Archive for the "Love and Relationships" Category

Celebs Who Had Affairs With Their Nannies, Body Guards, And Other Employees

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These stars got a little more “help” than is part of the job description from their household staff and employees.

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Dear Bossip: I Am Over His Cheating & Controlling Ways, But When I Attempt To Leave He Threatens To Hurt Himself

Black woman contemplating

Dear Bossip,

I want to start out by saying I’m a HUGE FAN of your Dear Bossip section on the website. I always look forward to reading your new article everyday!

To get to the point, I’m an 18-year old woman and I’m currently in a relationship that I feel like I can’t get out of. I’ve been with this man for almost 5 years and we have a child together. I AM NOT HAPPY! He lies constantly. He cheated on me with his ex, and I still don’t feel as though I can trust him.

He and I have been messing around since I was young (not sexually), and I’ve known him all my life. He was my brother’s friend, which made it pretty awkward as far as pursuing a relationship. LOL! Because of that, we couldn’t make things official when I was younger and eventually he went off and got into another relationship that resulted in a child. Now, here’s where I explain my resentment towards him.

Before his child was born, he approached me wanting to make me his girlfriend. (He found out the child might not have been his, however, a DNA test proved otherwise.) I felt like I was just a rebound or he should’ve waited to find out about the child before we got together, but I fell in love with him years prior so I couldn’t help myself when he approached me. We quickly jumped into a relationship.

At first things were great and I was really happy with him. I spent all my time with him for the most part and he was an amazing boyfriend. A few months later, I discovered I was pregnant. I thought this was the best thing to ever happen and I would have the perfect family!

We broke up shortly after finding out about my pregnancy because of my male friendships. He is jealous and insecure and didn’t like me talking to other guys. However, I found out he was cheating on me with his first son’s mother the entire time we were together. So, I don’t understand how he could leave me pregnant for that. We didn’t speak until I was 7 months pregnant. During that time period, I found out he was having sex with several people and had a few different relationships. I still took him back once we got in contact. SMH.

Since we’ve been back together he’s cheated on me again and gave me Gonorrhea. I don’t know why I stayed with this fool even after these things but I did. Dumb on my part.

Now, he lives with me in my apartment and I’m ready to leave. He’s extremely jealous, extremely controlling, and overprotective. He doesn’t want me having any guy friends. He controls what clothes I wear, and he doesn’t let me hang out with my friends. I don’t know why he’s so untrustworthy of me when he’s the one that cheats. I don’t.

And, because of all these past incidents I have a hate for him that I can’t get rid of. I’m still in love with him, but he hasn’t done anything to prove he deserves me, and his controlling ways have pushed me over the edge. Yet, every time I try to end things he threatens suicide. I feel like I’m trapped! I don’t want to be with him, but if he did hurt himself I would carry that burden for the rest of my life. I have witnessed him stab and cut himself, also so I truly believe he would follow through on his threats. I’m too young for this kind of stress. How do I end things? Please help me! – Ms. Trapped

Dear Ms. Trapped,

Boo, you are not trapped. You are a hostage to stupidity!

Girl, this fool continued to cheat on you, yet, you decided to take him back and pursue a relationship with him despite knowing he had full-fledged relationships with other women while you were pregnant. Now, hold up, since you’ve been back together he has continued to cheat, and then, he gave you Gonorrhea, yet, you stayed! Sweetie, you had unprotected sex with a man who was out screwing who knows who, and, Lord knows how many women, and he came back with a disease as a gift for you. Yet, you stayed! Now, ask yourself, is that a woman who is trapped or just plain stupid?

But, let’s go back a little further before you got into a relationship with him, and he got another woman pregnant, left her, and asked you to be in a relationship. Uhm, if he left her while she was pregnant, and came running to you, then shouldn’t common sense had prevailed and you told him to wait until the DNA test came back before pursuing a relationship?!?

But, no! You dove in head first, because you said you were in love, and when you learned you were pregnant, guess what he did? He bailed on you just like he did his other baby momma. Therefore, he had already shown you who he was when he came to you the first time. You should have paid attention, listened to what he said, and watched what he did because that is who he is, and will always be! Why, oh why, do some of you women insist on thinking that what he did to her that he will not do to you? SMDH!

One thing about him is that he’s consistent with leaving women, using them, and running like a little boy when –ish doesn’t go his way. You don’t have a man, you have a little boy. Ma’am, let him go home and live with his momma.

And, he is controlling, isolates you from your friends, doesn’t want you hanging out with other males, and dictates what you wear. You are in an abusive relationship, and before you know it he will be striking you, physically abusing you, and telling you that you made him do this to you because you get him so mad. The reason he doesn’t want you hanging with other men, or having male friends is because of his own cheating and infidelity. When will some of you women learn that when a man doesn’t want you hanging with other men, accusing you of cheating, pointing the finger and making you out to be the bad person, or suspects that other men are trying to sleep with you, then, it’s because he is doing dirt, lying, cheating, and manipulating you.

Girl, your so-called boyfriend knows how he is, and how manipulative and a liar he is, therefore, he fears you doing the same thing to him. He fears another man coming in and replacing him. And, his controlling behavior will get worse, which it has, if you decide to stay. I don’t understand why you would stay with a man who is controlling you? Why stay with a man you know is cheating, continues to cheat, and gave you a disease? Why stay with a man who threatens suicide if you leave? This fool is cutting and stabbing himself when you tell him that you will leave him. Uhm, boo boo, one day he will get tired of cutting and stabbing himself and he will start cutting and stabbing you.

You better get out of this relationship TODAY! The next time he cuts and stabs himself, you call the police and let them know what’s happening. Let them resolve the issue. They will take him to the psychiatric hospital and he will be there for a 72-hour observation, and he can get the necessary treatment he needs. Don’t let him manipulate you, and use this tactic as a way to get you to stay. You are too young for all this drama and his antics. GET OUT!

And, sweetie, you don’t have to leave your apartment, put him out! He lives with you. Pack his sneakers, jeans, t-shirts, and baseball caps into a trash bag, and set them outside. Change the locks, change your phone number, and stop responding to him. He will hurt you if you stay in this relationship. Your life and your child’s life are far more worthy of saving. GET OUT!

Go to court and get sole custody of your child, put him on child support, and let them know how he threatens suicide, and that he cuts and stabs himself. Grow up, and be an adult. You are not a child anymore. This playing house, and playing like you’re a married couple is for the birds. Get yourself together, and leave this fool alone. He is not going to change, and he will continue to bring the drama, silly antics, and throw his temper-tantrums. LET HIM GO and GET OUT! And, if he gets to stabbing and cutting himself call the police, fire department, and everyone else, but make sure you get out of the house! You don’t want to be his next victim. – Terrance Dean

If you suspect someone you love of having suicidal tendencies, of if they are making threats, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline : 1-800-273-8255.

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Mogul   Hiding In Hip-Hop cover   Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

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Dear Bossip: I’m Pregnant & My Man Had A One-Night Stand & Confessed, But He’s Still Communicating With Her

Pregnant Woman

Dear Bossip,

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. There is no doubt I’m in love with him, but also I’m nobody’s fool.

So, things were good for us, as far as it goes for a typical relationship, as in saying everyone has arguments. Here is the thing though, I am 8 months pregnant and he decided to cheat on me. He had a one night stand after we had an argument. He said it only happened once and he wanted to confess to it saying, “I’m sorry, and I don’t know what happened.”

But, the girl he had sex with he still be texting her. And, I don’t feel that he should be. I found out one time and he said he would stop, but then I saw it again and he claims it’s not anything like that but conversation. However, recently, he told me that he stopped talking to her and I thought he was telling the truth because I used to check the call log and the text log (Yes, I did that) LOL. But, I still see her number in the call log, not as much as I used to, but it’s still in there. And, by the way it looks she starts it off and he falls right into it.

He slept with her in January, and he keeps saying it’s nothing like that, but I don’t want to hear that -ish. I feel he shouldn’t be talking to her if that’s the girl you cheated on me with. I’m almost 9 months pregnant. I am 26 years old, and he is 24 years old, but that is no reason why he should not act like a man and take care of home.

I ask him all the time if he just wants to be by himself and he say no. But, I’m tired of this –ish. He makes me want to slap that girl. Seriously! We are trying to build something, at least I thought, but I can’t move forward like this. It sickens me that I’m about to bring a child in the world and me and the father might not even be together.

I’m giving him a choice because I don’t want to cheat. Two wrongs never make it right, but I want him to cut off all communication with her, and I want to be there when he calls or texts it to her. I don’t feel that is asking too much. But, I’ve definitely had it up to the top with his receding hairline. Something has to give or I have to go. I don’t want to go, but I will. No matter what, I have goals to accomplish and I’m trying to finish up my second degree. No one will come in the middle of that. I need someone else’s opinion. Help please! – Ms. Tired Of The BS

Dear Ms. Tired Of The BS,

Well, damn, don’t talk about it, be about it! Be about that independent life. Be about that, “I’m not having it, and I’m not putting up with your BS, and your cheating.” Be about that single baby momma life! Because on the real, and in all honesty, that is what is going to happen anyway.

Girl, you and he had an argument, and his resolve was to go out and cheat, and he had a one night stand. And, this a**hole is still communicating with the chick. Uhm, boo boo, that is a not a one night stand! If he is still maintaining contact with her, despite your requests and demands that he cease contact, then something else is going on. And, he is playing you!

What do they have to talk about? What is there to discuss? If it was a one night stand, then why keep in contact? He says it’s nothing like that, and nothing is going on between them, then what the hell is it? Why are you communicating, and maintaining contact with a woman that you slept with after a one night stand? And, why the hell are you two texting and talking on the phone!

He doesn’t respect you. He’s a liar and cheater. He’s a low life. How dare he go out and cheat on his pregnant girlfriend simply because of an argument. That is not an excuse or reason, and his sorry a** came back confessing talking about he’s sorry and that he doesn’t know what happened. Uhm, yes he does! He knows exactly what happened. He planned it, and executed it. He could have stopped before things went too far, but he didn’t. He slept with her, exchanged numbers, and has maintained communication with her. Which means he will cheat with her again if you get into an argument, or you piss him off. He now has a jump-off that he can run to.

How can you confess to cheating, but keep communicating with the woman you cheated with? What damn sense does that make? He has a lot of nerve and gall! Girl, you better wake the damn hell up and see what’s happening right in front of you!

He is showing you who he is. And, you better believe him. He doesn’t care what you want, or what your wishes are. He is going to continue doing him, because that is what he really wants. You asked him if he wants to be by himself and he said no. He’s right. He doesn’t. He wants you and her, and every other woman he can add to his “jump-off” list. And, sweetie, you can sit up there and watch and listen to him call her or text her telling her that it’s over. But, it won’t be. They will maintain communication because they both are sneaky trifling donkeys. She is his new play thing, and he is just waiting for the next opportunity to get back into her pants.

Therefore, you start setting your home up for you and your child. Simply for the two of you. You finish your second degree, continue working and charting your career, and build a loving and happy conducive home for you and your child. He is not going to do anything but bring strife, drama, stress, and more problems. You put him on child support, go to court and work out the visitation, and continue to do you because he is going to continue doing him.

He loves playing this game with you because he doesn’t see your threats as anything but idle threats. He feels you won’t do anything, and you won’t follow through. That is why he doesn’t stop talking with the other woman. That is why he continues to talk with her and text her. He’s basically letting you know that he runs things, and that he is his own man. Well, it’s time you put an end to it all, and let him know that you are not playing second fiddle to any woman, and, nor will you play this game with him. You are your own woman, and you want the best for you and your child. If he can’t be that, or refuses to be that man, then he can continue to play his games, but, it will be without you in his life. – Terrance Dean

 

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/955595/dear-bossip-weve-been-bffs-for-8-years-but-im-wondering-if-we-should-cross-the-line-to-intimacy/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+bossiprss+%28Bossip.com%29#sthash.yOnV0IA4.dpuf

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Mogul  Hiding In Hip-Hop cover  Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/952837/dear-bossip-i-told-my-boyfriend-that-i-wanted-to-be-married-in-a-year-he-said-he-isnt-getting-married/#sthash.7ud6m6K3.dpuf
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Dear Bossip: We’ve Been BFF’s For 8 Years, But I’m Wondering If We Should Cross The Line To Intimacy

black-couple-laughing1 Dear Bossip, My best friend and I have known each other 8+ years (he is 31 years old, and I’m 29 years old). We met through a mutual acquaintance and later discovered that we attended the same school. There was never a flirting relationship between us, just jokes and genuine dislike of “aggressive” people. We’re both laid back go with the flow type of people. Most likely, this is why our friendship only ever existed on campus, i.e., we never hung out in a different setting, other than the first time we met. Fast forward 2-3 year, we’re both in relationships with other people. Mine ended; his turned into a marriage and a son. His wife was very controlling about him and our friendship. I’m not the type to step on anyone’s toes so her dislike of me made me remove myself from the situation. Thus, our friendship literally became nothing more than phone conversations here and there. I would talk to him like he was one of the girls and he would talk to me like I was one of the guys.
A year into their marriage his wife (24 years old at the time, with 4 kids that weren’t his, plus their 1, 5 total) began to go out, A LOT!!!! Also, his wife would have the car so on days that I could he would ask me for a ride home from work, which was no problem, but again that was our friendship. The only time that we would see each other was a 20-30 minute ride home from work. Eventually, his wife got herself a boyfriend and asked him to leave because he worked “too much” and didn’t give her the attention she required. During this time our type of friendship didn’t really change. I would just listen to him as he questioned what he did wrong and how he could get his wife back and so on and so forth. At this point I myself was in a relationship and many of those conversations would be between the three of us. My ex telling him that he needed to get back out there (during their marriage he had lost friends and family by staying) find some friends and a new lady. Which he eventually did, but he’s not into dating. He’s a homebody and misses the family life. Last October my boyfriend ended up leaving me to chase his dreams of being a rapper. Also, around that time I had lost my job, so when he left I was left with stacks of bills and nothing more than a part-time job. My best friend, however, had finally got the job that he wanted and things were and still are getting better for him and recently he has been my rock. We’ve spent more time together in these last two months than we have our entire friendship. We go everywhere together, anything I need he provides, and if his ex goes nuts about the kids (her boyfriend left her, and he still takes care of her kids as if their his own) asking for more money leaving him broke. I do share the little that I have so he can eat, have gas money, etc. Also, we have never EVER crossed that friendship line, but… Our families love each other and not one moment goes by without one of them telling us to cut the –ish, and get together. It’s gotten so bad that our mutual friend is even joining in on the act and saying that we should give it a try. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but for me I know that the both of us needs this friendship right now more than we need to take a chance. But, things have gotten so bad between us that we no longer date other people, we’d rather do things together. Only time we’re with someone else is for sex, then when one tells the other its hints of anger on both sides, but neither of us go into detail. We both just shrug it off and down play the relationship we have with others. When I do ask him why he doesn’t date anymore he’ll say things like, “I’m tired from work” or “I don’t have the money right now,” but then he’ll turn around and ask me, “Where do you wanna go?” Or, “What are we gonna do today?” I’ve told him that I don’t want to cramp his style, but he’ll just ignore me or say “I’d rather be around you than them.” At this point I don’t know what to do or think. Should I continue to go with the flow or is this turning into an unhealthy situation? – Crossing The Line With Bestie Dear Ms. Crossing The Line With Bestie, Misery loves company! Yes, I do agree that this is an unhealthy situation. You are co-dependent on each other, and notice that you’re always together, especially when things are not going well in your relationships, or when you come out of relationships. You’ve become each other’s ear, and shoulder to cry on. You run to each other to be consoled, and to bish and complain about others, and what’s not working in your life. You’ve developed a relationship that is totally reliant upon each other’s misery. And, it’s not healthy. Look, don’t you think when you met years ago when you were in college that he would have stepped to you and pursued a relationship if he was interested? And, don’t you think after all this time, at some point it would have dawned on him, he would have made a move and pushed up on you if he was really that interested? What I’m sensing is that you are more invested in his life, and what’s going on with him than he is with you. But, I get it. You’re both emotionally and mentally needy people. And, he feeds your desires to be emotionally and mentally heard, and at the same time, you feed his desires to be emotionally and mentally heard. You feed off of one another. That is why he said that he would rather be around you than them. You understand him, get him, and support his emotional and mental rants. It’s baggage, and you both are carrying each other’s baggage. Other people don’t want to be bothered because it becomes draining. But, it feeds the both of you. Think about your friendship, and notice the pattern between the two of you. When he needs something he runs to you. You asked him why isn’t he dating someone, and he said he’s tired from work, and he doesn’t have any money. Uhm, he doesn’t have money because he is giving his money to his ex-wife who left him, and he’s supporting her and her children that are not even his own. He has one child with her, but he is taking care of a household full of people. That doesn’t make any sense. So, why is he doing it? Why is he giving her all his money? And, why are you supporting him doing this, and why are you giving him money for food and gas? But, this is the kicker, he turns around and asks you where are we going to go today, and what are we going to do today. Who’s paying for this? He doesn’t have the money, so are you supporting him and taking care of him? Why? Friend or no friend, he has to become better at managing his own finances, and stop acting like a damn child. He has to grow up and become more responsible. But, neither of you see what you’re doing. You two are doing nothing but using each other. Using each for emotional and mental support. Using each other for financial support. Using each other as shoulder’s to lean on and cry on, and mope and bish to. You both need to be in therapy, and, in particularly he needs some serious therapy. You can’t fix him, help him, or solve his problems. But, he keeps running to you because you are the only one who will listen to him, and give him a stage to perform. You support this bull-ish, and he will keep using you, sucking your energy, and draining you. And, guess what, neither of you are in relationships, but he will find another woman, and continue this pattern with you. No, I don’t feel you should cross the line with him by becoming intimate. It will only complicate your relationship by making it physical and sexual. You’re already emotionally and mentally in a relationship with him, and it has proven to be unhealthy, therefore, making it sexual will only make it worse. And, what happens once you discover you’re not physically attracted to one another, or the sex is awkward and contrived? Also, look at his pattern and behavior. Nothing will change between you and he. He will continue to work, take care of his other family, and complain about his life, and you will continue to support him, and be his sounding board. Stop being his sounding board. Stop financing him. Stop being his co-dependent partner in these emotional and mental rants. Stop giving him that much access to you. Stop letting him use you. I bet if you stop doing these he will find someone else to drain and suck the energy and life out of, and he will miss you for not being there for him, and helping him, and listening to him. It will become about him, and not how he’s treating you, using you, and how he leaves you each and every time he comes and takes from you. It’s time for a reassessment of your friendship, and what you clearly are not seeing. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! author terrance dean Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Mogul  Hiding In Hip-Hop cover   Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/954035/dear-bossip-my-husband-spends-an-enormous-amount-of-time-with-his-mother-i-cant-stand-it-or-her/#sthash.ZlhRoZI5.dpuf
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Dear Bossip: My Husband Spends An Enormous Amount Of Time With His Mother & I Can’t Stand It Or Her

Black woman frustrated 3 Dear Bossip, I’m sad about my wonderful life, and it’s because of my mother-in-law. Even when my mother in law tries to be nice to me I can’t stand her. I have tried to figure this out. It all started when my father-in-law got terminally sick and my husband moved us to my in-law’s house. What I naively thought was for a few days, and until things stabilized, our stay was much much longer. My husband got so involved with his mother, and it was as if they were a team together. I was left out of that team. They are a very close knit family, so they all teamed together, and I felt out. I used to feel very uncomfortable there, but my husband wanted to stay with them. It brought lots of arguments and disagreements among my husband and me. Finally, when my father-in-law passed I thought things would become normal again. No, now he needed to be with his mom all the time, and I was left at home until the late hours of the night because he couldn’t leave his mom. It was very obsessive.
His mom used to spend every moment of the day with him, and I was left out. She even would go to work with him; he has his own company. We eventually ended up moving to the apartment below her house. I’m glad to say she stays up stairs and hardly comes down, but my husband moved his office to one room in her house, so he is always upstairs. And, every time I’m not home she climbs in the car with my husband and spends all day driving around with him while he does his errands. It got to the point that one day he tells me that particular day with her had been the best day of his life. Argh! Our relationship has cooled down. I dislike their togetherness and she is always asking him for advice and direction in her life. She behaves as if my husband is her husband, and, my husband acts like it is his responsibility. His other brother lives in another state and his visits are very short and far in between. I feel we should move far away, but I too feel guilty for feeling bad toward her when she is nice to me. But, I feel she should get a life and cut the umbilical cord and let my husband loose and the same thing with him. We have a second home and that is where I run away to most of the time. I feel very resentful towards her. I feel she loves it when I go away because she can have my husband all to herself. Neither of them sees what they are doing. My husband doesn’t see anything wrong by being his mother’s son-pseudo-husband. I get very upset when I hear that she is driving around town with him, or when he calls me and I hear her conversation in the background. She has this irritating acute voice. I have not shared this with my husband. Please help I need your feedback. – Irritated By My Mother-In-Law Dear Ms. Irritated By My Mother-In-Law, I don’t know if you read your letter, and reflected on what you said, but what is apparently clear is that you feel left out. You made that statement a number of times in your letter. Honestly, you feel as if your husband has replaced you with his mother, and you have become the outsider. You are not a part of the “team,” and you are wondering how did you end up on the outside looking in. His mother has replaced your role in his life. Your role as wife, nurturer, lover, partner, supporter, and dependency has been overshadowed by his mother’s need and desire to do what you were doing and providing for him. He has immediately resorted back to the little boy who needs his “mommy,” but even more so, he has become her new caretaker. He feels obligated to care for his mom because her husband died, and he doesn’t want her to be all alone. Also, they have become each other’s grieving partners. They are leaning on one another, grieving together, and enabling one another’s healing, sulking, and at the same time processing the passing of the patriarchal presence of the family. Yes, there is something oddly strange about a man and his mother who are always together. She is riding around with him all day while he runs errands, and the fact that you live below her, as well as, they spend an enormous amount of time together. That is obsessive behavior, and it is unhealthy. However, neither of them is able to see what they are doing or how they are enabling one another because they are caught up in the grief, the need to be there for each other, and “I don’t want to lose you, too.” It’s time you spoke up, and shared with your husband how you feel, and what is going on with you. It is going to be a very sensitive and delicate dance to do with him, because like you said they both do not see what is going on between them, and what they are doing. So, if you approach him accusatory, and damning his mother, then he will turn on you, a big fight will ensue, and he will run back and tell her what you said. And, that will exacerbate the issue, and then you and she will end up fighting and it will make your relationship even more hostile. They will side against you, your husband will be caught between you and his mother, and your marriage will suffer, and possibly end. Therefore, you have to share what’s going on, what has happened, what your expectations were when you initially moved there to help your father-in-law, but how it’s now turned into something that you were not anticipating. Share how you feel left out, and not included. Share how you feel as his wife, partner, lover, and supporter, and that he is not taking care of home. You need your husband, and though you support his relationship with his mother, but there has to be boundaries. I also recommend that you get into marriage counseling, and, or, speaking with a therapist about the situation. Your feelings toward his mother are displaced. You are irritated that he has shifted his attention toward her, and she has become the focus of his life. Yes, she is partly responsible, and should know that what it feels like when another woman intrudes on another woman’s space. However, she is his mother, therefore, she doesn’t see what she is doing as intruding, but being a mother. So, your displaced anger and irritation toward her is really an anger that you have for your husband. He uprooted your life to move you in with his parents while he took care of his father. They were a team, helping one another, and you were left out of the mix. Then, after his father died you stayed and he began to spend more time with his mother. Your husband then moved you into an apartment below his mother, and he drives around with her while he runs errands. He also moved his office into her home. I’m sure at no point in all of this did he consult you or ask you how you felt about any of this. He just up and did all of this without taking your feelings into consideration, or even bothered to ask how you felt about any of it. Therefore, you went along, to get along, and as he continued to make decisions for the both of you, he continued to leave out of the mix. And, you felt this being edged to the outside. Ma’am, your husband has been leaving you out of the equation for a while now. However, because his focus and attention is on his mother, and taking care of her making sure that she is okay, including the fact that they are grieving together, you internalize a hatred and dislike toward her, and this is where you place your anger. She is the culprit in all of this. Had her husband not gotten sick, then none of this would have happened. You can’t stand that she doesn’t have friends of her own, or any place to go, or anything to do. She is taking up your time, your space, and your place with your husband. Address these issues, and stop sulking and directing your anger toward her. Figure out a way to have an authentic and honest conversation with your husband. Find a way to become part of the team, and also, how to get her to be more independent. But, this issue will not go away, and it will get worse if you don’t speak up and take action. There is a resolution, and you and your husband will have to discuss ways where you don’t feel like an outsider in your own marriage, and that you are included in his life. You don’t like feeling replaced, or displaced in your husband’s life. You don’t appreciate not having a say in any of the decisions he’s made without consulting you. Your voice needs to be heard, and you have a say in all of this. Speak up, or your marriage will end. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! author terrance dean Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! Mogul  Hiding In Hip-Hop cover   Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/952837/dear-bossip-i-told-my-boyfriend-that-i-wanted-to-be-married-in-a-year-he-said-he-isnt-getting-married/#sthash.QxG18j0f.dpuf
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Dear Bossip: I Told My Boyfriend That I Wanted To Be Married In A Year & He Said He Isn’t Getting Married

dv1245001 Dear Bossip, Let me begin by letting you know your advice is what I find myself scanning through the Bossip site to find. I like celebrity gossip, but I love your real talk. Now, my dilemma is that I’ve been in a really great relationship for almost 4 years. He’s a great guy, Christian, educated AND employed, extra sexy, 3 years younger than me (a bonus), family oriented, no children and has many of the same interests as me.  He has spent these years pleasing me in every way. However, as of late I have felt that he’s pulling back. I feel it may have something to do with me explaining a year or so ago that I’d like to be married by 35. I’m 34 years old now. Around February he and I were on the phone chatting and marriage came up and his response really hurt my feelings. He rudely stated he’s not getting married in a year. Note, he adamantly denies saying it. While he didn’t say he’d never marry me, it felt really awkward and disheartening. It felt awkward because about two years ago, he was shouting praises of me being his wife and love of his life.
I also feel his emotional withdrawal may have something to do with my infertility issues too since he definitely wants children. I underwent a procedure and it was determined that both of my Fallopian tubes are blocked and any conception would be through IVF. I shared this information with him as I felt I should. This revelation came two years ago and I specifically asked if he wanted to break things off. His reply was no, we’ll get through it together. Because my infertility makes me feel worthless in some ways, I don’t mention it, ever. After his recent remarks and actions I broke up with him. But, not before asking him to paint a picture of our future and explain our current relationship. He completely ignored those questions like a plague. He claims that he loves me and doesn’t want to break things off, but he has done nothing to “win” me back. I feel so lost and confused with my decision. Did I do the right thing by walking away? – Dazed & Confused Dear Ms. Dazed & Confused, Yup, you are dazed and confused. If you have this great guy who loves you, does everything for you, and he even shared that you and he would get through your infertility issues together, then why break up with him? Why end the relationship? Oh, I get it, it’s because when you made the comment that you would like to be married by 35 years old, and your boyfriend stated that he’s not getting married in a year, and it made you feel worthless. Though, he didn’t specifically say he wasn’t going to marry you, but that he was not getting married, period. Notice the pattern of feeling worthless. You named two incidents where you were made to feel worthless. So, I wonder why didn’t you press the issue at the moment when he stated he wasn’t getting married? Why would you let it slide by, and not ask him to explain what he means by the statement? I find it odd and ironic that, like you said, he was shouting your praises of being his wife and the love his life just years prior. So, did something change? You mentioned that you asked him what your future looked like and he avoided the question, yet, he said he loves you and doesn’t want to break things off with you. Therefore, something happened, or either he is avoiding answering you because perhaps he doesn’t have a clear answer. Who knows. Now, there is the elephant in the room regarding your infertility issues. This is devastating news, and a blow to who you are as a woman, knowing the possibilities of you having children may be rather slim. Therefore, you did the right thing in sharing this with him, and he did express his support and willingness to work through this with you. Yet, you were the one who shut down. You stated that the infertility makes you feel worthless, and you never mention it. Uhm, sweetie, that is not the way to handle things and deal with them. You should have sought out a therapist to help you deal with this issue, and to talk it out. You could have spoken with a specialist in the area on infertility and they could have referred you to counselor, group, or therapist to help you deal with the emotional and mental breakdown you are experiencing. However, I want you to notice that you have a tendency to shut down. You internalize things and live with them in your head. You exacerbate the issues, and in your head they become bigger and bigger. You are trying to work them out alone, but it sends you into a tailspin of depression, regret, self-hatred, denial, and the feeling of worthlessness. Ultimately, you push those who love you away from you, because you don’t feel you are worthy or deserving of love (worthlessness). Seriously, pay attention and notice what you did with your news on infertility. You shut down. It is the same thing you did when you told your boyfriend that you wanted to be married by next year, and when you didn’t get the response you were hoping for you shut down, and never mentioned it again. Both of these incidents made you feel worthless. Now, you broke up with him, and because he is not doing what you want him to do to win you back, you shut down, run, hide, and don’t say anything to him because you feel worthless. You say that he is emotionally withdrawn, but aren’t you also emotionally withdrawn from him. He is only reciprocating what you are doing to him, or, you are internalizing what you think and feel he is doing. He obviously loves you. I do suggest you seek treatment and counseling for your issues regarding your infertility. You are not worthless, nor are you less of a woman. Therapy will help you rebuild yourself and your self-esteem. Also, share this with your boyfriend, and let him know how you feel and what’s going on. Share with him what you’re dealing with so that he can be more supportive, nurturing, and loving toward you. If you shut down, then he figures you are dealing with it personally, and you don’t want to talk about it, and that you are probably over it. If you don’t share with him and allow him to be your friend, your partner, and your lover then how do you plan to make this work in a marriage? Thus, I’m sure that’s why he doesn’t want to get married in a year. You and he have some work to do, and there are some issues that have not been addressed. Couples therapy, counseling, and support will help you work this out before you even consider marriage. Good luck. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! author terrance dean Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! mogul8   Hiding In Hip-Hop cover   Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/941396/dear-bossip-initially-we-had-a-transactional-agreement-but-now-i-want-more-he-wont-even-consider-it/#sthash.oR348Udm.dpuf
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Dear Bossip: I’ve Learned That My Wife Is Still Communicating With An Ex & They Were Planning To Meet Up

black man disgusted look Dear Bossip, I have been married six months. We knew each other a year prior, but we got married under bad circumstances. She was in a terrible relationship and having a hard personal time. We had a brief affair. She pledged her love to me, but I said I couldn’t be involved with her until they were finished. Over time that happened. She said it took a while because she had been supporting him and he had no where turn. I know that was true a point. When we got together one condition was that he would not be in the picture. She agreed. Then, one day I borrowed her phone and I see that she’s emailing him. Nothing bad, but he was back to his manipulation and trying to get her to support him. I said I couldn’t be with her if he was around and she agreed with me. Two months ago we had to have our phones serviced and I checked my email and it has combined our e-mails. There he is again, although it was obvious they hadn’t been in touch prior. I didn’t say anything, but over the weeks it ate at me.
Tonight I caved and I looked at her Facebook messages and they had a planned meeting for tomorrow. She proceeded to say she hadn’t planned on really going, despite saying she missed him, and that she was angry at me for not trusting her, while admitting what did was wrong and if the tables had been turned she’d pissed. I’m having a real hard time feeling guilty about my lack of trust since it was shown to be well-founded. Now, I’m at a loss. For us to work she has to regain my trust, assuming she wants to, and to be honest that will mean full access because it’s shattered. And, she’ll never agree to that. So what do I do? I love her dearly, but I cannot live with this level of distrust given what I know. – At A Loss Dear Mr. At A Loss, So, you had an affair with a woman who was in a relationship, but then you told her that you couldn’t be involved with her until they were finished? Uhm, let’s see here, you had an affair with a woman, so, therefore she was cheating on him with you. And, you wanted her to be exclusive with you and have him out of the picture. But, let me ask you this: If she was cheating on him, despite how bad the relationship was, what made you think that she would not do the same thing to you? Do you people even think before you enter these illicit relationships that are built on lies, deception, manipulation, cheating, and mistrust? If they are lying, cheating, manipulating, and deceiving their partner to be with you, then trust and believe they will do the same damn thing to you! Ugh! I swear common sense ain’t common. Let me say this, the way you enter the relationship is the way it will end. If she was cheating when she came into it, then she will continue to cheat on you with someone else. Chile, some of you folks really do think that you are invincible and no one would ever treat you horribly, or cheat on you because, “You are that boss bish!” LMBAO! You married this woman who was financially taking care of another man, and supporting him because he had nowhere to turn. I’m sorry, but, you waited for her to end a relationship in which she was taking care of another man? Really? Really? Do you really think he was going to let her go? Do you really think she wanted to leave him? I mean, come on! This same man whom she was in a horrible relationship with, and she was suffering in her personal life, yet, she continued to care for this man even after it ended. You can’t blame nobody but yourself for being that damn dumb. Then, insert you, the man she could cry to, lean on, and find solace in your arms, and you believed her, helped her, consoled her, and became her crutch. Whenever she didn’t get what she wanted at home with him she came running to you. And, you were happy to be her shoulder to cry on, and her savior. SMDH! She used you. You were here emotional support system. You were her “go-to” guy when things got bad, and you fell for the ole okey-doke. And, because you couldn’t separate her neediness, her low self-esteem, her manipulation, and her damsel-in-distress routine, you wanted to marry her and save her from her misery. THE WRONG REASON TO MARRY SOMEONE! And, you even acknowledge that you got married under bad circumstances. That was a clear sign you were headed toward doom! So, despite the condition you and she had, and what you demanded of her that she end her relationship with him before the two of you became serious, and, in which she agreed. However, you learn that she is still communicating with him, and even made plans to meet up with him behind your back. Yet, she is mad at you for going through her emails, but, she was being deceptive and lied to you about what she agreed upon. Therefore, she cannot be trusted, she’s a liar, and she deceptively misled you into believing something that was not true. The trust has been violated in your marriage, and you want her to earn back your trust. However, you mentioned that she will never allow you full access, so, therefore you want to know what to do because you love her. Well, sir, you have two options. The first option, seek marriage counseling and get to the root of her lies, deception, and manipulation. Honestly, she is still in love with him, wants to be with him, but is conflicted because she “likes” you, and probably has a great comfortable and loving environment to call home, but her heart is with him. So, does she leave the comforts you provide to go be with heart in misery? I tell you this, she wants him to change, and she wants him to grow and be a better man for her. If he were to make those changes, and change his behaviors, then I have no doubt that she will leave you for him without question or thought. The second option is you separate, reconsider your marriage, what you really desire and need in a spouse, and what will make the both of you happy. More so, you have to know what makes you happy, and if she is providing that. If you are wondering what she’s doing, where she’s going, and if she’s telling you the truth, then, you have a serious problem. And, if you can’t trust her, and she is unwilling to compromise to your request for the full access to her life, then, you end the marriage and move on with your life. Simple as that. She is not willing to work on her marriage, and, nor is she willing to earn your trust. End it. You can sit up here and pout and be upset all you want, but, in the end, she lied to you. She reneged on the contract you had that she would end her relationship with him, and fully commit herself to you. She misled you into believing it was over between them, yet, you discover they are still communicating. And, they had a scheduled rendezvous set-up. Boy, get your house in order, put your foot down, or you end the marriage. However, know this, her heart is not with you. – Terrance Dean Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below! Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Deanloveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and “LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE! author terrance dean Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! mogul8   Hiding In Hip-Hop cover   Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/944987/dear-bossip-after-a-horrible-marriage-i-fell-for-a-great-guy-but-hes-married-he-says-he-loves-both-of-us/#sthash.rAjQKWAj.dpuf
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/948516/dear-bossip-i-was-dating-a-great-guy-but-he-died-in-a-car-accident-now-my-ex-wants-to-reconnect/#sthash.7egKNJrx.dpuf
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE! – See more at: http://bossip.com/950364/dear-bossip-my-husband-has-continued-communicating-with-an-ex-mutual-friend-who-solicited-him-despite-my-wishes/#sthash.fkThMb99.dpuf
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Proceed With Caution: 15 Types Of Guys Who Aren’t The Easiest To Date

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These guys aren’t impossible to date when it comes to relationships, but be prepared for what they bring to the table.

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Married Celebrity Men Known For Flirting With Women Who Aren’t Their Wives

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Check out 10 famous married men who are known for letting their eyes wander and need to get it together.

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That Was Quick: Celebs Who Dated For 2 Seconds Before Getting Engaged

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These famous couples wasted no time moving from dating to engaged within a matter of months or even days.

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Dear Bossip: I’m Conflicted – I’m In Love With My Man But He’s Locked Up & I Have Feelings For My BFF, A Girl

Black woman embarrassed

Dear Bossip,

I have a boyfriend and we’ve been together 8 months, but he’s been locked up 4 of those months.

I’ve been by his side every day since. He still has 12 more months to go. I do plan on being there for him. I don’t plan on going anywhere. Things are starting to change though. He’s always asking for money, which he’s my man and I don’t mind giving him anything he needs, but at the same time, hell, I have my life and my own bills that are going to get paid first and foremost.

Just like other guys in jail he says when he gets out we’re getting married and going to start a family together. I’m moving to New Orleans in the next few days for work and he’s locked up in Alabama. I want him to come to me when he gets out so we can get our lives together. If God plans it! At the end of the day, I’m like do I want to really do this or not. I’m making plans on getting us a house together and starting things for us. I’m nowhere near my selfish self right now. I’m actually thinking about him and us. Our lives.

Honestly, I have cheated on him once since he’s been locked up. That was just a one-time fling though. Actually, a waste of time because the d**k wasn’t even good at all. I’m not a cheater and haven’t cheated since. I haven’t even talked to another guy. I really do love him with all of my heart. I’m in love with him. We were friends 5 five years prior to getting together, but I’m thinking now is this really what I want.

All of my friends judge me and say I’m better than that being with an incarcerated dude, but you can’t help who you love. He wants to leave the streets alone and get his life on track. But, it’s still that should I question in my head. My heart, emotions, and love is in this dude. I cry for him because I love him. I’m the most unemotional person I know and for me to care and cry for him, It’s crazy!

The story isn’t over, there’s more. I also have this best friend. She’s a girl that I honestly have bi-sexual feelings for her. I’ve never liked women. I’ve liked d**k all my life and I always will. I’ve never tried a “bi,” but my best friend it’s something about her that I love. I am sexually attracted to her for some reason. I tell her everything about my life. She’s my best friend that’s what we do. The feelings I have I don’t know where the “F” they came from, and I don’t know what to do about it. She doesn’t know what she wants in life. I think she has bi- curious feelings too. She’s never had a boyfriend. She’s never had sex and she’s 23 years old. She acts lesbionic, so flags are being thrown.

I don’t know whether to tell her how I really feel or just let it go. I have in few words asked would she let a girl freak her and in short words she eased by the answer. I don’t know what to do about these 2 situations. I’m in love with my man and in bi-curios love with my BFF. I’m only 22 years old with a bright future and I don’t want to mess it up. Help me! – Ms. Confused

Dear Ms. Confused,

Chile, SMDH! I….sigh….Why, oh, dear lawd, why?!?!

Someone please explain or tell me what is “Lesbionic,” and if that is a lesbian who is bionic?

Ma’am, I simply can’t with you.

See, this is why the mind is a terrible thing to waste. You are so focused on the wrong things, and unfortunately you will continue to repeat this pattern in your life over and over again. And, this perpetual cycle will hinder you, and prevent you from seeking your full potential.

To be very clear: You are a sexual deviant. I can tell by your letter, and the underlying tone of which it reeks. The terms and phrases around sex, sexuality, and the performance of sex says a lot about you, and your preoccupation with it. I’m just pointing that out, first.

You claim that you’re in a “relationship” with someone who is locked up; a man in prison who has been convicted of a crime. And, you’re bragging about staying by his side, putting money on his books, and entertaining the idea of starting a family with him. This same man who has another year to do on his sentence, yet, you’ve already cheated on him with some other dude, and are thinking of sleeping with your BFF to satisfy your bi-curious tendencies? Some ride or die chick you turned out to be! SMDH! Someone has left the gate open because the donkeys and jackasses are running rampant.

First, let’s be clear about something: You are not in a relationship with him. If he’s been locked up for four months out of the eight months you’ve been together, then, boo boo, a relationship you do not have. How the hell can you claim a relationship with someone and half of the time they’ve been in prison? And, it’s only been months? Chile, your grandmother needs to get a good switch from the bushes and wear you out! Sit your a** down and have several seats on the short yellow bus. The hell is wrong with you!?! And, put your damn helmet on. I don’t want you messing up the leather on the seats.

Next, your entire letter is all about sex. The whack sex you had when you cheated on your “boyfriend,” and the hopeful sex you want to engage in with your BFF, who is a girl. Why are you so focused on sex and not school? Why not spend the energy on something more productive like really working on you, changing your life, healing yourself, and furthering yourself with school, or some other positive outlets? Sex is all you are concerned and thinking about. You need to get to the root of why you think sex is equated with like or love. And, why are you using sex as an escape mechanism. What are you running from? What are you trying to escape? Why are you using sex to deal with the emotional and mental problems you have?

Yes, you have mental and emotional problems. If you think you have a relationship with a man who is locked up, then something is wrong with you mentally. You don’t think you’re a cheater, yet, you cheated on him and he’s only been locked up for four months. Yeah, that is something mental. Then, you are having sexual thoughts and desires for your BFF, and you don’t know where they came from. Then, you claim you love your “boyfriend,” and will be by his side and you are not going anywhere, yet, your confusion about whether or not if you really want to be with him, and if you should do this with him are clear signs that something is wrong with you mentally and emotionally.

But, let me back up a minute. You are moving to New Orleans for your job, but you want your locked up boyfriend to come live with you once he is released in a year. You are going to find a house, and get things ready and in order for him because you said you are thinking about, “our lives.” You ain’t got no damn life together! And, why would you be getting things in order for a man who needs to be doing for himself? Chile, we can all see how this is going to end, and where it’s going. You’re going to end up as another tragic hood rat story gone wrong.

And, look here, sweetie, you contradict yourself twice in the letter because you say, “Do I really want to do this or not?” And, “But I’m really thinking is this really what I want.” Yet, you claim you love him. Uhm, Sha’quashay De-jon-ay Jenkins, you don’t love him. You don’t want him. He just sexed you real good, and you’re not sure if you can hold out until he gets out.

In the meantime, you’re considering jumping on your BFF because you can’t explain your sexual desires for her. Do you see and notice the pattern of sexual deviancy that is playing out in your life? You are preoccupied with sex. You claim that you’ve liked, “d**k all my life, and always will.” And, yet, you are interested in lesbian sex with your BFF. So, no matter how you get it, where you get it, and whom you get it from, sex fulfills something for you.

What’s missing in your life? What are you hoping to fulfill? What emptiness do you feel, and you want to fill?

Find yourself a spiritual counselor, and a spiritual institution, and begin to spiritually cleanse yourself. Also, find a therapist, or locate a counselor you can speak with about your life, your past, and what happened to you as a child. There is a bigger issue at hand, and you need to get to the root of this in order to heal yourself, and the preoccupation with your sexual thoughts and ideation. Then, enroll in school, further your education, and leave the boyfriend in jail alone. He cannot do anything for you. He is there for another year. Why would you send him your hard earned money? He put himself in there, then let him figure out how to take care of himself while he’s there. He is not going to get out and marry you. And, he is not going to move to New Orleans to be with you. Trust me when I tell you this. In regards to your BFF, leave her alone. You are projecting your sexual desires onto her. She has not told you, or confirmed she is a lesbian. Nor has she initiated any sexual advances toward you. Therefore, instead of assuming she is a lesbian, or bi-sexual, you need to be working on yourself and figuring out why you are having these sexual thoughts and desires for her. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Mogul   Hiding In Hip-Hop cover   Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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Dear Bossip: I Had A Stroke & Learned I Had HIV, But My Husband Told Me He Was Negative

Black woman medical results

Dear Bossip,

I am a married woman. I have been with my husband about 14 years and we have been married for two of them.

I had a stroke recently and found out I was HIV positive. I have never cheated on my husband, however, he has cheated. He told his family, friends, and his mom and dad about my results. They told him to get the hell away from me. His sisters stated I am a whore, slut, and he lets them talk about me and he does not defend me. I now have this attitude of “f**k ‘em.”

My husband stated he was tested, but I have not seen the test results. He told me he was HIV negative. I am confused. – Tested Positive

Dear Ms. Tested Positive,

Ma’am, wow! What a devastating blow to receive this news after you suffered a stroke, and then for your husband to reveal your results to his family and friends. That is not cool! He had no right to disclose your status, nor should he be discussing your condition without your permission or consent.

But, know this, if you’ve never cheated on your husband, but, your husband has cheated on you, and now you have HIV. The only culprit is your husband. There is no reason for confusion. Trust! He is the one who has given you the disease. Don’t you find it ironic that he told you that he got tested, yet, you’ve never seen the results. Ma’am, please don’t fall for this bull-ish! He is lying! And, it’s time to call his a** out on his lies.

Therefore, I strongly urge that you demand that you and your husband go to the doctor together. Not separately, but together. And, though, they will test you separately in different rooms, however, you will get the results right then and there. They have HIV rapid tests, and it only takes a few minutes for the results to come back. And, when he comes out of the room, with tears streaming down his face, or he’s upset and angry, you will know the results. But, he may try to mask his emotions and be stone faced. Regardless, you get that piece of paper from out of his hands and read the results for yourself. He can’t deny what’s in print. Then, you beat his a** all through that doctor’s office! Wham! Bam! Pow!

And, you need to call his a** out for disclosing your condition to his family, friends, and parents. You need to lay into him, and let him know that he did not have the right, nor was he in any position to share your medical condition without your consent or permission. You need to make sure he understands it is not his job, or responsibility to go around revealing your medical records to whomever he feels. Hell, you should have knocked his a** in the head with a cast iron skillet!

Moving on, let’s get this straight and right together. I feel the reason your husband told his friends, family, and parents about you and your status is because he secretly knew he was HIV positive and was hoping he wouldn’t transmit the disease to you. I believe he’s known for a while and he got it when he cheated on you. He’s kept this from you, and continued having sex with you unprotected because he knew it would raise suspicion if he started wearing condoms with his own wife. Low down dirty a** dog!

So, once you learned about your status, it became his way to put you on front street, and it also became the perfect alibi where he could put the blame on you to his family, friends, and parents if he comes up positive. And, guess who they will think gave it to him? Hmmm, sounds crafty, shady, and trifling. He is a bastard and when you learned of your status, there should have been no confusion, no wondering, or being stumped. Your mind should have went right to your husband and his low down cheating good for nothing rat bastard slimy gutter a**. And, you should have wore his a** out all through that house. He wouldn’t be walking upright. And, you should have smashed him in his nuts!

I do recommend that you begin working with your doctor about treatment, and effective ways to take care of your health. You should learn what medications you need, and how often you need them. I know you’re hurting and in pain, but with modern medicine and treatment you can take care of yourself and live a long life. This is not a death sentence, and you can live a healthy life if you take care of yourself, and maintain a positive attitude. I also recommend therapy and speaking with a counselor. I’m sure you are going through various emotions and feelings. Speaking with a specialists will help you manage all of this, and how to properly place these emotions.

Next, I do urge getting tested with your husband and getting his results. You need to confirm he is the one who has transmitted the disease to you. And, then you need to consider either working on your marriage, and how you both will deal with this a couple. Or, you need to consider a divorce. And, I know you may feel that no one will want you, and you may feel you don’t want to be alone, but that is not the case. There are many healthy HIV positive people who date and have a healthy sex life, and relationships. You just need to be proactive in informing your partners up front, and making sure to protect yourself during sexual relations.

If you decide to stay married, then both of you need to be in counseling together. Both of you need to work together on how to heal your lives, your marriage, and for him to be honest and tell the truth about his non-disclosure, and hiding it from you. He needs to come clean and lay it all on the table about his status, how long he’s known, and why he didn’t tell you sooner. This will hurt to hear, but you need to know the truth. And, then, he needs to go to his friends, family, and parents and tell them the truth, and clear the up the lies he’s created by telling them about you, but failing to tell his status.

Remember, take care of yourself. Speak with your doctor, and get into treatment. Find a therapist or specialists to help you with your feelings, emotions, and well-being. And, divorce that trifling a** husband of yours. He violated your marriage, your body, and your life. Leave him! – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Mogul     Hiding In Hip-Hop cover      Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

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Where’s The Fun In Forever? Celebrity Rebound “Relationships” That Didn’t Last Long

Ciara PF

Where’s the fun in forever?


 

Dear Bossip: After 5 Years He Broke Up With Me Out Of The Blue & Is Moving Out Of Town

Black woman in bed

Dear Bossip,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for five years.

We moved out-of-state last year and we had got a place together. Everything was going good until a month within our lease being up he told me he wanted to break up, and within 6 months he will be moving out of town. He says he wants to see what it’s like to live life by himself now. Mind you, I helped him get on his feet and now he wants to be single, but also he’s sending mixed messages by saying little things here and there. But, when we have a conversation about us he then says well we are not in a relationship. He then says, “Oh, if u get a new boyfriend introduce us so I can meet him.” But, I’m not ready for a relationship because I’m still in love with him. What should I do? – Still In Love

Dear Ms. Still In Love,

WOW! I am so sorry to hear this. I’m sure it had to be devastating to be blindsided by the man you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life. You didn’t even see this coming, and BOOM! This man tells you that he is breaking up with you, and moving out-of-state. And, on top of that he said he wants to know what it’s like to be single and live on his own. Even after all you’ve done for him, including helping him get on his feet.  So sad!

But, what can you do? You can’t make someone be with you if they don’t want to be with you. You can’t force someone to stay and be in a relationship they have already left. And, quite honestly, why would you want to be with someone who would up and leave you without any indication the relationship was going sour, and his only excuse is that he wants to experience what it’s like to be single and live by himself. WOW!

I’m sure you’re hurting, devastated, and confused. But, you have to pull it together, and get your head clear and be real with yourself. It’s time to start living your life without him, and slowly moving on without him. It is going to be hard, but you’ve got to do it. I mean why would you want to be with a man who would up and leave you without any indication or real reason? If he’ll do it now, just imagine if you’re married. He will one day wake up and tell you that he no longer wants to be married and will walk out on you and your children. This is not the type of man you should be investing in, nor the type of man you need in your life.

And, it’s unfortunate because I’m sure he built you up to believe that he appreciated all you did for him, he cherished you and your support, and he loved you, and he probably did. But, when you invest in a man, and giving him all of you and he is not giving you anything in return, then you have to take these things into consideration and consider that you are investing in a man who is not your husband. He is a boyfriend. And, investing in a boyfriend who is not discussing marriage, or a life together where you are working together as a team and he is investing in you and the relationship, then you will find yourself sitting all alone as he walks out the door.

Never put all your energy, time, and focus into someone who is not putting any energy, time, or focus on you. If they are not making you feel secure, and encouraging and inspiring you in the relationship, then you have to take inventory and ask yourself if the relationship is a one-way street with you doing all the work while they benefit. These are hard questions to ask yourself, and it takes looking at you and the relationship with honest eyes. Also, open and honest communication is key. Talk with your partner. Check in and find out where they are, what they are thinking, where they see the relationship going, and how you both can work at making the relationship better and stronger. Honest communication is always the best policy in a relationship. Never assume things are going well because you may find yourself doing all the investing while they are sitting back investing and plotting their departure. You’re something to do until they get on their feet.

So, tell your ex to stop calling you. Tell him do not reach out to you on email, social networking sites, and even texting to check in. If he wants to move on, then be gone! Leave! Stop checking in. Stop bothering you. And, stop coming in and out of your life. It’s obvious has moved on, but sending the mixed messages by saying little things is his way to see if there is a window or door of opportunity to come back. No ma’am! Close the damn door and lock it! Like most men, they play these games of saying slick –ish to see if you’re still strung out and stuck on them. It’s an ego boost. Don’t play into. You don’t have any children together, therefore, there is no reason you two should be in communication or working on anything. And, hell to the naw, you are not going to introduce him to any new man you meet. What the hell? He is really tripping. He just wants to see what type of guy you move on with and if he is better looking or if the guy is better than him. Girl, kick his a** to curb and tell him to go play in heavy traffic. Pull yourself together, get over your pity party, and begin to work on you. Take one day at a time, but keep yourself busy, hang out with your girlfriends, have spa days, go to church, and surround yourself with loving people who encourage you and support you. And, you know what, if you do get a new boyfriend and you ex inquires about him, then you tell your ex, “He’s a phenomenal and great guy. And, his d**k is bigger and better than yours.” – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean

Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

Mogul     Hiding In Hip-Hop cover      Straight From Your Gay Best Friend


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What About Your Friends: Do You Care too Much What People Think of Your Man?

shutterstock_coverfriendsthink2

When it comes to dating and choosing a mate, it’s only natural to want the approval of those closest to you. You know how it goes: You’re dating a great guy (or so you think) and you want to introduce him to your friends and family to get their take on the new person in your life. You hope they like him because you’ve already managed to fall for him. But what happens if, when that monumental moment happens, they hate him? Do you dump him or do you keep dating him because they obviously don’t see what you see? More….


 

Dear Bossip: I’m 22 & Dating My Father’s Friend Who Is A Muslim & Has A Woman With 6 Kids & I Don’t Want To Lose Him

Young woman older man

Dear Bossip,

I’m 22-years old, in college, no kids, and I work 2 jobs and I have my own place.

I am very independent. I normally don’t get into relationships because of trust issues. So, I’d rather have friends with benefits. But, I recently started talking to this older guy. I know him from around the way. He’s friends with my dad and everybody knows everybody where I’m from.

Well, I had my eye on him. I already knew some background info, but as much as I thought I knew. He’s 30-years old, has 6 kids, and has been with the same girl for 10 years. They’re Muslim—so you know what that means. In their religion when the woman garbs up she’s married. (I never seen him with a ring). They live together too, and her family lives within walking distance from me. I’ve heard different stories about him and her, but I want to be hardheaded and learn the hard way.

I already knew what I was getting into. I just didn’t know it would get as deep as it is now. We’ve been warned to keep apart, but it’s hard. We are so attracted to each other. He’s a good guy. He works and takes care of his kids, as well as me. I have bills in his name. He picks me up from work, pays for everything, and he always stays over at my house on the nights and days he doesn’t work. Sometimes my conscious kicks in and I feel bad, but I keep telling myself, “It’s not my problem. We’re just having fun.”

I know it’s wrong, but it feels so right. He has me open. I can’t get what he gives me from guys my age. But, we’re falling for each other. He worse than I. He’s very jealous and he’s always up under me. (It’s more than sex). I do like the attention. I can’t complain, but I don’t want us to get caught. This man calls me from his house phone and drives me around in his car. He’s made it clear to the other guys that we deal with each other.

But anyway, I’m only screwing myself over. This will blow up in my face soon and very soon. Although he denies a relationship with his baby mom (BULL-ISH!) He keeps saying he is in a bad relationship/situation. I got a feeling that if he gets out, it will be my fault. I don’t think I want to ruin a happy home nor become a scapegoat. But, I know he won’t leave her. It’s cheaper to keep her. If things do work out, I’ll lose him the same what I got him — At the hands of another woman. I want to leave him alone, but I can’t and no one knows the extent of our “relationship” or how serious we are. I want more, but I’m scared. What should I do? – Young & Dumb & Naïve

Dear Ms. Young & Dumb & Naïve,

I’m not clear of what you want me to tell you, or what advice you want from me. You’ve stated that you’re perfectly content in this “relationship,” and, “I knew what I was getting myself into.” You’ve convinced yourself that, “It’s not a problem. We’re just having fun.”

So, if you don’t see it as a problem, and you’re just having fun, then no matter what anyone says to you, you’re going to keep doing you regardless. You clearly have a mental disorder and you need some help. That is very obvious from your letter. The fact that you purposely sought out this man, knowing his situation, and you concocted this plan to seduce him, because as you’ve stated, “I normally don’t get into relationships because of trust issues. So, I’d rather have friends with benefits.” Then, you got what you were after. And, if this blows up in your face, then it’s because you deserve to have it blow up in your face. I hope it blows that cheap make-up off your face and pushes your lacefront weave back. KABOOM!

You’re the most dangerous type of little girl (I use little girl because I refuse to call you a woman), and every woman should take note of you, your letter, and how you operate. Thank you so much for revealing yourself to the world. This gives us insight into little girls like you who are spiteful, deceiving, evil, and conniving. Unfortunately, after this relationship fails you will grow into a woman who will become better, smarter, and wiser at sleeping with other women’s men. You’ll only use the mistake to become better at your game. And, it won’t be until some woman catches you with her husband and hurts you that you will wake your a** up. But, I doubt it. This is nothing but a game for you. And, you’ll be back on the hoe stroll trolling for another woman’s husband and man.

The fact that you don’t see anything wrong with dating a man who has been with his woman for 10 years and have six children, is a problem. The fact that you have bills in his name, is a problem. The fact that her family lives within walking distance from you, is a problem. The fact that he’s at your place days and nights he’s not at work, is a problem. The fact that he is a friend of your fathers, is a problem. And, the fact that he drives you around in his car, in public view, with no regard for his home life, is a problem.

You’re selfish, childish, immature, and a trifling trick. And, he is no better than you. He’s a low down dirty dog, and is a sleazy poor excuse of a man. On top of it, he’s a Muslim and is disrespecting his religious beliefs, therefore, he will be called and held accordingly once the brothers of the Mosque learns of his ways.

Your trust issues have distorted your mental and emotional well-being, therefore, you will hurt everyone else because of your issues. You don’t care about anyone but yourself, and that is the most dangerous type of person to know. What’s sad is that you don’t even care about your own family. This man is a friend of your fathers’, and, yet, you will still sleep with him despite their friendship. What’s worse is the hurt and pain this will cause your father to find out his own friend is sleeping with his own daughter. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!

You don’t care about the children who will be impacted by this relationship and the damage it will cause them. The money he is taking from his household to pay your bills and take care of you. The time he is taking away from his children to be with you. The dad they will lose because some floozy decided she wanted to take someone’s father and dad to fulfill her own sexual desires, and pleasures. YOU ARE A TRICK!

You don’t care about the other woman and how it will hurt her, and may affect her mentally and emotionally. The potential damage it will cause her to take care of six children alone, and the emotional toil it will be for her. Naw, you don’t care about her, or anyone because you’re a little a** girl with trust issues, and purposely sets out to destroy people’s homes and lives.

So, no, I don’t have any advice for you other than to seek professional help and deal with your trust issues. You are damaged. You are emotionally and mentally unstable. Instead of pursuing older men, other women’s men, and purposely destroying other people’s lives because you’re hurt, how about healing yourself, and acknowledging that what you’re doing is morally and consciously wrong. Admit to yourself that your behavior is inappropriate, childish, and immature. Admit to yourself that you don’t have to lie, deceive, and manipulate others to get what you want. Stop this vicious cycle before it kills your spirit, your soul, and ultimately you. Learn to have true happiness, true love, and true honesty, and it requires you being happy, loving, and honest with yourself, and those around you. It requires peeling back the layers of pain and hurt and revealing what is causing you the damage, and why you want to damage others. When you can start the work on yourself, and the healing in your life, you will become the woman you desire and deserve to be. – Terrance Dean

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean

“LIKE” Terrance Dean on Facebook, click  HERE!

author terrance dean
Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop (Atria Books – June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books – November 2010; $15). They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Mogul      Hiding In Hip-Hop     Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

bossiprss?d=yIl2AUoC8zA bossiprss?i=06W_gzId50c:tUtTJAF9fDk:D7Dq bossiprss?d=qj6IDK7rITs bossiprss?i=06W_gzId50c:tUtTJAF9fDk:gIN9
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Sextra: Fellas, Pay Attention to Her Body!


Good day Bossip readers! Here’s to another fun-filled Friday Sextra post! So let’s just dive in, shall we? Fellas go on and on in these threads about what they do and how they do it. While they’re good reads and most of you guys seem to know how to make a woman feel good, it’s barely scratching the surface as it relates to  affection. Let’s talk about the kind of connection that is built and cannot be found in a one-night encounter. Intimacy cannot be faked and, of course, from the gate, a connection and chemistry is key! A comfort zone, if you will, is the best way to ensure a platform of open expression and communication. So if you have a special lady in your life and you want to step your love game up a notch, pay attention to these pointers and try something a little different.

There are so many ways to stimulate and tease a woman’s body without aiming for the obvious erogenous zones. Think of it as art form and actually study the things that get a woman in a zone where all inhibitions are lost and she feels free enough to give you her best and know that you’re reciprocating. For instance, the places on her body where sexual nerve patterns dwell, well only a man who pays close attention to detail will be able to spark that fire in her spine. You’re catching the drift, right? Take a look and leave your thoughts!

Work the mouth piece - women love a juicy, moist set of lips on a man! And if your lips speak truth with sincerity the more delicious they become. Fellas, if you have a set of soup-coolers, work them because she’s watching them when you speak. Give her a solid stare if you catch her staring at your mouth and share them with her. Share them with her simply because you’re close enough to do so. Gauge your prowess by her breathing and how aggressively she kisses you back. If she want more, give it to her but tease her by taking your time.

Neck Nape - Keep them moist and supple. Before you go all the way live with her and are loving her slow with  your kisses, don’t forget the neck! Get up on her and with your moist lips, talk on her neck so she can feel the vibration of your voice through her body and your lips slip around  her neck and jaw line while you tell her how good she smells and how much you love kissing on her. Passion is key, fellas! So make it hot!

Don’t Forget Her Back - women love to be swooped into a man’s arms … nothing like a strong set of arms around a woman’s body; it will immediately put her into a trance. Snatch her in close to you by her waist and give her a few sturdy strokes up her body and chest. Stare at the small of her back and lightly graze your fingertips up her spine to the back of her neck and slowly work your way back down. The spine houses boatloads of nerve endings that travel to every part of the body, hence the quivers, quick jerks and weakness at the knees. This is real, fellas!

Hair Play - sadly, this won’t work for all hair styles. If your lady rocks a weave, you’re restricted to the frontal bang area. But if she’s natural, she’ll love for you to run your hands through her hair and give it a slight tug. It’s a good thing to feel taken by her man and she’ll gladly relinquish all power and allow him to be one. A steady groping at the scalp sounds primitive but it’s a good feeling and lets your lady know you’re paying attention to her entirely.

The Booty - the booty is the man’s best friend, so treat it as such and give it lots  of attention. The buns are perhaps the most erogenous part of a woman’s body, so grab it! But make sure you grab the tuck of it and give the back of her thighs and hips a good, firm squeeze. Pull her into you by her buns and thighs and caress them as if you’ll never get a chance to do so again.

You should be able to tell by now that it’s not always about the big finish! It’s the moments that lead up to it. Following that will land you in a permanent fixture position in her thoughts … which is where the attraction starts for women in the first place! Remember to take your time with your lady and make an effort to go the extra mile and your rewards will be plentiful!

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