Archive for the "jesus Luz" Category

Madonna, 51 to meet her mommy-in-law, 36…enough said

Madonna and Jesus Luz W Magazine PHoto[3]

Who needs the Twilight Zone when you have Madonna? We’ve all gotten used to the idea she’s having sex with a guy named “Jesus” and that she’s 30 years older than him (and that’s in dinosaur years), now we may have to get used to the idea of Madonna calling his 36-year old mother (she had him when she was 15! for those weak in math) “mommy dearest”. And if the tabloids are to be believed, Madonna is considering making Jesus an honest man by marrying him (it’s not the other way round when you were deflowered right around the same time the bubonic plague hit the Dark Ages).

So according to The Sun, Madonna is set to fly to Brazil to meet the parents of her toyboy lover JESUS LUZ for the first time – fuelling talk she’ll marry him.

Friends say  she is “slightly on edge” as his mom Cristiane Regina da Silva is 15 YEARS her junior.

But they believe Madge meeting the devout Christian and Jesus’s dad Luis Heitor Pinto da Luz is a sign that “an engagement could be on the cards”.

A close family pal added yesterday: “Madonna really does love and need Jesus – and she does not hold all the power in their relationship. He grew up with strong Christian beliefs.

“He wants to marry and be taken seriously. She doesn’t want to lose Jesus and so the visit to his parents is her way of saying she will make this relationship permanent.

“He wants proof of commitment and he wants her to make an honest man of him.”

The couple are said to have had a series of rows after Madge said in a recent TV interview that she’d “rather get run over by a train” than marry again, following her divorce from Brit Guy Ritchie, 41.

Jesus, 23 – who abandoned his Christian beliefs to convert to her Kabbalah faith – “begged her to reconsider”.

He also insisted she meet his hairdresser mum and hospital worker dad in Rio de Janeiro – where the couple met – and she has now applied for a visa. She is due to arrive tomorrow, say locals. Twice-wed Madge’s biographer Randy Taraborrelli has insisted the pair will marry.

He said: “Madonna is telling close friends and family that ‘I definitely see myself marrying him. It’s on the table’.”


Jacko’s death inspired Madonna to officially enslave Jesus


Madonna is setting the rumour mill on fire that she’s thinking seriously about tying the know in a lavish ceremony with her Brazilian vibrator…and Michael Jackson’s untimely death inspired her to do so…perhaps because she is now certain the secret to cheating death is to create her very own (and legal with marriage papers) blood bank in her freezer and use it to make breakfast shakes which she will call “The Jezus Boosters”.

The extraordinary claim came from a biographer of Madonna’s, Randy Taraborrelli, writing in Britain’s Hello! magazine. Taraborrelli told how Madonna speaks openly of her love for Luz, 22.

“He’s so sweet,” she reportedly said. “He checks in with me all the time. I probably should do the same, but you know me.

“I think he gets it now that I’m a little, shall we say, self-involved.”

Taraborrelli wrote: “Madonna is crazy about Jesus and has been telling close friends that ‘I could definitely see myself marrying him. Yes, it’s definitely on the table’.” 

Taraborrelli adds: ‘The pop star is said to want yet another lavish ceremony. “She knows that’s what Jesus wants,” said one of her relatives. “She has a lot of wonderful memories of both of her weddings. She doesn’t want to slip off and do it quietly. She definitely wants a big and rather fantastic affair”.’

Taraborrelli also quotes a friend who says: ‘He respects her, that’s number one. He has learned so much from her. He’s amazed at how well-rounded she is, the way she juggles her career with her life as a mother, for instance. He understands that she’s self-involved, too.’

The friend adds: ‘Of course, the sex between them is scorching hot. To be candid, it’s what’s driving things.’

According to the friend, Madonna realized she has feelings for Jesus and wants to show the world she’s taking their relationship seriously. By marrying him she also wants to show everyone that she’s not having a mid-life crisis and that she hasn’t lost her mind.

We’re guessing putting on a gown that’s worth as much as someone’s home and eating wedding cake will make banging a guy whose sperm papa and egg mama were not even acquainted when she was disposing of husband #1 alright…yes, the madness must become kosher…