Archive for the "sex tips" Category

JWwow Has a New Advice Book, Mostly About Boobs

Jersey Shore’s JWoww has written a book that is bound to become a New York Times: Best Seller. Her dating-tip type book is called; “The Rules According to JWOWW: Shore-Tested Secrets on Landing a Mint Guy, Staying Fresh to Death, and Kicking the Competition to the Curb” and, while not as promising as Snooki’s literary debut there are some universal truths tucked away in there. And they don’t just pertain to dating, but fashion, partying, and the guido lifestyle in general. Things like you should never leave home without a change of panties, how to spice up your love life by having a quickie in a Macy’s dressing room, and extensive instructions for applying fake-tanner. Let’s look at a few golden quotes.

Women need dating rules like they need bras. Sure, you can go without them, but if you do – and you’re sporting a nice boob job like I am – you are gonna be flopping out there in the wind. You need the right support.

I’m not so sure that JWoww’s rock solid boobs do a lot of “flopping in the wind”.

STOP DRINKING IF YOU VOMIT
If you puke it up, don’t put more in. Vomiting is a signal that your body can’t take the amount of alcohol that you have consumed. Call it quits for the evening and go clean yourself up at home.

Yes, it is a good idea to stop drinking if you puke. While many frat boys will try to convince you that puking up a gut full of booze just makes room to put more in, you should probably listen to what JWwow says and just give it a rest once you’ve hurled chunks everywhere.

But, back to her tits, they are central to the book’s theme. Here’s one tip how to get attention in a nightclub:

Lean in. Especially effective if you’re sporting serious cleavage, like I try to do…When he’s talking, bend from the waist in his direction. Just watch where his eyes are drawn! It’s a move that not only calls attention to you boobs but says, I am into you.

But like everyone knows, boobs are also good for breakups:

Show him what he’s missing. Go for a makeover – lose weight, get a new haircut and color, hot clothes, even a boob job – then walk by and watch his tongue hang out.

But perhaps what best sums up how JWoww generally lives her life, is her Rule #35: You can’t go wrong with cleavage.

Why? Because the mere sight of The Girls out in the open turns men to Jell-O. Maybe it reminds them of their first meal. Maybe a glimpse of what you’re offering helps them fantasize what a night with you would be like. I can’t explain it, but I do know that boobs hypnotize the opposite sex…If you’ve ever seen me, you know I am all about making the “breast-dressed” lists…[But] be careful how much of your assets you air in public. You want to look sexy, not slutty…I don’t care how proud you are of your twins, if your cup runneth over…it’s too much. I also want to emphasize that you don’t need boobs the size of mine to show cleavage. There are plenty of padded bras out there and plastic surgeons that can work miracles…

I always KNEW she was the one mongolette that was marriage material. “No,” they said, “she just looks better because she’s the one entrusted with dragging that horrible little goblin around.” Bullshit. This woman knows what’s up.

Guess what I’m saying is you’d feel like a total boob if you missed out on this book! It’s simply titillating!

 

Jada Pinkett Smith:Will Smith’s private little porn star

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If you always wondered why on earth did Will Smith marry a garden gnome, you’re about to have your question answered.

A few months ago, Jada Pinkett Smith told us how she loved her lesbian sex scenes in her movie The Women and how she wanted raunchier, and more explicit scenes (but was stopped by the director, who is obviously either a eunuch or gay).

Now, she tells Redbook magazine that she and Will sneak into other people’s bedrooms or bathrooms to have a quickie.

Sharing sex tips, Jada told the magazine: “Be sneaky… your girlfriend’s house at a party. The bathroom. A bedroom.”

 Talking of other places they like to get down to business, the actress added: “Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex.

 ”Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Pull over on the side of the road… Just switch it up.

 ”Anything like that can keep it going. Anything it takes to keep the flame alive.”

Ok, if the following saying stands, ”the smaller the dog the bigger the bite”, then can we deduce that the shorter and tinier the girl…the better the ride?