The first time I saw Lindsay Lohan she was just some little kid in a few Disney movies. The last time I saw Lindsay Lohan she looked like she could be 80 years old. Plastic surgery on people who don’t need it is a bad idea. Do a search on Rose McGowan, another beautiful young lady who looks like she got into a fight with her plastic surgeon and lost. I hope it’s all temporary. Anyways check out this time lapse video of Lindsey…the music and the images gave me the heebie jeebies. Keep the lights on when you watch.
Joan Rivers is one of the most annoying ladies on earth. She is extremely old and she still seems to think that she is funny, why? We’re not sure. Anyway, she went off on a little rant about Newt Gingrich recently and well…it kind of fell flat. Which is extremely sad because there is SO much to make fun of.
Joan said the following…
“Newt can never be president. Just the thought of him naked, gross! I don’t care about what Newt thinks — what is he going to do to me? He can go f**k himself.”
…what? She does realize that no one is waiting in line to see her old ass naked either, right? If you’re going to attack a politician, at least attack their positions — and trust me Newt takes a lot of attack-worthy positions.
However, if you really want to go personal with the attacks, then at least make fun of his scary ass wife. Have you seen that woman? She is so freaking creepy! Just look at the picture below…
Kathy Griffin has just published her memoirs, which gave us the excuse to go fishing for her high school yearbook pictures. And oh my God, had she not had a nose job, two liposuctions, collagen injections in her lips, fat injections on her cheeks, a facelift, botox and Lord knows what else, she would have been twinsies with Bill Maher! Instead she now looks like something that has the magic power to make my penis run back into the safety of my pelvis like a porcupine who just got high and wait it out behind one of my kidneys until the monster is gone. Isn’t plastic surgery a beautiful thing?
Here’s Heather Locklear at the Twilight premiere with her daughter Eva, without her engagement ring and while her people only confirmed the split from Jack Wagner I’m pretty sure he got dumped because he simply wasn’t good marriage material. I mean does he drink and drive at the same time while his daughter’s a passenger? Does he love to throw whiskey bottles around at family reunions? Is he even a rehab regular for God’s sake? Tell them Richie.
PS: It appears to me Heather’s been using too much of that helium magic for her face, non?
America was collectively holding its breath yesterday and it sure as hell wasn’t because of the pending verdict in Michael Jackson’s case. No, our priorities are damn straight, we were all aching to find out if Courtney Stodden’s ridiculously large breasts were the work of a crafty plastic surgeon. Well, we can all breath again, because those bazukas are real. That is if you disregard that mysterious unidentified object the ultrasound picked up under her muscle. So either Dr. Drew picked up a homeless guy from the street, gave him a robe and told him to point a pointy thingy at someone’s boobs and he’d get a bowl of soup for lunch, or CIA secretly implanted a monitoring device to study the effects of abnormal levels of estrogen in the underage mentally retarded. That’s always valuable knowledge in the fight against terror.
Initially, plastic surgeon Dr. John Diaz seemed to find a “round object” under her muscle in the images, but an indignant Stodden again insisted that she had never gotten plastic surgery.
The technician then tilted the transducer to a different angle and after much probing, Dr. Diaz took another good look at Stodden’s supposedly all-natural frame with the machine and confirmed that the images indeed proved that the fame-seeker had been telling the truth.
“This is all normal tissue we are looking at,” Dr. Drew said.
“I guess she was telling us the truth,” agreed Dr. Diaz. “She doesn’t look like she has an implant.”
Hutchinson, who stood by as the procedure took place onstage, looked smug. He once said in an interview that “her plastic surgeon was God.”
Asked if she was relieved to finally set the record straight about her body, Stodden played coy.
“It is. Yes. Thank you,” she smiled.
Here’s 54-year old Melanie Griffith at the Best In Drag Show in L.A last night (no joke, that’s an actual event), to which she was invited because I’m assuming she makes for one fine dude in an Axel Rose hair piece? And my “fine” i mean its the kind of beauty that can only be enhanced if a horse kicked you right in the face and left a shit-covered imprint on it. And you know what’s funnier than Melanie Griffith’s face melting faster than cheese in a microwave? The fact that Kathy Griffith and Lisa Rina were also invited to this thing. These event organizers have a great sense of humor.
The new season of Topmodel has started so Tyra’s ass is back to eating skinny supermodel-wannabes.
Rosie O’Donnell must some incredible lesbian charm we don’t about because she can get girlfriends to go with her coffee now. True story, she met this one at Starbuck’s.
Simon Cowell has opted for Botox and fillers. Because his inability to control his facial expressions was bothering him.
If you squint hard enough you can see Amanda Seyfried’s nipples.
Vanessa Hudgens still having sex with that Disney kid. Because she has a thing for extra soft hair-free baby skin. (We’re talking about his face you perverts!!)
Elisabetta Canalis shows us why George Clooney kept her for so long.
Beyonce puts on her disappearing fetus act again.
We get it. Justin Bieber wants Selena Gomez to be his octomom. He posted this.
Mary Tyler Moore attended a Broadway show in NYC on Monday looking like Serena Williams shoved a tennis ball in her mouth during one of her court tandrums. The official excuse was that she suffered a nasty fall when she tripped over her Golden Retriever dog. “Damn it, what do you mean you have the day off, Dr.Rahmajani??? But i urgently need a Restylane fill for my public appearance tonight!!! *takes a syringe and a jar of goose lurd from the fridge* “I guess this will have to do for now. Here Scooby, hold this, mommy can’t see very well without her glasses. Good doggie!”
Brace yourself! Because you may find this simply shocking, but Nicole Kidman has used Botox! She told some random German magazine reporter that: “I’ve tried a lot of things but apart from working out and a good diet most things don’t help. I even tried Botox but I didn’t like how my face looked afterwards. Now I don’t use it anymore, and I can move my forehead again! I am completely natural. I have nothing in my face or anything.” But seriously though Nicole, just Botox? At one point she looking like she was dipping in formaldehyde. Besides that quote is kind of like David Hasselhoff saying that he tried drinking but he didn’t like it.
But hey, new year new you!
Somewhere on the Jersey Shore, a deep tanned, giant chested guidette by the name of JWoww just removed her earrings, took out her weave and fetched her squirrel monkey Snooki. Because she is going to beat some ex-boyfriend ass. That of Tom Lippolis, the Jersey Shore star’s ex-boyfriend, who just publicly described JWoww’s naked body in pre-cosmetic surgery photos that he has been trying to sell, saying she was “deformed” with “tons of cellulite.”
“Before she had her second breast augmentation, she was uneven, scarred, deformed and had tons of cellulite,” Lippolis told RadarOnline.com.
“There were two-inch scars on her nipples and after the surgery, they had stretched the skin and removed the scars.”
Lippolis is apparently in possession of nude photos, both before and after, she had liposuction and a second boob job, of which JWoww recently filed a court order to prevent her ex from releasing the images. To make himself seem like less of a sleaze, Lippolis is trying to blame JWoww’s court order on her own vanity.
“Her motion is totally unrelated to my original lawsuit for unpaid wages. This motion is her way to retaliate because she doesn’t want to pay me,” he told us.
“I didn’t even try to market the pictures, but after I filed the lawsuit she decided to make this an issue. She is just upset because I have this over her head.”
Oohh sounds like someone is a little jealous his ex girlfriend made it and he didn’t get to ride her coattails to reality show fame, hood rich fortune, and nightclub appearance fee status.
But telling the world about JWoww’s scars and trying to make a little money off of his semi-famous ex-girlfriend doesn’t make this guido a douche. The chinstrap beard does.
Pamela Anderson is done with plastic surgery. The former Baywatch babe - whose stunning figure owes a lot to the string of cosmetic surgery adventures she has had throughout her career - has revealed that she isn’t game for any more plastic surgery. The 43-year-old insists that she wants to age naturally.
According to Contactmusic,
The former ‘Baywatch’ babe - who has had various surgical procedures throughout her career - believes she has never been a “classical beauty” but rather than try and fight the aging process she is going to let nature take its course from now on. The 43-year-old blonde said: “I’m not against plastic surgery, what I’ve had done will stay with me and that’s fine, but I don’t want anything else. I’ll do facials but I don’t want to go down the scary route and have knives plunged into me.” She added: “I don’t mind aging. I’ve never been a classical beauty. I’ve always had that Playboy vibe. I don’t want to chase youth. Anyway, I find it chases me.”
While 90 percent of the adult world population is still busy criticizing Heidi Montag’s recent plastic surgery
mis mega-adventure, the lady herself is showing no signs of any regrets or repentance. In spite of accepting the fact that she’s been reduced to a plastic mess, Heidi says she has no regrets.
Having just returned home after a visit to her mom (to justify her plastic adventure), Heidi tells people that she’s in very bad shape, but still feels on cloud nine. In her own words,
I was hysterical the whole time. It was so hurtful. My body really set back from recovering from all the crying, stress and that traumatic experience. My insides were just throbbing and pounding but I know it’s part of what I had to go through. I’m thrilled. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
It’s not a lame speculation, it’s a revelation by Heidi Montag herself that prompted me to come up with this shocking header. In the latest issue of People magazine, the better half of the world’s lamest couple (Speidi... yucks!) reveals her obsession with plastic-surgery and still thinks that the adjective “best” is applicable to her.
At just 23 years old, The Hills star Heidi Montag decided to go under the knife for a second time and have a staggering 10 plastic-surgery procedures in one day. “For the past three years, I’ve thought about what to have done,” the reality star tells PEOPLE. “I’m beyond obsessed.” And so, on Nov. 20, Montag’s total transformation began. Keeping even her family in the dark, the starlet chronicled every painful moment of recovery and her journey to become “the best me.”