Archive for the "Laurel" Category

Sofia Vergara in a bikini for UK Loaded

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Here’s 37 year-old bodacious Sofia Vergara for February’s issue of Loaded (UK) and honestly, if you can put up with an orange-haired Laurel and Hardy tenderly petting each other’s panda in gay bliss, Modern Family is worth watching just so you can visualize her riding you like a mechanical bull plugged into a wall socket for non-stop service. We on the other hand, would be willing to walk the Colombian streets naked with just a poncho and risk having our ass used as a mule for a chance to climb her like Jack and the beanstalk and get to her golden bozangas…not that we’re saying we’re as short as Tom Cruise when he tried to do the same back in 2005…for the record, he used an escalator.

 

Nick Cannon has figured out a way to make Mariah Carey’s ass less scary

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Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey took their Laurel and Hardy act to Aspen this weekend and while Mariah was putting on her polar bear diva act, Nick was busy trying to locate the zoom button on his Cannon so he could finally bring some balance to his world:”Look honey, this woman’s ass is bigger than the Titanic! Damn it, that’s Paris Hilton…this think worked so well on strangers!”

 

Nick Cannon closes his eyes and wishes for Santa Claus to take Mariah Carey away

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Here’s Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon performing what has to be the most awkward PDA in recent celebrity history. Hardy and her suntanned Laurel were attending a special screening of the first ever TeenNick Halo Awards at the Newseum in Washington D.C. last night, and she decided she wanted to show she was proud of her elf of a husband who is the chairman of Nickelodeon’s TeenNick network and creator of the awards, by rewarding him with a big smooch.

Unfortunately for her, Nick Cannon is afraid of sudden moves by hungry bears and faced the impending physical confrontation with the same exuberance that Tom Cruise showed when they told him that he had to bang Katie Holmes at least once for their marriage to be legal. And by exuberance we mean he was silently promising Santa a dozen mince pies at the bottom of the chimney if he was willing to have his reindeers work over time by carrying her away and dumping her on the North Pole together with all the other polar bears.

 

Hasselhoff’s Ex Arrested For Drunk Driving Too?


“Hoff’s” ex-wife was arrested again over the weekend for driving while hammered. Ironically enough, she was popped the same day Michael Knight was found by their daughter doing the funky chicken :

This past weekend was anything but good for actor David Hasselhoff and his ex-wife Pamela Bach.  David was taken by ambulance to the hospital after suffering a seizure, while Bach was arrested and went to jail the same day for a DUI.

This is the second DUI this year for Bach.  In March, she pleaded no contest to her first.  California law mandates jail time for a second offense. CHP picked up Pamela on Saturday night on the 101 freeway near Laurel Canyon Blvd.  A spokesman for the L.A.P.D. said that she was taken into custody at the Van Nuys jail and later released on her own recognizance.

Bach’s publicist told People magazine that there was no bail, and that his client was fine and would deal with this situation. The actress released her own statement, revealing that she is “remorseful and mortified” about the incident and that she and her daughters are “going through a really difficult time between David being in the hospital and dealing with the divorce.”

The legal limit in California is .08 and Bach’s registered levels were .13 and .14 according to police records. After spending two days in the hospital, David is home and doing well.  No further explanation regarding the reported seizure has been given.

Bach has been arrested for driving drunk before, so this is nothing new to their family. Hoff’s poor daughters have some pieces of work for parents, we will tell you that much. SMH

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