Here’s Scarlett Johansson looking like absolute hell on location in Sante Fe, New Mexico, this morning, on her way to reprise her sexy secret agent role known as Black Widow in ‘The Avengers’. Luckily they don’t start shooting the actual movie for a few months, so the makeup department has got enough time to sort out that mess above. In the meantime, can I use my other hand or something to un-masturbate to this girl. I’m feeling some shame and not just because my cat was watching me the whole time.
Her current state of horridness could have something to do with the news that Sean Penn dumped her, as being reported by Us Weekly:
On June 4, the Avengers star didn’t seem ready to give up on their unlikely romance. At Spike TV’s Guys Choice Awards in L.A., she scrambled for face time with the Oscar winner. “She pushed herself into his conversations,” a witness tells Us. “She sat down between him and Robert De Niro. Robert was like ‘What?’ and made a face.”
Johansson also made sure they were snapped together. “A photographer asked for a shot,” the source says. “Before Sean could say no, she said yes.”
I’m going to suggest that this is probably the first time someone broke up with her (as opposed to the other way around), and she doesn’t know how to handle it. Or maybe, just maybe, Scarlett now knows that there is but one man in human history, whose semen has tasted better than Jesus’. That man? Sean Penn, and she desperately needs his man-milk back because the little she has left in that blender bottle is running out fast.
