursday, the Switch star, 41, was discussing dressing up as Barbra Streisand for the September issue of Harper’s Bazaar when she let the word slip.“You’re playing dress up!” Regis told her. She replied, “Yes, I play dress up! I do it for a living, like a retard!”
Peter Berns, CEO of The Arc (a nonprofit advocate for those with intellectual and developmental disabilities), tells UsMagazine.com it was “extraordinarily offensive and inappropriate.”
Of course several uptight organizations are getting on Jen An’s case over this word. We don’t support racism, but we ARE getting sick and tired of people’s strangely conservative attitudes anymore. If we want to call a dumb, motor skill-impaired woman a stupid cunt, we should have the right to. Even if we went as far as calling her a flaming retarded cuntbag of shit… it should be okay.
Jennifer Aniston was pictured arriving on the set of her new movie Just Go With It yesterday, and look, we all know that these days she’s to box office what poison is to rats, but at least she has an incredible set of legs to look at when drowning her sorrow in gin. And as far as the movie goes, the producers had the good sense to cast Heidi Montag in it, so we’re sure she’s going to save the movie from tanking. 3D mega-tits as floaties anyone?
Jennifer Aniston is in awe of 5-year-old Coco Arquette.
The Bounty Hunter star, who is godmother to her close friend Courteney Cox Arquette's daughter, says she spends as much time with her as possible.
"Coco calls me Nouna. I see her almost every weekend and she's really turning into such a lovely little girl," Jen says. "She's sweet, funny, and creative and we just sit there in awe of her."
Though she's talked in the past about wanting to start a family of her own, the former Friends actress says she couldn't be happier with her life at the moment.
"I'm extremely happy. I have a very simple life. I have great friends and a happy and fulfilling career, I feel very lucky."
Jennifer Aniston attended Glamour’s Women Of The Year Awards the other night, and since our job is to stare deeply into breasts and draw conclusions from them about the dreams and hopes of celebrities, we came out thinking they looked a bit pregnanty. Plus, she quit smoking a few weeks ago and she recently bought a $9million apartment in NYC that has two nurseries. Of course, it could be that she was having her period and the nurseries are for the kids Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie told her they’re going to give her as a gift for Christmas. They’re leftovers from their recent Asian orphan shopping spree, but she’ll take anything at this point.
Here’s Jennifer Aniston at the Elle women In Hollywood event in Beverly Hills last night (she was an honoree by the way) and judging from the plunging neckline she must be in a very happy place right now. That or she’s trying really hard to make us forget that Brad Pitt called her vagina a nightmarish Siberian prison for the penis and instead take us to a warm and comforting place every time we look at her chest. I think it’s working. Frostbite be damned!
January Jones is not happy with her new Mad Men attire. That or Perrier is making her burpy.
Here’s Jennifer Aniston in NYC yesterday doing some shopping and i swear this woman has the most boring wardrobe in Hollywood. Having said that, who needs an elaborate get up to showcase your assets when your breasts possess an x-men-like ability to break through barriers simply by staring intensely at them? I swear, that bra is made out of teflon. True fact. Now who’s the boring one, Brad Pitt? Can YOU do that with your nipples?
Demi Moore and Jennifer Aniston were on Good Morning America yesterday morning and later at night at Skylight Soho, promoting their movie Five, which teaches middle-aged women how to prevent brittle and frail bones by sleeping with much, much younger men. No seriously, it was about breast cancer. Which studies tell us can also be cured by sleeping with much, much younger men. Anyway, Jennifer Aniston looked yer usual chin-a-mile-long fantastic self, but Demi Moore looked like her face was about to fall off any second now only to discover it was Maria Shriver all along. So either she’s not keeping up with her plastic surgeon appointments or the stress of Ashton Kutcher coming home every night and smelling like porn and Charlie Sheen’s hookers is getting to her.
Jennifer Aniston was pictured arriving on the set of her new movie Just Go With It yesterday, and look, we all know that these days she’s to box office what poison is to rats, but at least she has an incredible set of legs to look at when drowning her sorrow in gin. And as far as the movie goes, the producers had the good sense to cast Heidi Montag in it, so we’re sure she’s going to save the movie from tanking. 3D mega-tits as floaties anyone?
