Archive for the "pissed" Category

Gérard Depardieu Gets Pissy on a Plane…Literally

French acting legend Gérard Depardieu was on an airplane with 100 other people and had to pee, but the flight attendant said he couldn’t go until after takeoff. So the French actor took matters into his own hands: He whipped out his dick and peed in the aisle. No, seriously:

“I will only confirm that he, in effect, urinated in the plane,” a spokeswoman for the Air France-KLM subsidiary said, confirming a report on Europe 1 radio, which interviewed a passenger who witnessed the incident.

According to the passenger, who was not named, the 62-year-old was visibly inebriated and tried to stand up before take-off, when passengers are asked to wear seatbelts, declaring: “I want to piss, I want to piss.”

When a stewardess asked him to sit and wait 15 minutes until the jet took off and reached cruising altitude, he said he could not wait. “And there and then he stood up and did it on the floor,” she told the French broadcaster.

“We could see he had been drinking. The stewardess was dumbfounded,” she added. “No-one said anything. It all happened with courtesy. Mr Depardieu sat back down and the plane returned to the parking area to be cleaned.”

Umm wait what, “in effect”. The rest of that conversation probably went like this:

“In effect, he urinated on the plane.”
“In effect?”
“Yes.”
“What is the effect referred to in this context?”
“The effect of urine flowing out of his penis and onto the floor.”
“Ah. That effect.”
“Effectively, yes.”

Air France partner CityJet – which operated the regional carrier Depardieu marked in the manner of a male dog – has been tweeting jokes about the incident ever since.

As you may have seen on the news, we are busy mopping the floor of one of our planes this morning…

 

Scarlett Johansson Called Sandra Bullock a Man-Hungry Tramp

Oh snap! Seems Scarlett and Sandy are on the verge of a wet t-shirt cat fight after Scarlett supposedly called Sandra a man-hungry tramp when she heard that Sandra is getting all cuddly with Ryan Reynolds. Personally I think Sandra is just a cover for Betty White. You know Betty and Ryan are doing it!

The National Enquirer, who are known for their excellent 100% honest and truthful reporting say:

A “livid” Scarlett Johansson “exploded” at Sandra Bullock, who is maybe-dating Scarlett’s ex Ryan Reynolds “before the ink on their divorce papers was even dry”: “You’re a man-hungry tramp!” Scarlett apparently screamed in a fit of rage and in front of an undercover operative for the National Enquirer. Sandra may be known as ‘America’s Sweetheart,’ but she’s NO sweetheart to Scarlett.

Seriously now The National Enquirer… “man-eating tramp”… who the hell uses that anymore? Did she then call her a “strumpet”,”hussy”,”frigid”… you know, all those words young people use nowadays.

I’m going to go ahead and call BS on this. I think the National Enquirer is scared that the fake Angie/Jen war is played out, so they’re trying to drum up another “wronged ex-wife/man eating tramp” scandal. But if this is true then Scarlett is just pissed that Ryan isn’t sitting with a tub of ice cream, watching The Notebook and crying over her ass.

Now this seems like an appropriate place to leave this letter right here that I keep sending to Scarlett but never get a reply.

Dear Scarlett,

I am no male model, nor famous, nor rich, but all of these things will work in your favor to stick it to Mr. Reynolds.

Call me. I can cook, I will appreciate you, and absolutely guarantee that you will end the relationship and not I.

P.S. I love you.