John Travolta piloted his private Boeing 707 to Haiti’s capital, Port-Au-Prince yesterday to bring relief to its people with aid supplies and a group of yellow t-shirt-wearing Scientology “ministers”. And while his ready-to-eat military rations and medical supplies will come in handy, going around touching people and attempting to cure their infections and gangrene by channeling Ron Hubbard is at best ridiculous.
If John Travolta really wanted to help Haiti he would have brought Kirstie Alley with him. At 500lbs and counting, she could have easily pretended to be Hercules and lift pillars and stones underneath which many Haitians are trapped. And who knows? If some of the victims happen to be young, virile men who are wounded AND naked, maybe Tom Cruise could also jump in and drag them out of their holes (especially those trapped in really tiny spaces). Now that’s a superpower of a team right there.
Here’s what these “assists” are performing:
“Locational Assists”: After traumas, people sometime’s forget where they are maybe? To remind earthquake victims that they are still stuck in Haiti, volunteer ministers will be performing this vital medical procedure, quoted here verbatim from the Scientology Handbook:
5. Continue giving the command, directing the person’s attention to different objects in the environment. Be sure to acknowledge the person each time after he has complied.
For instance, you say, “Look at that tree.” “Thank you.” “Look at that building.” “Good.” “Look at that street.” “All right.” “Look at that lawn.” “Very good.” You point each time to the object.
6. Keep this up until the person has good indicators and a cognition. You can end the assist at this point. Tell the person, “End of assist.”
Travolta’s aid delivery, including six tonnes of ready-to-eat military rations and medical supplies, came as impatience with food distribution sparked a small riot in front of the national palace and President René Préval announced he would move into a tent in solidarity with hundreds of thousands left homeless by the quake.
Amber Rose is apparently alive and Hip-Hop’s muse. Does that mean rappers get inspired to write beautiful and lyrical music when they bang her?
