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Justin Bieber talks about Sex, Drugs and Religion!
George Clooney contemplated suicide…and lost his virginity to a rope
In a new interview with Rolling Stone, George Clooney opens up about his spinal cord injury in 2005 during the filming of Syriana which lead him to contemplate suicide:
Lying in hospital feeling like he had suffered a stroke he thought: ‘I can’t exist like this. I can’t actually live’... The back injury he sustained while filming Syriana was so bad that he started blowing spinal fluid out of his nose. He tried drinking heavily but it was not enough to anaesthetise himself.
‘I was at a point where I thought, “I can’t exist like this. I can’t actually live.” ‘I was lying in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm, unable to move, having these headaches where it feels like you’re having a stroke, and for a short three-week period, I started to think, “I may have to do something drastic about this”… but I never thought I’d get there. See, I was in a place where I was trying to figure out how to survive.’
George also shared his early adventures in the world of sex and how a rope pretty much molded him into the chick banging machine he is today:
Clooney reveals that that while he lost his virginity at the age of 16 (“young, very young, too young”), he had his first orgasm when he was much younger. “I believe it was while climbing a rope when I was six or seven years old,” he says. “I mean, nothing came out, but all the other elements were there. I remember getting to the top of the rope, hanging off the rope, and going, “Oh, my God, this feels great!”
And last but not least, George Clooney shares a deep love for dick jokes and fart noises. In other words, we’re twinsies. Only I’m a lot more handsome than he is. Right, ma?
For example, the word “Johnson” always makes him laugh. “Always. ‘He showed her his Johnson and she left.’ You can actually say that in mixed company or on late-night TV.” He’s also pretty fond of farts, especially when hanging out with his pals. “We think it’s one of the funniest things in the history of mankind. Even the idea of a fart makes me laugh. Saying the word ‘fart’ makes me laugh. I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there’s nothing funnier.”
Rihanna Explains Why She Had Chris Brown Restraining Order Relaxed
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Rihanna responded to criticism of her decision to relax her restraining order against Chris Brown, saying, “You can never please people … That’s my decision…it doesn’t mean we’re getting married tomorrow. It doesn’t mean we’re gonna be in a relationship, or make up, or even talk ever again. It just means I didn’t want to object to the judge.” She added, “What he did to me was a personal thing. It had nothing to do with his career. Saying [he can't perform at awards show] definitely made it difficult for him. We don’t have to talk again ever in my life. I just didn’t want to make it more difficult for him professionally.”
Hear that Chris Brown, now is your chance for round two of the Rihanna beating, next time you are at the MTV awards together you can do this to her again, just as long as you don’t talk to her.
Justin Bieber: Rape Happens for a Reason, Americans are Evil and Only Have Sex if You’re in Love
Hear ye’, hear ye’. The chosen one has spoken, heed his Godly words. Justin Bieber, mop-topped “super kid” of the wooded north, fell into a political booby trap at the hands of Rolling Stone magazine, declaring himself pro-life and pro-Canada. So if you love to hate Bieber, you’re in luck no matter who you are or what your political believes are, since there is something to upset almost everyone in this interview.
On sex before marriage: “I don’t think you should have sex with anyone unless you love them. I think you should just wait for the person you’re…in love with.”
Wait… don’t tell me you aren’t having magical lesbian sex with Selena Gomez?!?!?
On war: “Canada doesn’t go around attacking people.”
Careful Justin, don’t be taking to many jibes at the U.S., it will upset your peeps. Canada doesn’t have enough record buyers to keep you in skinny jeans, that’s why you’re hawking your wares across the border.
On homosexuality: “It’s everyone’s own decision to do that. It doesn’t affect me and it shouldn’t affect anyone else.”
Just like you chose to be a lesbian right?
On religion: “I feel I have an obligation to plant little seeds with my fans. I’m not going to tell them, ‘You need Jesus,’ but I will say at the end of my show, ‘God loves you’.”
If God loved them, he would have stopped them from going to a Bieber concert.
On health care: “You guys are evil [as in the U.S.]. Canada’s the best country in the world. We go to the doctor and we don’t need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you’re broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard’s baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby’s premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home.
Now, now, Justin, you’re hardly competent enough to be commenting on Worldly affairs, seeing how you are the kid who hasn’t heard of Germany.
On politics: “I’m not sure about the parties. But whatever they have in Korea, that’s bad.”
Hear that? That’s the sound of Kim Jong Il ripping all the posters off his walls and smashing his Bieber CDs. [Yes, I'm assuming he meant North Korea]
On abortion: “I really don’t believe in abortion. It’s like killing a baby?”
It’s like killing a baby, baby, baby, OHHHHHHH!
But of course Bieber is anti-choice. He’s practically a fetus himself. He’s looking out for his best interests.
On abortion in cases of rape: “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”
Oh Justin, this really should have been your answer to the previous question. Apart from the everything happens for a reason bit. Because really, there is no reason for your fame.
But as much as we hate Justin Bieber, we still got to say it’s almost unfair to ask these questions to a kid who dropped out of middle school to be a full-time tween heartbreaker and nail polish pimp. If anything, this interview is a document of the woeful deficits of child stars’ minds, much like the revelation that Jessica Simpson spent her entire childhood thinking Chicken of the Sea was poultry.
BREAKING NEWS: Justin Bieber Actually Has a Forehead
That high pitched sound you’ve been hearing today is that of a 100 million girls shrieking in ecstasy. Because The Bieb tweeted this behind-the-scenes picture from his Rolling Stone cover shoot where he repositioned his forehead covering hair, making him look exactly like a baby version of Paul Wesley’s character in the Vampire Diaries (Stefan Salvatore).
Then again, I’m pretty sure Bieber could be wearing the rotting corpse of a dead cat on his head and girls everywhere would still be screaming their heads off and jumping around in little circles.
Oh well, this blows my theory that he’s really Harry Potter & just trying to hide his scar.
A little bit of Taylor Lautner for the ladies
Here’s Twilight hunk Taylor Lautner flaunting his droolable body while doing a Rolling Stone photoshoot in Malibu yesterday and giving me a chance to nudge the emotions of my female readers. That’s it. I won’t say anything more. You are free to write your own prose - or an ode - in praise of the teenage heartthrob. Scope out the gallery for inspiration, right after the jump.
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