Dear Bossip: I Had A Stroke & Learned I Had HIV, But My Husband Told Me He Was Negative

Black woman medical results

Dear Bossip,

I am a married woman. I have been with my husband about 14 years and we have been married for two of them.

I had a stroke recently and found out I was HIV positive. I have never cheated on my husband, however, he has cheated. He told his family, friends, and his mom and dad about my results. They told him to get the hell away from me. His sisters stated I am a whore, slut, and he lets them talk about me and he does not defend me. I now have this attitude of “f**k ‘em.”

My husband stated he was tested, but I have not seen the test results. He told me he was HIV negative. I am confused. – Tested Positive

Dear Ms. Tested Positive,

Ma’am, wow! What a devastating blow to receive this news after you suffered a stroke, and then for your husband to reveal your results to his family and friends. That is not cool! He had no right to disclose your status, nor should he be discussing your condition without your permission or consent.

But, know this, if you’ve never cheated on your husband, but, your husband has cheated on you, and now you have HIV. The only culprit is your husband. There is no reason for confusion. Trust! He is the one who has given you the disease. Don’t you find it ironic that he told you that he got tested, yet, you’ve never seen the results. Ma’am, please don’t fall for this bull-ish! He is lying! And, it’s time to call his a** out on his lies.

Therefore, I strongly urge that you demand that you and your husband go to the doctor together. Not separately, but together. And, though, they will test you separately in different rooms, however, you will get the results right then and there. They have HIV rapid tests, and it only takes a few minutes for the results to come back. And, when he comes out of the room, with tears streaming down his face, or he’s upset and angry, you will know the results. But, he may try to mask his emotions and be stone faced. Regardless, you get that piece of paper from out of his hands and read the results for yourself. He can’t deny what’s in print. Then, you beat his a** all through that doctor’s office! Wham! Bam! Pow!

And, you need to call his a** out for disclosing your condition to his family, friends, and parents. You need to lay into him, and let him know that he did not have the right, nor was he in any position to share your medical condition without your consent or permission. You need to make sure he understands it is not his job, or responsibility to go around revealing your medical records to whomever he feels. Hell, you should have knocked his a** in the head with a cast iron skillet!

Moving on, let’s get this straight and right together. I feel the reason your husband told his friends, family, and parents about you and your status is because he secretly knew he was HIV positive and was hoping he wouldn’t transmit the disease to you. I believe he’s known for a while and he got it when he cheated on you. He’s kept this from you, and continued having sex with you unprotected because he knew it would raise suspicion if he started wearing condoms with his own wife. Low down dirty a** dog!

So, once you learned about your status, it became his way to put you on front street, and it also became the perfect alibi where he could put the blame on you to his family, friends, and parents if he comes up positive. And, guess who they will think gave it to him? Hmmm, sounds crafty, shady, and trifling. He is a bastard and when you learned of your status, there should have been no confusion, no wondering, or being stumped. Your mind should have went right to your husband and his low down cheating good for nothing rat bastard slimy gutter a**. And, you should have wore his a** out all through that house. He wouldn’t be walking upright. And, you should have smashed him in his nuts!

I do recommend that you begin working with your doctor about treatment, and effective ways to take care of your health. You should learn what medications you need, and how often you need them. I know you’re hurting and in pain, but with modern medicine and treatment you can take care of yourself and live a long life. This is not a death sentence, and you can live a healthy life if you take care of yourself, and maintain a positive attitude. I also recommend therapy and speaking with a counselor. I’m sure you are going through various emotions and feelings. Speaking with a specialists will help you manage all of this, and how to properly place these emotions.

Next, I do urge getting tested with your husband and getting his results. You need to confirm he is the one who has transmitted the disease to you. And, then you need to consider either working on your marriage, and how you both will deal with this a couple. Or, you need to consider a divorce. And, I know you may feel that no one will want you, and you may feel you don’t want to be alone, but that is not the case. There are many healthy HIV positive people who date and have a healthy sex life, and relationships. You just need to be proactive in informing your partners up front, and making sure to protect yourself during sexual relations.

If you decide to stay married, then both of you need to be in counseling together. Both of you need to work together on how to heal your lives, your marriage, and for him to be honest and tell the truth about his non-disclosure, and hiding it from you. He needs to come clean and lay it all on the table about his status, how long he’s known, and why he didn’t tell you sooner. This will hurt to hear, but you need to know the truth. And, then, he needs to go to his friends, family, and parents and tell them the truth, and clear the up the lies he’s created by telling them about you, but failing to tell his status.

Remember, take care of yourself. Speak with your doctor, and get into treatment. Find a therapist or specialists to help you with your feelings, emotions, and well-being. And, divorce that trifling a** husband of yours. He violated your marriage, your body, and your life. Leave him! – Terrance Dean

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