Archive for the "pregnant" Category

Finally!!! Kerry Washington Lets Her Big Ol’ Baby Bump Be Seen On The Golden Globes Red Carpet!

Actress Kerry Washington attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California.  (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

No more hiding! The rumors have been confirmed at last. Kerry Washington showed up on red carpet for the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards in full mother-to-be bloom… That bump looks good on her riiiiight?

Actress Kerry Washington attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images) Actress Kerry Washington attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images) Actress Kerry Washington attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

GettyImages

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Lady Gaga Gaining Weight: A Pasta Problem?

It’s no secret that Lady Gag has been gaining weight (see pictures in gallery below) but up ‘til now we didn’t know if she was gaining that weight because she was pregnant. Well, it turns out that there is no baby growing inside of Lady Gaga; just strands of pasta and a few pounds of fresh mozzarella cheese. Lady Gaga talked about her recent weight gain in an interview with Elvis Duran,

“I love eating pasta and pizza. I’m a New York Italian girl. That’s why I have been staying out of New York. My father opened a restaurant. It’s so amazing. It’s so freaking delicious, but I’m telling you I gain five pounds every time I go in.” Lady Gaga told radio host Elvis Duran.

The singer did admit that she is now back on a pretty strict diet,

 

“I’m dieting right now, because I gained, like, 25 pounds. And you know I really don’t feel bad about it, not even for a second. I have to be on such a strict diet constantly. It’s hard because it’s a quite vigorous show, so I tend to bulk up, get muscular, and I really don’t like that.”

Damn, 25 pounds? That’s a lot of spaghetti! But, I say, good for Lady Gaga! It must be hard to follow such a strict diet; it’s nice to see a celebrity who is not so obsessed about their weight. If my father had his own Italian restaurant I’d probably gain 25 pounds, too. However, you can bet that will not be happening anytime soon…unless you count being a delivery driver for Dominos as working at an “Italian” restaurant. ladygaga ladygaga1 ladygaga2 ladygaga3

 

The Situation is out of Rehab!

Lock up your mothers and daughters because Mike Sorrentino is a free man again. The situation has been discharged from the Cirque Lodge rehab center in Utah, where he was getting help for substance abuse. He checked in to the rehab center a few weeks ago and was hoping that no one would find out. However, someone leaked the story and forced the Jersey Shore star to admit the following, “I had to get control of a prescription medication problem I had due to exhaustion.”

But his drinking problem is where the real trouble is. His drinking problem almost got him kicked off the show twice and is ultimately why he went to rehab.

It is still unclear if he has quit drinking completely, or if he just cut back. You would think that the rehab center would have tried to get him to completey end his bad habit. Alcoholics cannot just have “one” drink and stop. They have to stop completely because they cannot control themselves around alcohol. It is clear that the Situation will have a big test this summer when ‘Jersey Shore 6’ starts to film.

Will he still go to clubs with the gang? Or will he be staying at home with the pregnant Snooki? One thing is for sure, the Jersey Shore will never be the same. The Situation is out of Rehab! The Situation is out of Rehab! The Situation is out of Rehab! The Situation is out of Rehab!

 

Snooki is Pregnant and Armed with a Knife!

You should all know by now that Snooki is pregnant. It was the biggest news to hit Hollywood since Andy d**k was arrested for sexual abuse. Anyway, apparently Snooki is having a hard time handling her pregnancy. She was home alone yesterday and spent her day sending out tweets and pictures. “Waiting for my golfer hubby to get home! I miss u =(“ one tweet read.

Also, she tweeted a picture of herself and attached a very threatening message, “Preggers power. I’ll cut a bitch if you mess w my baby!” Ah, yes! That will have everyone shaking in their boots, except not really. Why would I be afraid of someone who is too lazy to type out, ‘”with”? Plus, I am sure that Snooki doesn’t even know how to use a knife.

And even if she ever did “cut a bitch” it wouldn’t be that hard to prove that she did it. Just look for the spray tan stains on the handle of the knife. Then, you would have it narrowed down to someone on the Jersey Shore. After that, just get her to confess by offering her some cheese puffs and pickle juice. Snooki is Pregnant and Armed with a Knife! Snooki is Pregnant and Armed with a Knife! Snooki is Pregnant and Armed with a Knife! Snooki is Pregnant and Armed with a Knife!

 

Nicole Richie Shows Off Her Hot Bikini Body!

Nicole Richie went to the pool yesterday and looked pretty damn hot in a little bikini. You may remember that just six years ago, she was suffering from anorexia. But, now she appears to be at a very healthy weight and she is looking very sexy. Just take a look at the difference six years and two babies can make…

Shocking, right? We forgot how skinny she actually was! We are certainly happy that she has some meat on those bones now and some junk in the trunk. Plus her breasts look a lot better…oh come on; don’t act like you didn’t notice.

The 30 year old is keeping busy these days by being a full time mother and starring as a mentor in the new NBC hit, “Fashion Star” Nicole Richie Shows Off Her Hot Bikini Body! Nicole Richie Shows Off Her Hot Bikini Body! Nicole Richie Shows Off Her Hot Bikini Body! Nicole Richie Shows Off Her Hot Bikini Body! Nicole Richie Shows Off Her Hot Bikini Body! Nicole Richie Shows Off Her Hot Bikini Body! Nicole Richie Shows Off Her Hot Bikini Body!

 

Dog the Bounty Hunter and his Wife Show Way Too Much Skin!

Mondays suck. You have to go back to work, wake up early and you have to look at disgusting pictures like the ones you see below. The pictures are of Dog the Bounty Hunter and his “wife.” Does anyone else think they look exactly alike? Of course his wife has much bigger boobs than he does. I guess you would call those boobs, I didn’t think it was possible for boobs to look that disgusting.

And it kind of looks like the Bounty Hunter might be pregnant? We can’t confirm that, but it sure looks like it. Judging by his belly, I’d guess that he was about 3-5 months along.  Also, why the heck is he so red? He looks like an out of shape batman villain.

Anyway, the two have been married since 2006 and have been together for 20 years. So, it seems like they are madly in love and they obviously don’t care who sees it. We can respect that, we might not like looking at it…but we respect it. Dog the Bounty Hunter and his Wife Show Way Too Much Skin! Dog the Bounty Hunter and his Wife Show Way Too Much Skin! Dog the Bounty Hunter and his Wife Show Way Too Much Skin! Dog the Bounty Hunter and his Wife Show Way Too Much Skin! Dog the Bounty Hunter and his Wife Show Way Too Much Skin!

 

Hilary Duff Is Ready To Pop! (see her pregnancy in motion!)

She does not look comfortable. How could she be comfortable carrying all of that around? It looks like she is about to pop any minute. She is expected to give birth in a little over a month now, but I am sure that feels like forever to Hilary Duff. The lucky guy who knocked her up is NHL player Mike Comrie, which means I better not say anything bad about him because he could kick my ass.

Anyway, let’s get back to how huge she is. I thought it would be a fun idea to make a GIF of how her pregnancy has been progressing. Take a look below at the GIF that just keeps growing…

 

Pretty amazing, huh? That last image is really shocking. But, seriously it really is eye-opening to see what women have to go through (and no I am not just saying that to get chicks.) I am sure the day she pushes that baby out will be the happiest day of her life. Well, the happiest day until the kid grows up and moves out of the house. That is when the real celebration will be going on. Hilary Duff Is Ready To Pop! (see her pregnancy in motion!) Hilary Duff Is Ready To Pop! (see her pregnancy in motion!) Hilary Duff Is Ready To Pop! (see her pregnancy in motion!) Hilary Duff Is Ready To Pop! (see her pregnancy in motion!) Hilary Duff Is Ready To Pop! (see her pregnancy in motion!) Hilary Duff Is Ready To Pop! (see her pregnancy in motion!) Hilary Duff Is Ready To Pop! (see her pregnancy in motion!) Hilary Duff Is Ready To Pop! (see her pregnancy in motion!) Hilary Duff Is Ready To Pop! (see her pregnancy in motion!)

 

Jessica Simpson is Huge for the Holidays!

We all know Jessica Simpson is no where close to her golden days when she was dancing around in a pair of daisy dukes…..ah those were the days. But, then she got pretty dang chubby and it wasn’t just that she gained a few pounds. She got really sloppy, too! It is fine for a woman to have a few extra pounds, just don’t get sloppy with it. Jessica Simpson got really sloppy and well now she is pregnant! I don’t mean just a little pregnant, she is REALLY pregnant. It looks like she has Mini-Me growing in her belly or something. I am sure she can’t fit into jeans anymore, so she is wearing some comfy looking sweatpants or tracksuit pants, basically pants that don’t need to be buttoned. And, of course she is wearing Ugg boots, she is the perfect candidate for Ugg boots, I bet she has pair of Crocs, too. Are those not the worst shoes, ever? They make my skin crawl just thinking about them. Anyway, you might be wondering why I am showing you these pictures and I can only think of two reasons. It’s Christmas and news is so very slow, and plus I know some of you weirdos have pregnant fetishes. I am not judging…okay yeah I am. Why can’t you just have a normal fetish? Like a foot fetish or something. A foot fetish is a perfectly accepted fetish.
 

Hilary Duff Looking Stuffed!

Hilary Duff Pregnant _ Leaving Pilates

Looks like Hilary Duff will be eating for two this holiday season, as we catch a glimpse of her leaving her Pilates class.  “So this year I am cooking my first turkey! I’m so nervous I’m doing a test round! ”, she writes on her twitter account.   Well by the looks of it, I think shes done about 10 rounds so far with the turkey and the mash potato’s.  Lucky for her she’s pregnant so we can’t bash her for her weight… yet.

Warning Hilary: You have 4 months to loose the weight, before we put you up on the chopping block.

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Wednesday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (11.16.2011)

Steven Tyler is still in Hawaii assaulting our eyes. And can someone please tell me what’s going on with one of his toes (pic with scuba diving outfit). It’s literally humping the big toe!

Who wants to see how you spread gonorrhea on the beaches of Bali?

I’m pretty sure I can see Stacy Keibler’s belly button in that dress. George must be voicing concerns that they’ve been dating for too long again.

Demi Lovato took Wilder Valderrama to a wedding and then twittered her happiness over catching the bouquet. Run Wilder, run!!

Hillary Duff is showing off her swollen uterus.

Lady Gaga and her talons must be a blast cuddling up to.

Vienna Girardi is now leading the exciting life of a pig farmer after getting dumped by Kasey Kahl. I was about to start crying for her, but Eddie Cibrian’s ridiculous mustache turned my sorrow into fits of laughter.

article-2062116-0ED12B2600000578-139_634x657 article-2062116-0ED1165E00000578-987_634x822 article-2062116-0ED0ED6500000578-452_306x765 article-2062116-0ED0EDD600000578-320_634x739 article-2062116-0ED0EE6D00000578-72_634x814 article-2062116-0ED0EE2200000578-53_634x369 article-2062116-0ED0EE3200000578-414_634x679 article-2062116-0ED11CC400000578-63_306x765 Steven Tyler and Joe Perry are flying out of the water on Steven's new Seabob Cayago F7 water craft. article-0-0ED11DD400000578-337_306x700 article-0-0ED11DDC00000578-399_306x700 article-0-0ED0EDA100000578-522_634x598 article-0-0ED0B89F00000578-66_306x650 article-0-0ED0B89700000578-513_306x650 article-0-0ED0BF1100000578-703_634x524 article-0-0ED0BF7700000578-378_634x623 article-0-0ED0B7DF00000578-174_634x768 article-0-0ED0C24600000578-940_634x570 article-0-0ED0C92100000578-710_634x599 article-0-0ED0CC7100000578-667_634x373 article-0-0ED0D8E700000578-413_634x576 article-0-0ED0E0B700000578-455_634x554 article-2062094-0ED1455E00000578-8_634x746 article-2062094-0ED1310700000578-145_306x694 article-0-0ED12F6600000578-598_634x843 article-0-0ED12F9600000578-211_634x468 article-2062094-0ED14B3900000578-60_306x694 article-2062094-0ED1310700000578-145_306x694 article-0-0ECFF32500000578-735_634x885 article-0-0ECFF37900000578-692_634x423 article-0-0ECFF1A600000578-830_634x435 article-0-0ECFF1CF00000578-49_306x661 article-0-0ECFF1E500000578-528_634x812 article-0-0ECFF2E200000578-739_306x661 article-2061727-0ECDE1BF00000578-559_224x491 article-2061727-0ECDDEF700000578-975_224x491 article-2061727-0ECDDF4B00000578-846_224x776 article-2061727-0ECDE1AB00000578-301_468x959 article-2061727-0ECDE10300000578-718_224x776 article-2061727-0ECE1B2200000578-312_468x929 article-2061888-0ECFB3BD00000578-244_468x286 article-2061888-0ECFB78400000578-552_468x1066 article-2061888-0ECFC40C00000578-73_224x501 article-2061888-0ECFC37300000578-466_468x715 article-2062018-0ED0094D00000578-519_634x401 article-2062018-0ED00A9A00000578-151_634x889 article-2062018-0ED00A0600000578-360_634x815 article-2062018-0ED00A1700000578-863_634x798 article-2061984-0ECFA92900000578-764_468x662 article-2061984-0ECFAABC00000578-941_468x586
 

Mel Gibson denies rumors he knocked up reality star

Apparently it never occurred to Mel Gibson that a sex rampage goes hand in hand with a vasectomy if you don’t want to end up with 30 kids because according to new reports, he knocked up 35-year old Laura Bellizzi (she was in VH1′s Secrets Of Aspen in 2010) and will be the proud daddy of #10, oh, in about five months. Mel Gibson vehemently denied the allegations calling them “complete and utter rubbish, 100 per cent untrue” and a source close to him said “it’s physically impossible”. Now, bare in mind, it was only two years ago when he knocked up that Russian gold-digger Oksana Grigorieva so the claim is simply unsustainable. Unless of course he set fire to his own penis because it started sounding Jewish during their daily conversations, in which case, we’ll buy the argument.

Via RadarOnline:

Bellizzi does not want the news to go public but is telling her friends ‘that the Braveheart actor is the father of her unborn baby.’ ‘Laura’s being as secretive as she can be about it,’ an insider told Star. ‘But she’s really showing now, and people are beginning to ask the question: “Who’s the daddy?”‘

However, Bellizzi denied the claim when contacted for comment by the magazine…According to Star, Bellizzi, who is based in Orange County, California and appeared on VH-1 reality show Secrets of Aspen last year, is more than four months pregnant.

Bellizzi’s father Jan Patricio told Radar that his pregnant daughter has never said that Gibson is the father. ‘I know my daughter and I know she’s pregnant,’ Jan said. ‘She’s not saying anything about Mel Gibson being the father though, that’s not true.’

The magazine is reporting that Gibson and Bellizzi dated briefly during the summer with the couple  last seen together at the Mondrian hotel’s Skybar in West Hollywood on June 15. ‘Laura and Mel met through some mutual friends in Malibu, and the chemistry was instant,’ the source said. A member of Bellizzi’s family is also alleged to have told Star that she is pregnant by ‘an A-lister’ and that the child will have ‘a famous father.’

PS: Pics below depict Mel’s efforts at baby #11 last Wednesday. And then some good old face punching and arson if he’s not feeling the love by the third date.
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Jennifer Aniston might be pregnant

Jennifer Aniston attended Glamour’s Women Of The Year Awards the other night, and since our job is to stare deeply into breasts and draw conclusions from them about the dreams and hopes of celebrities, we came out thinking they looked a bit pregnanty. Plus, she quit smoking a few weeks ago and she recently bought a $9million apartment in NYC that has two nurseries. Of course, it could be that she was having her period and the nurseries are for the kids Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie told her they’re going to give her as a gift for Christmas. They’re leftovers from their recent Asian orphan shopping spree, but she’ll take anything at this point.

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All the other Halloween junk we missed

I don’t get it, why isn’t Lean Rimes and Eddie Cibrian in a costume?

Christina Aguilera dressed as Boy George in his fat, jail phase?? Not in a costume either, hah…

Duh, I’m a pregnant mummy you dummies!

Sofia Vergara dressed as Angry Bird is pretty much Halloween blasphemy. I basically expected her to hand out candy with her cleavage.

Harrison Ford just made Indiana Jones unwatchable.

Naomi Watts (the clown) put Liev Schreiber in a burka. That’s gotta be some sort of a message for his cheating ways isn’t it?

Arnold Scwarzenegger’s love child dressed as Conan The Barbarian. Nice try kid, but the Arnold vil not pay for aliimony!

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Bruce Willis got his wife pregnant

Life&Style has just revealed that Bruce Willis and his 35-year old model wife Emma are expecting a child which is probably not good news for that kid considering Bruce is in the habit of bestowing his offsprings with huge chins. While we couldn’t be happier for him, let’s keep in mind that he’s 56-years old, which means he’ll be a walking corpse by the time this one graduates high-school. “Hey dad, are you coming to my graduation today?” “My damn prostate is leaking again, but sure son, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Oh crap! My colostomy bag just burst…Kaaaaaaatte!!!”

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Tuesday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (10.25.2011)

Britney Spears looking as sexy as a trailer with flower curtains. “Them shorts sure are purty, ain’t they?”

Vanessa Minnillo wants you to know she’s not just breasts. They have humor too, you know!

Julianne Moore took her osteoporosis pill before she got up on that scooter.

Men’s Health cares about the health of their readers. Hence the Christina Hendricks photo-shoot.

Julianne Hough fancies some midgit ass.

Miranda Kerr wearing that $2.5million bra.

Salma Hayek’s puppies have something important to tell David Letterman.

Kim Kardashian tries to

Somewhere under all that fabric lie Keira Knightley’s chest moles.

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Guess Jessica Simpson’s hunt for cash didn’t pay off

After trolling all the magazines and asking for $500,000 just to tell us what we already knew, Jessica Simpson gave up and showed off her belly. So unless, that’s a prosthetic, she’s at least 5-6 months pregnant. “Anyone interested in buying these ultrasound scans? I taught the little bastard to do a back-flip and pee at the same time. $1,000,000?”

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Shayne Lamas does the “I’m naked with a giant uterus” thing

Here’s Shayne Lamas doing the Demi Moore thing (or more recently the very unfortunate Mariah Carey thing), only this time nobody wants to pay her to put this on a magazine cover, or even in one of the back pages where they share stories about stray dogs and apple pie recipes. Hence the amateur picture taken in her bedroom. With the shutters open so the neighbors can also enjoy the view. And what’s creepier than a uterus about to explode is the fact that she has already signed up her unborn girl to a talent agency. My money’s on this one becoming a stripper. It’s the only way to deal with deep emotional issues really.

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Thursday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (10.13.2011)

Kelly Clarkson is turning into a man.

Carla Bruni’s belly has reached epic proportions.

Olivia Munn and Tatum O’Neil strip down for the stripper movie Magic Mike. This one’s going to be a magical movie, isn’t it.

Madonna should know better. Bell bottoms don’t flatter an ewok’s figure.

Is Hillary Swank starting to suffer from flab-ass-itis?

Demi Moore takes time from Asthton Kutcher’s wondering penis to model for Ann Taylor.

Julia Robert’s 43-year old knees are holding up pretty well.

Lady Gaga is wearing a fancy garbage bag.

This has got to be the bottom for Christina Aguilera. Someone, just bring down that hatch and end this.

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Tuesday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (10.11.2011)

January Jones is not happy with her new Mad Men attire. That or Perrier is making her burpy.

Exhibit #168 that Jessica Simpson is pregnant: Need for urgent and frequent urination.

Carmen Electra’s right nipple is cold.

Alessandra Ambrosio is pumping her own gas??? America is on the verge of collapse.

Lady Gaga is calling her trichologist because her hair is falling out. That’s how I’m interpreting abstract art. Plus, her boyfriend is actually not an android with a quirky sense of style but Taylor Kinney from Vampire Diaries? I don’t get it.

We now understand David Arquette’s plight for younger poon.

Hilary Duff testing our oath to never make crotch jokes about pregnant women.

Hugh Jackman, Man Of Steal walking his little dog Peaches. Elton John wants this piece on his yacht, A.S.A.P.

Justin Theroux wants to make love with Justin Theroux, so Jennifer Aniston is filling in the blanks.

Selena Gomez is leggy.

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Thursday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (10.05.2011)

Miranda Kerr takes time away from her infant son to show her side boob in Paris.

Lady Gaga’s tits are showing, but somehow this one’s a classy outfit. That’s what happens when you have a meat dress to compare it to.

Rihanna handles London with the same grace and elegance she’s known for. Yo, limeys, is anyone going to grope my ass or what, i ain’t got all day here!!

Beyonce’s infatuation with her growing uterus is now getting weird. This was in her new video.

Blake Lively has split from Leonardo DiCaprio and is looking for her next love through Tarot cards. Hey lady, skeletor here behind you. Love is starin’ right back at ya, baby!

article-0-0E3B77C900000578-184_224x675 article-0-0E3B773200000578-2_224x675 article-2045542-0E3D680B00000578-530_468x974 article-2045542-0E3D6A5400000578-4_468x574 article-2045542-0E3D67F100000578-129_224x571 article-2045542-0E3D682F00000578-566_224x571 article-2045542-0E3D875800000578-556_468x700 article-2045542-0E3D877500000578-239_468x927 article-2045847-0E3F76DB00000578-715_468x648 Rihanna Rihanna 1st night of Loud World Tour at London's o2 Arena, London, UK Rihanna's Loud World Tour at London's o2 Arena London, UK Rihanna In Concert - London article-2045847-0E3F962000000578-517_224x625 article-2045810-0E3F9CAF00000578-489_634x327 article-0-0E3FC4F800000578-931_468x732 article-0-0E3FC50700000578-699_468x525
 

Shayne Lamas to name her baby girl Press

Shayne Lamas, you know, Lorenzo Lamas’ little girl, the one who used to issue publicity statements after a DUI for press, the one who married a guy at a Las Vegas joint a couple of hours after meeting him for press, is now naming her unborn daughter Press. Get it, its another word for “publicity”? How clever. Now someone get a gun and shoot her in the uterus. Its the only way to save this kid.

 

For the love of God Tori Spelling!

Tori Spelling was running some errands in L.A yesterday apparently unaware that she’s turning into Gary Busey. Will someone warn that unborn kid of hers that it will be staring at that face for years to come? At least give it a fighting chance.

Nurse: Congratulations Mrs. Spelling, you just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.

Tori: Er, why is he holding an emancipation form?

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Thursday’s Miscellaneous Junk You Might Like (9.22.2011)

The new season of Topmodel has started so Tyra’s ass is back to eating skinny supermodel-wannabes.

Rosie O’Donnell must some incredible lesbian charm we don’t about because she can get girlfriends to go with her coffee now. True story, she met this one at Starbuck’s.

Simon Cowell has opted for Botox and fillers. Because his inability to control his facial expressions was bothering him.

If you squint hard enough you can see Amanda Seyfried’s nipples.

Vanessa Hudgens still having sex with that Disney kid. Because she has a thing for extra soft hair-free baby skin. (We’re talking about his face you perverts!!)

Elisabetta Canalis shows us why George Clooney kept her for so long.

Beyonce puts on her disappearing fetus act again.

We get it. Justin Bieber wants Selena Gomez to be his octomom. He posted this.

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Naked Demi Moore at London’s National Gallery

Gotcha! Actually it’s a fat dude with a hernia, but the resemblance is uncanny, no??  Meet Johnny Vegas, a British comedian who’s mocking Demi Moore’s naked pregnant cover of Vanity Fair back in 1991 and whose photograph is now on exhibition at the London National Portrait Gallery. Who said the Brits have no humour? Even if they bust it out 19 years too late.

 

Tori Spelling prepping for what will make our eyes bleed

Tori Spelling was shopping at lingerie store Agent Provocateur yesterday in preparation of an upcoming lingerie-clad belly shoot. This was most likely Dean McDermott’s idea. “Damn it, let them feel my fear every time the lights are out and she shoves my head into that borehole she calls breasts. Let them feel the agony that i feel every time that belly button stares me in the face and threatens to eat me alive!!!”

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The 2011 MTV VMAs Had Selena Gomez Being Hot & Beyonce Being Pregnant

The 2011 MTV Video Music Awards were on last night, and a bunch of boring shit happened, so here are some pictures of Selena Gomez to spice things up. Anyway, whether it was to see Lady Gaga’s performance as her alter ego Jo Calderone, Jay-Z and Kanye West’s duet, or to see Britney Spears’ preternaturally early career retrospective, 12.4 million people watched the MTV Video Music Awards last night, the highest ratings in the network’s history. We guess congratulations are in order, but honestly, at 30 years old, the network is well past its own target demographic.

Actually one thing did happen that people will be talking about around the water-cooler this week. Beyonce announced she is pregnant with the seed of Jay-Z. After clutching her bump and coyly smiling on the red carpet – silently signaling to the world that she was either pregnant or bloated from hookworm – Beyonce hit the stage at the VMAs and, before performing “Love on Top,” said to the audience, “I want you to feel the love that’s growing inside of me.” HINT HINT. During the performance, she rubbed her bump, and her rep later confirmed the bun in her oven, and the world got all giddy and excited. This sparks an important debate: what will we call the spawn of said couple? BeyBey? Babyoncé? Bey-Z?

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This is What a Pregnant Cameron Diaz Looks Like

Except she isn’t! She’s just wearing a prosthetic baby bump on the set of her new movie being filmed in Atlanta at the moment, “What To Expect When You’re Expecting“, and apparently, what you’d expect when expecting is a little bump, in the general belly area. Good to know Hollywood has a firm grasp on what being pregnant looks like, because those are definitely the arms and ass of a woman who’s supposedly four months pregnant.

Oh, oh, oh! Also, Hollywood guys, you know what kind of movies I like even better than movies about the quirky ups and downs of being pregnant? Movies about weddings and wedding planning! Please, please, please tell me this movie has a wedding in it too!!!

Good thing Cameron isn’t actually pregnant though, her dick would explode pushing that little bastard out.

Cameron Diaz wears a prosthetic baby bump on set in Atlanta. Exclusive: Cameron Diaz Is Pregnant On Set Of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" Cameron Diaz wears a prosthetic baby bump on set in Atlanta. Cameron Diaz wears a prosthetic baby bump on set in Atlanta. Cameron Diaz wears a prosthetic baby bump on set in Atlanta. Cameron Diaz wears a prosthetic baby bump on set in Atlanta. Exclusive: Cameron Diaz Is Pregnant On Set Of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" Cameron Diaz wears a prosthetic baby bump on set in Atlanta. Exclusive: Cameron Diaz Is Pregnant On Set Of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" Cameron Diaz wears a prosthetic baby bump on set in Atlanta. Exclusive: Cameron Diaz Is Pregnant On Set Of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" Cameron Diaz wears a prosthetic baby bump on set in Atlanta.
 

January Jones Got Knocked Up By a Married Man

At this precise moment, Ahhnold is going DOH! Becuase yet another woman is pregnant, and yet again no one knows who the father is. But we can be semi-sure it isn’t actually Arnold this time…

For a while, it was looking like January Jones’ ex-boyfriend Jason Sudekis was the mystery father of her yet-unborn child, but in the immortal words of The Dude, some new shit has come to light, man! The Daily says:

It’s no wonder January Jones won’t reveal the father of her unborn baby. Sources say the dad-to-be is married.

Sources say Jones had an affair on the set of “X-Men: First Class,” which opens on June 3. [Some of the men in the cast who are married] include Matthew Vaughn, James MacAvoy, Kevin Bacon and Oliver Platt.

This just proves that everyone in the world, even unborn bastard children, are only six degrees away from Kevin Bacon. Yikes! Eerie, isn’t it?

January Jones Got Knocked Up By a Married Man January Jones Got Knocked Up By a Married Man January Jones Got Knocked Up By a Married Man January Jones Got Knocked Up By a Married Man January Jones Got Knocked Up By a Married Man January Jones Got Knocked Up By a Married Man
 

Jessica Alba is in a Bikini, and All Kinds of Pregnant

Here’s an extremely pregnant, extremely busty and extremely bikini clad Jessica Alba vacationing in Mexico yesterday with the family, and while you’d think the extremely busty part is good thing, there is a gross underlining in the form of a huge vein trying to break through her skin and run away, which somehow leaves the whole awesome big tits thing with a bitter taste in my mouth. Could also just be this day old coffee I’m drinking.

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Mariah Carey Paints & Tweets Her Pregnant Belly

You guyz, Mariah Carey got soooooo fat.

Even though Mariah Carey has been keeping her self in seclusion since early December, she felt the need to paint a giant freaking butterfly on her pregnant stomach today, take a picture of it and then post said picture to her four million Twitter followers, because apparently she wants them all to drown in their own puke. Well at least she’s got a nice glow, all planetoids reflect sunlight.

We just hope she didn’t use lead-based paint from China.

 

Kelly Brook is Still Hot… Oh and Also Pregnant

These bikini photos of Kelly Brook are like a soothing balm to the much brutalized eyeballs after yesterday’s Ke$ha bikini post. Anyway enjoy these new pictures of her as much as you can right now since Kelly just tweeted this:

Thom and I are happy to announce we are expecting a baby girl. We are delighted XXXXX

I have no clue who Thom is, but I want to punch him in the face right now.

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Alicia Silverstone is All Kinds of Pregnant

So apparently Alicia Silverstone is about to give birth to a little Cher Horowitz. I’m  judging this by the fact she looks like Britney Spears from the neck down and neck up like anyone featured on Faces of Meth… also known as being pregnant. Some people might say it’s not fair to post or comment on candid photos of a pregnant woman who, in her defense, looks less likely to go into labor than say, Kirstie Alley. However, I don’t give a shit, so there is that.

Meh I guess I can write something nice about her, how about she still looks hot in that un-showered, pregnant, no bra, fat, crocs wearing sort of way.

Alicia Silverstone is Pregnant Alicia Silverstone is Pregnant Alicia Silverstone is Pregnant Alicia Silverstone is Pregnant Alicia Silverstone is Pregnant Alicia Silverstone is Pregnant Alicia Silverstone is Pregnant Alicia Silverstone is Pregnant Alicia Silverstone is Pregnant

 

Nude Photos of ‘Teen Mom’ Amber Leak Online

Amber Portwood, the MTV Teen Mom is pretty much the personification of white trash, she’s facing domestic violence charges, has a picture of her daughter tattooed on her belly, and now is having a naked picture scandal. Everything about that sentence is terribly, horribly disturbing, but the good news is she’s not a teenager anymore, so you won’t go to jail if you check out the pictures. You WILL, however, go to hell.

EDIT: A statement from Amber says she didn’t leak those nude pictures of herself and believes her phone was hacked. “I’ve never given anything to anybody. I wouldn’t do that. I know 100 percent who did it, and I’m going to go after them full force,” she said, adding, “Those pics were taken for personal reasons. I didn’t send them to anyone. I didn’t take them for sexual reasons. This is embarrassing enough. It’s just weird. The person who did this is f—-ed.” Amber told MTV, “I’m devastated that these pictures were stolen from my phone and sold by someone I trusted. It makes me sad that anyone would do this, and I’m horrified that something so private is being shared publicly.”

Teen Mom Amber Nude Photo Teen Mom Amber Nude Photo
 

Jessica Alba is Pregnant with her Second Baby

Jessica Alba announced on her Facebook page today that she and husband Cash Warren are expecting their second child. Guess she didn’t get the memo about the baby fad being over. The new trend is nasty custody battles. Get with the times, Jess!

On Facebook:

It’s been a while since I’ve been on FB & I thought I’d drop by to let you all in on some exciting news > Honor is going to be a Big Sister! Cash and I are thrilled and wanted to share the news directly with you so you didn’t hear about it somewhere else. I appreciated all of the love and support you all gave me during my first pregnancy and will definitely appreciate it again this time around. Have a great day! Jess

Well congrats and all Jess, but I’ve got to say, Mr. Cash is five kids behind what I would’ve done to your womb by now.

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Ivanka Trump is Pregnant

Well it looks like the world is about to get yet another Trump… Donald Trump’s Daughter, Ivanka Trump, announced today via twitter that she and her husband Jared Kushner are expecting a baby. Guess you could say her uterus has hired a fetus for the next 9 months or so, then it will be promptly fired. Trump style.

According to UsMagazine:

“I have been wanting to share some amazing news with you all for some time… I’m pregnant!” the Celebrity Apprentice co-host and jewelry designer, 29, wrote on her Twitter account Friday. “Jared and I couldn’t be more excited.” The mom-and-dad-to-be stepped out in NYC on Thursday night, catching a special screening of No Strings Attached, hosted by the Cinema Society and DKNY Jeans with DeLeón Tequila.

Ivanka’s famous mogul dad Donald Trump tells UsMagazine.com of the news: “I am very happy for Ivanka and Jared. They are wonderful young people!”

Remember Ivanka male-pattern baldness is linked to the maternal genome. Pray for a girl.

Anyways, congrats to the Trump family on the new trust fund baby. Here is your maternity gift from us. A computer rendered image of what the little Trump will look like:

 

Kate Hudson Has a Baby in Her Belly

Well, I guess we know how famous people have been spending their time during the recent spates of shiteous weather. Making babies, intentionally or not. Not so long ago it was Natalie Portman then just this week Khloe Kardashian got pregnant, then Marion Cotillard, then Owen Wilson…well not him, his girlfriend Jade Duell. If that wasn’t enough Kate Hudson has got herself knocked up too.

According to Us Magazine:

A source confirms exclusively in the new Us Weekly, out Wednesday, that Kate Hudson, 31, is 14 weeks pregnant with boyfriend Matthew Bellamy’s baby.
“It was not planned, but they are excited and embracing it,” the source reveals to Us.

It’s good that Kate is “embracing” the news, but one day I’d like to see a public announcement more like “Celeb X begrudgingly confirms her pregnancy with many deep sighs; she is willing, but not eager, to gain some weight and give up smoking and drinking for a few months.”

Oh and yes, the father is THAT Matthew Bellamy, as in the singer from Muse, who I used to think was a cool British rocker who played piano like a boss and sang like nobody’s business. I never thought he was capable of dating such a seemingly vapid, untalented woman. I hope I’ll be able to listen to Muse now without remembering the horror that was Bride Wars.

But did you know Kate’s step-mother was “Shirley” from “Laverne & Shirley” BAM! This story just got ten times more interesting… which still ain’t much.

 

Kim Has a Huge Ass, Khloe is Pregnant and They Are Getting Sued for $75 Million

Right lets get all the Kardashian news out of the way with one post.

Kim Kardashian:

Has a HUGE ASS, you could throw a tailgate party on that ass. She reminds me of a toddler who has worn the same diaper for a week. If it had a flag and a national anthem, that ass would be a country.

Khloe Kardashian:

Is still the ugly Kardashian sister. But now she’s a pregnant, red headed, ugly Kardashian sister

Not even her new red hairdo can distract from swirling rumors that Khloe Kardashian is pregnant. Khloe, wife of Lakers star Lamar Odom, “has been hiding a tell-tale bump behind flowing dresses and oversized handbags,” said one source. Another source speculated that Kardashian and Odom, who have landed their own “Newlywed”-style reality show on E!, “will be followed by the cameras through her pregnancy and as they have their first child.” Asked about a pregnancy, a Khloe rep declined to comment.

Source: New York Post

The 3 Kardashian sisters:

Are getting sued for $75,000,000 over their KKKard… No problem, I heard that Kim has big back pockets.

The Kardashian women — Kim, Kourtney, Khloe and Kris — are accused of causing more than $75 million in debit card damage … and they never pulled a single card out of their wallets.

The Revenue Resource Group, LLC filed a lawsuit in Fresno, CA claiming the Kardashians breached their contract when they pulled out of a deal to be the faces of a controversial MasterCard-approved prepaid debit card.

Last month the K-ladies claimed they quit the deal because they had no idea the card was loaded with hidden, possibly illegal fees … fees that caused the Attorney General of Connecticut to open an investigation into the card.

Revenue Resource Group claims the sisters signed a two-year deal that they should have honored — and since the fam backed out, RRG has been crushed by a wave of bad publicity.

RRG wants the women to fork over more than $75 mil to make things right.

Source: TMZ

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Natalie Portman is Pregnant and Engaged

Boo! Natalie Portman will never be mine or your girlfriend, because she got her self knocked up (Maybe with twins? Maybe a boy and a girl? Here come Luke and Leia…) and engaged to ballet dancer Benjamin Millepied, who she met while shooting Black Swan. Wait what… since when can humans procreate with millipedes­?

Naa I jest, “Mille pied” actually means “thousand feet” in French, so I kind of get the sense this is a stage name and his real name is like.. Bejamin Fartelheimsburg. If it’s a real name, then it’s an insane coincidence that he’s a dancer. Like someone who’s name is Smith working as a blacksmith. OK I’m getting way off topic, where was I? Ahh yes, Natalie being preggors…

The people over at People have spoken:

Natalie Portman and choreographer Benjamin Millepied are engaged and expecting their first child, her reps confirm to PEOPLE exclusively.

The couple met during the production of Black Swan. Portman’s performance in the film has earned her nominations for a Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild Award.

The actress, 29, will next be seen in the romantic comedy, No Strings Attached, costarring Ashton Kutcher.

This will be the first child for the actress who is due in 2011.

So I guess Natalie wasn’t only letting Mila Kunis munch on her vagina during the filming of Black Swan, but also letting some ballet dude get his willy all up in her thing.

This is really going to mess up her choices for an Oscar Dress. Bjork’s much-maligned dress may get a second chance.

Natalie Portman is Pregnant and Engaged Natalie Portman is Pregnant and Engaged Natalie Portman is Pregnant and Engaged Natalie Portman is Pregnant and Engaged Natalie Portman is Pregnant and Engaged natalie_portman_is_pregnant_and_engaged_06
 

Rumors are That Kim Kardashian is Pregnant, and That Kanye West is the Baby Daddy

A semi ridiculous rumor has been floating around online today that Kim Kardashian is pregnant and Kanye West is the father.

Media Take Out were first to report the rumor:

(We) spoke with a person VERY CLOSE to Kim Kardashian this morning. And according to them, Kim is PREGNANT!!
“Kim has been seeing Kanye off and on for years now. But this summer, they [hooked up] five or six times. Kanye told her that he didn’t want anything serious, but Kim really likes him.”
And now, according to the insider, she suspects that Kim Kardashian is PREGNANT.
“Kim is being very secretive about everything. She calls him almost non-stop and wants to know what she should do.”

Hollyscoop were then quick on the job to find a random source too:

A source very close to Kim tells Hollyscoop the report is “absolutely not true,” adding that the report is simply “ridiculous.

Since this isn’t even on TMZ, im going to go ahead and put $100 on this merely just being a publicity stunt for Gay Fish’s new album, and somehow, KK is behind both rumors. Nothing like a little self made publicity stunt to keep your fame whore satus alive. But if anything these pictures do show that Kim is clearly into Kanye, jsut look at that body langauge, she is practically spreading for him right there and then.

Yo’ Kim, your vagina may be the size of the Lincoln Tunnel, and I’mma let you finish, but the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel is the biggest tunnel I’ve ever been in…

Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian Kanye West Knocked Up Kim Kardashian
 

Britney’s Boyfriend Used to Beat Her Up

STORY HAS BEEN UPDATED HERE: Britney is Lawyering Up, Says the “Audio is Fake”

Radar has posted audio of a conversation between Jason Alexander (that guy she married for 55 hours in 2004) and a voice that allegedly belongs to Britney Spears, in which Britney admits that Jason Trawick “beat on me,” and that Trawick had proposed marriage but she had declined. It’s worth mentioning that Trawick has been a well known talent agent for a long time because of high profile clients like Britney Spears, whom he also started dating two years ago.

At the time of the recording, Spears insisted that they were not a romantic couple, and that her father was so angry with Trawick that he had, “a shotgun and [was] just waiting to use it.”

Today Star magazine will go on sale with a cover story claiming Trawick is secretly a crazy dude who loved to give Britney the odd Irish kiss, also known as a black eye.

Britney’s former husband Jason Alexander tells Star that the pop princess confided to him that Trawick beat her — on multiple occasions.

“Britney is in an abusive relationship. She told me her life had turned into a nightmare.”

She recently confided that Trawick “hit her so hard it gave her a black eye.”

Alexander says he’s telling this story because he’s “really concerned” for Britney who he feels is “telling me these secrets as a way of getting out of this.”

Redneck hick single mom with rugrats gets beaten up by her partner. SHOCKING NEWS!

However that recording sounds nothing like Britney, it’s missing about 47 “y’all’s” to be her. I do however think this story has some truth to it, but who knows, maybe she was just conked in the head by one of them “flyin’ sorcers” she asked K-Fed about in their home video. “They’s real, ain’t they?” Possibly worth noting Britney only sees UFOs when she is braless and chasing ice-cream trucks.


Britney Spears’s Boyfriend Jason Trawick Beat her Up Britney Spears’s Boyfriend Jason Trawick Beat her Up Britney Spears’s Boyfriend Jason Trawick Beat her Up Britney Spears’s Boyfriend Jason Trawick Beat her Up Britney Spears’s Boyfriend Jason Trawick Beat her Up Britney Spears’s Boyfriend Jason Trawick Beat her Up Britney Spears’s Boyfriend Jason Trawick Beat her Up Britney Spears’s Boyfriend Jason Trawick Beat her Up Britney Spears’s Boyfriend Jason Trawick Beat her Up Britney Spears’s Boyfriend Jason Trawick Beat her Up

Britney is Lawyering Up, Says the “Audio is Fake”