Archive for the "pimping" Category

Rant: The Word “Epic”

“Dude!!! Just had the most epic cup of coffee.”

“Totally just went to the mall and it was totally epic!”

“Watching re-runs of the Bachelor. EPIC!”

“Just killed a guy, it was so epic! You should try it.”

“Have you ever watched that one cat video on Youtube? So epic.”

“Just had the most epic masturbating session of my life.”

“My right leg is longer than my left leg…how epic!”

Those are just a few examples of how the word epic is being abused right now. Sexually abused, emotionally abused and physically abused. If the word epic was a person, it’d be Rihanna. Saying the word epic is one of the most dangerous trends of all time. It’s dangerous because now even old people think it is okay to say it! It has successfully accomplished what no other word has been able to accomplish: be hip and cool with young people and old people…at the same time!

Do you know how hard that is? My great aunt has just now started saying the word, ‘pimping.’ Bingo Halls all over America are pimping today, and that is completely fine! Because the younger generation has bounce passed that word to the older generation. But the younger generation still has not let the word epic go, it’s all over the damn place! It has even made its way to the local news. Just yesterday I heard a local news anchor say; “Hey, Pete. Can you tell us anything more about that epic storm we had yesterday?”

NO, NO, NO! It wasn’t an epic storm. It was a few raindrops falling on your freaking head. At best it was an inconvenience, but epic? I think not. This madness must be stopped. We must all come together and fight to end the abuse of the word epic.

World hunger? It can wait.

World peace? Who needs it?

Global warming? Go for a swim and stop bitching. Rant: The Word “Epic” Rant: The Word “Epic” Rant: The Word “Epic” Rant: The Word “Epic”

 

Demi Moore wants to end slavery. Or at least get Ashton to have sex with her

kimtwitterIt all started when Kim Kardashian posted this picture of her, Serena Williams, Kelly Rowland and LaLa at an event in Miami with the post: “Big pimpin w @SerenajWilliams @LaLaVazquez @Kelly_Rowland Love u girls!’”

Demi Moore, who was sitting staring at her computer monitor contemplating pulling out another tooth and posting her toothless grin on Twitter went all hormonal on her…which is really an exaggeration since she stopped getting her period back when they were airing The Love Boat.

This is how the kindergarten exchange went down:

Demi to Kim: Are you using the word “pimpin” as in pimping? RT @KimKardashian: Big pimpin w @SerenaJWilliams @LaLaVazquezKim to Demi: Doesn’t everyone? LOL

Demi to Kim: No disrespect I love a girls night out but a pimp and pimping is nothing more than a slave owner!

Kim to Demi: Nothing wrong with dancing to Big Pimpin’ by Jay Z in the club! Having a girls night out, gotta love that song!

Demi to Kim: Yeah but a pimp is nothing more than a slave owner! if we want to end slavery we need to stop glorifying the “pimp” culture

Demi after realizing everyone was staring at the stick up her ass: Just so ya’ll are clear I like @KimKardashian I was just making a point about how we have used a word and desensitized the real meaning. Clearly I stirred up a s**t storm, but 2 create change U have 2 be willing 2 take a risk and be willing 2 provoke thought & conversation

Kim to Demi: Good point!I agree! It was just a song not literal

So, two solid conclusions after this presidential candidate-caliber debate: a)Demi Moore ain’t getting any from Ashton Kutcher so it’s time to take up gardening or knitting ugly sweaters and b)she has no idea who Kim Kardashian is, for to try and provoke genuine thinking in her would be something akin to trying to get Lindsay Lohan not to have sex with an absolute stranger after a night of booze and blow. It’s just ain’t happening.