Martha Stewart hates children and happiness and likes to pee with the door open;Pumpkin pie anyone?

Martha Stewarts 41-year old daughter Alexis, just came out with a new book called “In Whateverland:Learning to Live Here” in which she pretty much describes mommy dearest as a heartless wench who steals the souls of small children and uses them to make delicious strudels. Martha Stewart just made an applie pie with the blood of one of her assistants in place of butter and sent it to her daughter with the following message: “Bitch, you just lost yourself $500million! Who’s the foul now?”

Via DailyMail:

If I didn’t do something perfectly, I had to do it again… I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head.’

She admits Martha was not a maternal figure, and had an unromantic approach to holidays like Halloween and Christmas.

‘Martha was not interested in being kid friendly,’ Alexis continues.

‘She used to make me wrap my own presents. She would hand me things right before Christmas and say, “Now wrap these but don’t look inside.”‘

Halloween was also a grim affair: ‘There were no costumes. There was no anything. We turned off all the lights and pretended we weren’t home,’ she recalls.

Also at odds with Martha’s image as the ultimate hostess, was a bizarre habit of using the bathroom with the door wide open.

‘Mother always peed with the door open,’ Alexis says. ‘I remember saying, “You know, now I have friends over! You can’t do that anymore! It’s gotta stop! My friends’ parents don’t do it! Give me a break here! I don’t feel like being embarrassed! It’s exhausting! I’m a kid! Stop!”‘

And for a woman who made her name with a recipe book, the refrigerator was always curiously empty: ‘There was never anything to eat at my house. Other people had food. I had no food … There were ingredients but no prepared food of any kind.’

Even today, Martha’s habits rile her daughter.

‘My mother has a sign on all of her doors to take your shoes off,’ Alexis reveals in the book. ‘For god’s sake! My mother’s dogs p*** and s*** on her rugs and she’s telling people to take their shoes off?’

She is worse still as a guest: ‘My mother will occasionally complain that I don’t invite her over for dinner,’ Alexis says. ‘But can you blame me? Because, sometimes this is what will happen: whatever I serve, she’ll sip it, taste it, make a face, and push it away.’

Martha also had some unusual dating advice for her only daughter.

Alexis, who is divorced, writes: ‘A woman lived near us when I was little had married someone very wealthy and very unattractive, and my mother actually told me when I was a small child, “Now Alexis, if this ever happens, you make sure you have sex with somebody else to have their baby. Don’t have his baby.”

‘She was very practical about it. It was a survival skill – you have someone rich and ugly who takes care of you, and you have someone who’s hot and makes attractive babies.’