Archive for the "Sarah Palin" Category

Katy Perry Tops “Celebrity Hall Pass List”

According to a poll put out by AshleyMadison (a website that helps you cheat on your spouse) Katy Perry is number one on the “Hall Pass” list. The poll asked over 25,000 subscribers which celebrity you would most want to cheat on your wife with. Last year the same poll was put out and Jennifer Aniston topped the list, she has now dropped down to #5, I am not sure how she will go on after finding out that horrible news. She’ll probably need a shoulder to cry on…call me. Here is the survey’s top 10 1. Katy Perry 2. Rihanna 3. Mila Kunis 4. Salma Hayek 5. Jennifer Aniston 6. Scarlett Johansson 7. Sofia Vergara 8. Blake Lively 9. Kim Kardashian 10. Sarah Palin Obviously Sarah Palin is the one who jumps out at you. Who knew people were still fantasizing about her? It’s a little bit disturbing. Maybe it’s the danger involved with it because you know her husband would shoot you if he found out. You know they probably have a lot of guns in their house. Most people stock up on canned goods, the Palin’s stock up on rifles. The rest of the list looks good to me, though. However, I’d replace Rihanna and Katy Perry. I think Rihanna would give you more bang for your buck.
 

Sarah Palin’s husband to file for divorce after biography scandal

According to The National Inquirer, Sarah Palin’s husband, Todd Palin wants to file for divorce after reading in Joe McGinness’ unauthorized biography In The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin, that his brother-in-law Chuckie thought they their marriage was over a long time ago. 

So let me get this straight. You learn that your wife a) has a love for the black penis, b) betrays the Republican ideals (because of the said love for the black penis) c) snorts coke off a 55-gallon oil drum (wait that was with you so it doesn’t count) d) has sex and smokes pot with her college professor presumably on a 55-gallon oil drum, e) has sex with one of your snowmobile partners this time presumably on a snowmobile f)pulls the “oops, i’m pregnant” stunt so you don’t divorce her when you find out….and you want a divorce because Chuckie thinks bad of your marriage?? Help me out here. Am i the only one who thinks Todd has it all wrong? Or maybe he was hit in the head with a drum of crude way too many times and can’t think straight anymore: “Sarah, i just learned that you had sex with my partner, is that true?” *hits him on the head with the drum* “wow, you made penguine roast, my favorite, you’re the best!!”

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Donald Trump Explains His Un-American Method of Eating Pizza

Donald Trump took some heat from The Daily Show last night (and others) for stacking his two slices of pizza and eating them with a fork and knife on a recent jaunt to a Broadway chain restaurant with the Palin family. This provided a perfect opening for Trump to issue a public explanation and keep the controversy aflame for another few hours.

Trump is a master at re-framing stupid questions about his personal habits with dodgy responses that require simpler follow-ups. In the clip below, live from The Desk of Donald Trump, he carefully responds to the question of why he ate his pizza with a plastic knife and fork. His answer? He doesn’t carry his own knife and fork with him! See what he did there?

Also, knives and forks allow him to separate “the top” of the pizza from the crust, which is helpful, because eating the crust would make him a fatty.

Trump, your attempt to clear your un-american-pizza-eating name has failed, humans are capable of eating pizza with their own hands and then stopping when they reach the crust. There are no secret magnets in the crust that require your mouth to eat it when it comes within a centimeter.

 

OH NO HE DIDN’T! Tracy Morgan Says Something About Sarah Palin

When you put Tracy Morgan live on TNT, shit explodes. That’s exactly what happened yesterday when NBA on TNT‘s Kenny Smith thought he was in for some lighthearted comedic banter with Tracy Morgan and Charles Barkley when he asked the 30 Rock star, “Tina Fey or Sarah Palin?” What he got instead was Morgan telling him this:

Let me tell you something about Sarah Palin, man, she’s good masturbation material. Glasses and all that. Great masturbation material.

Not just good Tracy my man, but great masturbation material.

It was kind a “let’s-let-the-comedian-make-a-funny” question in the first place. So Tracy just decided to turn it around and violate them with it.TNT, of course, has already apologized, though I don’t know why since now they have a great new idea for a TV show. Crossing the Line with Charles Barkley & Tracy Morgan. That would be a talk show I would DVR religiously. For the two weeks before they both get shit-canned.

As far as Palin is concerned, she now has a great new Presidential campaign slogan.

 

Sarah & Bristol Palin: “We’re Glad We Chose Life”

Bristol Palin was faced with an unplanned pregnancy at the young age of 18. After giving birth to her son Tripp in December 2008 — and broke up with her boyfriend, Levi Johnston — the reality of single motherhood quickly set in.

I remember sitting on a black recliner, just bawling my eyes out,” Bristol tells In Touch. “I was just rocking Tripp to sleep because he had been screaming for so long. I was just like, ‘What am I going to do? This is as bad as it gets.'”

Though raising an infant has been challenging, Bristol has the unconditional love and support of her family, including her mother Sarah Palin. Just a year earlier at the age of 44, Sarah carried her son Trig to term, even though she was told during a sonogram that he would be born with Down syndrome.

The mother-daughter duo are sharing their unique experiences of raising baby boys together under the same roof. “The last few years have been unreal and surreal,” Sarah says.

For the full exclusive check out this week’s issue of In Touch, on newsstands Friday.

 

David Letterman apologizes for ‘knocked up’ joke

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David Letterman rendered an apology for making a sexually-charged joke last Tuesday that Sarah Palin’s daughter got “knocked up” by New York Yankee slugger A-Rod during their recent trip to New York.

The funnyman apologized during Monday’s taping of “Late Night with David Letterman” as a group of Palin supporters planned a Tuesday protest outside the show’s studio at the Ed Sullivan theater in New York’s Times Square. Here’s Letterman’s apology (according to a transcript obtained by Reuters).

I told a joke that was beyond flawed, and my intent is completely meaningless compared to the perception of the joke by viewers. And since it was a joke I told, I feel that I need to do the right thing here and apologize for having told that joke. It’s not your fault that it was misunderstood, it’s my fault.

I would like to apologize especially to the two daughters involved, Bristol and Willow, and also to the Governor and her family and everybody else who was outraged by the joke. I’m sorry about it and I’ll try to do better in the future.

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