You think your Valentine’s Day was bad? Check out some of the worst Valentine’s Day gifts fails of all time. If you got a worse gift then these, we’d love to hear from you… or rather see it for ourselves.
Chanel Tapper has a tongue that measures a whopping 3.8 inches, from tip to top lip.
Actor Nick Afanasiev of California is owner of America's longest tongue -- 3.5 inches long! He not only can touch his own nose, he can lick his elbow (you try it!).
Nick Stoeberl, 21, of Monterey, Calif., believes he has the world's longest tongue -- a whopping 3.988 inches. However, he humbly believes his younger brother will one day hold the record.
He had a real sweet tooth. Cops say they found 22-year-old Andrew Toothman lying down inside Kentucky Food World IGA market on Feb. 2, completely covered in chocolate and peanut butter. He'd also allegedly written "Sorry" in NyQuil on the floor.
Rogue cuddler Agustin Sanchez allegedly snuck into his ex-girlfriend's home and crawled into bed with her for a snuggle. The spooning attempt was thwarted, however, when the woman notified police.
Timothy Clark probably didn't think his plan through when he allegedly shoplifted from a Wal-Mart at the same time that police were holding their "Shop With A Cop" charity event.
Oneal Morris is accused of posing as a doctor and filling a women's buttocks with cement, mineral oil and flat-tire sealant. The woman wanted to work at a nightclub and searched for someone who could perform plastic surgery at a cheap price to give her a curvier body. Police say Oneal was was born a man but identifies as a woman.
Police in Illinois say that Olivia Ornelas blamed her DUI and crashed vehicle on her boyfriend's failure to take her, as he promised, to the new "Twilight" movie.
Authorities in Georgia found Ranaldo Jack stuck in a woman's chimney. He was charged in connection with an attempted burglary.
Marsia Emanuel allegedly flagged a school bus in Winter Haven, Fla., boarded and beat the bus driver in front of her daughter, a student riding it already. Cops found Emanuel later at home where she dropped her underpants in front of them, they said. It's unclear what was her motive.
Investigators in California are trying to track down a man who robbed a bank armed with pesticide. The suspect appeared to be carrying a black semi-automatic handgun and a plastic container of pesticide when he held up the Pacific Western Bank in Rancho Santa Fe on Nov. 4, 2011.
Police in Florida arrested Karen Henry, 45, after she allegedly threatened her 80-year-old father with a knife for not sharing his potato salad.
This camouflage might work well in nature, but it really stands out in the police station. Oregon investigators believe Gregory Liascos, 36, was wearing this "ghillie" camouflage when he attempted to break into the Rice Northwest Museum of Rocks and Minerals last week. After setting off alarms, the suspect allegedly fled into a wooded area nearby. Officers only found Liascos when a police dog bit what appeared to be a patch of grass -- which yelped in pain. On Oct. 12, 2011, authorities said Liascos failed to show up for his trial. A warrant has been issued for his arrest.
Sheriff's deputies in Pinal County, Ariz., say Albert Tejeda's unique tattoos -- and his lengthy rap sheet -- leave him with a face they'll never forget. After Tejeda allegedly fled during a traffic stop, deputies claim they knew exactly who they were looking for and later found the 31-year-old walking around Casa Grande with a samurai sword.
Even if Juan Aguirre got away, he would have ended up empty handed. Police said the 21-year-old Kansas stole six empty DVD boxes from a local adult entertainment shop.
Josephine Smith is seen in this booking photo from the Pinellas County Jail. Smith was arrested after allegedly attacking and biting a piece of skin off a homeless man in St. Petersburg after proclaiming "I am a vampire, I am going to eat you".
Edwin Tobergta, 32, is seen in this booking photo from the Butler County Sheriff's Office. Tobergta was arrested after allegedly having sex with an inflatable pool raft.
It's not easy to be the most most memorable visitor when thousands of NASCAR fans come to town, but West Virginia's Joshua Greene made a pretty good run for that honor when police caught the streaking 27-year-old with a raccoon in his car.
We're not saying there's guilt written all over his face, but Ismael Ambrosio is seen in this Aug. 9 booking photo from the Pinellas County (Fla.) Jail with a facial tattoo that could not have pleased police officers.
The hand of justice makes an appearance in this mug shot. Nichlous Peternik -- and the arm of a law enforcement official in Redding, Calif. -- are featured prominently in this memorable booking photo taken after Peternik was arrested on suspicion of burglary. Officials say they were forced to reach into the frame when Peternik refused to pull his hair back from over his face.
An Australian man caught driving a motorized cooler box through a beachside resort town appeared in court charged with drunk driving, The Courier Mail reported Monday. Christopher Ian Petrie, 23, faces charges of driving under the influence and driving without a license after police caught him on the makeshift vehicle, which was powered by a 50cc engine.
Former Miss El Paso USA Lorena Tavera was arrested for allegedly shoplifting a $69 shirt in El Paso.
Cory Smits, 29, is seen in this booking photo from the Manitowoc County Sheriff's Department. Smits was found guilty July 7 on his fifth offense of operating a vehicle while intoxicated.
This booking photo from the Shasta County Sheriff's Office in California shows Patrick Francis Brooks and his obscene tattoo after his July 11 arrest on charges of burglary, receiving stolen property, forgery and violating the terms of his parole for a previous conviction.
Mark Anthony Richardson Jr. wore diapers and faked being autistic to get women to babysit him. He was sentenced to three years in prison in July 2011 for groping an 18-year-old daughter of one of the conned nannies.
Levon T. Sarkisyan, allegedly broke into a Connecticut home and smashed statues and furniture, because he claimed God told him to do it, according to police.
Police in Phoenix, Ariz., have accused Randon Reid of the crime of flight -- and a crime against flight. Investigators say the 26-year-old suspect opened fire on an airplane parked at Deer Valley Airport, then fled from authorities who tried to pull him over. He has reportedly been charged with felony flight and driving under the influence.
Holy handcuffs! Police in a smog-clotted town in northwest Michigan are touting the arrest of Batman. The legendary caped crusader was reportedly nabbed while dangling from a 30-foot-high building. The unmasked superhero wannabe is actually a local resident named Mark Wayne Williams.
Some people have guilt written all over their faces, and others, like assault suspect Robert Norton Kennedy, have apologies tattooed across their foreheads. A booking photo released by the authorities in Horry County, S.C., appears to show the 51-year-old sporting a facial tattoo that reads: "Please forgive me if I say or do anything stupid. Thank You!"
They say the clothes make the man, but in this case, the clothes make it easy for police to identify the man. Cops in Charlotte, N.C., busted home invasion suspect Jonathan Huntley after he allegedly left a t-shirt featuring his own mug shot at the crime scene. The shirt, pictured on the right, showcases an old booking photo.
A South Carolina man who twice pleaded guilty to having sex with a horse has been released from prison and put on probation, under the condition that he keep his distance from the horse. Rodell Vereen, pictured in this file photo, was released from prison after serving 16 months.
It was almost a kiss of death. Deputies in Florida say 92-year-old Helen Staudinger opened fire on her neighbor's house after the much younger resident refused to give her a kiss. Investigators at the Marion County Sheriff's Office claim Staudinger refused to leave 53-year-old Dwight Bettner unless her neighbor gave her a kiss. She allegedly returned with a gun.
It's always best to practice what you preach. Police in Florida say they arrested the former president of a local chapter of Mother's Against Drunk Driving for driving under the influence. Debra Oberlin has been charged with drunk driving for the Feb. 18 incident.
Police in Michigan say a man claimed he was royalty before trying to steal a pack of Marlboros from a 7-Eleven. Joseph Lawrence Borowiak is charged with strong-arm robbery and resisting arrest after allegedly wrestling a store clerk over a pack of cigarettes. Borowiak reportedly stated, "The king doesn't pay for cigarettes."
Jerome Smith's forehead says he's a "Genius," but police say he wasn't being smart when he allegedly struck a pregnant woman with a handgun. The Cincinnati, Ohio, resident is accused of repeatedly pistol-whipping a woman who was eight months pregnant in late January.
When police caught 87-year-old Leo Earl Sharp allegedly transporting 228 pounds of cocaine, the suspect told them that he was forced "at gunpoint" to transport the drugs.
Andrei Bibbs, 54, of the 3000 block of Coopers Grove Court, was arrested Jan. 7 Illinois State Police and charged with driving while under the influence of alcohol. He was clearly shocked by the change.
I don’t know what you did with your Thanksgiving but I bet it didn’t match up to the Thanksgiving George Clooney had. He got to spend Thanksgiving with his girlfriend Stacy Keibler and mutual friend Molly Sims. Just let that simmer for a minute, you most likely spent Thanksgiving with Uncle Tom and Aunt Sherry. Probably playing Monopoly or something, and George Clooney was riding Jet Skis with Stacy Keibler, I think Mr. Clooney has all of us beat.
While we were chewing on Turkey legs, he was staring at Stacy’s legs and those things go on for days! They probably went to some hot club, and then they probably went back to the hotel room and had a threesome with Molly Sims. At least that is how I pictured it happening, you might have your own fantasies.
The only complaint I have is that there is too much towel and not enough body. Why are people so against air drying? Just relax in the sun and let the water slowly drip off of you. Towels are only acceptable when they’re slapping someone’s ass. That would have made for some great pictures….ah one can only dream.
Let me first start off by saying that we all know it’s not really his baby. It’s been an abortion from the start. Now, I am not suggesting the baby mama got an abortion, I mean that the media coverage, the “drama” over it has been an abortion. The whole thing is completely unnecessary. So, I thought I would put my hand in the abortion and create a top 10 list!
Top 10 Reasons Justin Bieber is not the Father:
10. It’s impossible to get a girl pregnant with just a hair flip.
09. He can only get turned on by looking at himself in the mirror.
08. Mariah Yeater is not attractive. (sorry.)
07. Two people couldn’t possibly fit in his racecar bed.
06. He’s been too busy looking at his newly formed armpit hair.
05. He carries golden plated condoms.
04. He’s claustrophobic (think about it.)
03. It’s hard to get it on when Usher is constantly changing your diaper.
02. Scissoring doesn’t count as intercourse.
01. HE HAS SELENA FREAKING GOMEZ!
AGAIN HE HAS SELENA FREAKING GOMEZ!!!!! Enjoy the pictures below.
Also, to all the beliebers, yes I am a huge hater and I am just jealous! Oh ‘em gee.
Now who do we thank, and what do we have to be thankful for?
Watch Martha Marcy May Marlene and say thank you to Elizabeth Olsen for stripping topless in the indie flick. It sure is something MK and Ashley have never done. Who needs skinny-ass identical twins when you got the whole package in just one boobielicios Olsen sister?
Emma Frain for stripteasing her way into stardom. The hot young model just knew how to work a figure stunt. And when we say figure, we mean curves.
Annalynne McCord for going bra less. She could give the boys a better treat by pulling off a Courtney Love nipple slip, too!
Nadia Ford and Eva Ward for looking so cute-and-cuddly feline porno material. Girls, where are your daddies? Well, for now, perhaps Hugh Hefner would be interested. Oh wait, you have to be blond, …and lose those cat ears!
Amy Adams for her lingerie look on InStyle magazine. Seems like pur favorite Shopaholic is about to make addicts out of her male fans. Since it’s Thanksgiving and it’s going to be Christmas soon and sheer is a fall/winter 2011/2012 trend, can you please wear something more see-through? Pretty please, please, please?
And finally…
Rob Pattinson, for dumping Kristen Stewart on November 5, if only it’s a fact. However, it’s just too good to be true. The Twilight stars are still together so we’d have to cancel the Edward’s fans runner-up for future Mrs. Pattinson. And we almost believed the allegedly great news. Thanks to the Enquirer.
Now let’s drink to all that.
Michael Bublé is a lucky man for many reasons. He can sing, he has a lot of money and his wife is gorgeous! I don’t throw out the “G” word a lot, but I think it is warranted here. Her name is Luisana Lopilato and you guessed it, she is a model. Bublé has said that he is not ready to give up his party lifestyle, “None of my friends come out anymore. Dude, they don’t even leave their house.” Bublé said of his friends that now have kids.
Can you really blame him? I wouldn’t want to knock Luisana up either, at least not yet. Wait, till she is in her mid 30s and starting to go down hill, then knock her up. It would be the best thing for society, plus how would she lay seductively on the piano eight months pregnant? Just look at her in the pictures below! I would have mastered the piano a few years ago if she was always on top of it. Wait, I take that back, I would have been too busy playing with my French horn.
The bottom line is that Bublé has a lot to be thankful for today, and I would like to personally thank him for being responsible and not getting his stunning wife pregnant.
I guess Reese Witherspoon is trying to ruin our Thanksgiving this year by giving us a cameltoe. I don’t think I have ever found a cameltoe attractive, especially not when it’s huge and in yoga pants! It looks like it’s about to rip through her pants and start eating skittles. Why skittles? Because I assume vaginas have to be vegetarians, they have to be tired of having giant rods of meat penetrate them.
How does one not notice they got cameltoeitis going on? You would think she would look in the mirror, knowing the paps are everywhere. Maybe she is just comfortable with it and if that is the case, then that is very concerning. I don’t want to live in a world where cameltoes are accepted. In fact, I think those signs on stores that say, “No shirt, No shoes, No service.” should instead say, “Cameltoes are not welcome here.” I’d much rather see Reese without a shirt than with a freaking cameltoe.
Just stick to making horrible cheesy movies. Remember that movie, “Just like Heaven?” That was horrible! The only thing heavenly about it was the ending. So, take a trip through hell and look at the cameltoelicious pictures below.
The Jersey Shore reality superstar, Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino was caught out and about in his Lamborghini Gallardo Sypder. At one point he even posed for the camera, pointing down at the license plate emblazoned with his catchphrase, ‘GTL.’
Sorrentino has made millions off of the hit reality show, The Jersey Show, featuring The Situation and all his smush-loving co-stars. As if he hasn’t made enough money from doing something stupid, he’s after more. Filing a multi-million dollar lawsuit against Abercrombie and Fitch, Sorrentino is seeking damaging for the fashion chain using the words ‘The Fitchuation’ and ‘GTL… You Know the Deal’ on their t-shirts.
GTL, as most Jersey Shore fans know, stands for Gym, Tan, Laundry. Quite stupid, really, but anyway. Funny thing is… when Mike was caught out and about for this impromptu photo shoot, he was wearing the same jacket that he wore to the AMA’s only days ago… Maybe he needs to focus less on the gym and tanning, and focus a little more on laundry…
That’s right. We here at The Daily Fix know that when a star starts to get pudgy and they start talking about how they’re just addicted to chocolate, well, that means only one thing… the b!tch is knocked up!
If you look at the pictures of Britney while on her Femme Fatale tour, you see that she’s been wearing a lot of corsets and costumes that strap across the torso, all outfits that deter away from the bulging belly region. Even when we do see her midriff, it always appears that she’s trying to suck in… and failing miserably.
When asked, Britney stated that her recent weight struggle is due to her love of chocolate and her lack of motivation. “I haven’t been to the gym in, like, two weeks,” she stated.
If she really is, indeed, expecting, then I have only one thing to say to her: For God’s sake, please put that kid in a car seat!
Angelina Jolie has received a lot of media attention the past few days because of her reckless life. According to a source she only consumes 600 calories a day! “Angelina has been known to start her day with little more than a spoonful of coconut oil and a handful of cereal” a source told Grazia magazine. 600 calories? No wonder she always looks lethargic, how does she have energy throughout the day? Brad Pitt must not be getting any from her; there is no way she can make love on that diet. I mean, yeah she is in need of a foot long, but not that kind of a foot long. The source also claims she “forgets to eat” really? Yeah, and I forgot to mow the lawn yesterday.
But, Angelina doesn’t stop there; anorexia is not enough for her. Back when Angelina was playing around with blood, she was also close to dying, “I went through heavy, darker times and I survived them. So, I’m very lucky.” she told ‘60 Minutes’ during an interview that is set to air on Sunday. She was asked to elaborate, but would only say that she “did the most dangerous” and “did the worst.”
I guess she hasn’t learned much because I think only eating 600 calories a day is pretty dangerous. Not to mention it makes you look sick. Evidence below…
So, you are sitting around the dinner table and your grandma turns to you and asks, “What are you thankful for?” you smile at her and say something cliché. But, we all know what you are really thankful for. You are thankful for all the hotties out there in the world! Sure, having a family is nice, having food on the table and your health. However, none of that compares to having hotties to look at all year round! Grandma doesn’t understand, but don’t worry we do.
As your stomach prepares to take on 10 pounds of food in a matter of hours, go ahead and take a look at some nice eye candy. It’s ‘Hottie Thanksgiving’ here at The Daily Fix! And, we take Hottie Thanksgiving very seriously, but I am going to break one big rule today. I am going to give you the secret recipe for our famous, ‘Hot Cinnamon Buns.’ I know what you are thinking, “Cinnamon Buns for Thanksgiving?” Yes, hot juicy ones.
Ingredients:
1 teaspoon of Jessica Alba’s grade A Cinnamon
3 cups of Anna Kournikova’s sweet nectar.
Just a splash of honey from Elizabeth Hurley.
1 cup of Heidi Montag’s fine flour (make sure you get the old version.)
2 Tablespoons of Kate Upton’s extra sweet sugar.
1 big stick of Jessica Biel’s butter.
Instructions:
Look at the pictures below and your oven should begin to preheat to the right temperature. Stick your hands down the oven for 5-10 minutes, or until the icing is ready.
Last Step:
Wash your sticky hands.
Enjoy your Hottie Thanksgiving!
Most of you know Kristen from, ‘Saturday Night Live’ where she shows off her humor, or you might know her from the movie, ‘Bridesmaids’ where she was also showing her funny hooters. However, none of you know Kristen like this! The picture above is from the newest issue of GQ magazine, and she is looking pretty hot! Of course, just about anybody can “look” hot if they have enough people working on them.
But, I am going to give her a break and say this is all her. After all, she is 38 years old and her stomach still looks to be in pretty good shape. I am just confused as to why it took so long to see her like this. I mean, if she dressed like this more often, then I might find her a little funnier. If you’re half naked and giving me bedroom eyes, you could ask me why the chicken crossed the road, and I would die of laughter. This hopefully would lead to you giving me mouth to mouth. I’m just saying…
Take a look at some pictures below to see Kristen Wiig in costume on SNL. Personally, I think she needs to take on more characters that are against wearing clothes.
The death of Princess Diana, as we all know, was a tragedy – a tragedy that broke the hearts of millions, a tragedy that could’ve been prevented. But a tragedy that had been foretold?
That is exactly what the British astrologist and Strictly Come Dancing star, Russell Grant, is claiming to have done. Grant claims that he predicted the princess’ death, and not only that, but that his grisly prediction was actually printed in a newspaper twenty-one days before the princess’ catastrophic car crash. But his allegations go further: “She was a wonderful, fabulous, glorious person,” Grant reportedly stated. “Pity she was murdered.”
When asked who murdered the beloved Princess of Wales, Grant said, “Who knows who did it? I think there are questions still to be answered, but don’t ask me. I sought closure on that and I’ve got it.”
Grant, who was a close confidante of Diana, says that he tried to warn princess that her life was in danger. He also told her that she needed to end her relationship with boyfriend Dodi Fayed, that they were “star-crossed lovers” and “their relationship was so fated it was going to end in tears.” That was one thing Grant definitely got right.
Courtney Love wore a truly eye-catching red satin dress to the premiere of the Martin Scorsese film, Hugo… and yet again made a spectacle of herself. The sad part is… it doesn’t seem that this one was intentional. Love was workin’ it, probably thinking, “Wow, look at all the pretty lights. They’re actually photographing me!” Little did she know…
It isn’t like the forty-seven year old singer is modest about showing off her goods; we all remember the ‘Late Show Incident’ where she flashed Letterman, and just recently she flashed her Brazilian audience during one of her concerts. In fact, it was reported that she appeared fully nude for a New York Times journalist just this past year. Love’s crude and lewd behavior is not a new development.
When someone intends to do something that’s heinous or humiliating, that’s one thing. But the fact that this was a total accident just makes it uncomfortably embarrassing.
TMZ.com reported earlier that Ashton tried to pull one more expensive bunny out of the hat to save his marriage. According to the source that talked with TMZ, Ashton reportedly bought Demi a $100,000-plus Lexus Hybrid. Supposedly it was fully loaded and the purchase was made two days before her birthday.
That is interesting, huh? Instead of counseling or make-up sex, he just decided to buy her an expensive car! This just proves to you that rich people have a better life than us average folk. They can be going through a horrible time in their marriage, about to get a divorce and still the worst thing that happens to them? They get a freaking $100,000 car! Do you know how many girls I could get if I had that kind of power? My hand would officially be off-duty for the rest of my life!
But, there is one thing that bothers me about this story. One thing that just sounds a little fishy, why on earth would he waste $100,000 on Demi? There are a lot of girls that are worth buying a $100,000 car for, but aging Demi isn’t one of them. Take a look at the pictures below to see some of the girls that I think are worthy of a $100,000 gift.
Lookin’ like a beached whale on the shores of Hawaii, Pierce Brosnan isn’t looking as yummy as he did only days ago when he sported a sexy leather jacket and sunglasses. The sexy icon seems to have packed on a beer belly since relinquishing his role as debonair and dashing secret agent James Bond.
It seems that his year of taking it easy has taken its toll on the once-sex-symbol’s physique. After leaving the 0-0-7 cast, Pierce has focused on… less strenuous roles, such as his role opposite Sarah Jessica Parker in I Don’t Know How She Does It. The 58 year old is still nowhere near what he was packin’ a couple of years ago, but still… Dude gettin’ big!
This past Friday night Justin Beiber finally swabbed it up to prove once and for all that he is not Mariah Yeater’s babydaddy. It is said that the test was taken in ‘very controlled circumstances’ at a lab in New Jersey.
Justin and his lawyers plan to sue Yeater in the event that he is not the father. Personally, I think they should go on Maury to hash this out. Anybody with me? “Justin… you ARE the father!!!” Then she could put a beat down on him on national television. Oh… wouldn’t that be funny?
Spotted. Gossip Girl stars celebrate the success of having aired a hundred episodes in just a five seasons. The event made one blast of a Saturday night as the ‘uppereastsiders’ glammed up in smashing frocks and sleek outfits. Even the boys couldn’t be left alone for their handsome looks, as always. Blake Lively and ‘Queen Bee’ Leighton Meester led their co-stars into the camera-flashing corners and smiled like real NYC heiresses. But who really had most of the spotlight? It’s the beautiful blonde, alright. Here’s more of her natural goddess beauty and her equally dashing clothes as Serena Van Der Woodsen, and one of Manhattan’s most scandalous elite.
From Stella McCartney to Zuhair Murad, we all know these heiresses can’t get enough of these luxurious designer clothes. And nobody goes out without anything chic. Most girls would love to trade lives with any of them, even just for one night. But I’d prefer 24/7.
First up for number one, Blake wears a Zuhair Murad high-low dress, perfect for an It girl from the Upper East Side. The trail? Lovely. Queen Blair would have loved to wear it, but her bff looks better in the gown, and even without it. Let gossip girl do the talking, S. If all she does is hide and spread rumors, then she must be ugly enough not to show up and do her own walk, as you ramp fabulously.
Second place goes to Srena in a golden dress. Gold sure does wonders for her goldilocks hair.
On third place is this maxi dress that understates glamour, yet stands out from any maxi-wearing afternoon crowd. Even Blair gets set aside in the picture.
Now we move on to this lovely orange Greek-inspired gown, which is on trend next season. You should’ve seen Serena riding a horse in it. Super-refined chic!
Some socialites are too skinny, and others strive to gain some weight to look a little curvy. No need for bootylicious babe Blake Lively. She has it all on, and it’s all hers. Nothing faux at all. See how she struts on the runway with this deep green, bubble-skirted, cocktail dress.
Lace is a sexy classic. All men love lace. Every woman wants it. Have one for yourself and don’t forget to put some make-up on, unless you’re a golden girl like Miss Blake.
On the casual side, Serena has her own share of cool daytime dresses and killer heels for New York streets. Short and a wee bit showy, but never provocative. That’s a signature Upper East Sider style.
This gown spells b-u-s-y prints all over it. So much for a daring designer look. Nice legs, Blake!
Maxi skirts, as their very famous now, take a stroll with the Gossip girl actress on the set.
As for our last, but not least Gossip girl outfit, here’s a sparkiling casual ensemble in one of the cafes at Paris. Only a true-bred heiress or movie star would be courageous enough to clad themselves in it.
More on the Gossip girl outfits next time. For now, let’s lie back and enjoy season 5. With Blair pregnant and prying around Chuck, who knows what would happen next. And what would Serena do to the girl posing as her cousin Charlie? There’s only one way to find out. Turn that tv on and let me be in-charge of the remote. XOXO.
Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but bust and cleavage are the hottest accessories at the red carpet everytime. Beautiful stars and starlets have donned their fashion-forward frocks at the AMAs, but is everyone dressed right? Not at all, because as long as there’s a view at the top, the boys wouldn’t have to look at what they’re wearing. And all the titless girls out there can do nothing but turn green…with envy.
I’m sure everybody wanted a closer look at Sofia Vergara. Or her bustline. Isn’t she gorgeous, or aren’t they?
Nobody really cared a thing about Bieber that night. Disney sweetheart Selena Gomez shined in a Giorgio Armani gown and it turned out to be amazingly revealing. Turn around for the cameras, Selena!
J. Lo can make any young woman jealous with her damnably hot figure. All those hunks dancing around her surely caught a closer look at her “stuff.” Boys, boobs. Girls, Envy!
Jennifer Hudson works her curves in a shorter dress and shows off a bit of leg!
If you were asked to vote for thehottest and most mind-blowing gossip girl, who would you pick? No, don’t tell me. I think I know. Just gaze at the glittering star above.
And that ends the top list of our cleavage trend program. Brought to you by snitch-on-a-dish. It surely was a sumptuous meal. We’ll have celebrities for dessert next time. Still, envy!
Last night the AMAs took place and it was filled with bad music, awkward acceptance speeches and Christina Aguilera’s breasts! Yeah, that is right; Christina’s breasts were out in full glory! I mean they were glowing, glistening and huge. There were moments where those puppies almost fell out!
But, wait just a minute, hold your excitement. This is not the same Christina who made you drool in the music video for, ‘Dirrty.’ This Christina is new, usually new is a good thing, but in this case it is very bad and bloated. In fact, I think we have past the point of calling her bloated, people are usually only bloated for a small period of time, you know? There is hope they will lighten up! Christina is past that point; she is just plain fa….overweight. So, now that you know what she has become the first part of the article doesn’t sound so appealing, huh?
I will let you be the judge…
I think the one lesson we can all learn out of this is that if you are overweight, you are not allowed to dress slutty! It just brings sadness to those you love.
Yep… that’s the story. Since word came out a few days ago that MILF Demi Moore and used-to-be-funny-guy-before-he-started-doing-camera-commercials Ashton Kutcher were splitting after their six year marriage, rumors have started to fly. One of these rumors that Star Magazine uncovered from an inside source is that “Demi is attracted to women just as much as men, so she didn’t always get all she needed from Ashton.”
Reeeeeally? Well, that’s all fine and dandy I guess. If the girl likes the coot then that’s her business. I’m sure there are plenty of chicks out there that would hit that. But what is truly interesting is that, not only is Demi bi, but there are claims that she and Ashton had an ‘open marriage.’
What’s so interesting about that, you ask? Well, if they had an open marriage, then why is it that Demi is so worked up about Ashton’s affair? Maybe Demi, Ashton, and Brittney Jones had a thang going and when Demi got cut out of the manage toi, that’s when things went downhill.
Don’t agree? Let me know.
Thursday night’s elimination round of X-Factor didn’t end well for ‘caberet singer’ Stacy Francis. It was honestly no surprise that she ended up on the bottom after her god-awful performance on Wednesday night. What was surprising was her bottom two partner; fifteen year old Astro, who has been a fan favorite all season long, met her onstage to give one last performance to win the judge’s favor. But when Astro hit the stage, he threw a truly astronomical tantrum during a truly astronomical brain fart. Astro was as shocked as the rest of us when he landed in the bottom two, so what did he do? He came out on stage and said that he didn’t want to perform, throwing a tantrum and stating that he “didn’t want to perform for people who don’t want me here.” That little episode lost him the audience’s favor and Astro damn-near got booed off the stage… which would’ve been deserved. He had been a favorite of mine as well, until he pulled that little stunt. I was so angry I was screaming at the TV, “You little sh!t!” But, of course, he couldn’t hear me, and neither did Simon. Because when that tear streaked down his heartbroken face, all was lost. Simon, the judge with the deciding vote, chose to keep Astro… after bashing his idiocy, of course. But Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid were not the only ones to voice their anger at the ungrateful little cuss; Stacy Francis told US Weekly that, “You can call him a teenager and give him an excuse, but bad behavior is bad behavior.” And, “He was ungracious in that moment… no matter what, you have to be grateful.” That boy may have flow, but his momma needs to bend him over her knee! I mean, really!
Katy Perry Look'in Prego
For the second time in as many weeks, Katy Perry makes yet another showing looking prego. On November 6th, Katy appeared at the MTV Europe Music Awards in Belfast, Ireland with pink hair and a very pronounced baby bump!
Now, that certainly could’ve been due to bad camera angles, a bad costume fitting, or even bloating. But when she performed to a sold-out crowd at Madison Square Gardens on November 16th for one of her last shows on her California Gurls Tour, Katy yet again appeared to be sporting a fat belly.
Whether she really is pregnant or not, one thing’s for sure… Girl’s gettin’ BIG! But it’s the proportion of the weight that tells the tale: big boobs and a big belly= PREGNANT! And the simple fact that sources are now saying that she is “taking time off to work on her family” proves that something is up. But whether or not the rumors are true, Katy needs to know one thing: Silver is not your color, chica!
I can’t stand this guy. Scratch that. I HATE this guy! Not only does he not feel remorseful after beating down a hotty like Rihanna, but the guy handles his shit like a 3rd grader. Recently, he got into one of his tantrums and terminated his twitter account because somebody had the nerve to ask him about his beat down on Rihanna on Twitter, which turned into Chris acting like the little punk that he is…
“I don’t say s**t to anybody and everyone feels its cool to attack me. GROWN ADULTS!!!! that s**t happened three years ago!” he wrote on his Twitter account.“I know alot of you wack @ss(OLD) celebrities probably wanna f**k my ex but talking s**t on me wont get u far,” continued.He then wrote: “And to be REALLY HONEST… yall wonder why n**ga spazzes all the time? Lol.”Another tweet read: “MY MUSIC DOESNT PROMOTE VIOLENCE nor will it ever! only thing it will increase is the pregnacy rate! (sic).”
Apparently, Chris couldn’t take the heat and he terminated his twitter account soon after. Good riddance, we just hope you stay off and crawl into a hole.
All this talk about Chris Brown just makes me want to look at Rihanna. Am I alone on this?
Hilary Duff Pregnant _ Leaving Pilates
Looks like Hilary Duff will be eating for two this holiday season, as we catch a glimpse of her leaving her Pilates class. “So this year I am cooking my first turkey! I’m so nervous I’m doing a test round! ”, she writes on her twitter account. Well by the looks of it, I think shes done about 10 rounds so far with the turkey and the mash potato’s. Lucky for her she’s pregnant so we can’t bash her for her weight… yet.
Warning Hilary: You have 4 months to loose the weight, before we put you up on the chopping block.
Breaking Dawn Sex Scene
So, last night’s premiere of Breaking Dawn was a much-awaited event, with tickets sold out at nearly every theatre that participated in the midnight extravaganza. I, of course, was in attendance for this Tween Screamfest. (Do you know what your children are out doing? I mean, Really! Watching a vampire flick at midnight on a school night?)
I must admit, the movie was stellar; the yummy shots of shirtless guys and wicked special effects were truly exceptional. Oh, and on a side note before I start my rant, if you’re a guy out there only wanting to go see the show to catch a peek at the hot Kristen Stewart – don’t waste your time. They made that poor girl look absolutely disgusting and completely emaciated during most of the show.
BUT – the sex scene between the newlyweds Edward and Bella has been a subject that has had all the Twi-hards jumping in anticipation. And in my opinion – it fell short… big time!
I know that many of you have probably not seen the movie yet, so I will only say this: It took me longer to read the practically non-existent sex scene than it took to watch it!
Oh, we’re kissing in the water. Oops, now I broke the bed. Aaaaand… now we’re done.
I. Mean. Really! There was so much build-up for such a huge let down. Yes, yes, I know – they had to keep it at a PG-13 rating, but I would have rather they left it out entirely then let us go one thinking we were going to get to see some real action. We got to see some close up kissing and slight humping action in the bed and half of Kristen Stewart’s boob and then it was over.
Do you think I’m wrong? Leave me a comment and let me know!
Here’s Amber Heard outside Figaro Cafe in Los Feliz, Los Angeles on Wednesday night making out with a brunette while engaging in some Nazi salute at the same time which clearly is not what I expected (in my fantasies there’s always heavy breast grabbing), but since I’m eager to learn the nuances of lesbiantry, I think I’d make a perfect assistant if they needed someone to hold a flag or detangle their hair or wipe out the lipstick from various body parts.
FYI, the girl she’s making out with is not her girlfriend of three years, Tasya Van Ree, and since the two still follow each other on Twitter I’m going to go ahead and assume Tasya sent Amber out to find a beautiful brunette and convince her to come home with her so they can have a romantic threesome in a hot tub. I think it’s time for popcorn, si?
Apparently being forced to look at Tori Spelling’s chest hole for all these years has damaged Dean McDermott’s vision, causing blurring and black spots that prevent him from recognizing titis when lurking in the background.
Dean posted what at first glance seemed to be an innocent picture of their 4-year old son, Liam on Twitter Wednesday. If you take a closer look, however, you will notice a pair of frankenstein boobs reclining on a sofa or a bed behind the kid’s head.
McDermott took the picture down after 75,000 of his followers, pointed out they have witnessed a terror that shall haunt them forever but the question remains. What the hell was Tori Spelling doing lying around topless with her kids in the same room? I’m going to go with breast-feeding 4-year olds so I can keep my sanity. In which case, good luck to the therapist that will attempt to erase their adult nightmares in which they forever gaze into a bottomless cannon ball hole which suddenly turns into a hot spring spewing burning milk on their faces. “Come and get your milk, dearies!!!!”
Check out that old lady checking out 58-year old Pierce Brosnan. “Boy, I sure would love to tap that young hot ass! Now, if I could only get my stroller to go a little faster…”
Remember Stephanie Powers from Heart To Heart? Well, she looks like this now. And she’s in the British version of “I’m a celebrity…get me out of here”.
Donald Trump looking more oompa loompa-y than usual.
Bradley Cooper just got voted Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine. Seriously? He doesn’t even have lips! Donald, show them yours, baby.”
Who wants to see Angelina Jolie’s 80-year old legs?
Charlie Sheen has substituted drugs and whores with well, food and whores. That’s the only way to explain the gut and the smile (on the set of his new movie).
Holly Madison just made turkey a thing for my fantasies. Is that wrong??
Lady Gaga’s nipples are showing. And I’m guessing the sperm hat means she’s promoting birth control?
Ex-Pussycat doll Jessica Sutha in a bikini in Miami.
So it turns out Stacy Keibler is a freaking genius. That cleavage we showed you yesterday? Well, it was meant for George Clooney’s parents. “Georgie boy, you gotta marry this one. Her breasts, er, brain really spoke to me.”
So what if Twilight’s Breaking Dawn Part I sucks? The ladies looked hot at the premiere so it’s all good.
Courtney Love has gone on a rampage to blind me this week.
According to Us Weekly, 39-year old Cameron Diaz is now banging P.Diddy, her pinch-hitting hookup since 2008 when they met at the Oscars, on occasion to get over her split from A-Rod. And since nobody can offer the intellectual and spiritual stimulation that A-Rod offered, she’s not looking for meaningful relationships. Just penises when her heart is aching on a Saturday night.
Via NYDailyNews:
“Since then, when she’s single, she’ll booty call him,” an insider tells the magazine. Though Combs, 42, has been reportedly dating singer Cassie for the past three years, he acts single “whenever there’s a better offer on the table,” a friend reveals. When Diaz and the music mogul dined at NYC’s Catch on Oct. 24, the pair was “inseparable — they had their hands all over each other,” an eyewitness tells Us. And the stars were reportedly just as affectionate while at Scarpetta in Beverly Hills on Nov. 11.
Wait, so let me get this straight. Diddy has no qualms cheating on his girlfriend when there’s a better offer on the table? Am I to deduce from this that he sees Cameron Diaz as a better offer?? Therefore, he likes women who look like men, who can break children in two with their biceps, who’s chest is walking then thin line between breasts and pecs and who can deliver a strong punch up the anus if asked to? P.Diddy is gay, there’s no other way to read this.
Kathy Griffin has just published her memoirs, which gave us the excuse to go fishing for her high school yearbook pictures. And oh my God, had she not had a nose job, two liposuctions, collagen injections in her lips, fat injections on her cheeks, a facelift, botox and Lord knows what else, she would have been twinsies with Bill Maher! Instead she now looks like something that has the magic power to make my penis run back into the safety of my pelvis like a porcupine who just got high and wait it out behind one of my kidneys until the monster is gone. Isn’t plastic surgery a beautiful thing?
Steven Tyler is still in Hawaii assaulting our eyes. And can someone please tell me what’s going on with one of his toes (pic with scuba diving outfit). It’s literally humping the big toe!
Who wants to see how you spread gonorrhea on the beaches of Bali?
I’m pretty sure I can see Stacy Keibler’s belly button in that dress. George must be voicing concerns that they’ve been dating for too long again.
Demi Lovato took Wilder Valderrama to a wedding and then twittered her happiness over catching the bouquet. Run Wilder, run!!
Hillary Duff is showing off her swollen uterus.
Lady Gaga and her talons must be a blast cuddling up to.
Vienna Girardi is now leading the exciting life of a pig farmer after getting dumped by Kasey Kahl. I was about to start crying for her, but Eddie Cibrian’s ridiculous mustache turned my sorrow into fits of laughter.
Apparently going topless and causing a sea of vomit are not the only things Courtney Love accomplished during her concert in Sao Paolo, Brazil last Saturday. A fan had the audacity to hold up a Kurt Cobain picture during one of her songs, which resulted in Courtney going apeshit and unleashing her poetic wrath on him.
‘I don’t need to see a picture of Kurt, and I’m going to have you f****** removed if you keep throwing that up,’ she said.
‘I’m not Kurt – I have to live with his s***, his ghost and his kid every day. Throwing that up is stupid and rude and I’ll beat the f*** out of you if you do it again.’
‘You weren’t f****** married to him, I f****** was. You weren’t kicked out of a band by him like Dave – he did.’
‘Go see the f****** Foo Fighters and try that s***’…’Great we’ll leave now. F*** you!’
