Archive for the "naked" Category

Randy Travis Fights At Church and Ends Up In The Hospital

Well, it looks like Randy Travis is tired of just fighting his own demons and is now starting fights with actual people! Reports are coming in that claim Randy Travis got into a fight in a church parking lot early this morning. Cops responded to the church around 1 in the morning and found two intoxicated males fighting over a girl.

Cops say that Randy was “extremely intoxicated” and that both men were taken to the hospital after the fight. We don’t know if any of the injuries were serious, but we’re guessing they just have some bumps and bruises. How many punches can you really land when you’re drunk? They probably injured themselves by tripping over their own feet.

This is now the third time Randy has been out drinking and causing problems. He was arrested back in February for public intoxication after he was found drunk in a church parking lot — and earlier this month Randy was arrested for DUI after he crashed his car and somehow ended up naked.

It’s a little odd that it keeps happening at church. Making he should just stick to watching church on TV? That way he can get as drunk as he wants and no one would ever know…except the Lord, of course. Randy Travis Randy Travis1

 

Kelly Brook verifies her Twitter account…by getting naked

Apparently Twitter has a new verification process. If in doubt of the identity of an account, they just ask people to get naked and take pictures of themselves. Or so Kelly Brook thought because here she is taking naked pictures of herself (in the bathroom and next to a toilet of course) to prove that her account is real and close the mouth of the doubters. Well, it’s definitely her, I can say that with certainty. Then again, you could show me this picture and tell me it’s Courtney Love when she wakes up in the morning and I’d totally buy it.  I can be convinced of anything when breasts stare at me in the face.

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Thursday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (10.11.2011)

This Marc Jacobs perfume ad featuring 17-year old Dakota Fanning has been banned for “sexualizing children”.

Don’t know what to laugh at first. Madonna actually believing she can play director and hold a camera without it spontaneously bursting into flames or that she looks younger than the 30-year old actress who plays in her movie thanks to photo-shop.

Katie Holmes’ sad, well, everything is also brushed away thanks to the airbrushing fairies.

Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman have been inflating their lips with baby seal fat again.

Anna Friel is the naked Santa in the British Tatler.

Blake Lively and Oprah brought their cleavages to the Versace at H&M event in NYC last night. The first makes the world look better and the second just makes me want to microwave a sweet potato with a topping of cheese and beans.

Selena Gomez is already taking lessons from Lindsay Lohan in the art of subtle hookery.

Katy Perry and Russell Brandt making out at the LAX arrival terminal.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt continuing their humanitarian efforts in Tokyo while at the same time they’re being sued for firing a secretary because she has an illness that forced her to take too many sick days off.

Kristie Brinkley looks amazing for a 57-year old. Does she also eat newborn placenta for breakfast?

Christina Aguilera is now reduced to game launch appearances. Geeks worldwide rejoice!

Megan Fox looks like she’s been sleeping under a bridge the last few days. The wrath of Michael Bay can do that you.

Demi Moore is really not making an appealing case for why Ashton Kutcher should permanently forgo sex with pretty young things who are still alive.

And now the world’s oldest supermodel. At age 80, Carmen Dell’ Orefice (no seriously, that’s her name) is now modeling at runway shows because Bernie Madoff stole all her savings. Right after she plucks her beard and puts crazy glue on her hip joints. True story.

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The MTV EMAs had an uncensored penis running around on stage

Hayden Panettiere was on stage to present Lady Gaga at the MTV EMAs on Sunday night when a man, later identified as Irish actor David Monahan appeared on the stage with his bald avenger hanging out in plain view for millions to see. And here’s the kicker: they bleeped out Selena Gomez’ “fuck” but let this guy’s bouncing schlong go completely uncensored. Gotta love Europe.

PS: The running penis did not have a 6 foot giant attached to it, so Hayden Panettiere was less than mildly intrigued. “Wow, your penis can’t actually poke me in the eye, fascinating. Yeah, not interested.”

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Lindsay Lohan showed her vajayjay for the Playboy shoot

Shown here getting knocked down by her own garage door, because spreading your legs in-front of your little sister (Ali went with her because Dina wanted the little one to learn the ropes) and prune-balls Hugh can only be celebrated by taking down a crane of Stoli, Lindsay Lohan earned her $1million check by going full frontal. Which means Dina realized Lindsay’s European “tour” did not bring in the expected cash she needed for that family vacation to Hawaii. “Lindsay, baby, we’re scratching operation “Italian handjobs”. That’s small time. I have something way, way bigger in mind. But very tasteful and classy. Now, hurry, our appointment for a brazilian wax is at 3.”

Via TMZ:d

TMZ has learned, the actress will BARE ALL in her upcoming spread … i.e. the holy trifecta … or as one source close to Playboy put it, “boobs, ass, and vag.”
… Reports circulated Lindsay would pull one of those lame semi-nude fiascos — all sideboob, no fun — but sources close to Hef & co. tell us, that is NOT the case. Lindsay did insist the photos be “tastefully done,” but we’re told she’s still going the full monty.

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Lindsay Lohan gets close to $1million to pose naked

Voila some very grainy photos of Lindsay Lohan on her way to a meeting place where she would take her clothes off, and while the sentence i just conjured up means absolutely nothing because that’s the everyday schedule that Dina draws up on a napkin for her daughter, trust me, this walk towards what will ultimately be a porn studio led to a mansion where Lindsay got naked for Playboy. Apparently, Lindsay asked for $1 million because her awareness of her crotch’s value is astounding, and Hugh Hefner actually agreed to pay somewhere in the vicinity of that. Which tells me he’s nearing the final stages of Alzheimer’s and soon enough the Playboy mansion will be full of 60-year old grandmas with droopy tits and a penchant for leaving their dentures on the kitchen table. Dina reported that the photo-shoot went well, which in her lingo means she licked the check and it proved to be authentic and that Lindsay scored a bag of coke as a bonus in the end.

PS: The other two pics are of Lindsay taking a break after cleaning morgue toilets and dead people’s sheets. I hear the shoot was inspired by this: “Now Lindsay, bend over the toilet, arch your back and seductively lick that toilet brush. Oh yeah, keep going, keep going, this hot!!”

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Shayne Lamas does the “I’m naked with a giant uterus” thing

Here’s Shayne Lamas doing the Demi Moore thing (or more recently the very unfortunate Mariah Carey thing), only this time nobody wants to pay her to put this on a magazine cover, or even in one of the back pages where they share stories about stray dogs and apple pie recipes. Hence the amateur picture taken in her bedroom. With the shutters open so the neighbors can also enjoy the view. And what’s creepier than a uterus about to explode is the fact that she has already signed up her unborn girl to a talent agency. My money’s on this one becoming a stripper. It’s the only way to deal with deep emotional issues really.

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Britney Spears has sex with her boyfriend in new video

Remember that story we posted about Britney Spears getting in trouble in the U.K over that fake robbery scene she was shooting? Well, it was for her video Criminal in which Jason Trawick saves her from an abusive boyfriend and then pushes her into a world of crime. And then of course we have the sex scenes. Which shockingly enough are not Mac-Donald – themed, and don’t involve Britney shooting Jason with “Fench” fries and whispering sweet nothings in his ears: “Yeah man, just pour them mayo-neise on my chicken drums, yo. And slowely rub them big’ol potato chips on my belly, yeah baby, do it one more time!”

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Adam Levine’s missing torso

Adam Levine posed with his Russian girlfriend Anna I-arrived-in-the-mail-Vyalitsyna for the cover of Russian Vogue, and that 99.9% of you who have yet to notice that half of Adam’s torso is missing because you’re too busy staring at his bride’s superb ass, you may have ADD, but at least you don’t have Spock’s (aka Zachary Quinto) problem of finding the love for vagina highly irrational and off-putting. Gotta love photo-shop bloopers.

PS: The junk-handling from the mail bride pics are from a different shoot with Cosmopolitan UK, because somehow that will save the penis from cancer (Levine’s charity). We’re guessing this one’s about saving the anus?? Or the rain-forest, it could be either way.

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Rihanna named Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire

Here’s Rihanna posing naked for the cover of Esquire’s November issue in all her photoshopped glory, because how else can we see she’s the world’s sexiest woman alive? Now, they don’t tell us exactly how they chose Rihanna, but let’s assume they also got carried away by the non-stop Barbadian ass-groping. If an entire island has its hand on this woman’s ass, well then, she has to be the world’s sexiest, non? Esquire has high standards you know.

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Mischa Barton loves making out with red meat? That’s how I’m reading this.

For a site who busts out dick jokes like Fourth Of July fireworks on a daily basis, these pictures are a goldmine, but we will refrain from making fellatio references because we took an oath to not make fun of the mentally retarded. Something obviously not shared by celebrity photographer Tyler Shields who told Mischa Barton to get totally naked, threw milk on her,told her to roll in flour and then slap herself with raw beef. “Oh, man, I’m having so much fun today!! And can you believe it? I told her this would revive her career and she totally bought it! Down Syndrome people are totally gullible! Now honey, turn around and slap your cellulite monster with that meat. I promise that will propel your career to new heights! Man, I think I just pissed myself!”

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Monday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (08.10.2011)

Miranda Kerr gets completely naked for Australia’s Harpers Bazaar. Which is a fashion magazine. About clothes. Ok, that turban is pretty fashionable.

Katie Holmes’ cleavage is more desolate than an African village plagued by drought. And later, Tom Cruise goes for some well-documented PDA. He washed his hands with Lysol afterwards and looked at his photo album of penises to make him forget. Kinda like comfort food.

Looking at 53-year old Sharon Stone in a tight mini dress is like drinking milk that’s slightly beyond its expiration date. It doesn’t make you throw up, but you wished you didn’t take that huge gulp.

Holly Madison reminds us of the important things in life: Oktoberfest and beer.

Lady Gaga is into rams now.

Demi Lovato is on her way to winning over alcoholism and bulimia. Don’t let that water fool you. She ate the Twinkies and the beef jerky before the guy gave her change back.

Serena Williams and country singer Jake Owens were out on a romantic date. “I said, gimme your goddamn fries or I’ll shove a tennis ball in your mouth. And then strip down to a bikini!”

Kim Kardashian’s ass defies air brushing (Australian InStyle).

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Elisabetta Canalis is now dating True Blood actor

According to TMZ, Elisabetta Canalis was spotted having a romantic dinner at STK restaurant in L.A with True Blood actor Mehcad Brooks before jetting off together in his black SUV. Listen, we get it. After dating George Casanova Clooney for two years, what are your choices? Who can take his place and not look like a ridiculous substitute for the man millions are willing to die for? The big black penis of course. Really, Eggs was the ONLY logical choice here. Granted, they’re both jobless at the moment, but at least they can marvel at each other’s abs and well defined triceps. It works.

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Hope Solo gets naked for ESPN

Just when we thought Nancy Grace’s Breast Petal pasties would be the only exciting thing that came out of DWTS this season (did I just call the Incredible Hulk’s pasties exciting? I’m more desperate than I thought) here’s Hope Solo restoring our faith in American family values by posing naked for the cover of ESPN. So, can you do that on the show, love? Just sayin’ so we don’t look lame to the Argentinians.

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And that’s how they do Dancing With The Stars in Argentina

Folks, this is no joke. The pics are actually parts of one of the “performances” on Argentinian DWTS between model and reality star Cinthia Fernandez and her partner Marcelo Tinelli. We would have included the video, but YouTube removed it only hours after it was posted. The host and judges were apparently not clued in to the Spread Eagle/Scissors/Reverse Cowgirl/Standing Carry/Froggy/Doggy dance routine and attempted to block the camera from filming it all. And we made such a big deal over Nancy Grace’s fake nipples on top of real nipples incident? Pathetic I say. That’s it, I’m moving to Argentina. I’m a sucker for the Arts.

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Ashton Kutcher: The tale of four sluts and a hot tub

Well, the rumors about Ashton Kutcher cheating on Demi Moore’s dusty bones are no longer just that. Apparently the DailyMail unearthed the boyfriend of one of the girls Ashton Kutcher partied with the night in question and he told the newspaper how he found Ashton naked in a hot tub with another four naked girls, including his girlfriend. And that Ashton invited him to join the party. In the said hot tub. Yes, Ashton Kutcher is the kind, thoughtful and sharing, scarf-wearing individual we always thought him to be. This whole world is not a huge ugly lie after all!!

But we will let the DailyMail walk you through it the only way a tabloid who deals in hard facts does:

Jacques Du Toit, a South African yacht worker, described the sordid scene at the £2,500-a-night ‘top of the rock’ Diamond Suite at the Hard Rock Hotel, to a friend.

Du Toit told close friend Gavin Naumoff, 23 , how he hot-footed to the 1,200 sq ft suite, which features an outdoor jacuzzi, after his girlfriend told him she was attending a party in Kutcher’s suite on September 23rd.

‘He was concerned,’ explained party promoter Naumoff to the Mail on Sunday.

Jacques is the boyfriend of one of the girls partying with Sara that night, Alexis. He wanted to make sure she was behaving herself.’

But The Mail revealed that it was the pretty blonde from small town McAllen in Texas, who stayed behind that night, before going on to uncover the humble origins that propelled her into the seedy set-up with the married millionaire.

Naumoff recalled the scene that night as Du Toit painted it: ‘Alexis told him Ashton’s room number and when he got there, a bodyguard was at the door who said it was a private party. Jacques explained he was the boyfriend of one of the girls and was let in.

‘He found Ashton in a hot tub on the balcony with Alexis, Sara, a girl called Katie and another girl called Marta. They were all naked. Ashton invited Jacques to join them in the tub.

Apparently, Ashton said, ‘Yo, where’s the vodka at?’ and Jacques was like, ‘’It’s over there but I’m not going to get it.’ So Ashton gets out to get the vodka and that’s when Jacques saw he was butt naked.’

The alleged sexual encounter took place that night after everyone except Sara and her friend Marta had left.

‘Sara is telling everyone 100 per cent that she and Ashton had sex,’ claimed Naumoff.

‘Jacques and Alexis are two of my best friends and Sara is a good friend. If she says she slept with him then I think she’s telling the truth.’

Naumoff, who arranges for good looking girls to be shipped to certain hotspots,  also told the newspaper: ‘Sara’s a great girl. My job is to round up hot girls and bus them into clubs in San Diego or Vegas.

The girls get free booze, food, whatever, and they attract rich and famous guys to the clubs. It’s a two-way street. The girls get to meet rich men and the guys get what they want.’

Which is? ‘Sex, obviously.’

Pointing proudly to photographs he took recently of a topless Leal, he bragged: ‘She was off her head, we all were. She’s a wild girl and loves to party. She is someone who knows what she wants and is determined to get it.’

Another friend, this time from her schooldays in McAllen, on the border of Mexico in Texas, said that Sara ‘hoped to find a richer older guy to take care of her. She wasn’t great at anything in particular that would have enabled her to make it on her own. But she was good at looking good.’

Naumoff explained how earlier in the evening, the Two and a Half Men star selected girls at Fluxx nightclub : ‘Ashton was picking out girls who were ‘hot tub worthy or not.’ He would send his friends to hand-pick the prettiest girls from the dancefloor.’

The club’s promoter, Aaron Klose, said: ‘I saw Ashton dancing with several girls, including Sara. Fluxx has the reputation for only allowing the prettiest ones in. Ashton was clearly up for a good night.’

Katie Boggus, a friend of Leal’s from Texas, who allegedly took part in the hot tub high jinks, refused to be drawn on the subject when approached at her San Diego home late Friday by the Mail on Sunday.

The pretty blonde said: ‘Sara is a great person. It’s really sad people are saying mean things about her.’

When asked directly if Leal slept with Kutcher that night, she said: ‘I can’t talk about that.’ Asked about being in the hot tub with a naked Kutcher, she smiled and said: ‘I’m sorry, I can’t say anything about that.’

According to another girlfriend of Leal, she is ‘keeping low’.

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Sophie Monk somehow turned down $1million offer to do Playboy

Because today it’s “believe whatever bullshit D-listers come out with” day, Sophie Monk, you know, the chick who’s been topless more times than Mel Gibson had Jew-fueled DUIs, has turned down $1million offer to do Playboy because it would hurt her movie career. You’re allowed to laugh.

Here’s parts of the interview she gave to an Australian radio station:

‘I got offered Playboy, the cover.’

‘They’re trying every angle to get me to do it. They’re relaunching the whole thing and making it old school again because it kind of lost it for me.’

When I was younger, I was like “I want to be on Playboy”. My mum was a Playmate. She was hot.’‘They’ve offered me a million dollars, and it’s negotiable how much you show.’

‘Some people are like, no,’ . ‘My agent said it could stop me getting movies.’

‘I’ve done a movie as not myself for like $2.50 showing my boobs, but being me naked selling magazines for men to get excited over is a different story for me, personally.’

**EXCLUSIVE** Sophie Monk is seen going to an auto repair shop to try to retrieve her car after waiting for its repair. article-2044134-0E29F3B200000578-58_468x689 article-2044134-0E29F40B00000578-290_468x668

 

Friday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (09.30.2011)

Ke$ha arriving in Brazil wearing a sea mammal on her face. Definite improvement.

Lindsay Lohan and her third “mark” in a week (seen here in Paris). Somebody gotta pay those bills!

Michael Douglas tries to eat a hot-dog but it’s hard without the dentures.

Anderson Cooper now brings Lamas to work.

Jason Alexander is wearing a hairpiece and is proud of it.

Michelle Williams plays a naked Marilyn Monroe quite well.

Stills from The Avengers are out and it’s all about Scarlett Johansson. As it should be.

Kim Catrall and her cellulite-ridden thighs make for an arresting sight.

Lacey Schwimmer is going to be as fat as Chaz Bono by the end of the DWTS season.

Jessica Alba’s not pregnant anymore, so those “niceness” hormones are gone. The bitch is back!!

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Naked Demi Moore at London’s National Gallery

Gotcha! Actually it’s a fat dude with a hernia, but the resemblance is uncanny, no??  Meet Johnny Vegas, a British comedian who’s mocking Demi Moore’s naked pregnant cover of Vanity Fair back in 1991 and whose photograph is now on exhibition at the London National Portrait Gallery. Who said the Brits have no humour? Even if they bust it out 19 years too late.

 

Kelly Brook and PETA join forces to save the cute cuddly creatures we call snakes

Here’s Kelly Brook posing for PETA with some sort of snake paint on her naked body, because let’s admit it, snake abuse has gone too far, and come on people, they deserve our love and appreciation of their need to exist (i just hugged my snake boots, i hope that’s what they meant with this ad). Really PETA? Really? But more important than that, why on earth did they have to photoshop the crap out of Kelly Brook’s face to the point where she looks like a little lion cub. Yes, for those of you who notice her face for the first time because her breasts are, well, covered in snake warrior paint, she does look like a lion cub.

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Way to waste the FBI’s time Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson is seeking to restore her vaginal purity after two nude pictures SHE HERSELF took from a device that can actually MAIL them to someone if a sudden need for publicity arises (we’re just pointing the obvious here) were “stolen” from her mobile phone. Her lawyer Marty Singer has now written to various websites, warning of legal action. The letter reportedly says: ‘The highly personal and private photographs at issue capture our client self-posing in her own home in a state of undress and/or topless. ‘If you fail to comply, you will be acting at your own peril. Please govern yourselves accordingly.’

Scarlett has also called in the Feds to help her discover how her phone was hacked. “Hey guys, drop the serial killer case and the new terrorist cell case you’ve been working on. Boss says we got bigger fish to catch. Scarlett Johannson’s ass has gone public in the world wide web and we have to apprehend it! *high fives all around*

 

Tori Spelling prepping for what will make our eyes bleed

Tori Spelling was shopping at lingerie store Agent Provocateur yesterday in preparation of an upcoming lingerie-clad belly shoot. This was most likely Dean McDermott’s idea. “Damn it, let them feel my fear every time the lights are out and she shoves my head into that borehole she calls breasts. Let them feel the agony that i feel every time that belly button stares me in the face and threatens to eat me alive!!!”

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Demi Moore Twits Naked Pic; Ashton Kutcher must be cheating on her again

Demi Moore posted a nude photo of herself to Twitter on Friday with the following caption: remember…..you’ve got your own back

A completely reasonable reaction to Ashton Kutcher getting Charlie Sheen’s role, which implies that pretty soon he’ll be having crazy sex with two twenty-year old goddesses.

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Naked Statue of Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber Coming Our Way Soon

Daniel Edwards, the insane Brooklyn-based sculptor behind masterpieces as Suri Cruise’s bronzed poop and Britney Spears giving birth on a bear rug is back. Now he’s installing a nude statue of pop power couple Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez in a store in Dallas called New Fine Arts. (In this case, “fine arts” means porn. Since it’s a porn store.)

Via Splash News:

US artist Daniel Edwards has unveiled this nude portrait of pop stars Justin Bieber and girlfriend Selena Gomez. It depicts the teenagers almost entirely nude, with a Canadian maple leaf and a Texas lone star covering up most of the intimate parts.
The piece, titled “Justin and Selena as One” captures them conjoined at the torso and will be unveiled at later [date] in Dallas.

The random nudity isn’t even the insane part. The statue only has three legs! They’re fused together. Who cares about a couple of boobies, this is some sort of weird chocolate parallel human centipede thing. It’s enough to give Eli Roth nightmares.

Maybe the artist just wanted this to symbolize the melding of our two great nations. Beeb and Gomez will unite us ya’ll!

Nude Statue of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Nude Statue of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Nude Statue of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Nude Statue of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Nude Statue of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Nude Statue of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez
 

Sara Jean Underwood Takes a Naked Bike Ride

Cycling can be fun, especially when it includes former playmate of the year Sara Jean Underwood and nudity. Here she is on her sweet ten speed at the World Naked Bike Ride in Portland, Or. for a piece she did for her nerd TV show on G4TV. It’s quite obvious from these pictures that she’s a very lovely young lady with many desirable qualities one would look for in a mate. You can just tell that she’s intelligent, helps out at animal shelters, enjoys foreign literature, and she clearly tries to stay abreast of current affairs. She more than likely has volunteered more than once at a retirement home, wiping old wrinkly asses. I hope that she never becomes jaded by the world so caught up her beauty instead of focusing on her contributions to make the world a better place. I also hope I’ve said enough nice shit so she’ll let me ejaculate on her face. That’s how that works, right?

 

Candice Swanepoel Got Completely Nude for the CFDA Fashion Awards

We suspected that the CFDA Fashion Awards encouraged nudity from guests and participants (like Lady Gaga), but we were sort of joking. Then we saw this Candice Swanepoel thing and we realized that CFDA totally encourages nudity.

OK so we only get eleven seconds of nakedness from Candice, but we’re not picky. Some of those seconds are slo-mo and that makes us feel alive. We can pretend that it’s actually running in real time, and we’re only seeing it way slowed down because the raw beauty of her body has given us a jolt of adrenaline and heightened our senses.

 

Elisabetta Canalis Strips Down to her Birthday Suit for PETA

Elisbetta Canalis, probably known better by her other name ‘George Clooney’s smoking hot model girlfriend’, has decided to bless the world (and raise some good will for animal rights and shit like that) by posing “naked” for PETA.Now, we appreciate Ms. Canalis’ efforts on behalf of animals, and we’re sure the pictures will be smoking. But we do think it’s important to manage all your expectations: the pictures (which won’t be out until the fall, by the by) are not going to be some great reveal of the gorgeous body that George Clooney gets to ogle (and then some) every night. For that however you could simply head over to Google Images, since she’s gotten her boobs out many times in the past.
 

Kate Moss’s Naked Message to Kate Middleton

Right, so Kate Middleton thinks she can just roll up on London, steal everyone’s hearts, and it’ll be no big deal? Aw hell naw! Kate Moss is here to say that nobody cares about long-sleeved gowns as much as they care about full-frontal nudity. She might have used a photo that is a teensy bit old, but it’s never been so relevant as it is now. We think that Moss and the Douches of Cambridge need to settle this the old fashioned way: they don their respective gowns and wrestle in a huge bowl of English custard.

Dips on eating it after they are done.

 

Valentina Lizcano Nude in SoHo Magazine

This here is Valentina Lizcano, who is famous for something somewhere in the world (she’s Colombian)… but honestly, all we care about is that she’s gorgeous and posed naked for SoHo Magazine. We’re a simple website, with simple desires, people. Is that really so wrong?

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Ashley Tisdale, Kaley Cuoco and Others Wear Their Birthday Suits for Allure

Sure, April showers bring May flowers… but they also bring tidings of naked celebrities, with the arrival of Allure’s annual “Look Better Naked” issue. The pictures may be short on actual naughty bits, but if this is the closest we get to seeing Kaley Cuoco (of The Big Bang Theory), Ashley Tisdale (Disney slut), Bridget Moynihan (was in that one movie where Will Smith played a reluctant hero), and Keri Hilson (Umm who? I’m gonna be racist so I’ll just assume some Tyler Perry movie) disrobed in a national magazine, well, we’re okay with that.

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James Franco Getting Assaulted by Naked Women

What does it take to get James Franco’s attention? Obviously, neither the Oscars nor a flock of naked women are up to the task.

This is a still from an upcoming short film that James Franco is making with Harmony Korine, which apparently has something to do with naked women wearing bandana masks. The film is called “Rebel” and is a gang warfare documentary or a film about  the dangers of using too much Axe body spray.

 

Larissa Riquelme Still Likes Showing Her Boobs

Remember Larissa Riquelme? Because we sure do, she is the lingerie model from Paraguay whose tits made her the World Cups brightest star, and she famously said she’d run naked through the streets if Paraguay won the Cup. Well they didn’t. But that didn’t stop her showing her magical fake boobs anyways… again, and again, and again. This Paraguayan pinup princess just can’t stop taking her clothes off, the Argentinian men’s magazine Hombre being the latest to snap a few pictures of her chest region.

Larissa Riquelme and her boobs in Hombre magazine Larissa Riquelme and her boobs in Hombre magazine Larissa Riquelme and her boobs in Hombre magazine Larissa Riquelme and her boobs in Hombre magazine Larissa Riquelme and her boobs in Hombre magazine Larissa Riquelme and her boobs in Hombre magazine
 

Finally, an Olsen Sister Gets Naked in a Movie

Remember back in the heady days of the Olsen Twins Countdown Clock, who among us could have imagined that the first Olsen sister to get naked on film would be…one we’d never even heard of before?

Yes, according to the very reputable New York Times, it’s the twenty-one year old Elizabeth Olsen whose nude scenes in her movie “Martha Marcy May Marlene” are lighting up the Sundance film festival in Park City, Utah this week (and, with Fox Searchlight’s purchase of MMMM, hopefully lighting up a theater near us very, very soon).

“It was incredibly weird to watch it with other people watching it,” she added, “especially during nude parts.”

Yeah, about those: in “Martha Marcy May Marlene” (which Fox Searchlight bought on Monday) Ms. Olsen bares quite a lot, and has some semi-graphic sex scenes.

“My dad, when he found out there was nudity in the film, was like, are you sure this is a good idea?” Ms. Olsen said, adding that it was a stretch for her too. “Me as a person, I don’t even wear things that show my midriff ever. I’m a very covered-up human being.” But she thought the nudity served the story, helping explain her character’s twisted relationship to sexuality.

You can kind of see the resemblance to her sisters, but it’s like you took an Olsen and fed her regularly, while raising her in a household of loving acceptance instead of a grueling endless cycle of child labor, marketing and grubbing every penny. In other words, this one looks human.

Props to Elizabeth for NOT murdering Heath Ledger… as far as we know.

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The Topless Photo of Selena Gomez That is Going Around

OK first off, this picture is clearly fake. I’ve seen Selena Gomez naked many times in the past and can assure you that is indeed not her. I have thousands of pictures I took from the house across the street from hers to prove it. Now that we got that out of the way there is still a story in its fakeness.

It all started with the gossip blog HollyScoop claiming they were approached with cell phone camera pics showing Gomez topless, but that because they could not determine whether she was under 18 at the time the photos were taken, the photos would not be published (yet this one made it’s way out of their hands with a censored bar). According to the report, Selena’s hair was “shorter” than it currently is and the photo was “taken by someone else” inside of a bathroom.

Now Selena’s people are in disaster mode trying to get the word out that it’s a fake, having told TMZ, “The alleged photo of Selena Gomez is absolutely not her. Selena’s family is pursuing all available remedies to deal with the offender.”

The only bad thing this girl has done is getting involved with the fetus known as Justin Bieber. His insane fans are out to get her, and in fact they are probably the ones who made this picture.

 

Jessica Szohr Nude Apart From Some Body Paint

I should just go to bed now and end my day on a high note, because Jessica Szohr decided to wear absolutely nothing but some annoyingly-placed paint in a Costa Rican jungle for SoBe’s new Lifewater ad campaign, showing the world a whole new perspective of the Gossip Girl actress. If there was any time in my life I wanted to be a paintbrush­, this is it.

Most of you probably won’t have a clue who the hell she is and only came here because you saw “nude” in the headline. All you really need to know is that she is the token minority on that show your little sister and gay cousin watch, Gossip Girl, apart from that she is hot which is all that matters at the end of the day.

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Angelina Jolie is Asstacularly Asstastic

Assgelina Jolie was just nominated for a Golden Globe for her role in The Tourist, and she said the acknowledgment was an honor, then added “we were laughing because it’s the first time that I’ve been in the comedic category so it’s new for me.” Ironic­ally that was the exact reaction from the rest of us. But who really cares about award nominations, what really matters here are these two pictures that have just surfaced of Angelina’s butt naked… umm butt. The pictures are from when she starred in Wanted not so long ago.

We find her ass more than adequate for our needs

Fun fact: The artist who did those back tattoos did not utter a single word for over twelve years after the day of finishing them… and when he finally did, he simply let out “Ta daaaaaa” before collapsing to his death. True story. We wouldn’t lie.

 

Christina Aguilera Admits Her Private Sexy Pics Were Stolen by a Hacker

Christina Aguilera has admitted she fell prey to a nefarious computer hacker who had tits on his mind. Christina Aguilera confirmed and released a statement about the picture scandal we posted yesterday (Linky link) which just happens to coincide with her sexy naked moving picture Burlesque, descent from the A-list, and post-divorce rumspringa.

Aguilera’s publicist says a nefarious computer hacker stole the pictures, which were “taken in the privacy of Ms. Aguilera’s home and were used only in a personal exchange between the star and her stylist.” Has the world no respect for the sacred bond between a star and her stylist? It’s the priest-penitent relationship for celebrity idolators. Apparently the pictures are from April 2010, around the time Xtina shot her catastrophic Not Myself Tonight video. Christina’s publicist says they nefarious hacker will be punished.

NOTE: All refrences in this story of a “hacker”, we actually mean Christina’s “publicist”. And by “leaked” we mean “willingly handed over to TMZ”… Thanks for the peep show and all Xtina. But no matter how many “leaked” photos of you we get, we won’t be buying your albums. No matter how wide you spread your vagina wings.

 

JWoww Demands that her Ex-Boyfriend Return Naked Pictures of Her

Like cockroaches in a Poughkeepsie tenement, the Jersey Shore kids refuse to go away. Now Jwoww is crying over (and suing) her ex-boyfriend and former business manager Thomas Lippolis having some “derogatory” photos in his possession of her, photos that apparently “leave very little to the imagination”. Since her lawyer decided to use the words “derogatory to her image” we can only imagine they show her reading a book. Can’t be nude pictures since that wouldn’t hurt her image very much, most of the time when she throws on some skank dress it covers about 2 inches of her body.

Funny thing is her ex sued her a few weeks ago too, claiming he’s responsible for her career and thus he deserves money instead of an arrow to the taint.

But there is an important lesson to be learned here kids, if you don’t want people to release graphic naked pictures of you with a ferret half way up your asshole, then quit taking them in the first place. Now pass around the donations hat so we can pay this guy NOT to post them on the Internet. We don’t want viral chlamydia.

 

As Suspected the Miley Cyrus Nude Photo is Not Her, Real Girl Came Forward

Earlier today the internet went wild after an alleged leaked photo of Disney star Miley Cyrus posing nude in a bathroom leaked onto 4chan.org. Well as most people suspected it wasn’t Miley and the crazy lengths that 4chan went to prove that it was her were for nothing. The picture was instead of some random 19-year-old slut from London who goes around taking all sorts of nude photos of herself telling guys she is a Miley look-a-like. Which is weird because she looks more like Taylor Swift if anything…wait a minute, you guys thinking what I’m thinking? FAUX TAY SWIFT NUDES!

Now what the hell am I supposed to do with this 18 feet high poster I had made today of the picture?

 

Miley Cyrus is Back to Taking Naked Cell Phone Pictures of Herself (Uncensored Picture Inside)

NEW Miley Cyrus naked pictures have hit the Internet thanks to some clever sleuthing by those philanthropists at 4chan. Apparently Miley’s purse was stolen last week and this treasure of a naked photo was hiding on her cell phone. Allegedly, Miley Cyrus took the pictures in her hotel room while she was in Madrid, Spain for the MTV EMAs a few weeks ago, when she was 17 years old by the way!

Now we do say ALLEGEDLY because 4chan did go to the trouble of doing a very complex diagram (Full size can be seen here) to prove that the photo is actually of Miley, and if 4chan loves something it’s perpetrating a new scandal and trolling people like the troll pros they are, so this picture could very well be one of their awesome hoaxes. Just so you know.

Now that that warning is out of the way it has to be said the evidence they do put forward seems very believable and obviously Miley is known for a nude photo scandal before.

We can just see the guy responsable for creating that epic fact finding diagram sitting in his mom’s basement sipping on a Red Bull, then jumping from his seat after uploading the diagram online, and going all David Caruso from CSI Miami, saying this:

What we have here… (takes off sunglasses)… is the best of both worlds.

OH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[The uncensored nude Miley picture is the 2nd one here below:]

UPDATE: Yep, as suspected it wasn’t Miley. Just some random slut who likes to play pretend games. Read more here.

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